No One Dies from Divorce

Summary: 

Utah is the one of just a handful of states that do actually allow you to sue your spouse for cheating, but winning these cases is quite rare, and it’s important to understand that Alienation of Affection cases are actually a civil lawsuit, not a family lawsuit. So the question isn’t CAN you, but SHOULD you move forward with an alienation of affection suit? I explain why I don’t usually recommend it, and what I DO recommend. Listen to find out.

Show notes:

Utah is the one of just a handful of states that allow you to sue your spouse for cheating, but there are very specific conditions, and winning these cases is quite rare. Alienation of affection cases are actually a civil lawsuit, not a family lawsuit, so if you really do want to make this case, you will likely need to hire a civil lawyer and not a divorce attorney. But SHOULD you move forward with an alienation of affection? I usually advise clients not to. You have to prove that the person who your spouse cheated with knew you were happily married, groomed and/or coerced your spouse into the sexual relationship with your spouse, and that this directly led to the divorce. It’s hard to prove that there were zero other issues in your marriage. And anything less than a sexual affair isn’t enough. You also have to show that there is emotional distress and damage as well as loss of consortium. You’re trying to show the judge that there is a financial loss that needs restitution. You must be confident enough in your case that you are willing to front the money for legal fees and attorneys. If you do win, you still have to figure out how to collect that money; if they don’t have money, is it even worth it? So when people ask me if they can hire me to sue their spouse, I usually explain that the better path is divorce. There is actually the ability to use “fault” in your divorce case, which is then when you could bring some of these things up, and that could help you get more alimony, so it’s a safer option. And if your spouse cheated and you aren’t able to get past, it may just be time anyway to get a divorce.

While annulments and legal separations are much less common than divorces, there are a few times that it makes sense, but there are certain qualifications that you have to meet to consider them. Listen in while I spell out the differences, and when it makes sense to choose these rare types of separation.

An annulment means the marriage never happened, or was not legally valid. It’s very rare to qualify for an annulment. In Utah, to qualify for an annulment, you have to meet 1 or more of 4 specific requirements, like if it was fraudulent, a spouse was still married to someone else, you married someone closer than a 2nd cousin, or were younger than 18.

Legal separation is also rare. It might make sense if you belong to a religion that bars divorce or if there is an immigration issue. You aren’t technically divorced but you have a legal order that outlines how you interact and co-parent. But you can’t get married again without getting a divorce.

Prolific DC divorce attorney, Michelle Thomas, and I are discussing industry secrets and tips about how to hire the best attorney for your case, how lawyers bill clients, and how to avoid costly mistakes in your divorce.

Show Notes:
Don’t treat your attorney like your therapist! Let us handle the legal stuff so you can focus on your mental and emotional health. Find a therapist, friend circle, spiritual advisor, etc. 

Hiring the right attorney for you is one of the most important decisions about your divorce.

How to hire the right lawyer for your case:

1. Ask for referrals from friends and colleagues
2. Do initial consultations with at least 2 attorneys. Ask:
   1. what percentage of your practice is devoted to family law?
   2. are you a trial lawyer or settlement lawyer?
   3. do you have time to take my case? Find out how fast you can expect responses/communication from them.
3. Make sure all your questions have been answered clearly by the end of the consultation so you can make an informed decision.

How to save money during a divorce:

1. Be cooperative with your lawyer; comply with their requests and needs and organize your records for them so you don’t have to pay them to do that. If they have to follow up with you repeatedly, that will add up too. 
2. Be mindful of how much you talk to your lawyer. Is this really something you need to speak to your attorney about? Or can you talk to your therapist or vent to a friend?
3. If you are seeking revenge on your spouse, that will cost you. The more contentious your divorce is, the more filings your attorney will have to file. Can’t be petty; have to be willing and ready to negotiate.

Though I recommend consulting a tax accountant for any specific questions you may have about filing taxes during or after divorce, I offer some basic tips and information regarding whether you should file separately or jointly, who gets the tax exemption on alimony and child support, and who should claim your kids as dependents on their tax returns.

If you are married as of Dec. 31 of any given year, you can file as jointly married, even if you were separated the whole year. You often get a lot of tax breaks by filing jointly, so I usually recommend filing jointly if you can. If you file separately, know that you will have to come to an agreement about who claims the kids for the year. If you don’t have an agreement, it’s basically a race to whoever files first and puts the kids’ social security number on their taxes. As of a few years ago, alimony and child support are not tax deductible for the person paying it.

After 2 divorces, being overweight, and living a life ruled by fear and feelings of inadequacy, Mary Crafts stopped playing the victim. She lost 27% of her body fat, climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro at age 65, and is crafting a meaningful and fearless life as a single woman who is enough just being herself. Join our discussion about healing from abuse and fear, and the difference between “love” the noun and “love” the verb.

Mary Crafts is… quite simply…. a living legend. From humble beginnings and dire circumstances, she invested blood, sweat, and countless tears into building what would become the most celebrated catering company in Utah. 

That multi-million dollar empire became the launching pad for so much more. Today, Mary has handed the reins of her catering empire to her incredibly gifted children who have taken her company to the next level, while Mary turns her attention to helping others build their dreams. 

