What do mass deportation, smashed testicles, and elite boarding schools have in common? In this episode, we take a hard look at the shockingly effective—and horrifyingly brutal—bureaucratic machine that powered the Neo-Assyrian Empire.

With the rise of Tiglath-Pileser III in the 8th century BCE, Assyria transformed into one of the most ruthlessly efficient states the ancient world had ever seen. At the center of it all? Castrated boys turned bureaucrats—eunuchs molded through violence, trained in literacy, logistics, and loyalty, and unleashed across the empire as obedient tools of imperial administration.

We dig deep into the Musharkisu, Assyrian deportation policy, and the Sha Reshutu, the near-invisible palace institution that raised and trained eunuchs. Along the way, we confront the politics of mass resettlement, the logic of destroying elite bloodlines, and the strange fate of disabled foreign boys who became indispensable civil servants.

This isn’t a story of ancient gender theory or Orientalist decadence. It’s the story of state-sponsored brutality, administrative genius, and how the Assyrian Empire created a class of men without legacies—only loyalties.

🔸 Topics covered:

Neo-Assyrian Empire, Tiglath-Pileser III, Assyrian eunuchs (Sa Reshi), Mass deportations & slave economy, Ancient bureaucracy & elite education, Sha Reshutu training institution, Musharkisu officials, Assyrian statecraft & propaganda, Assyrian gender categories, Rise of imperial loyalty pipelines, Historical parallels to modern governance

I am also doing daily history facts again, at least until I run out of time again. You can find Oldest Stories daily on Tiktok and Youtube Shorts.

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You have seen the memes, and maybe you are even familiar with them, but today we look at who was the famous Ea-Nasir, why people would buy from him, and what scams he was probably running. We ask how often Mesopotamians complained about things, and we learn a bit along the way.

In this episode, we go far beyond the famous complaint tablet to uncover the full economic and historical context of Ea-Nasir's career:

His rise from wage-earner to property owner - His role in the first global trade network - The truth about the complaints and copper quality scandals - What his archive reveals about Mesopotamian law, shipping, and merchant guilds - And what it means that archaeologists found a box of receipts in his house.

Along the way, we explore the bronze age economy, the origins of writing, and the hidden sophistication of Old Babylonian international commerce. We even follow the trail of copper all the way from Bahrain to Babylon—and maybe all the way to your favorite meme.

Keywords: Ea-Nasir, Mesopotamia, copper merchant, ancient fraud, cuneiform complaint, Old Babylonian trade, Ur city history, bronze age economy, Akkadian history, ancient shipping, Alik Tilmun, Leonard Woolley, Hammurabi era, ancient scams, history meme explained, Babylonian documents

Whether you’re a meme fan, a history buff, or just curious how a 4,000-year-old complaint became internet legend, this is your definitive guide to the oldest business scandal on record.

I am also doing daily history facts again, at least until I run out of time again. You can find Oldest Stories daily on Tiktok and Youtube Shorts.

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In 743 BCE, Tiglath-Pileser III—known in the Bible as Pul—led the Assyrian Empire into its most powerful and centralized form. This episode of Oldest Stories chronicles the dramatic military and political resurgence of Neo-Assyria as it faced two major threats: the rising Urartian kingdom of Biainilli to the north and the rebellious patchwork of Neo-Hittite and Aramean states in Syria. With detailed narrative drawn from Assyrian royal inscriptions and biblical texts, we explore Tiglath-Pileser’s sweeping campaigns across Kummuhu, Arpad, Ulluba, and the Levant, showcasing how the king combined strategic force marches, sophisticated provincial integration, and unprecedented use of eunuch governors to stabilize and expand imperial rule. From the siege of Arpad to the subjugation of Tyre, Israel, and Simirra, the episode reveals how Assyria subdued the ancient Near East through a fusion of administrative innovation and battlefield supremacy. This pivotal moment in Iron Age history marks the beginning of Assyria’s true imperial age—one defined by aggressive diplomacy, relentless warfare, and the creation of a durable bureaucratic state. For listeners seeking historical insight into ancient warfare, Assyrian governance, biblical archaeology, and the real-world geopolitics behind Old Testament narratives, this is an essential deep dive into one of the greatest military campaigns of the 8th century BCE.

I am also doing daily history facts again, at least until I run out of time again. You can find Oldest Stories daily on Tiktok and Youtube Shorts.

