Hell freezes over. In DC the Straw Police are coming for your sippy cups. Howard Schultz says the Democrats need to cut back on their caffeine and whatever you do, don't say anything that might offend the terrorists.

It's so cold in Chicago they're lighting the RailRoad tracks on fire and arrestin' Disney characters in Illinois. The Venezuela rumor update. Apple has a bad day. Transportin' laundry detergent, that's an arrestin' in Florida.

So cold in Chicago they're stealing coats. AOC's beauty tips. The 2020 lineup expands. Opioids are the new laxative. And, could I interest you in a used sex bot?

The Shutdown caved, Venezuela heads to the UN, Canada apologizes for being number one, russian roulette on the big muddy and trans japan.

Roger Stone gets busted. Could Venezuela become Panama Electric Boogaloo V2. Japan's supreme court gets all transy. Bono says capitalism is a wild beast and something fishy in Canada.

Robots are coming for our jobs and Journalist's are already loosing theirs. The people of Venezuela are revolting (see Mel Brooks) and Florida tops the list for pedestrian demolition.

Emotional support alligators, Amsterdam's hookers have a tourist problem, bikini clad hiker freezes to death, the Washington mall smiley high school kid national tragedy and other newsworthy banal stuff.

The Humpty Dumpty Trump Update. OSC teaches Capitol Hill to Tweet and like you know stuff. Cali gets the big dump. Always give your sig-other your phone password, always. Yale pulls out of contraception.