I was sent a copy of The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by author John Mark Comer. This book and topic were so wonderful and so needed in my life, that I found myself a bit nervous to interview John on this show. He turned out to be as smart, kind, well-spoken, and humble as his book. He's done his research, and he's lived what he writes about. You'll enjoy every moment of this wonderful interview. John lives, works, and writes in the urban core of Portland, Oregon, with his wife, Tammy, and their three children, Jude, Moses, and Sunday.

He is the pastor for teaching and vision at Bridgetown Church. A church built around the very simple idea of practicing the way of Jesus, together, in Portland. As for education, John Mark holds a master's degree in biblical and theological studies from Western Seminary, and is currently at work on a doctorate in spiritual formation through Fuller Seminary and the Dallas Willard Center. I love everything about John's book, and I think you will too.

Show Notes:

• [06:52] John dedicated this book to Dallas Willard. I first heard of Dallas Willard in John Ortberg's book Soul Keeping.
• [07:23] John reads Soul Keeping every summer.
• [08:05] John Ortberg was mentored by Dallas Willard.
• [09:02] As Dallas Willard was dying he narrated the event. His last words were thank you.
• [11:08] John had three or four aha moments before writing this book.
• [11:47] John had emotional, relational, and spiritual symptoms. He was burnt out. He wasn't enjoying his work.
• [12:52] When he came across the concept of hurry that Willard called the great enemy of spiritual life in our day. He realized this was the naming of one of the key issues under all of his symptoms. This was all her moment number one.
• [13:17] Aha moment number two was when he realized that people are just too busy to live emotionally healthy and spiritually rich lives.
• [15:02] His third aha moment was when he put his thoughts together on hurry and it resonated and connected with the community.
• [16:32] He decided to put all these thoughts together and write a book.
• [19:32] By the time you're in your twenties or thirties, you can take a guess at who you're becoming. This feeling eventually goes away and is replaced with this is who I became.
• [22:37] The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry was from a quote by Dallas Willard, who was a philosopher at the University of Southern California. He is best known as a writer and a teacher of the way of Jesus.
• [24:05] John Ortberg was mentored by Willard who told him he must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from life. Hurry is the great spiritual enemy of life today.
• [24:37] His entire book was built around this story.
• [25:37] A physician in the 50s was the first to connect the dots between stress and heart disease.
• [27:48] The 1950's were the beginning of hurry disease.
• [28:42] 2007 and 2010 was the release of the smartphone. It's easy to think that this pace of life is normal.
• [30:32] The badge of honor that we wear for our business makes us seem important.
• [31:05] The problem is when we have too much to do and have to hurry.
• [31:42] Healthy business is that you are giving your life away.
• [32:09] Pathological busyness is where you have too much to do but not enough time to do it.
• [32:30] The frenetic fast pace can kill off love, deep relationships, longevity, soul care, and awareness.
• [33:56] What we feed we call forth. Your life is no more than the sum of what you devote your attention too.
• [35:03] What we give our time to is what we will become.
• [36:08] The end of the book is practical with a step-by-step method.
• [37:22] Life is complex. Slowing down can be hard. There are practices from the ways of Jesus that are incredibly effective at slowing down and tapping into what Jesus called live's that are full.
• [39:07] Followers of Jesus are usually referred to as disciples or family. A better translation for disciple might be the word apprentice.
• [41:01] To apprentice under Jesus is to organize your life around three basic goals. Be with Jesus. Become like Jesus. Do what he would do if he were you.
• [43:03] This practice has been life-changing for John and his family. They have a full day together every week with the phones off.
• [45:28] It's created a space for his family to be together and be happier.
• [47:53] John loves potato hash at Proud Mary.
• [49:40] Friendship is the mix of vulnerability and accountability.
• [50:36] John shares who could play him in a movie.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

Links and Resources:

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• Rise & Radke
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• John Mark Comer
• John Mark Comer on Facebook
• John Mark Comer on Instagram
• John Mark Comer on Twitter
• Bridgetown Church
• [email protected]
• The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World
• Books by John Mark Comer
• Dallas Willard
• Soul Keeping: Caring For the Most Important Part of You