Whether those dreams are centered around business, family, or personal growth, Mary is ready to engage her expertise, assets, and energy into helping others build and grow! Has a new book coming out: “Unbounded.” https://marycraftsinc.com/, https://www.instagram.com/marycrafts/

Mary went into her first marriage full of fear but good at hiding her fears and putting walls up. Got married at 27 and felt like damaged goods because of a really hard break up from a previous relationship who told her she wasn’t pretty enough; felt rejected and not enough and felt like she had to settle. Her 1st husband had some anger issues, paranoia, bipolar, etc. Later came out as gay. Was married to him for 28 years. She was physically abused on her honeymoon and wanted to leave the marriage, but then found out she was pregnant, and was told by her religious leader that she couldn’t just leave the marriage after 1 month, especially because she was pregnant. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders to make it work and single-handedly save the marriage and the family; felt like it was her calling or mission in this life. Was afraid of being alone and having no help with the children. After divorce, married her 2nd husband a year later as a sort of rebound. Got divorced after 5 years. Climbed Mount Kilimanjaro at age 65. 

The holidays can be hard on people going through a divorce, especially the first year. You’re grieving the death of your marriage and sometimes have loneliness or silence for the first time in a while. You’re not alone! So many people feel this way, and it’s normal and understandable. Embrace it! Know it won’t last forever.

The holidays can be hard on people going through a divorce, especially the first year. You’re grieving the death of your marriage and sometimes have loneliness or silence for the first time in a while. You’re not alone! So many people feel this way, and it’s normal and understandable. Find others going through the same thing or who have been through it; find your tribe. You need to sit in your sadness but be supported and heard through that. Embracing your loneliness means relishing the quiet and enjoy some silence and “you” time. Know that this won’t last forever. Work on yourself and do things you haven’t been able to do in a while. Find creative ways to show your real loved ones, your chosen loved ones, that you care. Find or work on a hobby that’s just for you. Don’t feel guilty for spending time or energy on yourself. You deserve it and are worthy of it, and you need to find your own happiness within so you have more in your cup to help others. Your kids don’t care whether they are celebrating with you on actual Christmas or any other day; make the holidays as magical with them as you want and they will feel it. Make this holiday season the best ever! 

While some states have a clear-cut date every year of when to exchange your kids during the holidays, Utah divides up parent-time based on the amount of overnights that the winter break is, based on your school district. It’s confusing; let me attempt to make this clear as mud so you don’t run into issues or accidental contempt because you didn’t understand it.

Show notes:

This is specific to Utah and Texas, but most states handle holiday parent-time fairly similarly. 30-3-35 is the Utah code that specifically outlines the holidays. If you have joint custodial parent-time, you would split the winter break equally. You’ll need to look at your child’s winter break schedule based on their school district. If they do online/home school through a district, you’ll follow the school district’s schedule that you do it through or live in. So if there are 16 nights of winter break, each parent would get 8 overnights, switching halfway through. If it’s an odd number of days, you’ll split the odd day at 1:00 pm. If you don’t have this outlined already in your decree and are having a dispute, you’ll need to deal with this well before the holidays, since courts are closed over the holidays, and attorneys and mediators are usually very busy. 

We are grateful for your support, listeners! While we are done producing full episodes this year, we will be uploading a few more mini episodes for you to listen and learn from. 

If you're interested in joining the podcast, please email [email protected]! 

Happy Holidays and Remember No One Dies from Divorce !

Since the couple’s divorce in 2017, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have been in legal battles both in the U.S. and U.K. over libel, defamation, and abuse claims. Attorney Sterling Swank and I discuss the details, legalities, and rumors.

Sterling R. Swank was born in Utah but had the opportunity to live all over the country including time spent in Tennessee, Georgia, Washington state, and most recently in Iowa. Sterling received his bachelor’s degree in Philosophy from the University of Utah. After graduating from the U he packed up his bags and moved to the Midwest. Three years later he received his Juris Doctorate from Drake University Law School in Des Moines, Iowa.

After graduating from law school, Sterling made the trip back to Utah and joined the Utah State Bar in 2019 and then CoilLaw as an Associate Attorney shortly after. Prior to becoming a part of the CoilLaw team, Sterling worked in the Drake Legal Clinic providing legal services for criminal defense clients and to young people facing juvenile delinquency charges.

Sterling has a passion for the legal system and ensuring the best outcomes for his clients and their families. In his off-time Sterling loves spending time outdoors camping, hiking, or taking a scenic ride on his motorcycle.

The case is interesting because these types of cases happen sometimes, but it is usually a female filing an abuse claim against a male, and here it’s swapped.

Amber Heard (Aquaman) and Johnny Depp started dating in 2012 after The Rum Diary movie (2011). Depp has 2 children from a previous marriage. Johnny’s exes (Vanessa Paradis and Winona Ryder) both came out saying that these abuse claims were totally out of character for Johnny for what they knew of him.

Divorce was finalized in 2017. Heard received 7 million dollars, which she apparently donated to charity. Depp has shown a history of being irresponsible with money. They both agreed they wouldn’t say anything disparaging about the other party. This is a standard agreement in most divorces.

He sued her for libel, and then she came out with a lot of allegations against him.