No One Dies from Divorce

Summary: Today we’re talking about depositions in divorce: what is it, why is it needed, and who is a part of them? Although they tend to be pricey, depositions can be a powerful tool in the discovery process and important pieces to building a case, especially in high conflict/assets situations. Listen in to learn more about this process and to determine if it’s right for you. 

The deposition is a sworn statement, taken in the office of one of the lawyers, before a court reporter who takes a transcript of everything that is said. Depositions give you an opportunity to ask questions

I always say, when you’re on the stand, you don’t want to ask a question that you don’t know the answer to. Depositions give you the opportunity to ask all the questions, so that you can get all the information you need and follow up with necessary documents. When you’re an aggressive attorney like myself, depositions are the best time to shine and get the information your client really needs.

Unless your spouse is hiding assets, withholding information, etc., depositions shouldn’t be conducted in every case. They’re pricey, time consuming, and emotionally grueling on the client. You should also be aware that if your spouse is manipulative and able to evade questions, depositions could be a waste of time. 

Work with your attorney to strategize and see if a deposition is necessary for your case. If so, make sure you’re collaborating with them to get all the questions in order to best prepare. 

 I’m diving into the legal details we know about Nick Cannon’s family life, as he recently announced his current girlfriend is pregnant with his eighth child! Join me and my fellow family law attorney, Luke Shaw, as we discuss potential outcomes for Nick, and what we can learn from celebrity paternity issues.

Relocation cases are not easy and often involve high emotions and conflict. While it may not be unusual for one parent to want to move out of state after the divorce is finalized, it won’t be as easy as taking the kids with you if it interferes with the other parent’s court ordered custody time. Listen in as I discuss specifically what actions you can take when, and how to navigate these circumstances.

Show notes:

I won’t sugar coat it (and you probably know by now, anyway) but relocation on top of divorce is hard, and it’s something I deal with daily in my firm.  

What can you do if you’re in this situation? I recommend starting with talking it out with your ex. If you’re not on speaking terms and dealing with a high conflict personality, then it’s time to lawyer up; without an agreement, you’ll need to go to court. While the court may be understanding of the various reasons someone would relocate, they must evaluate many factors before deciding; such as how the move will impact the child’s stability, education, social life, etc. 

Every state has different statutes around this, so I cannot stress enough that you meet with a knowledgeable attorney as soon as possible. 

Co-parenting isn’t always easy, but it’s extremely important that you and your ex find ways to co-parent respectfully and effectively. Today, I’m joined by sisters, mediators, and co-parenting coaches, Jan and Jillian Yuhas. Today we’re discussing tools to become a better co-parent, divorced or not, so that your child(ren) is given the best life possible.
 
Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas, MA, MFT, CPC are Family Mediators, Co-Parenting and Children of Divorce Coaches. They guide co-parents & children to overcome challenges of divorce through creative solutions that are children-centered. Their expertise is a blend of family psychology, certified family conflict resolution, negotiation strategy, healthy boundaries, and real-life experience to guide and serve all family members. You can learn more about Jan and Jillian through their mediation services and coaching programs at divorcefamilymediations.com

Co-parenting is not easy. But with some practice, every person is capable of doing it - as long as you make the decision that your children are more important than your selfish motives.  If you’re struggling to co-parent, start by answer the following questions:

1. Do you want what’s best for your children? 
2. Do you want your children to succeed?  
3. Do you believe your ex/spouse also wants that? 

Trusting each other to know that you both want your children to succeed is the starting point to effective co-parenting. 

What is the best and most effective way to learn how to be a better parent and communicator? Ask more questions and do less talking. These questions will provide more insight and reduce assumptions and reactions. Also, make sure to avoid “why” questions as the other person may feel targeted or blamed. 