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This episode is the essential starting point for understanding the Neo-Assyrian Empire. In 745 BCE, a relatively obscure man named Tukulti-Apil-Esharra—better known by his biblical name Tiglath-Pileser III—seized the Assyrian throne in what would become one of the most transformative moments in ancient Near Eastern history. This episode explores how Tiglath-Pileser's revolutionary reforms reshaped the military, administration, and ideology of the Assyrian state, laying the foundation for the largest and most durable empire the world had yet seen.

We delve into the political collapse that preceded his rise, the obscure origins and contested legitimacy of Tiglath-Pileser himself, and the sudden consolidation of power that enabled him to bring Assyria back from the brink of fragmentation. We then examine his first campaigns in Babylonia, where Assyrian intervention brought order to the chaos left by years of Chaldean misrule, and consider the complex relationship between Assyria and Babylon—one rooted in reverence, rivalry, and shared civilization.

This episode also introduces the deep structural changes Tiglath-Pileser initiated: the expansion of a professional standing army, the shift from vassalage to direct imperial administration, and the rising use of Aramaic alongside Akkadian. We explore the rise of eunuch officials, the growing importance of taxation within the core territory of Mat Assur, and how these policies would strengthen the empire in the short term while sowing the seeds of long-term resentment.

From palace coups to temple politics, from highland conquests in the Zagros Mountains to the quiet rise of Nabonassar in Babylon, this episode places 745 BCE at the center of a vast historical transformation. It is a turning point not only in Assyrian history, but in the history of the entire ancient Near East, with consequences that would echo into the rise of the Babylonians, Persians, and Greeks. For students of ancient history, biblical history, Assyriology, and the origins of empire, this episode provides a detailed and foundational account of the birth of the Neo-Assyrian world order.

I am also doing daily history facts again, at least until I run out of time again. You can find Oldest Stories Daily on Tiktok and Youtube Shorts.

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This is where to start for the Neo-Assyrian Empire’s epic tale. In this foundational episode, we return to the heartland of Assyria at its lowest point—between the conquests of Shalmaneser III and the revolutionary rise of Tiglath-Pileser III. It is a time of political decay, military paralysis, and divine silence. We explore the full sweep of Assyrian history from its founding in the third millennium BCE through the Middle Assyrian period, and into the long Adaside dynasty that shaped Mesopotamia for over eight centuries. Focusing on the reigns of Shalmaneser IV, Assur-Dan III, and Assur-Nirari V, this episode examines how royal weakness gave way to magnate rule, how figures like Shamshi-Ilu and Bel-Harran-Beli-Usur governed like kings, and how cosmic disorder—eclipses, plagues, and revolt—shook the religious foundations of the empire. With key themes of political fragmentation, institutional decline, and prophetic resonance, this episode sets the stage for the military and administrative reforms that would forge the Neo-Assyrian Empire into the most powerful state the ancient Near East had ever seen. Ideal for new listeners and essential context for longtime fans, this is the beginning of Assyria’s final and most legendary age.

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In this episode of Oldest Stories, we return to the Armenian Highlands in 786 BCE to witness the death of King Menua of Urartu (Biainilli) and the rise of his son Argishti I—a transition that begins the golden age of the Urartian kingdom. Explore the geopolitics, warfare, urbanization, and social engineering of one of the most impressive and least understood Iron Age empires.

We trace Argishti I’s ruthless expansion across Anatolia and the Caucasus, highlighting his staggering military campaigns—including the mass deportation of over 50,000 captives from the Diauehi—and the founding of major cities like Argishtikhinili and Erebuni (modern Yerevan). His reign marks a peak of Urartian power, economic integration, and cultural homogenization, supported by a complex bureaucracy and a militarized frontier strategy aimed at rival Assyria.

The episode also dives into Argishti’s successor, Sarduri II, and the approaching storm of Tiglath-Pileser III's Assyrian military revolution. We examine the collapse of Urartu’s frontier buffer, the mysterious succession crisis involving multiple kings named Rusa, and the kingdom’s eventual unraveling under Cimmerian pressure and internal fragmentation. From glorious conquest to slow collapse, we recount the full arc of Urartian dominance, with attention to archaeological gaps, historiographic debates, and ancient sources.

Whether you're interested in Iron Age imperialism, ancient warfare, Near Eastern archaeology, or the origins of Armenian civilization, this episode offers deep insight into one of history’s great highland kingdoms.

