No Crying In Baseball

In an unexpected role reversal, Pottymouth steers us away from shotskis and towards responsible behavior and making amends. Patti, meanwhile, says “balls” too much, and narrowly avoids a shotski situation at a college hockey game.

Our postseason boyfriends past and present play some sexy defense (Michael Brantley), and hit some key homeruns (DJ LeMahieu and Jose Altuve). Brantley also hits a scary foul into the dugout, sending a paramedic to the hospital, because dugouts do not, and never will, have protective netting. Always and forever boyfriend Anthony Rendon, and maybe one day future BF Alex Bregman, set up a WS 3rd base match-up for the ages. Gerardo Parra makes a play for a future boyfriend designation by delivering plush baby sharks to pediatric cancer patients at DC’s Children’s Hospital. We provide helpful guidance on the predicament of who to root for when both closers (Chapman and Osuna) are abusers. The hitters. Root for the hitters.

Pottymouth’s heart grows three sizes today as she apologizes for the final time to CC Sabathia and celebrates his contributions to the sport -- and shows that she means her new outlook when she slams very specific Yankees fans for very specific egregious behavior, instead of making generalizations.

Patti takes a look at the juiced ball regular season and the dead ball postseason and wonders if we just ran out of juiced balls? And considers how it bodes well for her favorite style of play, small ball. We also review the MLB proposal to gut the Minor League program for all the right stated reasons but yikes, This is big. 

And we mention several hundred times that HOLY SHIT THE NATIONALS ARE IN THE WORLD SERIES.

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Part-way through the AL and NL championship rounds, we welcome bandwagon fans. Come on board, we’ll make room for everyone and don’t let anyone tell you you don’t belong. It’s our job to try to keep you, not disregard you for not being born into a baseball-loving family. Besides, bandwagon fans are the most fun to explain superstitions and rituals to. Same seats! No he CANNOT shave that terrible beard. Yes, I wore that shirt last time too.

We thank Dodgers’s fans for their disregard of our warnings about the Wave, as that lead to back to back homers by our Nats BFs Rendon and Soto. Anibal Sanchez and Max Scherzer reprise their feat of 2013, the last time two pitchers took no hitters past the 5th inning in back to back post-season games. Daniel Hudson is a dad first, then a relief pitcher, so go back to scaring kids off your lawn, old mean guys.

The only distraction from the developing Sanchez no-no in Game 1 was the crotch grabbing of Juan Soto and Card’s starting pitcher Mike Mikolas. Their own. Not each other’s. Also distracting but in a good way, Marcell Ozuna’s neon yellow sleeve -- I mean, we like it, but why is that allowed and Contreras’ Venezuelan flag sleeve not? Can you say Nike? Astros players can’t stop calling DJ LeMahieu incredible. So he was.

Padres pitcher Jacob Nix gets tazed and then arrested for entering his house through the doggie door. Because it wasn’t his house. And he doesn’t own a dog.

The Tyler Skaggs story continues as we learn that Eric Kay, the Director of Communications for the Angels had been supplying the pitcher with Oxy for years. Kay’s family insists they alerted the Angels organization multiple times that Skaggs was using, to no avail. This is only going to get uglier.

Both the Astros and Yankees have closers on the NCiB Never Gonna Be a Boyfriend list (Roberto Osuna and Aroldis Chapman have both been suspended in the past for domestic abuse) so neither team gets an official show endorsement. Instead, and surprising no one, we are all Nats, All the Time from here on out. Look for us in the nosebleeds.

Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

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Haven’t had a rant like this for a while. Pottymouth goes off on that fucking Tomahawk Chop, which got personal for Cardinal’s pitcher Ryan Helsey, but if that is what it took for you to see the problem, what the heck is wrong with you?  You cannot simultaneously give your fans foam tomahawks and say you are taking steps to eliminate the chop.  Side note, Patti swears for real.

Everybody was mad at Ronald Acuna Jr. for not one but two instances of admiring a home run and what turned out not to be a home run.  Seriously, everybody, both teams.  He then modeled appropriate apologetic behavior -- make amends to those you wronged, promise to do better, and then do better.

Patti’s BFs Yandy Diaz and DJ LeMahieu do boyfriend things for teams she does not want to see win, followed by an immediate discussion of “Verlandered” and “Cole-d” as verbs of doom.

