Attorney General Pam Bondi said there will be no criminal inquiry into the Yemen attack planning over an unsecured app, Elise Stefanik is no longer in the run for UN ambassador, the Commander-in-Chief didn't know that four of his troops were killed in Lithuania, VP Vance cancels his Greenland trip because no one wants him there, and foreign countries are urging their citizens not to visit the United States.

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White House press sec says there's no classified info in the classified information leak, Trump appointed Elon Musk to investigate the leak... because OF COURSE he did, Democrats showed up and flipped some seats in the fine commonwealth of Pennsylvania, White House officials left their damned Venmo accounts open, because OF COURSE they did, and Tulsi Gabbard got caught in a grip of lies.

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The Democrats finally arrived in Washington to skewer the emojis used in the now infamous national defense chat, House Speaker Johnson mulls eliminating federal districts in an effort to avoid accountability, flight data reveals Trump's Middle East advisor was added to the Signal chat while hanging out in the Kremlin, and Trump wants to exchange Fort Knox gold for cryptocurrency. What could possibly go wrong.

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The Secretary of Defense can now add "Caused the largest national security blunder this century" to his list of five things he accomplished this week. The President is complaining about an unflattering portrait of him, the Vice President is a gelding, Attorney General Pam Bondi is attacking drug dealers while the most powerful person in D.C. is soaked in ketamine, the Senate is scared of the President, the House is a trainwreck, and the Supreme Court is a scared puppy. Looks like it's on us.

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The billionaire Secretary of Commerce says Social Security recipients can afford to miss a check, Trump is offering to buy the Wisconsin Supreme Court election for a $100 per person, Boeing won the contract for the new F-47 fighter jet in honor of Trump... F-47... yeah. F 47. Musk is outraged that his briefing for the U.S./China war plans was leaked, and a new DOGE/Project 2025 tracking website is up and running at https://www.project2025.observer

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Trump was publically shocked his 19-year-old son could turn on a computer, and then he signed an EO ending the Department of Education. A dude got into an armed standoff outside CIA headquarters, Germany and the UK issued travel warnings about visiting the U.S., and the Commerce Secretary begged Americans to buy Tesla stock.

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RFK Jr. wants bird flu to spread to poultry farms for bizarre reasons, Trump continues to dismantle the National Park Service, the government released the JFK assassination files and Oliver Stone is furiously masturbating, Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski says the GOP is afraid of Trump and we say NO SHIT!

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MAGA state senator arrested or soliciting sex from a 16-year-old girl, Chief Justice John Roberts rebukes Trump, MAGA responds by rebuking Roberts, Israel goes back to bombing Gaza because ceasefires are boring, and an NNR feature report.

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France said they want the Statue of Liberty back, the Trump Administration ignored a judge's order regarding a deportation flight, Sen, Schumer delayed his book tour because he was off-put by things with actual spines, and the Trump Administration also wants to pay other countries for eggs. We also have a new website that tracks Congressional stock trading: https://www.quiverquant.com/congresstrading/ Kick these assholes out of Congress immediately.

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It's International Pi Day, so let's get irrational. Arlington National Cemetary removed links on its website for minority and women veterans, the Broligarch in Chief Elon Musk declared Ukraine is to blame for all the hate he's receiving, Trump is expected to invoke the 1798 Alien Enemies Act, and he also announced negative reporting of him is illegal, which means Nightly News Roundup is fucked!

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