Not Your Mother‘s Book Club

Bestiality, Incest, and Greek Mythology, oh my!

We made a list and checked it twice and can now verify that ALL of our smutz are on the naughty list this year. But no coal! No, no. We have something special for our naughty smutz! What do you get when you cross Home on the Range, Barnyard, and just a hint of bestiality? Tune in this week while we read Mistletoe for my Minotaur by Honey Philips to find out. Will it be hot and frosty or warm and willing? Only Gwyneth can tell. As Chef Boyardee once said, Bada-Bing, Bada-Boom, Bada-Bang. Who doesn't love a lil wolverine style?

Kefir, Jane Goodall, and Being Self-Aware, oh my!

Boo! We'reeeee backkkkkk! Les-be honest... who didn't miss us? We heard your orgasmic screams from beyond the grave and your ladies have risen to satisfy all your naughty creepy cravings. Is it Twilight? Would Jane Goodall approve? Will you bounce on it? Only time will tell. Tune in for this spooky bonus episode where we read Contract Bound by Elle Mae... or else. Don't wanna piss off the lesbians. - Jane Goodall

Smack, Smack, and Smack, oh my! 

Make sure to say it three times cause you’ve never had a pumpkin spice cum shot like this before…seeds and all. Stuff me like a turkey and call me Gord cause Holly Wilde is munchin’ this pumpkin pie with the novel Hallowpeen. Jerk my Jack-o-lantern and bob on my butternut balls cause this threesome is about to seed you deep and seed you good. 

Veggie tales, Veggie porn, and Vageggies, oh my!

Calling all smuts for a very special surprise bonus episode! Who knew fanfiction could be this hot? Mikayla sure didn't. RIP Max Goof and may Natalie Dormer spare us all. Join us this week as NYT bestselling author Olivie Blake tells us what makes a man hot and why we need more bitches, while your mistresses tell you what veggies we would put in our holes. Fun times.

Shrimp, Fingers, and God, oh my! 

Well put a “hypothetical” diaper on me and let me jump out a goddamn “hypothetical” window cause it’s the “hypothetical” finale “hypothetical” bitchessss! These dysentery queens mean business and God (the magic 8 ball) has spoken so we must read A Legend in the Baking by Jamie Wesley. Dharma "hypothetically" smells of hummus, raindrops, and dreams and Mikayla, without a millimeter of a doubt, has mouth musk…”hypothetically". #ABDH (If you know you know!)  

Yeti’s, Bigfoots, and Housewives, oh my! 

This week our clams are scared shut with Seduced by Big foot and Ravaged by the Yeti by E. Roche-Poesy. Dancing testicles and flapping window shutters. What more could you ask for? Definitely less…that’s for sure. Is she she high or just just delulu? Who let Gizmo out of their cage? Put them on house arrest cause this week we all have Kuru and our tits are out for Harambe.  

Cuts, Clubs, and Cum, oh my! 

Have you ever seen a man barefoot in the club? If so, call 1-800 TAKE-IT-OUT-BACK.org. This week we’ve got cum seeping out our pores as we read Promises and Pomegranates by Sav R Miller. Open up our wounds and slurp our juices ‘cause David Guetta’s writing a sick beat that'll have everyone Barefoot in the Club™. As the great Hilary Duff once said...”To the beat of my heart. It tears me apart. We’re back to the start.”

Prepped, Primed, and Primped, oh my! 

HE’S A MURDERER! But he’s kind of cute… HE’S A MURDERER! But he got 12 hands. The one and only Lora Leigh is back back back again and she didn’t come to play fair…. no no no she came to Play Dirty. Wands at the ready cause this hook dick is magic. It’s Wingardium letmefuckyourASS, not Wingardium letmefuckYOURass. Look at us baby girl cause we be flyin’ in the air tonight. Aviation style!  

Keep Sweet, Pray, and Obey, oh my! 

Hold onto your Daddies cause Kayla Daniels is coming for them in the Mormon tale, The Daddy Trap. PBS kids said…for the love of a child, families are forever. At last, darn it! Squat me! Murdered sisters, paternity tests, and Jesus for the win! Wags and wagettes unite as Nana does unspeakable things. Dentures out and squat me off my feet cause this book is about to wag-yu up. 

Running, Ripping, and Relentless Tonguing, oh my! 

He’s a green viking and she’s Billie Eilish. This week K.L. Wyatt’s Stolen by the Orc Commander will have you pulling into the insemination station. Pacino could never. Coked out fingers and morse code fucking is the vibe and Gangrene is the password. Step aside Game of Thrones cause a new green mean fucking machine is here and ready to spear. Chase me down a corridor and call me Jawhn-dys cause his sperm is taking and we’re scared.