1. Can you help me understand what you mean by “x,y,z..” 
2. How did you come to that decision?

It’s important to consider HOW you’re communicating with your ex, too. If you’re still dealing with high emotions, stop texting and switch to email as they are less frequent. You may also consider using a co-parenting texting app, but Jill recommends NEVER strictly using phone calls as a method of communication when co-parenting. 

If you’re dealing with an ex who has a high conflict personality disorder, please know there is hope. This is where coaches like Jan and Jillian are very much needed as they can teach non-aggressive parents tools to assert themselves. Consider working with a coach (even if it’s for a month or two) to learn the basic skill of communication and learn how to address common struggles or issues you may be having with the other parent. 

Knowing how to co-parent respectfully and effectively will only help set up your children for success!

A custody evaluation is an extremely important part of a divorce case involving children. Without a custody evaluation, the part of the trial involving custody could spiral into a he-said, she-said situation in which everyone—especially the children—suffer. While this may be titled differently in each state, it still serves the same purpose of providing the court with unbiased information to make the right decisions about custody and parent time. In this episode, we’ll talk more about the purpose of custody evaluations, what is included, when they are needed, and who conducts them. 

A custody evaluation is designed to provide the court with important information about you, the other parent, and your children so that the court can make a decision about what is in your child’s best interest. These are needed for very high-conflict divorces where both parties cannot come to an agreement for what is best in custody and parent time for your children. Custody evaluations are also helpful when dealing with abuse or personality disorders. 

Custody evaluators are professionals who have training in child development and who are licensed by the state as either: social workers, psychologists, clinical mental health counselors, or marriage and family therapists. Once the court orders an evaluation and the fees are paid by both parties, custody evaluators will observe, record, interview, visit the home/school, and possibly administer psychological testing. The evaluator will then report their own conclusions and recommendations to the court. 

There is no perfect way to divorce but there is a better way. Attorney Lesa Koski joins today with her 5 steps to get you to a better mindset for a successful mediation session. Tune in as we discuss the realm of possibilities on how to do divorce differently and better.

After 18 years of Elder Law and Family Law, Lesa Koski brings extensive experience to the complex area of Mediation.  In truth, Lesa Koski Mediates wherever she shows up.  She is fully equipped with the communication skills that bring a taste of peace to the nastiest discrepancies.

Lesa's mission is to offer compassionate, complete, competent services while making her life such that it blesses humankind.  This mission is palpable when you shake Lesa's hand.  Clients love working with Lesa because she is trustworthy and capable.  Above all, Lesa Koski is a brilliant communicator, bar none.

Mediation offers many potential benefits in family law cases. But before you even schedule it, you need to know the answers to these questions:

1. What do you want?
2. What are you willing to settle for?
3. What is your bottom line?
4. What is most important to you? Prioritize your list! 

Lesa provides her clients with her “unintentional vs intentional model” :

C - Circumstance

T - Thought 

F - Feeling 

A - Action 

R - Result 

You can change the way you feel by changing your thoughts, as long as they’re believable. Having a good mindset before attending mediation is so important. You can find more information about her model by visiting her website: https://www.lesakoski.com/

While both of our approaches are different, neither are wrong! Don’t go into mediation without a plan.  We're not pro divorce, but we are divorce pros. Save yourself time, money, and energy by following these tips! 

Today we’re talking about what to do if your ex is not following the parenting plan and/or denying you time. These legal road maps detail how parents plan to communicate or co parent with each other after the divorce. If you’re being denied parent time or having to deal with an ex who is not following the plan, listen in to learn what I share with my clients and steps you can take to enforce the decree.  

Show notes:

While these exist in all US states, we call them parenting plans  in Utah. These are legal road maps for how parents plan to communicate or co parent with each other after the divorce. Further, it outlines how you’ll communicate about the children, things to watch out for, things not to do, and may or may not include a dispute resolution clause in the event neither of you can come to an agreement. 