• I've had several guests come on the show, and they all want to talk about decluttering. Some want to declutter our schedules and some want to declutter our kitchen cabinets, but they all say to declutter our lives is to declutter our souls. Today's guest is knowledgeable, funny, charming, and she is an expert at getting rid of clutter. I know I'll learn a thing or two from her and so will you.
• Allie Casazza is the host of The Purpose Show - a top-rated podcast - and the creator of online courses that have earned her international attention for her fresh, practical lifestyle strategies for moms. Known as 'The Life Minimalist', she encourages and inspires women to pursue abundant life by creating space for what matters most. Allie and her husband, Brian, live with their four young children in Southern California wine country.
• Her signature course, Your Uncluttered Home, is available for $100 off (normally $297) for a limited time only. She's running this sale in coordination with her annual free challenge called Declutter Like A Mother. This price will be available through January 15th at midnight PST.
• Show Notes:
• [03:06] Allie serves women and mothers who feel overwhelmed with life and schedule. She loves helping them find routines that are light and bright and serve their lifestyles. [04:02] Allie has four children and lives in Southern California.
• [04:26] Most people who have something to offer the world find it was born out of going through a really hard time in life. That's what happened to Allie.
• [04:37] She was depressed and overwhelmed with her role as a mother and wife.
• [06:10] She was overwhelmed and wasn't happy with the way she was showing up and living her life with her family.
• [09:14] Allie knew she needed to fix the source, but she was so desperate that she almost went and got medication.
• [09:35] She decided to get rid of everything that wasn't used or loved. It took a few months to get rid of the clutter, but her health felt different after the first day.
• [10:48] Having what needs to be and nothing extra enables her to travel and run a business and do all the things that she does.
• [11:10] Allie teaches online classes. She shared her journey on her blog. People were sharing her great ideas.
• [12:05] She wrote an ebook, but realized online courses were a better format. She is good at marketing and loves working from home and helping other women.
• [14:02] Melissa is a mom who gets overwhelmed easily. She admires Allies organizational skills and entrepreneurial ability.
• [15:51] It all starts at home. We can only do one thing at a time. The physical act of decluttering and letting go of weight in your physical space will make you feel better.
• [18:25] If you have a beautiful room you want to spend time in, you are more likely to pray or meditate or spend time with God.
• [19:03] Any habit you want to change begins with your environment. Decluttering is a physical act that can make your life better.
• [20:21] You become a better person by creating spaces that you enjoy.
• [22:24] Allie just started blogging for herself and now she has a huge following.
• [28:18] Allie has big plans. Her revenue comes from courses about getting your life together at home. When you trip over a secret and have the audacity to share it money follows.
• [30:12] Once Allie's business started taking off, minimalism became a trend. She was worried that she wasn't famous or fast enough.
• [30:38] Even though, there are multiple teachers in this niche, they do not have Allie's voice and Allie's legacy.
• [33:12] In Allie's business, she is working on simplifying and only doing things that move the needle forward.
• [33:49] She wants to show up in a way that brings impact, revenue, and change. She is also coaching, and she has some new courses coming out including a simplifying homeschooling course.
• [34:47] This season is about taking out the unnecessary and focusing on the goal.
• [35:04] Allies husband quit his job and is helping out with the business.
• [36:22] Allie loves going to fancy dinners. She gets a skinny margarita and a giant burger at her favorite local place.
• [37:36] Friendship is having the ability to connect, share, and be together without the burden of expectations.
• [39:06] Elizabeth Olsen or Anne Hathaway would play her in a movie.
• Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

Links and Resources:

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• Rise & Radke
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• Your Uncluttered Home
• Declutter Like a Mother
• The Purpose Show Podcast
• Allie Casazza on Instagram
• Allie Casazza on Facebook
• The Purpose Show on YouTube
• Mama Needs A Reboot: Overcome the overwhelm and live on purpose.
• Triggers: Exchanging Parents' Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

I am sitting down with my friend Billie Jean Johnson on this very special Christmas, because any Christmas we are lucky enough to have is special. Even more so for some of us. Billie Jean is funny, sarcastic, and loud. She has a smile that spreads all the way across her face. She's the queen of laughing at her own jokes, and she thinks she's the funniest person in the room. The first time we met, I attended a party she was hosting and nothing was home cooked.

She's been married to the love of her life over 25 years. She's a parent and a grandparent. She's a faithful and loyal friend who's never met a purse or a fake set of nails that she doesn't love. She likes big Texas cars and long hair extensions. She is more girly girl than I am on my best day. Every time I've seen her she's been dressed to the nines. Yet, she's never uppity and has zero pretense.

She is someone who believes in community. She built a rehabilitation and recovery center for people with addictions. She has fed inner-city families on Thanksgiving with her giant walk-through Thanksgiving buffet. She has literally brought hundreds of volunteers together to serve dinner plates to shut-ins. Billie Jean isn't on the show today for the amazing things that she has done. She's here because of where she's going.

Unless a miracle happens, this will be the last Christmas that Billie Jean has with her husband Jeramy and her girls, Haley and Jessica. It will be the last Christmas she watches her grandson or son-in-law open gifts. Stupid, horrible, spiteful cancer may very well win this one. I asked Billy Jean a few weeks ago if I could sit with her in silence and grief and ask her some questions. We often want to ask questions of those with one foot on the other side, but are too afraid too. It's an honor to sit and talk with Billie Jean on this episode.

