Picture a fifteen-year-old boy cranking the shower scalding hot right before he gets out, on purpose, so the mirror fogs over and he never has to see himself. That was Dai Manuel's daily trick for years, until the one morning he got rushed and looked anyway. He didn't recognize the kid staring back. That's the moment my guest points to as where change is possible actually started for him: not five years of weight gain undone in a flash, but an ugly, cathartic cry in front of a bathroom mirror that turned into twenty months of small, boring, unglamorous bites forward.

You might know Dai as "Coach Moose" in CrossFit circles, a nickname earned during a brutal intro workout that left him dry-heaving against a chain-link fence. He went on to become an award-winning speaker, author, and former partner and COO of a multimillion-dollar retail company. But the resume isn't why he's on Phoenix and Flame. It's because underneath it he spent fifteen years, in his own words, "managing this emotional roller coaster with alcohol," propping up a persona he calls "fun guy Dai," until his wife asked him one question that ended it: "Are you being the type of man that you would want to marry your daughters?" We get into what actually gets someone through the work of real change (hint: it's rarely dramatic), and the Five F's, Fitness, Faith, Family, Finances, with an overarching roof of Fun, that he now uses as a filter for every yes and no in his life.

If you've ever wanted permission to say no without an essay of excuses attached, Dai's got a phrase for you: "No is a complete sentence." Stick around for how a boy who avoided cameras for years built a life, and a framework, sturdy enough to weather anything.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J6Eu_ZLQA8

In this episode

• Why change feels like being chased by a boulder (Dai's Raiders of the Lost Ark metaphor), and how to stop running from it
• The brutal CrossFit test that gave Dai Manuel his "Coach Moose" nickname, and why leveling up almost always feels like hell in the moment
• How a fifteen-year-old's foggy shower mirror led to a twenty-month, small-bites transformation
• The question his wife asked that finally got him to give up alcohol: "Are you the type of man you'd want to marry your daughters?"
• How the Five F's, Fitness, Faith, Family, Finances, with Fun as the roof, work as filters for every decision
• Why "no is a complete sentence," and how boundaries became the foundation of his resilience

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet Dai Manuel, aka "Coach Moose"
• (03:19) Where the "Coach Moose" nickname came from (CrossFit's brutal intro test)
• (06:56) Why change is so hard, and the resilience skill we already have
• (09:52) Dana's promise to never quit, and the "pain threshold" for change
• (12:27) Pain, fear, and being more afraid of staying the same
• (14:00) Roots of the weight gain: his parents' divorce, and finding comfort in food and screens
• (16:52) The foggy shower-mirror trick, and the day he finally looked
• (18:17) "Dad, I want to get healthy": the mountain bike and the 20-month climb
• (21:27) The struggle of the juggle: ego, drinking, and the "fun guy Dai" persona
• (26:13) His wife's question that changed everything: "Are you the type of man you'd want to marry your daughters?"
• (29:27) Committing past year one, now in his 14th year alcohol-free
• (30:33) Sunday Funday, The Whole Life Fitness Manifesto, and the birth of the Five F's
• (31:27) "No is a complete sentence": boundaries as filters
• (32:51) The four-walls-and-a-roof metaphor for the Five F's
• (34:15) Where to find Dai Manuel and his book

About Dai Manuel

Dai Manuel, known in the CrossFit world as "Coach Moose," is an award-winning digital thought leader, author, distinguished Toastmaster, and keynote speaker. He's a former partner and chief operating officer of a multimillion-dollar retail company, and the author of The Whole Life Fitness Manifesto, built on the Five F's framework he developed after what he describes as "15 years of me basically managing this emotional roller coaster with alcohol." He's based in Vancouver, Canada.

Connect with Dai on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram.

