Older Women & Friends: Real Women. Real Experts. Real Talk About Aging

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This episode is the first of several that celebrates older female artists.  If you or someone you know fits the bill, please email me at [email protected] makes an artist tick? How can she find the time to create, given all the demands of everyday life? What barriers do female artists face that many men do not? How important is having a purpose in life about which you feel passionate ?What do you do when you wake up one morning with a voice in your head saying, "What's wrong with your life is that you're not writing poetry." That's what happened to Lynne Thompson who, at the time, had been a lawyer for  fifteen years.It's no secret that poets don't rack in the big bucks. And it's easy to stroll through a bookstore or browse on an online site without seeing a massive poetry collection. Still, if you're Lynne, you're going to figure out a way to make it all work.She left the law firm and took a less stressful job. She used every spare minute to write, to read, to attend as many poetry readings as she could. "We waste a lot of time in our lives," she said. "The challenge is to carve out sacred time when no one and no thing can take your attention away. If you're patient, you can work around the demands of everyday life."   Today, Lynne is an award-winning poet, the Poet Laureate Emeritus of Los Angeles, and the author of three books, the most recent of which was released earlier this year. (see below.)  Many of her poems celebrate the strength and resilience of women who find joy and wisdom, despite all the forces that can make such a journey an uphill one.Lynne's passion for her creative life is contagious.Don't miss this episode!https://lynnethompson.usBooks available on most online book sitesBlue on a Blue Palette ( BOA Editions, 2024)Fretwork (March Hawk Press, 2019)Start With A Small Guitar (What Books Press, 2013)Beg No Pardon (Perugia Press,  2007)

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As older women and men, we have seen a lot: suffering, miracles, and so much more. "And we're not finished yet," says guest Janis Johnston, retired therapist, author, and blogger. "We can ask ourselves what is the next thing we might learn. What is meaningful? Answering questions like these helps us find creativity in our lives."  Okay, I can hear the rumbling: I'm never going to be an artist or writer or musician. I'm not creative.  Janis would beg to differ. "There are so many things that we can do to be creative: edit photos you take on your cell phone or collect family recipes and try them all . . .   I call these 'little C's,' and they are just as meaningful as the 'big C's.'"Research shows that older adults who participate in creative actions have improved cognition and proprioception, enhanced meaning in their life, reduced loneliness, and recognition/engagement in a social life. Creativity makes brains bloom!  Janis also talks about creating a legacy, a gift we leave for younger people in our life. "I'm not suggesting money, but values or family histories, or a gratitude journal. As seasoned seniors (a term I like to use), we have the opportunity and the experience to share something that will last through the generations."It's never too late to find your creative power!http://janisjohnston.com"Pearls of Passion" BlogIt Takes A Child to Raise A Parent: Stories of Evolving Child and Parent DevelopmentMidlife Maze: A Map to Recovery and Rediscovery After LossTransforming Retirement: Rewire and Grow Your Legacy
 

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Here's a whopper: there are approximately 67 million grandparents in the U.S. today. Slightly more than twenty-six percent of them in the U.S. are mid-lifers.  That's crazy, right?  Many grandparents are still working, many have older children living in the house, and many may be taking care of their parents. While there is little research, millions of grandparents live 200 miles or more away from their grandchildren. They are the long-distance grandparents.

Kerry Byrne is the founder of The Long Distance Grandparent, an online learning hub that also speaks to grandparents who live closer to their grandkids.  When her husband landed a new job in Dubai, she and their one child (soon to become two) relocated. Kerry’s experience set the stage for her intense interest in long-distance grandparents and how the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren changes. The research underscores the importance of this connection and the positive effect a close relationship has on a bitter level of life satisfaction and fewer ageist ideas about older people.

Being a grandparent, particularly a long-distance one, takes energy and planning. As Kerry says, contrary to the general opinion, she advises people to “sweat the small stuff.” Find out what your grandchild likes and how you can relate. Schedule your time so that every Sunday, for example, you call. And write a letter. Kids look forward to getting snail mail!  

 If you are currently a grandmother, a soon-to-be grandmother, or someone interested in this connection, you’ll want to listen to Kerry’s insights. 

 https://thelongdistancegrandparent.com/On another note, are you interested in hearing from an expert on sexual wellness?Send me a "Yes" or "No" email:  [email protected]://thelongdistancegrandparent.com/

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For some of us, turning 80 is right around the corner; for others, 80 might seem a lifetime away. No matter your age, listening to the stories of older women and the wisdom they’ve earned can be instructive and uplifting. I don’t know about you, but every time I read about someone who has lived beyond the current life expectancy averages of 79.3 years for women and 73.5 years for men, I give a fist pump and feel even more optimistic about my chances of spending more time creating a legacy and enjoying life.