Show Notes:

• [05:17] Billy Jeans go to meal in Lufkin would be a turkey burger from Mom's Diner.
• [05:54] Friendship means family and being there through the good and the ugly.
• [06:20] Every one Billie Jean knows has risen to this season.
• [07:13] Billie Jean has many roles and the actress who would play her might surprise you.
• [07:43] Billie Jean has always been an optimistic person. She believes that God is good and only gives good gifts.
• [08:19] Her perspective on life is taking care of what God has put her here to do and nothing else matters.
• [09:40] Her family is her greatest testimony, so she's letting them see how she can live and die graciously.
• [12:12] Billie Jean had a great health report from the doctor. Two weeks later they went back to the doctor, and found out that the tumors had grown. There were so many tumors that Billie Jean wouldn't make it through the surgery to remove them.
• [13:17] When Billie Jean and her husband heard this news, they were shocked.
• [14:22] Billie Jean doesn't worry about the fear of dying, it's what she leaves behind that has to wrestle with the pain.
• [15:17] Years ago, Billie Jean dealt with losing her dad from addiction and her sister's addiction. She then took care of her sister's children. The whole experience was an emotional roller coaster for Billie Jean.
• [16:28] She cried out to God, and he took the pain away from her.
• [19:29] She can't complain about cancer or ask God for anymore, because of all the wonderful things he has done for her in this life.
• [20:26] Billie Jean trusts that God's going to help take care of her family. She believes that whatever the reason for all of this is that God's fulfilling his purpose.
• [21:16] Moms want to prepare their children as much as they can, but they don't really know how. We don't know what we're doing, but what we do know is that we're going to be gracious to each other.
• [22:45] Billie Jean's relationship with God is very sweet.
• [23:40] When she is really having a hard day, she listens to worship music and let's her family know she loves them.
• [25:36] God's love is so rich. If your emotions aren't benefiting, you try something else. Don't stop talking to him, and he won't leave you stranded.
• [27:25] Billie Jean used to think that she was introverted and didn't have friends, but the love and support of her community has been overwhelming.
• [27:55] Treat everybody well, because you never know when you'll need to be treated well.
• [29:55] For Billy Jean, material things mean absolutely nothing. Her perspective is shifting from worldly to heavenly. Spiritual awareness and relationships are what matter to her now.
• [33:30] If everybody got to choose how they live, they wouldn't be so overburdened with their schedules. The big things are teaching your children how to deal with everyday life.
• [34:28] Stop and let your children see you for who you really are.
• [36:57] Everything that was once important has shifted.
• [38:23] Billie Jean used to be the girliest girl ever.
• [40:06] Billie Jean shares her favorite uplifting songs and scriptures with us. John 14:27 and Joshua 1:9
• [41:18] Her family is being strong for her, and she knows that it's hard.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

Links and Resources:

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• Rise & Radke
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• The Goodness of God
• Raise A Hallelujah
• Fear Is a Liar
• Way Maker

Hello everyone! It's the holidays. Are you feeling it yet? I remember when I was working outside the home, and I felt like I just couldn't get Christmas right. My time was limited. My funds were limited. And Christmas Eve or the day before would be just like a blur. I hated that feeling.

Eventually, I was able to leave that job. Even though I loved it, and start working for myself. It was from home, and I thought that now I can do Christmas right. I thought I would conquer Christmas and be able to rest and delight in it. Guess what happens when you work from home? Your time is still limited. Your funds are still Limited. Maybe even more so.

There aren't enough Starbucks peppermint mochas in the world or Hallmark movies to slow down the busyness of the season. I don't think highly enough of myself that I'm going to fix it with this one podcast. I'm not even going to try. Christmas is busy. Christmas is costly. It was that way for your parents, your grandparents, and it'll be that way for your kids.

So what I'm actually going to talk about today is what do we do when the holidays are upon us, but we are grieving. It's one thing to be busy, but it's another thing entirely to be broken. On Christmas morning 2005 at 6:30 am, my son Elisha Cooper Radke came into this world. An hour later we were handing him back to God. This is what it's like to be broken on Christmas.

Show Notes:

• [04:04] Elisha came, stayed for one hour and he left. Christmas has never been the same.
• [04:54] Every Christmas Eve around 10:40 p.m. I will feel a pain in my heart. It happens every year at that time, because that's when I went into labor.
• [06:09] I tell people that I walk with a limp through the holidays and I do and I probably always will.
• [07:06] I have a feeling that today some of you know exactly what I'm talking about.
• [08:29] For some of you, this will be your first Christmas without your spouse or your child. It could be your first Christmas without a job, home or best friend.
• [09:43] This episode is for you. There is nothing wrong with you. I'm speaking to anyone and everyone who walks with a limp at Christmas time.
• [10:33] We are drawn to Hallmark movies because everything ends up perfectly.
• [11:10] Holidays are the time of year when we want everything to end up perfectly.
• [11:46] A day will come when love fills the room more than pain does. The pain of what you lost will pale in comparison to the joy of what you found.
• [12:54] Take a moment and look around. Everyone is hurting with their own pain. Pain comes to us all. So does love.
• [15:52] If things had happened differently, would I have experienced the same joy and pain? Would Christmas mean as much? Even though I walk with a limp on Christmas, love has the final say.
• [17:31] I wouldn't choose it, but I wouldn't change it.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