Favorite quotes "Change, if it was really easy, we'd all just be constantly changing." —Dai Manuel "My family was worth me giving up alcohol 15 years ago." —Dai Manuel "No is a complete sentence." —Dai Manuel Resources mentioned

• The Whole Life Fitness Manifesto: Dai Manuel's book, built around the Five F's framework discussed throughout the episode
• Dai Manuel on Facebook
• Dai Manuel on LinkedIn
• Dai Manuel on Instagram

Related episodes

• Say "No" Like It's Your Job! (Jennifer Schwytzer): another take on boundaries and saying no, from the people-pleasing side of the equation Dai talks about with his own Five F's filters.
• Vision Boards, Comedy, and Motivational Firewood (Steve Gamlin): a fellow guest from this same season on rebuilding a life from rock bottom, with a very different but equally hard-won framework.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

At 26, Falyn Morningstar was bloated, exhausted, losing her hair, and couldn't get a decent night's sleep no matter how many hours she logged. She went to her family physician. She went to her gynecologist. Both ran a basic blood panel, told her "you look good," and sent her home. Her labs were fine. She was not fine. That gap between "your numbers look normal" and "I feel awful" is where this whole conversation lives, and it's exactly the gap Falyn now spends her career closing as a certified Functional Diagnostic Nutrition (FDN) practitioner.

What made Falyn's story worth chasing down is where the trail led. Deeper testing (blood, saliva, stool) started connecting her physical symptoms to a pattern of emotional eating, and eventually to a childhood sexual trauma she had no conscious memory of until an image surfaced while reading a book years later. We talk about how a functional diagnostic nutrition test actually works, the three different reasons people emotionally eat, and somatic experiencing, the practice Falyn credits most for teaching her body it's safe now, decades after it decided it wasn't.

If you've ever been told your labs are fine while you feel anything but, or you've never quite been able to explain why food, sleep, or your own body feels like a battleground, this one's for you.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iab9Li3wkNQ

In this episode

• Why "your labs are fine" doesn't mean you're fine, and what Falyn's doctors missed at 26
• How functional diagnostic nutrition testing connects gut health, hormones, and mental health
• The three reasons behind emotional eating, and how to spot which one is driving yours
• How childhood sexual trauma can resurface decades later as insomnia, hair loss, and fatigue
• What somatic experiencing is, and how it teaches your body to feel safe again
• Why healing symptoms first can create the capacity to finally face the trauma underneath them

Timestamps

• (00:02) Welcome and intro: meet FDN practitioner Falyn Morningstar
• (02:10) The physical symptoms that started piling up at 26
• (04:05) Why her doctors said her labs were "fine" while she felt anything but
• (08:18) How emotional eating shows up, and the three reasons behind it
• (13:57) What a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition test actually reveals
• (20:25) Tracing physical symptoms back to childhood sexual trauma
• (26:15) Somatic experiencing: learning to sit with your emotions instead of numbing them
• (31:53) Where to find Falyn and how to book a free call

About Falyn Morningstar

Falyn Morningstar is a certified Functional Diagnostic Nutrition (FDN) practitioner who traced her own digestive discomfort, insomnia, fatigue, and hair loss back to missing pieces rooted in sexual trauma and emotional shutdown. She now guides curious, driven, health-minded women from feeling fatigued and disconnected to feeling vital, connected, and emotionally whole.

Reach her at [email protected], or book a free call through her Calendly.

Favorite quotes "It's completely common and you're never alone when things like that happen." —Falyn Morningstar "We need to get to know our nervous system... when we can get in touch with our body, we can get in touch with our nervous system, we can learn to reparent ourself and sit with those emotions." —Falyn Morningstar "I'm grateful for those experiences, because it made me who I am today, and it's allowing me to help other people as well." —Falyn Morningstar Resources mentioned

• [email protected]: email Falyn directly
• Falyn's Calendly: book a free call
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, referenced by Dana on the trauma-in-the-body connection

Related episodes

• The Role of MDMA in Treating PTSD: more on emerging approaches to healing trauma the body has held onto for years.
• From Abuse to Healing: A Journey of Strength: another guest's path from abuse to a fuller life.
• How Unresolved Trauma Is Ruling Your Life: for more on exactly what Falyn describes: trauma resurfacing decades after the fact.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

How do you actually eradicate stress instead of just managing it? Lori Saitz has been asking that question since she was working 60 to 70 hours a week outside Washington, DC, in a city she describes as full of people going "mach two with their hair on fire." Nobody there stops to ask if there's a different way to live. They just assume this is how life is. Lori found out otherwise, the hard way: she sacrificed her marriage to the hustle before she built what she now calls the sabbatical life, and the stress eradication practice she teaches clients today.