#Urartu #Argishti #AncientArmenia #IronAge #OldestStoriesPodcast #Assyria #TiglathPileser #AncientHistory #Biainilli #Diauehi #Etiuni #Cimmerians #HistoryPodcast #NearEast #Yerevan #Archaeology #AncientWarfare #Khaldi #NeoHittites #Mesopotamia #KingsAndConquests #AncientEmpires

I am also doing daily history facts again, at least until I run out of time again. You can find Oldest Stories on Reels, Tiktok, and Youtube.

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Buy the Oldest Stories books!: https://a.co/d/7Wn4jhS :In this episode of Oldest Stories, we explore the complex military and political history of Urartu during its northern campaigns in the early 8th century BCE. As King Menua consolidates power and expands Biainilli influence into the Armenian Highlands, he clashes with the highland polities of Etiuni and Diauehi—two distinct yet influential groups whose stories illuminate the ethnic, linguistic, and political diversity of the Iron Age Caucasus.

We examine the engineering feats of Urartian infrastructure, the fortress networks of Etiuni, and the semi-nomadic coalition of the Kartvelian-speaking Diauehi. Through archaeological evidence, Urartian inscriptions, and historical reconstruction, this episode situates the military campaigns in the broader context of ancient Near Eastern state formation, nomadic-sedentary dynamics, and the forgotten peoples of the highlands. Key themes include mountain warfare, tribal confederations, language diversity, and imperial border policy in Iron Age Anatolia and the South Caucasus.

Topics include: Urartu, Biainilli, Menua, Argishti I, Etiuni, Diauehi, Armenian Highlands, Lake Sevan, Kartvelians, Iron Age warfare, highland polities, Cimmerians, Assyrian frontier strategy, fortress archaeology, and ancient tribal coalitions in Eastern Anatolia and the Caucasus.

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Sorry for the late post - Spotify had this scheduled, but didn't post it on the correct day.

Today we look at the daily life and industry of the Armenian highland kingdom of Urartu through the eyes of three Hurrians, a miner, a smelter, and an iron worker. This is a historical fiction, but it is based on what we can know about the industries and daily life of that era.

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Today we witness the transformation of Urartu—called Biainilli in its own time—from a fledgling mountain kingdom into a formidable Iron Age empire that would challenge Assyria itself. Following Sarduri’s founding of Tushpa, his successors Ishpuini and Menua laid the military, economic, and administrative foundations of a true state.

We explore the first co-regency in Urartian history, Ishpuini’s early conquests and fortress-building campaigns, and Menua’s monumental engineering projects—especially the Menua Canal, a 50-mile aqueduct that functioned until the 20th century. From strategic agriculture and logistics to fortress towns and tribal diplomacy, this episode uncovers how Urartu expanded rapidly despite difficult terrain and limited farmland.

Today we are looking at: The rise of Ishpuini and the god Khaldi, Expansion to Lake Urmia and the Caucasus, Co-rule with Menua and innovations in governance, The engineering marvel of the Menua Canal, Tribal Centers and highland integration strategy, Comparisons with Assyrian military and economy. It will be great.

I am also doing daily history facts again, at least until I run out of time again. You can find Oldest Stories on Reels, Tiktok, and Youtube.

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In this episode, we explore one of the most dramatic and mysterious transformations in ancient Near Eastern history: the sudden rise of the Kingdom of Urartu—known to its own people as Biainilli—under the leadership of Sarduri I, son of Lutipri. From roughly 835 BCE, Sarduri doesn't merely shift a capital; he constructs an entire state system seemingly from the ground up on the eastern shore of Lake Van.

We examine the enigmatic origins of the Bia people, Sarduri’s audacious construction of the fortress city of Tushpa, the revolutionary engineering and water management systems he introduced, and the profound Assyrian influence embedded in his kingship. Drawing from sparse but powerful inscriptions, including one carved into Tushpa’s very walls, we uncover a kingdom that appears almost overnight—built with massive cyclopean stones, complex administrative systems, and a new vision of political unity.

Also discussed is the religious unification initiated by his successor, Ishpuini, and the powerful adoption of the warrior god Khaldi from the holy city of Ardini, a site now lost to history.

Urartu’s rise isn’t just the birth of a kingdom—it’s a case study in statecraft, innovation, and resilience at the edge of empire.

Keywords: Urartu, Sarduri I, Tushpa, Lake Van, Biainilli, Ishpuini, Khaldi, Musasir, Assyrian Empire, ancient Near East, Iron Age, Armenian Highlands, archaeology, ancient engineering, lost cities, Oldest Stories podcast

I am also doing daily history facts again, at least until I run out of time again. You can find Oldest Stories on Reels, Tiktok, and Youtube.

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