Links and Resources:

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• Rise & Radke
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• Home Chef Use promo code MelissaR80 to get $20 off your first four meals $80 off total

This episode is one that I recorded a few months ago and wasn't going to air until 2020, but this episode has been weighing on my mind. I think that was because this episode needs to be played now. It's the holiday season, but your not going to hear any mention of the holidays, but what you will hear is a powerful story and a delightful interview. And for whatever reason, that I can't explain, somebody is supposed to hear this podcast now.

Today's guest is LeAnne Sheddan Pyzer who describes herself as a pastors wife, mom, grandmother (WHAT??!!), who just turned 40 years old and is learning to live beyond surviving. She was a missionary kid/pastor's kid who went rogue, then was redeemed, and is living life in a rural town in Northern California. We also discovered that we are related. My grandfather and LeAnne's grandmother are siblings.

I do remember my family receiving Christmas cards from the Sheddans. Which is LeAnne's maiden name. They were from exotic locations overseas. LeAnne was from a missionary family and grew up in Portugal, Japan, and the Philippines. That's not all of her story though. That's just the beginning. I hope you find LeAnne as delightful as I do and her story just as inspiring.

• [07:49] When LeAnne was four months old her family went to Portugal for four years. Then they would come back to the US for a year, before making another four year journey. She grew up in Portugal, Japan, and the Philippines.
• [08:17] The traveling was great until she turned about 12, then she just wanted to be normal.
• [09:29] LeAnne was adopted. In 1979, when she was born and adoptions were closed.
• [11:15] When she turned 18, she discovered that she was the product of sexual assault.
• [14:02] When coming back to the states, she enrolled in High School. She began making compromises to fit in and viewing her faith and her parents faith as a detriment to fit in. She went full prodigal.
• [15:56] She believed in God but didn't want to have anything to do with God and church.
• [16:13] She rebelled strongly and did a 180 with morals and values.
• [17:25] She ended up pregnant, which jarred her back to a journey towards a faith.
• [18:33] She got married super quickly and super young. LeAnne and her husband were two teenagers with a baby and another one on the way.
• [19:37] The marriage turned abusive, but LeAnne didn't want to add divorce to her list of mistakes.
• [21:29] LeAnne ended up divorced with three babies age two, three, and four.
• [22:17] She moved to Northern California to be close to her parents, and she started going to her dad's church.
• [24:30] LeAnne had resolved herself to being a single mom raising her three children. Then she met the youth pastor who had been single for a long time, but had a lot of women after him.
• [25:12] He was nine years older than her. On the first date they went to Red Lobster. He said that he was interested in a relationship and asked her how she felt about being a pastor's wife and how she felt about being poor.
• [26:29] They knew by the end of the night that they were going to be married.
• [26:39] LeAnne and Zach now have another child.
• [29:14] They were in a small town called Hidden Valley Lake in Northern California. It was fire season. The valley fire had been one of the most devastating wildfires up until that point.
• [30:25] They had about 15 minutes to evacuate before their home was burned to the ground. It devastated the whole community.
• [30:42] The fire hit with no warning, and they had to run for their lives. There were only two ways out, and one of those got blocked.
• [31:01] A couple days later they found out that their house and their church burned to the ground. They had the choice to fall apart or stay strong.
• [32:21] The whole community was devastated, but they decided to stay and rebuild.
• [32:53] The past four years have been a journey persevering and never stopping.
• [34:00] It's daunting to rebuild your life. Even today, she'll reach for a kitchen tool that's not there, and it's a reminder of what she lost.
• [36:35] The fire changed LeAnne's perspective. She started looking at things as opportunities not punishments.
• [38:51] The heat on the road was intense driving through flames.
• [40:37] Three months after the devastating fire, Zach was given a diagnosis of young-onset Parkinson's disease. He was 46.
• [42:57] God is big enough to handle your questions, anger, and frustration. It's okay to be real with him about what you're feeling. It's okay to weep and wail and question. He is strong enough to handle that.
• [43:33] God has shown up for LeAnne every single time.
• [46:48] LeAnne loves taco salads with no beans.
• [47:22] Friendship is being there for the good the bad and the ugly.
• [48:24] Wynonna Judd would play her in a movie.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• Rise & Radke
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• Home Chef Use promo code MelissaR80 to get $20 off your first four meals $80 off total
• So I Married A Pastor – Now What?
• LeAnne Pyzer on Instagram
• LeAnne Pyzer on Facebook
• Prodigal in the Parsonage: Encouragement for Ministry Leaders Whose Child Rejects Faith
• Resurrecting | Live | Elevation Worship

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Today, David and I are talking about all things Thanksgiving. Before we begin , are you watching us in the mornings? Monday through Friday David Radke and I go live on Instagram and Facebook for what we call Rise & Radke. This is a must see. It's cute, ridiculous, and you'll gain nothing from it, except for having a really good time.