Lori launched the baking company Zen Rabbit back in 2003 (yes, home of the gratitude cookie) and now hosts the podcast Fine Is a Four Letter Word, a title that gets right to the point: how many of us say "I'm fine" when we are very much not fine? We get into why success without boundaries always costs you something (health, sanity, relationships, pick one), the "crab bucket" story about why some of your own friends will try to pull you back down when you start changing, and the two practices, gratitude and meditation, that Lori says actually move the needle on stress instead of just talking about it.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dk1Bliw68SE

In this episode

• Why chasing "success" the go-go-go way tends to cost you your health, your sanity, or your marriage
• How to tell if your calendar actually matches your stated values (spoiler: it usually doesn't)
• The "crab bucket" problem: why people who love you sometimes try to keep you exactly where you are
• The "but I'm grateful for" exercise Lori uses to shift out of complaining in real time
• Why high-performing leaders and athletes meditate, and what it actually rewires
• How gratitude and meditation combine to raise what Lori calls your energetic vibration

Timestamps

• (00:00) Welcome and intro: meet stress eradication expert Lori Saitz
• (02:38) The "sabbatical life," and why high achievers feel like they're drowning
• (05:28) What gets sacrificed when you live in go-go-go mode
• (08:42) Redefining success: the empty house at the end of the ladder
• (11:51) Aligning your calendar with your actual values
• (13:36) The role of intention: believing what you want is already possible
• (17:48) The "crab bucket" story: why some friends try to pull you back down
• (26:30) Gratitude as the highest energetic vibration, and the "but I'm grateful for" exercise
• (31:24) Why high performers meditate, and what it actually changes
• (34:09) Where to find Lori and her free guide to the sabbatical life

About Lori Saitz

Lori Saitz is a stress eradication expert who launched the baking company Zen Rabbit in 2003 and now helps clients get calm and grounded no matter what's going on around them. She's spoken at events including the Women in Technology Power Conference, Empowered Women International, and the Badass Business Summit, and hosts the podcast Fine Is a Four Letter Word.

Learn more, and grab her free guide, Five Easy Ways to Start Living a Sabbatical Life, at ZenRabbit.com.

Favorite quotes "They climbed the ladder, but was the ladder leaning against the right wall?" —Lori Saitz "Whatever you're looking for is going to show up to support your beliefs." —Lori Saitz "Get yourself around people who support your success... and support you when things aren't going right." —Lori Saitz Resources mentioned

• ZenRabbit.com: Lori's website, including her free guide, Five Easy Ways to Start Living a Sabbatical Life
• Fine Is a Four Letter Word: Lori's podcast
• The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakiani (Mindvalley), mentioned for its chapter on becoming "un-fuck-with-able"

Related episodes

• How Meditation Helped Blair Abee Heal After Losing His Job: another guest who leaned on meditation to rebuild after his whole life got upended.
• Yoga and Science: Meditation In The Real World: more on the research behind exactly what Lori describes meditation doing.
• Overcoming Burnout, Hustle Culture, and Redefining Success: for more on what "success" costs when it's built on hustle instead of values.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Who labels a first-grader "the worst child ever"? A school diagnostician did, after testing Lois Letchford's son Nicholas and finding he could read 10 words, had "no strengths," and a low IQ. He wet his pants at school. He bit his fingernails. He stared into space while his teacher shouted at him. And that label, Lois told me, is exactly the kind of thing that follows a kid for life, because once "can't learn" gets in your head, that's all you can do. So Lois, a physical education teacher with zero training in reading instruction, decided to teach her own son herself.