Katharine Esty will celebrate her ninetieth birthday later this year. For her, being in your 80s hasn't meant focusing on survival. "It is," she says, “a time to enjoy a full life with people we love. Relationships are what matter most in life."

Living as an eightyomething today is much different from how it used to be. There are more people in their 80s than ever before. People are healthier and unexpectedly happy.  "The stereotypes of people in their eighties as frail, uninvolved, lonely are so untrue," says Katharine. "The vast majority are doing all kinds of interesting "stuff," living independently, and enjoying the gift of longevity.But what about all the loss that eightysomethings will suffer? How can you be happy with so much heartbreak and with the end zone in view?  How can you make new, younger friends? What about this business of being grateful? Is it a bunch of psycho-babble? Katharine Etsy takes us on a journey of eightysomethings and introduces us to a group of older women and men who are happier now than ever. She shares their secrets and her own. You don't hear many people say, "Oh, I'm so excited! I turn 80 in two weeks!" After listening to this conversation, you might change your mind.www.KatharineEsty.comhttps://www.amazon.com/Eightysomethings-audiobook/dp/B07QG435WJ/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.W7QCvKnVBepwHGKDFaKA614cBJ6KZvLDor1aceAgkEv3NDx3skgAQVM4AXDOyNZ_ZT8h48PCmnwLIBgIAcKjtw.KjAJ-Wb9kHSts5mgdju0TNZoe3lOby4bBB6ZxCInKFI&dib_tag=se&qid=1713821841&refinements=p_27%3AKatharine+Esty&s=books&sr=1-1&text=Katharine+Esty

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I believe in the power of stories, and Yvonne Marchese's story is a doozy. She is what she calls a "serial pivotal,"  person, a person who has changed course many times in her life. For many years, she was filled with frustration, anger, and even depression. The future held little promise.  But when she was in her late 40s, she had what she calls a "Mid-Life Awakening," not a Mid-Life Crisis.Yvonne began to understand why she'd never been comfortable with the uncomfortable and the steps that lead to emotional and physical health. Three years ago, she launched her podcast, "Late Bloomer Living" and has not looked back. She takes listeners on a journey as she and her guests talk about what it means to try new things in mid-life and beyond.  "It is not about changing yourself," she says, "but about changing how you think about yourself. "You are not too late. It is never too late."Today, Yvonne is not only the host of her podcast but a photographer, speaker, mother, and wife. She is smart, involved, and funny. On a personal note, it is exciting to hear from women a few decades younger than I am (Yikes!) who are getting their acts together and discovering how to age with zest and enthusiasm. There is no dread here, only excitement about the here and now and the future.https://www.latebloomerliving.com/https://www.latebloomerliving.com/communityhttps://www.latebloomerliving.com/community

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In the late 70s, Jan Yager was single and convinced she'd never find a life partner. So, she turned her attention, research, and writing to the importance of friendships and the many ways friends impact our lives.  Studies show that a network of good friends makes our lives more satisfying and that, as we age, it is important to replenish our circle of friends.Yager divides friends into three categories: best, close, and casual. Although there are no hard and fast numbers, she suggests we need one to two best friends, four to six close friends, and, for better or worse, a slew of casual friends like those we meet through social media. But what happens when a best or close friend betrays, abandons, or wounds us? How do we decide if the friendship is salvageable? How can we try to fix things? Or what can we do if the friendship is no longer worth maintaining? Breaking up with a dear friend can be as traumatic as breaking up with a partner, a family member, or a professional mentor.With decades of experience as a sociologist, friendship coach, author, and speaker, Jan is the go-to expert. You may be surprised at some of what she has to say and appreciate the concrete tools she provides.www. Drjanyager.comWhen Friendship Hurts: How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You  Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our LivesFriendgevity: Making and Keeping the Friends Who Enhance and Even ExtendYour LifeFor a selection of other books by Jan Yager, go tohttp://www.Drjanyager.com

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One of the first questions I ask a guest is to describe her childhood. It never fails that the child they describe is in so many ways the older woman they’ve become, As either a Jesuit or Aristotle said, “Show me a child until he (she) is seven and I will show you the man (woman.)” Diana Place is the  founder of the 333 Collective, QUEST Gathering & Celebration for women 50+, & Third Act Quest.  So, what was the young Diana like? Until the age of five, she was a “totally free spirit” who climbed trees, chased butterflies, and put dog poop in holes so that neighbor kids would – well, you get it. She loved art, loved to create, and loved to have fun. But when she started school, she was forced to "color within the lines." And she learned the hard way what you can and cannot say. She told a so-called friend that their teacher had a "wrinkly" face. From that point on, this girl threatened to tell their teacher. Diana made her first interpersonal blip and suffered the consequences.