We've just come off of several weeks of talking about addiction. We received so many emails. Addiction is so prevalent, yet people don't always want to talk about it. That really struck a chord with people, but those are heavier podcasts. Today, we need something a little more light hearted. You're probably relieved that this episode is going to be light and jolly. It is, but… we have a very large audience. Not everybody has a family like I have.

After the TV show, people often think everything with my family is always hunky-dory. It's more than likely that we are spending our Thanksgiving with people that we don't always get and who don't always get us. I know many of you listeners are probably dealing with that too. A lot of times during Thanksgiving and Christmas people just put on their Hallmark smiles. Hopefully, this show gives you the opportunity to improve your communication and have more meaningful experiences with these people that you may not see that often.

Before we begin, I just want to let you know that I'm smart enough to know that I don't have all of the answers, but I'm in it with you. I'm trying to wrestle through family dysfunction just like you are. For us, this Thanksgiving is going to feel so nice, because last Thanksgiving was so hard. There was some brokenness, hurt feelings, and anger last Thanksgiving. In February and March, we fought for our family and went to Onsite to work through our issues. Now, I'm so excited for the holidays.

• [11:20] Our family went to Onsite, and we worked through everything. Things are much easier when everyone is involved and works through the process.
• [11:49] Find like mindedness if you can. I follow Jay Shetty online. He recently gave a list of things we need to stop expecting from people.
• [13:22] Let's work on ourselves and not expect stuff from our family. Feelings follow actions. Be ready to pass out love.
• [15:55] Melissa tries to guess David's favorite holiday. Christmas is by far his favorite. There was a period of time when Christmas created too much money stress.
• [17:58] We still don't have that much more money, but what we have is an emotional perspective.
• [19:10] We made a promise to be honest in these podcasts. David is more sensitive than me. This topic stirs up emotions.
• [20:41] Reaffirming that gifts and money don't matter can help with the holiday pressure.
• [22:04] The advertisements and commercialism can inundate people with pressure to overspend or feel inadequate.
• [23:41] Melissa's favorite holiday is not her birthday. Her favorite is Easter.
• [24:52] Broccoli and cheese casserole and cauliflower salad are the two things that disappoint David when they are not on the Thanksgiving table.
• [26:31] Melissa is going to make the cauliflower salad this year. Thanksgiving is all about the carbs.
• [27:40] Her best friend from North Dakota is shocked how Melissa's family puts bacon in everything.
• [28:37] Her mom's dressing is the best. Meridith makes the best potatoes. Melissa makes the best baked beans.
• [30:30] David takes a long nap after dinner.
• [31:46] David loved their evening Thanksgiving in Nashville. They had a country fried Thanksgiving.
• [33:36] David thinks it's sad that some family members have to cut out and go to another dinner.
• [34:09] Melissa is already decorating for Christmas. She wants to enjoy it longer. It feels like the holidays are extended.
• [35:58] David is thankful that he and Melissa work together. They have great close friends. He is also thankful for the new season of Jack Ryan.
• [36:52] Melissa loves her town and her kid's school. She loves that their church is growing, and it's creating community. She also loves all of the new streaming services.
• [38:46] David is also excited and thankful for is coming up in 2020.
• [39:25] We love you. Have a beautiful and blessed Thanksgiving.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• Rise & Radke
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• Home Chef Use promo code MelissaR80 to get $20 off your first four meals $80 off total
• All in the Family
• Marriage and Martinis
• Anonymous Addict
• Onsite Workshops
• Jay Shetty

Over a year ago, a woman came up to me at an event and hugged my neck and shared that she'd been sober for x amount of time. She was glowing. Her face was beaming. I assumed, that's what happens when someone beats addiction, but that wasn't it. It was just her. She was beautiful. The reason I'm talking about this is because, sometimes, we associate alcoholism with Otis Campbell from The Andy Griffith Show.

Then we moved onto the Norm from Cheers stereotype, with a sloppy disheveled character. Then along came Homer Simpson. Do you see a pattern here? We never associated alcoholism with well put together women. There are wonderful teachers who go home and drink until they pass out. There are also stay at home moms who are so sick or bored that they drink all day. I didn't know that there were pastor's wives, ER nurses, and yoga instructors that were alcoholics. But now I know, because I've met you.