If your spouse isn’t following the parenting plan, you can take them back to court for enforcement assistance. I get that this may not be your first answer as it requires money, time, and maybe some negative emotions you don’t want to face right now. That is why I always tell my clients to wait until you have three major violations of the orders. Document these details in a journal and make sure to include dates, times, evidence (i.e.: texts, photos, school records, etc.). This will help your case when filing a motion for contempt to enforce the decree. 

Remember, taking these actions to enforce the plan aren't for punishment, but for compliance. You can always seek attorneys fees to recover the time and money spent, if applicable. 

“It takes two years and then you’ll be great,” is what Nicea DeGering was told after her divorce. Divorce can be horrible, but it can also be amazing. It all depends on how you set your expectations and perspective. Today’s guest, Nicea DeGering, shares her journey to self-discovery and tips on how to move forward with life after divorce. 

I met my guest today when I joined her ABC4 show, Good Things Utah, last year while promoting my book, No One Dies from Divorce. 

Nicea DeGering has been a television news reporter and anchor on ABC4, and now co-host of the Emmy award winning morning show Good Things Utah for more than two decades in Salt Lake City. She has covered stories like Elizabeth Smart’s disappearance and the 2002 Olympics, and interviewed everyone from presidential candidate Mitt Romney to superstar Garth Brooks. In her spare time, Nicea can be seen and heard on local tv and radio commercials, visiting her daughter in college at FIT in NYC or cheering on her high schooler at swim meets. Her favorite child is and will always be a fuzzy, blonde Goldendoodle named Miles.

Although so much damage is done during such a life event, it can be an incredible opportunity for personal growth that will allow you to understand yourself better, understand how to empathize with others better, and find a new and better way to navigate your journey through life-stronger than you have ever been. 

Nicea got married in Utah pretty young (22), to her high school sweetheart and then was married for 24 years. Looking back now, she realizes how she lost herself along the way, and is now sharing the tips that have helped her live her best life after divorce. As you walk this path, consider this advice from her and Jill:

Find your tribe

• Be proactive in finding ways 
• Change “what if” to “next time”
• Focus on what you want before you start thinking about how to get it
• Create your own opportunities 
• Commit to your growth
• Rediscover your values 
• Do things your love
• Be positive and a beacon for good
• Learn to be more empathetic and compassionate
• Forgive others and look forward
• Mend other relationships in your life
• Discover love again

Nicea compares life after divoce to the “butterfly effect”, as she continues to make small changes to discover more of who she is and what she wants. It’s time The hope she feels now, which took years to build up, has replaced the fear and anxiety of the unknown. 

Divorcing should not be the end. It should be the fresh start to live your fullest life. Start by believing you are worthy of happiness! 

In this episode, I’m answering all your questions about child therapy: When should you put your kids in therapy? Should all kids go to therapy during parental divorce? Do you need your spouse’s permission to put your child in therapy? How should you choose a therapist? And others.

I get a lot of questions from parents about therapy for their children: When it’s ok, should all kids whose parents are going through divorce go to therapy, do you need your spouse’s permission to put your kid in therapy? Therapy never hurts. It’s pretty emotional and life changing for kids when their parents divorce. They might have to move houses or schools in that same process. Make sure the therapist is specialized in the age range of your child. They would then have specialized training and experience. Kids communicate differently depending on their age. Kids that are too young to verbally express themselves can still do play therapy and other things. So do your research and find out what is best for your kids. Pre-pubescent kids to teenagers often most need therapy to help them process their feelings. Make sure you’re not using therapists as a way to get info or evidence against the other party. Therapy needs to be a safe space for kids. You should try to get your spouse’s permission for your child to do therapy, because this would be considered a major decision, which is supposed to be agreed upon together if you have joint legal custody. 

Jill is joined by her CoilLaw associates, Luke Shaw and Corttany Brooks, to discuss the latest updates in celebrity divorces! 

So much has developed in these celeb divorces (especially on social media) and we're here to discuss what NOT to do in a divorce.