What she found is the heart of this episode: her first real attempt failed too, until a friend told her to put away what wasn't working and make learning fun. So she started writing poetry, one tiny illustrated rhyme at a time, "Mug on a Bug," "Windmill on a Hill," and Nicholas started smiling instead of shutting down. That poetry-first method became the foundation of Lois's literacy work; she went on to co-found a program teaching students with dyslexia to read and write, and Nicholas went on to earn a PhD in Applied Mathematics from Oxford. We talk about the word that broke his teacher's whole approach ("saw" has three meanings, and Nicholas only knew one), why "he's dumb" is almost never the real diagnosis, and what Lois wishes she'd told every terrified, shut-down reader sooner: you are a future rocket scientist.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdQNVyV8Y0U

In this episode

• Why a label like "the worst child ever" can follow a kid for life, and how Lois helped her son outgrow his
• The poetry trick that turned a terrified, shut-down reader into a curious one
• Why "he's dumb, that's why he can't read" is almost always the wrong diagnosis
• What Lois tells every struggling child instead: "you are a future rocket scientist"
• Why Nicholas, now with a PhD, still couldn't talk about first grade without crying 25 years later
• How to trade panic for living in the moment when your child isn't hitting the milestones everyone else's is

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet literacy specialist Lois Letchford
• (01:48) Who labeled her son "the worst child ever," and why
• (03:29) The poem that changed everything: "Captain Cook"
• (05:18) "He's the worst child I've seen in 20 years of teaching"
• (05:44) The word "saw," three meanings, and why the teacher missed the real problem
• (09:26) Nicholas, now with a PhD, breaks down trying to answer one question about first grade
• (12:25) What Lois tells young teachers: "you are a future rocket scientist"
• (19:22) The instinct that transformed Nicholas's life: solve the problem, don't accept the label
• (20:35) On mindset: how you see your child changes what your child can become
• (22:41) Learning to live in the moment instead of panicking about the gap
• (34:03) Where to find Lois and her memoir, Reversed

About Lois Letchford

Lois Letchford trained as a physical education teacher before her son Nicholas was diagnosed with a low IQ and labeled "the worst child" his teacher had seen in 20 years of teaching. She became a literacy specialist and co-founded a program teaching students with dyslexia to read and write. Nicholas went on to earn a PhD in Applied Mathematics from Oxford University. Lois is the author of Reversed, a Memoir, available on Amazon.

Learn more, or book a free call to talk through your own child's struggles, at LoisLetchford.com.

Favorite quotes "You take that little child who is absolutely struggling, you pull them close to you and you say, you are a future rocket scientist." —Lois Letchford "When we teach, we have the power to change our children's lives." —Lois Letchford "Our mindsets, how we see our children, it's critical to their future." —Lois Letchford Resources mentioned

• LoisLetchford.com: Lois's website, including a free Zoom call to talk through your child's reading struggles
• Reversed, a Memoir by Lois Letchford, available on Amazon

Related episodes

• I Get To Be Me! The Freedom of Inclusion: more on shedding the labels other people hand you, from a different angle.
• Finding Yourself: Ascension From Childhood Dysfunction: another guest untangling who she actually is from what she was told as a kid.
• How Unresolved Trauma Is Ruling Your Life: on why Nicholas, decades later and with a PhD, still couldn't talk about first grade without crying.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Her dad's funeral was on a Wednesday. Her divorce was finalized on a Friday. Same week. That's the kind of week that should flatten a person, and it's exactly what Rebecca Whitman was navigating when her financial planner looked at her across his desk and said, you've lost your dad and your marriage, and you're having your best financial year ever. You're coming in here looking radiant and healthy. Write a book. So she looked at her own life to figure out why she was still standing, and found her answer in what she now calls the seven pillars of abundance: spirituality, fitness, emotions, romance, mental, social, and financial.

Rebecca graduated with honors from Princeton, had small parts on shows like Friends and CSI, and eventually built a life coaching practice on the one thing she never expected to master: resilience. She's the author of three international bestsellers, was named Life Coach of the Year by the International Association of Top Professionals, and hosts the Balanced Abundant podcast. Now she mentors burned-out women to leave toxic relationships and magnetize their soulmate, and on this one we dig into why one or two pillars always lag behind the rest, how to build real faith in an area of life that scares you, and why your "no" never needs a justification.