Every example I'm thinking of has been gorgeous, well-dressed, and smart as a whip. Not one of them looked like Homer Simpson. They could in fact be you or me. My guest today is that very woman who first came up and hugged my neck. She has since become a very precious friend of mine. I am so lucky to have ever met her at an event. I'm not sharing her name today.

She's an active participant in Alcoholics Anonymous. She's requested that I don't share her name. It's hard for me, because I want you to see her and meet her. But in this episode you get to learn and grow from her story. To listen to her is to love her. Trust me. The goal for today's show is that one person will hear her story and will take the first step to finding the help they need.

Show Notes:

• [04:53] This is my guest's first podcast.
• [05:35] She's a recovering addict, who's very involved in AA and believes in the anonymous part.
• [06:01] She has a supportive husband who she's been with for 38 years. He was her high school sweetheart. She has two adult daughters and a four-year-old grandson.
• [06:46] She's a recovering alcoholic who has had seven years of continuous sobriety.
• [06:59] For her, drinking was a social thing. She could drink and enjoy drinking and was able to stop. When she went back to work, she felt like she deserved a drink after work.
• [07:37] Eventually, the drinking became a physiological habit. Her body became addicted to alcohol.
• [07:53] She feels fortunate to say she's a recovering alcoholic and gets to live her life again. At one point, she got to the point where she was just existing.
• [08:48] Our families also have their recovery.
• [09:39] Being sober, allowed her the opportunity to become a better listener.
• [10:41] When her mom was diagnosed with cancer, she had an aha moment and realized she had a big problem.
• [12:52] Her family were not alcoholics, but they were codependent.
• [13:47] She also felt very alone.
• [15:09] She now thinks of alcohol as a cleaning product that is a poison to her body. She hated herself for drinking wine and taking sleeping pills.
• [16:23] When she drinks alcohol, she has a physiological craving for more.
• [19:53] Listen and silence have the same letters, they're just rearranged. When she decided to get sober, she went to AA.
• [20:20] Being Sober is the first step. Being in recovery is the second step. Learning to live again is the third step.
• [21:08] Day treatment didn't quite work, so she went to residential treatment. After several cries, she felt lighter like an empty vessel.
• [22:29] She was then given the tools to be successful.
• [25:09] She does the right thing each day. She now has an opportunity to live.
• [26:02] She is now an AA sponsor. The meetings are for her, but she does take other people and help others.
• [27:46] You have a spiritual sponsor and a service sponsor.
• [29:21] Children of addicts also need to seek treatment. The alcoholic can change the entire dynamic of the whole family like a chime in a wind chime.
• [31:35] If you think you can do this on your own, why haven't you done it already?
• [35:32] Go to meal is chicken cordon bleu with mashed potatoes and asparagus.
• [36:13] Friendship means the world. Our anonymous guest may or may not look like a young Debbie Reynolds.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

Links and Resources:

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• Alcoholics Anonymous
• Leonard Cohen

I'm from deep East Texas, and we handle things differently than they do in New Jersey. We also wear pearls and clutch them when someone says something. We don't air our dirty laundry to the world. If you've been watching me and David's Instagram Lives, you will see us sign off with bye and love you. Then the minute we get off the video, I look at him and say, "I'm going to murder you." We don't put this out for the world to see, but today's guest does.

Danielle Silverstein was a stay at home mom for 13 years until she started the Marriage & Martinis podcast and community with her husband Adam. They decided to start it after dealing with Adam's alcoholism, gambling addiction, and other acts of betrayal, so that others who might be going through the same thing won't feel so alone. In practically no time, they found themselves with a huge following.

Danielle and I have never met before this podcast. When I told my friends I was interviewing her it was met with gasps and pearl clutching. Danielle and Adam are very open on their podcast about their sex life, and she is a self-proclaimed f-bomb dropper. Don't worry, there's none of that today. I really liked her. I wish I would have made this podcast two parts, because we could talk for a long time.

Danille is also brutally honest. Alcoholism is a problem. Gambling addiction is a problem. Sometimes she knows what to do about it, and sometimes she doesn't. Marriage & Martinis is an attempt to present a real authentic marriage at its core. It's hard to make an open and vulnerable podcast about your marriage and make it work, but Danielle and Adam have done just that. They decided to take a big risk, and now their podcasts helps them while they also help other people.