Pottymouth’s former Astros boyfriend Jose Altuve just keeps homering in the first game of every postseason.  Raise your hand if you understand the Weeble reference.

In a vocabulary lesson, Patti explains “The Cardinal Way” and hopes it still matters by the time the episode drops.

Mickey Calloway is out and all of a sudden former managers who it seemed had other things to do with their time are showing up as possible new Mets managers.  Dusty? Buck? Joe?

Patti went to the first-ever DMV Girls Baseball Tournament and watched friend of the show Shalvah rip one to left and pitch her heart out.  Justine Siegal is right, you just need to see it in person.

Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

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In the calm between the regular season and the start of the postseason, we review, regroup, revile, and rejoice.  Yadier Molina gives us the last bench-clearing conversation of the season. Our baseball boyfriends past and present clean up with the batting titles. Tim Anderson, Anthony Rendon, Mookie “Pookie” Betts, and future BF Pete Alonzo do us proud.  Patti reveals that catcher Tony Wolters has been her secret Rockies BF since July, and played an end of season spoiler. Pottymouth’s Rangers BF Ronald Guzman was bullied into a ridiculous dropped foul to fuel Mike Minor’s wish for a personal milestone.  We do not approve.  Groin injuries keep Ronald Acuna Jr and Nick Castellanos from reaching their own landmark numbers. We keep tabs on the most never going to be a BF of all, Felipe Vazquez, because this story cannot be dropped. Six managers so far are moving on, and Bochy and Maddon have a little fun on their way out. In cross-training, Pottymouth urges DMV locals to support this weekend’s girls baseball tournament, and Patti suggests the WNBA finals for everyone else.  Congrats to “the Leftovers,” winner of NCiB’s Fantasy Baseball Boyfriend League.

Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

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With one week left in the season, is there enough time for Pete Alonso to break the record for home runs by a rookie? Can Ronald Acuña, Jr. steal those last three bases to join the coveted 40-40 club? Will Nick Castellanos hit those last two doubles for a season high of 60, not seen since 1936? Add that to the two Central division champions and all the wildcards to be decided and it’s a heck of a week for baseball fans.

Eugenio Suarez breaks the record for homeruns by a Venezuelan player in the majors, and his Reds teammates attempt the Venezuelan national anthem in celebration. Suarez is chasing Alonso for the league lead in homers.

The hamate gods giveth and they taketh away.  Cleveland’s Jose Ramirez is due back this week after hamate surgery, at the same time CLE second baseman Jason Kipnis goes out for the rest of the season with the same injury.

Mike Yastrzemski homers in his Fenway debut, as a member of the visiting Giants, and grandfather Carl throws him a ceremonial first pitch. Boston fans love (almost) every minute of it. Pottymouth is desperately looking for where she hid Mike’s autograph.

Assholes, administrative leave, and questions abound this week as two more guys made the NCiB never gonna be a boyfriend list. Domingo Germán allegedly hit his girlfriend, or is she his wife, in public in front of witnesses, or was it home with no one else there? The Yankees ace is on administrative leave while the league sorts this out. Meanwhile, Felipe Vasquez has us reconsidering our no-punching stance. Last week we defended the Pirates’ closer on the receiving end of a punch thrown over clubhouse music choices. This week he was charged with statutory assault, child pornography, and a list of other disturbing crimes involving a 15-year-old girl with whom he has been in contact since she was 13 years old. The league’s administrative leave is redundant here as he has been denied bail.

Patti introduces Jamie Gillan, the Cleveland Browns rookie punter, in a cross-training/grooming mashup. The Scottish Hammer rocks serious flow and sometimes a kilt. Scenes of his life-changing events include an HBCU, Facebook, and multiple drinking establishments. If he played baseball, your hosts might be fighting over boyfriend rights.

Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

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So many guys are out for the rest of the season.  Some from random and heartbreaking injury, and some from preventable mayhem. We mourn the loss of Christian Yelich and ponder the opportunity that Shohei Ohtani’s knee surgery provides to improve his command of Spanish language cursing.  We give a hearty WTaF to Kyle Crick’s “I punched my own teammate over music choices” injury and Michael Pineda’s “over-the-counter weight loss pills seemed like a good idea at the time” suspension.  The grooming segment is back, celebrating Bo Bichette’s flow, noting Pete Alonso’s mustache, a bad idea coming AND going, and hoping Mike Fiers has learned his lesson screwing with a winning streak via facial hair.  We provide a BF scouting report on Eloy Jimenez, and throw our considerable NCiB weight behind Raquel Ferreira for the top job at the Red Sox.

Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

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After 3364 plate appearances, Wilson Ramos finally stole a base. Ronald Acuña Jr. stole the very same base to join the 30-30 club.  Who gets the base?  It’s a boyfriend smackdown.

Ketel Marte's slams earns player of the week and proves Pottymouth right.  Matt Olson earns some boyfriend love from Patti, even though she’d prefer his Oakland team would please lose just enough for Cleveland to cement that wildcard spot.

Aaron Barrett reminds us that it’s hard not to be romantic about baseball.  His triumphant return to the majors after horrible injury and years of rehab moved the universe of baseball to tears of joy, relief, and gratitude.

Reds pitcher Michael Lorenzen gives us his best Babe Ruth and causes Pottymouth to reluctantly make Patti’s anti-DH argument for her.  This time.

Big brother Brian Moran debuts with the Marlins after 10 years in the minors.  With their parents in the stands, Brian strikes out little brother and Pirates 3rd baseman Colin Moran. And gets the win. How can you not be romantic about baseball?

Dave Dombrowski gets the boot from the Red Sox, opening the door to management by committee and maybe, just maybe, a female GM?

Minor league baseball, including Blue Jays prospect Chavez Young, and local junior baseball leagues mobilize disaster relief for the post-Dorian Bahamas. Because “If you come in my life in baseball then you’re in my life.”

Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

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Christian Yelich just keeps racking up the points as Patti’s Brewer’s boyfriend. Not one bit of this week’s discussion touches on his baseball prowess. There’s plenty of other characteristics on which to focus, many of which are on display in the ESPN Body Issue. He also ups the humor game with his walk-up song salute to a twitter critic, and we are here for it. We cross-train a little with the Body Issue, focusing on paralympic athlete Scout Bassett, and why these photos of athlete’s bodies are more than just pretty to look at.

Not to get lost in the Yelich glow, boyfriend for life Anthony Rendon makes history with Pottymouth’s National’s BFJuan Soto, hitting historic back to back homers. Jonathan Villar continues to shine on an otherwise fading Orioles team.

The Pulaski Yankees, the only Yankees team Patti and the Pottymouth will ever love, are in the playoffs. We are happy to have been (a super tiny) part of their record-setting attendance this year.

September call-ups are starting with the 40 man roster expansion. Patti and the Pottymouth catch you up on what that means and why it happens, just in time for the rules to change for next year. 

BF Ronald Guzmán got the call-up and is back on the Rangers. Cookie Carrasco returned to the Cleveland team after his diagnosis and treatment for leukemia, and Tampa Bay welcomed his relief debut with a standing ovation.

Continuing the momentous day for Major League pitchers, Astro Justin Verlander threw his second no-no in the Blue Jays home park, and Patrick Corbin rung up his 200th strikeout, making the Nationals the first team since the 1969 Astros to have three starters hit that mark in the same season (Strasburg and Scherzer complete the set).

We continue to prove we are terrible at playoff and award predictions, as we perform our final monthly check-in of the regular season.

The toxicology report is out on Tyler Skaggs’ untimely death and it is ugly and deeply sad. 

LG Electronics models how to sponsor an international women’s baseball tournament, playing host to the LG Cup in South Korea.  The US sent its “US Elite” team, comprised of players from all over the country, and finished second to Japan.  The COPABE tournament, the World Cup qualifier held in Mexico last week, is still getting good coverage in the Latin American press.  Here? Almost not at all, despite the gold medal.

Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

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Patti, Pottymouth, and Big Papi all took kids to college last week, and everyone lived through it.

Players Weekend gave us some fashion statements we loved, and some we really didn’t appreciate. Mookie Betts honoring Big Papi with his cleat design, and Aaron Judge having all 200+ Little League World Series players sign his cleats? Definitely in the plus column. Tributes to Tyler Skaggs?  We’re here for it. But those monochrome, unreadable unis that made some players look like umpires and others like Spaceballs and inspired Hunter Pence to perform as a mime… wait, we’ll keep that last one.