By the end, you'll have Rebecca's rules for building a life (and a love life) where every pillar is doing its share of the work.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCFDqg3-CEk

In this episode

• The seven pillars of abundance that helped Rebecca stay standing the week her father died and her divorce finalized
• Why borrowing confidence from your strongest pillar can help fix the one that's falling apart
• How to build real faith in your finances (even in commission-only work) instead of white-knuckling every paycheck
• Why "no" doesn't need a justification, defense, or explanation
• The seven pillars of attraction: Rebecca's dating rules for magnetizing a soulmate instead of settling
• Why setting boundaries with someone who's struggling is an act of love, not abandonment

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet life coach Rebecca Whitman
• (01:42) The seven pillars of abundance, and how they came to be
• (04:57) Why one or two pillars always lag, and how to borrow strength from the pillar that's working
• (07:25) Faith in your finances: how belief, not more money, changes the picture
• (11:02) The three toughest pillars: fitness, romance, and finance
• (12:05) Body positivity, aging, and refusing to be "thrown out to pasture" at 50
• (20:51) Why you don't owe anyone an explanation for your boundaries
• (23:24) The Humpty Dumpty truth: nobody else can put you back together
• (25:53) What to say to someone who isn't ready to get help
• (29:43) The seven pillars of attraction, and how to magnetize your soulmate
• (32:00) Where to find Rebecca and her free Abundance Journal

About Rebecca Whitman

Rebecca Whitman graduated with honors from Princeton University and now mentors burned-out women to leave toxic relationships and magnetize their soulmate at any stage of life. She's the author of the international bestsellers Phenomenal Feminine Entrepreneurs, Business Life Universe, and How to Make a Six-Figure Income Working Part Time, was named Life Coach of the Year by the International Association of Top Professionals, and hosts the top 5% globally ranked Balanced Abundant podcast.

Learn more at RebeccaElizabethWhitman.com, or find her free Abundance Journal and current offers on her link tree.

Favorite quotes "When you set a boundary, don't justify, defend, or explain yourself, because you get to own your no's and own your boundaries." —Rebecca Whitman "Don't do anything out of fear, obligation, or guilt." —Rebecca Whitman "When you have these seven areas of life in alignment, you are balanced, beautiful, and abundant." —Rebecca Whitman Resources mentioned

• RebeccaElizabethWhitman.com: Rebecca's website
• Rebecca's link tree: her free Abundance Journal, courses, and offers, including her seven pillars of abundance program
• Phenomenal Feminine Entrepreneurs, Business Life Universe, and How to Make a Six-Figure Income Working Part Time: Rebecca's books

Related episodes

• Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: more on recognizing and leaving the relationships Rebecca coaches women out of.
• Journey To Success: Eradicating Stress with Lori Saitz: another guest whose framework starts with getting honest about your values and where your calendar actually goes.
• Trauma Impact: From Codependency to Self-Mastery: for more on the self-worth work behind Rebecca's "own your no" philosophy.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

How do you make meditation actually useful when your whole career just went up in flames? Blair Abee found out the hard way. Twenty-five years into a spotless career, he blew the whistle on an abusive boss who was mismanaging funds and terrorizing her staff. There was an investigation. She got fired. And then, for his trouble, so did he: labeled a "troublemaker" for the crime of being right. His income disappeared in one afternoon. So did the identity he'd spent 25 years building. That's the pile-of-ash moment this show is named for, and it's exactly where his meditation practice stopped being a hobby and became survival.

I've sat across from enough high achievers to know Blair's story isn't rare: the ego blow of losing the job that defined you, the terror of the blank space after. What makes Blair worth your time is what he did with that blank space. Forty years into a yoga and meditation practice, he went deeper than ever, started journaling for the first time in his life, and stumbled into what he calls "soul contact," a sense of a higher consciousness self standing right there with him. He built an entire method, HIC (Higher Consciousness) Meditation, and five books out of that discovery.