Show Notes:

• [04:39] Danielle is rocking average.
• [06:59] Danielle and Adam were both 25 when they got married. Danielle's mom stayed home, and Danielle liked that and wanted to do it for her kids and husband.
• [07:39] She had a very traditional viewpoint even though she went to NYU.
• [08:07] She discovered that she was a really good mom, but not that great of a housewife.
• [09:02] When Adam's dad passed away, Adam became not present mentally and physically.
• [09:24] This was in 2015, and they had three kids.
• [10:42] It was almost like having a fourth child that was putting himself and others in danger.
• [12:13] Adam is known as party Adam. Everyone loves it, except for sometimes Danielle. They both suffer from anxiety and OCD and know that certain things are triggers.
• [13:16] When Adam should have been in therapy, he turned to alcohol and gambling, and it became problematic.
• [15:21] Alcohol was just one of the side effects of not wanting to deal with things and feel things.
• [16:06] Adam would also take off to Atlantic City.
• [17:34] Danielle finally said, it was time to fix things or she was done.
• [18:18] They used to sit and have a cocktail and talk all night long. Danielle realized that they should record their conversations, and their podcast began.
• [19:13] They are still actively recovering, but they are both immersed in the process of healing.
• [20:36] Adam is a tech guy, and he has always loved podcasts. She also knew that Adam needed a purpose to feel like he was contributing.
• [22:23] Having a podcast to share all of their issues seemed crazy, but also a good idea. They had nothing to lose.
• [23:50] Danielle has OCD that's not founded in reality.
• [26:10] Adam also went to therapy. The drinking was a symptom of a core issue. He can still have a drink.
• [28:56] Danielle thought Adam needed a way to get out of his head and start thinking about others.
• [30:17] Every situation is different. Alcohol wasn't Adam's biggest problem.
• [34:36] Danielle and Adam put everything out there in their podcast.
• [35:44] They are in the arena for their marriage. It's about more support and less judgement.
• [37:00] Vulnerability is a super power.
• [38:38] Rapid fire questions. Danielle loves sushi.
• [40:15] Friendship is vulnerability and acceptance.
• [40:51] If there was a movie about Danielle and Adam, it might star Anthony Bourdain and Reese Witherspoon.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

Links and Resources:

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• Marriage & Martinis
• Marriage & Martinis on Instagram
• Marriage & Martinis on Facebook
• Bulletproof Coffee
• Onsite
• Brene Brown
• Blue Ribbon Sushi

Addiction. Don't you dare turn this podcast off. That's why I threw that word out first, because nobody likes that word. I rarely find anybody on the fence or in a gray area when it comes to addiction. For some people, it's affecting them and killing them. They want to learn all they can about it . Other people aren't affected. It's not their problem, so let other people worry about it. People are either on one side or the other.

I've been in the people business long enough to know that this word has made its way in some form or another to everyone's front door. Someone you know is affected by addiction. Sometimes it's not in the form we think. It's not drugs or alcohol. It could be in the form of gambling, porn, shopping, food, nicotine, or something else.

Today's episode is a tough one. We're going to talk to Janelle Martin, a mother who woke up to a world of addiction. A world she knew nothing about until it affected her daughter Regan Steinert. Janelle is a mom of two kids age 20 and 18. She is in recovery because addiction affected her family. She loves and trusts Jesus completely, and has been blessed with the most amazing friends who were there for her during difficult times.

Regan joins us later in the show. She is a stunningly beautiful and well-spoken woman who has faced addiction, sobriety, relapse, and pain in her very short life. She is living proof that addiction can affect anyone. Anyone can be a target. Maybe even someone in your home. Regan is 18 and in recovery. She's a good person who loves helping people. She is artsy and creative and loves to paint, especially as a form of relaxation.

Show Notes:

• [05:06] Janelle and her family live in Houston. They've lived in the same home for 15 years, and her kids grew up there.
• [08:21] Janelle didn't know how bad things were until someone told her. She knew something was off, but she didn't know what.
• [10:17] It felt like a dark cloud was following Regan. She stopped playing sports. Janelle suspected stuff, but could never catch her doing anything.
• [13:29] Janelle caught Regan lying about where she was spending the night. Janelle told Regan she can't live at home if she is doing drugs, and Regan said she wasn't stopping.
• [16:00] Janelle sent Regan to stay with her dad.
• [17:45] It took weeks for Janelle to recover from the fact that Regan was gone.
• [18:12] Regan spent three months at her dad's.
• [22:12] After a frantic call from Regan's dad, Regan ended up in a treatment center in Arizona.
• [24:40] Regan didn't want to go, because she didn't want to be sober. She decided to just stay there for 45 days. She also stayed in the program for around two years.
• [27:21] She was finally happy, I didn't want to mess that up.
• [28:07] After 11 months, Regan moved back to Texas. Her friends were going to Galveston and partying, so Regan thought she could do it to.
• [32:03] Regan thought she could vape THC, and everything would be fine, but it wasn't. So she talked to her mom about it, and decided to leave.
• [33:15] Regan was gone for three weeks. A lot of mother's can't do that tough love that Janelle did. Regan was out on the street with her dog.
• [36:13] Regan learned a lot of really cool stuff during her first time in recovery, but it just didn't click all the way.
• [36:53] She decided she wanted to be sober and called her mom. Janelle said to come home. She just got her four months three days ago.
• [37:28] Everything has finally clicked. She goes to meetings. She has a sponsor. Everything's working out great.
• [38:14] She finally graduated and is starting me to school.
• [38:42] Regan is genuinely happy now.
• [43:03] Regan thinks that she started using because of some family issues with her brother and father. She also went through a breakup.
• [45:09] Regan is going to do amazing things with her life, and she stands on her own feet.
• [48:52] Regan loves enchiladas with rice & beans at Rancho Grande. Janelle likes the firecracker roll at Red Fish Grill.
• [49:54] Janelle and Regan share what friendship means to them.
• [52:21] The ladies dish actresses.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