But that lesson informed the person she has become. She understands responsibility, is excited about life, and is open to possibility. 

 Diana was forced to use all those tools when she faced a serious cancer diagnosis while at the same time dealing with an empty nest and the loss of a business. You’ll love her story of a survivor who put fear in the backseat and found her “calling” to reimagine aging, encouraging other women 50+ to rewrite their stories, and embracing the third act as the best, most exciting times in their lives.www.thirdactquest.comhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/dianadunbarplace/https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7173303695055523840/

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If you read Bonnie Marcus' second book, Not Done Yet, and listen to her podcast, "Badass Women At Any Age," you'll discover a woman who knows her sh-- and isn't afraid to tell readers and listeners that she's pissed, real pissed, because older women in the workplace continue to be overlooked and passed over. Bonnie may have you laughing with her sassy, savvy approach, but there is a method to her madness---or should I say badassness?Bonnie worked in corporate America for twenty years before she left and became a certified executive coach whose clients are professional women 50+. She aims to help women own the power of age and to "stop playing small." If Bonnie has one underlying piece of advice, it is to pay attention and be aware of the potential roadblocks that women of all ages face in the workplace because if you know what's coming, you can position yourself to stay important and marketable.My experiences in corporate America were few and far between. But if I'd chosen that path, I would have wanted a mentor like Bonnie to help pave the way. bonniemarcusleadership.comNot Done Yet: How Women Over 50 Regain Their Confidence & Claim Workplace PowerThe Politics of Promotion: How High-Achieving Women Get Ahead and Stay Ahead
Podcast: "Badass Women At Any Age." Available wherever you listen to podcasts.Please share your feedback at speakpipe.com/olderwomenandfriends

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Either you or someone you know is single for the first time in decades. Add to that the number of older adults, particularly women, who have been widowed, and you are in a tsunami of people 65+ who are looking for love. 

 Author, journalist, and relationship expert Francine Russo knows more than most about the loss of a partner. She has been widowed twice, first when she was 46 after an 18-year marriage. A decade later, she married her second husband, who died five years later.  Those losses would send most of us into a corner, sucking our thumbs. Not Francine. Sure, there were months/years of grieving and heartache. But she stands today as a seventy-seven-year-old living happily with an eighty-one-year-old man.

 What did Francine learn about herself during her journey? What did she discover about what she calls the required “headwork” to be done before we can hope to find love after fifty? What are suggestions for dealing with all kinds of potential stumbling blocks like finances, adult children from a previous marriage, and differences in culture and religion? 

 Tune in to this episode of “Older Women & Friends.” You won’t be disappointed.

 https://francinerusso.comLove After 50: How To Find It, Enjoy It, and Keep It - Available Online on all book sites

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It's become a cliche: older women in the media are portrayed as mothers, grandmothers, washed-up lovers, mother-in-laws.  Think of the invasive mother-in-law in "Everyone Loves Raymond." And the same goes for "Steinfeld." And then think of how men in their 60s, particularly in movies, are paired with women in their late 20s or early 30s. James Bond gets older every year, and the Bond girls get younger. And then there's the Going Gray bru-ha-ha when women stopped coloring their hair during the Pandemic and, when they returned to work as, say TV anchors, they were given an ultimatum: Get rid of the gray or leave.But all is not lost, says Susan Douglas, award-winning author and professor of Communication Studies, at the University of Michigan. "Things have started to change in large part because there are more women 50+ than at any time in our history," says Douglas. "Older women want to see reflections of themselves in the media, and A-listers want to keep on working, fighting for better roles. Older women are a market, and for better or worse, our buying power puts pressure on film studios, broadcast media, and advertisers."We are at a turnstile moment," says Douglas. "There are those who want to push forward, while others want to push back. There is progress but not as much as older women want.Do you see more accurate reflections of older women in the media? Do you agree or disagree with Susan's research? https://susanjdouglas.com/If you want to record a question about the portrayal of women in the media or anything else related to "Older Women & Friends," go to:https://www.speakpipe.com/olderwomenandfriends SPEAK TO ME