We talk about the courage it took to speak up in the first place, why "peace, be still" became his go-to phrase, and what to actually do when the thought of sitting still terrifies you more than the chaos does.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALubbpsMxh0

In this episode

• Why blowing the whistle on an abusive boss cost Blair his 25-year career, and how he found the courage to do it anyway
• How meditation and journaling turned a devastating job loss into contact with what Blair calls his "higher consciousness"
• Why stillness terrifies so many of us, and what to do when the scary thoughts show up the moment you slow down
• Blair's simple starting point for a meditation practice: one deep breath, held for "just a moment"
• Why he believes the crisis he never chose was exactly what he needed to change direction
• Where to find his five books, plus a free copy of The Mindfulness Book

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet meditation teacher Blair Abee
• (01:48) The abusive boss, the mismanaged funds, and the decision to blow the whistle
• (02:47) The investigation, the boss's firing, and Blair's own firing as a "troublemaker"
• (04:17) Diving into meditation and journaling as the job and income disappear
• (08:48) "I couldn't not do it": what it takes to have the courage to speak up
• (12:55) The "pile of ash" moment: meditation as a healing practice after job loss
• (13:57) Soul contact: discovering a "higher consciousness" self through journaling
• (20:26) Be still and know: stillness, scripture, and meeting your higher self
• (24:57) What to say to someone too scared to sit still with their own thoughts
• (31:09) You are worth your own time: starting with five minutes a day
• (33:46) Blair's five books and where to find his free resources

About Blair Abee

Blair Abee spent 25 years in business consulting before an abusive boss, and his choice to blow the whistle on her, cost him his job. He turned to meditation, journaling, and a 40-year yoga practice to rebuild, and developed what he calls Higher Consciousness (HIC) Meditation. He's the author of five books, including The Meditation Book, The Mindfulness Book, and The Manifestation Book.

Learn more, and grab a free copy of The Mindfulness Book, at hicmeditation.com.

Favorite quotes "My integrity, my everything said this is not right. It can't continue. I've got to do something about this." —Blair Abee "One of my frequent mindfulness phrases during the day is, peace be still." —Blair Abee "I'm convinced that we all create our own reality." —Blair Abee Resources mentioned

• Benefits of Meditation by Blair Abee
• The Meditation Book by Blair Abee
• The Mindfulness Book by Blair Abee
• The Manifestation Book by Blair Abee
• HICmeditation.com: Blair's website, home to his Higher Consciousness Meditation practice and a free copy of The Mindfulness Book

Related episodes

• Journey To Success: Eradicating Stress with Lori Saitz: another guest who leans on meditation (and gratitude) to pull herself out of go-go-go mode. A natural next listen if Blair's stillness practice resonated.
• Yoga and Science: Meditation In The Real World: for the skeptics, the research-backed case for exactly what Blair describes experiencing.
• Overcoming Burnout, Hustle Culture, and Redefining Success: more on rebuilding an identity after a career blows up, minus the whistleblowing.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Susan Gold remembers coming home from school one day and seeing her father's clothing flying out the second-floor window onto the front lawn. She raced to pick up each piece as fast as her mother could throw it down, trying to keep her father in the house, because she didn't think she'd survive without what she calls his "pseudo protection." That's the kind of chaos Susan grew up in as the middle child of five, and it's exactly the kind of toxic family story I wanted on Phoenix and Flame, because so many of my listeners are living some version of it right now.

Professionally, Susan Gold is the kind of name-dropper you actually believe: she attached celebrity talent to projects in New York and Los Angeles, talked Andy Warhol into an on-camera Pontiac commercial, helped launch Fox News Channel at Roger Ailes' request, and got Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Taylor Swift, and David Beckham interviewed by cartoon characters for Disney Channel. But the reason she's on this show is the book she wrote about what came before all of that, "Toxic Family: Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom," and the years of addiction, clinical depression, and narcissistic relationships that came after it.

We talk about the difference between forgiving your parents for what happened to them and still honoring what happened to you, why the "point one finger, three point back at you" axiom can trap empaths in abusive relationships, and how Susan finally learned to stop carrying weight that was never hers to carry. If you've ever felt like you had to be perfect to be safe, this conversation is for you.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-rj2AuUvUc

In this episode

• Why understanding where your parents came from doesn't cancel out your own experience of what they did
• How growing up in chaos and unpredictability teaches you to stay perfect, quiet, and constantly on guard
• Why "point one finger and three come back at you" can quietly trap an empath in a relationship with a narcissist
• The moment Susan's marriage ended, and the year-long "no eye contact, only in writing" period that followed
• How to stop carrying weight, guilt, and responsibility that was never yours to carry in the first place
• Why it can take a full decade of real work to heal from childhood trauma, and why that's not a failure