Hamate bone issues keep taking out our baseball boyfriends. This week, the appendix of the hand may end Jose Ramirez’s season, and the four-week recovery mark isn’t doing it for Joey Gallo. Pottymouth still says hamate surgery gives players superpowers in the long run, a la Giancarlo Stanton, but Patti wants those J-Ram fantasy points now, thank you very much, and her Cleveland team can’t afford to lose him on the brink of playoffs either.

Pottymouth loses a boyfriend as Cervelli goes to Atlanta for a song. Cody Bellinger loses his pants as he tries to take one base too many (but the Dodger Blue shorts really do pop against the Player’s weekend uniforms). Busch Stadium loses its “M” as Paul DeJong hits a movie-worthy homer and takes out some lights.

Yasiel Puig spends a day off visiting kids with cancer and blood diseases at their sleepaway camp. Dance parties, Where’s Waldo, and new respect from Patti and the Pottymouth ensue.

Justin Verlander and the Astros make some questionable, possibly agreement-breaking, moves against the Detroit Free Press and it ain’t over. These were actually written rules so they can’t be punished by a fastball behind the back.

FIrst round draft pick Adley Rutschman continues to move up through the minors at a heckuva pace, earning boyfriend-in-training points along the way. Being nice to kids is kind of a sure thing.

We learn more about Kelly Dine, the second woman ever to umpire at home plate for the Little League World Series championship game, and happily, so does the rest of the LLWS-watching world.  Congrats to Louisiana for your stellar shut-out win, and also to Curacao for your skill, your sense of fun, and your sportsmanship (you were really our favorite).

A whole bunch of women played baseball in a World Cup qualifying international tournament, and almost nobody paid attention. The US women went undefeated and brought home the gold medal. A no-hitter was pitched, a cycle was hit. The US, Canada, Mexico, and Venezuela qualified for world cup play. But the field wasn’t covered in the rain, the schedule was a moving target, and the only coverage was Spanish language You Tube.  Kudos to our own Pottymouth for helping to translate some of the commentary into English in the You Tube comment stream.  If only there were some TV stations dedicated to sports programming so that wider broadcasts could be made available.  Oh, wait.

Padres Jumbotron Rick-Rolled the visiting Red Sox fans and Patti can’t stop watching it.  Pottymouth, however, appears to be over it.

Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

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Patti and the Pottymouth may be updating resumes after our conversation with Paige Hegedus, Manager, Special Events and Affiliate Programming for Minor League Baseball. Paige oversees the official employment service of Minor League Baseball, which organizes job fairs and networking opportunities at baseball’s Winter Meetings, conducts recruitment events on college campuses, and develops outreach and ongoing support systems for women and other underrepresented populations. Considering a career in baseball? After talking with Paige, we sure are.

The Little League World Series is happening this week, in Williamsport, PA. We introduce you to Maddy Freking, the 19th girl to play in the LLWS and the first since Mo’ne Davis back in 2014. 

Pottymouth finds a reason to talk Curaçao, as Jurdrick Profar, the little brother of her A’s boyfriend Jurickson Profar, plays on Curaçao’s LLWS team. 

Kelly Elliot Dine is the first woman umpire to work the LLWS since 2013.  

And it’s not the Black Sox, but it’s a scandal nonetheless -- the New Hampshire championship team has accused the Rhode Island champions of stealing signs, which is frowned upon in most leagues but is expressly forbidden in Little League. The Rhode Island Barrington team went on to win the regional championship and is currently competing in the LLWS.

The International Women’s Baseball Tournament, a World Cup qualifier event, is happening right now in Aguas Calientes, Mexico, and the US Women are ranked fourth, and the top four teams qualify.  Rally caps, people.

In boyfriend news, Fernando Tatis, Jr. stresses his back and our Pottymouth. Is he really out for the season? Christian Yelich is the first to a 40-20 season this year, and we saw it happen. In a boyfriend vs. boyfriend smackdown, Matt Olsen and Michael Brantley each hit two home runs when the As and Astros met last week.  We’re on 37 straight days where at least one player in the MLB has had a multi-homer game. Seems like a lot.

Pete Buttigieg plants a flag next to Patti’s in the anti-designated hitter camp, which Patti is quick to point out that although it is a plus, that’s not an issue on which to cast your vote for president. But now she wants all the candidates to answer that question.

All that, plus the kids leave for college and Patti has to drive through the Little League World Series to get her kid to school.

Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.

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