Links and Resources:

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• Home Chef Use code MelissaR80 to get $80 off your first four meals
• Janelle Martin on Instagram
• Janelle Martin on Facebook
• Regan Steinert on Instagram

I am so nervous about this episode, because it's the one featuring me and David. We did this episode together at the end of season 1, and it's called Road Trippin. Last season, we were on a book tour, and it was time for the podcast to come out, and I didn't have anybody to interview. David and I were on the road, so we decided to record a podcast of us just chatting together on our journey. I hated this episode, because I thought it turned out terrible. It turned out that people loved that episode with just me and David. We were talking about fast food before we pulled in and got it, talking, fighting, and just driving.

Since that episode was received so well, we decided that we would do some episodes with just David and I talking. These episodes will be spread out through season 3. For some reason, I'm a nervous wreck about this. I don't know why. We talk all the time. We even do a Facebook Live and Instagram Monday through Friday at 9:00 am. We don't have a clue what we're going to talk about, and we still do fine on that. We're just such different people, and I never know how these things are going to turn out. I wish you listeners could see what this moment looks like.

David is prepared is dressed for the day. He is wearing a button down shirt, nice shoes, and his glasses. He also has drinks in case he gets thirsty during the show and he's wearing headphones. I'm still in my nightgown with a sweatshirt and cozy socks. This August we celebrated 25 years of marriage. We went to a matinee and Logan's Roadhouse.

David did want to remind me that two years ago, we went to Maui, but I guess the thing that makes me nervous about this episode is just that. The mundane nature of our marriage. We are so normal, and I wonder if people want to hear what we have to share or if they want to hear from couples that have it all figured out. If you remember from a couple of episodes ago, we had Jeff and Beth McCord on to talk about their Enneagram couples course. Today, we talk about the couple's course, our Enneagram numbers, the direction of the podcast, and we have a little fun.

Show Notes:

• [07:40] This August we celebrated 25 years of marriage. We went to a matinee and Logan's Roadhouse. David did want to remind me that two years ago, we did go to Maui.
• [08:15] Melissa's dream vacations are going to Scotland and Ireland.
• [09:49] We may not have it all together, but we're making progress.
• [10:52] We are really diving into Beth and Jeff McCord's Enneagram couple's study. David is a 3 and Melissa is a 7. These two together, when healthy, can be quite dynamic.
• [13:59] It's important and eye opening to know and understand each other's Enneagram numbers.
• [15:00] There's nothing Remi and her future spouse can go through that we haven't.
• [16:32] I began this season talking about my emotional health. David went with me to my counseling session. I thought that was really kind of him. As a 7 that really helped me, but as a 3 I'm surprised he did it.
• [18:11] David didn't want to see Melissa hurting, but he wants to look like he has it all together.
• [18:51] If you love your spouse dearly, but you feel like you can't get on the same page read Becoming Us.
• [19:55] These principles can be applied in other relationships, not just marriage.
• [23:02] Knowing people's numbers helps make us more compassionate, and we could all use more compassion in our lives.
• [26:00] The most offensive word to David is average. Seven's don't talk about the way they feel a lot.
• [28:51] Knowing people's number explains why they do things.
• [31:50] Seven's are known as entertaining optimists who live life big, but have a fear of being limited, bored, or trapped.
• [32:28] The core longing is to be taken care of.
• [33:06] Melissa didn't feel safe and was unsure of what was next. She needs her world to be stable.
• [34:25] We as a society have a long way to go with mental health. Every single person needs to be aware of their mental health.
• [37:34] Being aware of our mental health will leave the door open for others who are having problems to talk about it.
• [39:47] The rest of the season is going to be really great. We'll be talking about addiction, divorce, and there will be sporadic episodes with us talking.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

Links and Resources:

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• INK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change You
• Home Chef Use code MelissaR80 to get $80 off your first four meals
• Road Trippin
• Ennea Your Business
• Becoming Us
• Eddie Murphy - Party All the Time (Official Video)