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Susan Gold, author of "Toxic Family"
• (04:16) Growing up the middle child of five in a toxic, competitive home
• (09:25) The three-year separation from her mother that started the unpeeling
• (13:03) The polished-cabinet story: trying to earn safety through perfection
• (16:31) Addiction, a decade of clinical depression, and getting real help
• (20:54) The "Saran Wrap" feeling: why authenticity felt too dangerous
• (23:24) Meeting her "Prince Charming," and the marriage that followed
• (25:23) The moment her ex-husband said, "I'm filing for divorce"
• (31:09) Why "point one finger and three come back at you" is a trap for empaths
• (34:46) Boundaries, the yard metaphor, and owning only what's actually yours
• (36:51) Where to find Susan and her retreats

About Susan Gold

Susan Gold is an author and talent producer whose career includes attaching celebrity talent to film and television projects in New York and Los Angeles, launching Fox News Channel at the request of Chair Roger Ailes, and securing A-list celebrities for Disney Channel's "Phineas and Ferb." She's also the author of "Toxic Family: Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom" and now leads retreats, webinars, workshops, and private sessions helping people drop outdated storylines and live from authentic freedom as adults.

Learn more at SusanGold.us.

Favorite quotes "There were very few scraps of authentic love doled out. And we fought like dogs to collect them." —Susan Gold "I would talk with friends about feeling like I was layered in Saran Wrap and I couldn't really connect authentically because it felt too dangerous." —Susan Gold "This is the universe doing for you what you cannot do for yourself." —Susan Gold, on the moment her marriage ended Resources mentioned

• SusanGold.us: Susan's website, retreats, webinars, workshops, and private sessions
• "Toxic Family: Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom" by Susan Gold

Related episodes

• Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: more on recognizing narcissistic dynamics and reclaiming your sense of self after them.
• Finding Yourself: Ascension From Childhood Dysfunction: another honest conversation about rebuilding identity after a chaotic childhood.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Adam Lucero went to a 2 p.m. movie by himself because he had four hours to kill in a city where he knew no one. He never saw it coming: a hard hit to the throat that he first mistook for a punch, then his arm, then his chest. By the time the lights came up, he was bleeding out on the theater floor, yelling at bystanders to call 911 while paramedics quizzed him on the president's name to keep him conscious. He woke up seven days later from a coma, six feet tall and 130 pounds, unable to walk, unable to eat without falling asleep at his plate, with the cognitive function of a four-year-old.

What Adam does with that story is the reason I wanted him on Phoenix and Flame. He had every reason, as I told him, to wrap himself in the victim cloak and wear it for the rest of his life. Instead, within a year of the attack, he ran a 4:59 mile. He talks about the moment he realized victimhood "wasn't benefiting my life in any way," the corporate job that felt like his soul being sucked out even after he'd fought so hard to get his body back, and the mindset work, energy science, and daily habits he now teaches as what he calls Superhuman performance.

We get into why spending time in total silence, no phone, no noise, is one of the most uncomfortable and most powerful things you can do for your mental health, how to actually kill procrastination instead of just feeling bad about it, and what it means to operate from commitment instead of emotion when you're trying to rebuild after trauma.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSkcsYyxfV8

In this episode

• How Adam survived being stabbed in the throat, arm, and chest in a movie theater, and the 7-day coma that followed
• Why choosing acceptance over the victim mentality, even when you have every reason to claim it, changes your trajectory
• How a single one-year goal took him from unable to walk to running a 4:59 mile
• Why a "great job" with good pay and real flexibility can still feel like your soul being sucked out, and what to do about it
• Why spending time in total silence, uncomfortable as it is, is one of the fastest paths to real growth
• The "mind linking" technique Adam uses to actually kill procrastination instead of just feeling guilty about it

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Adam Lucero
• (02:01) The 2016 movie-theater stabbing, in Adam's own words
• (05:49) Waking up from a 7-day coma, "living off tubes"
• (08:59) Choosing acceptance over the victim mentality
• (10:37) The one-year goal that turned into a 4:59 mile
• (15:16) Why wrapping yourself in the victim cloak doesn't serve you
• (18:52) Realizing a "great" job can still feel like your soul being sucked out
• (23:59) Why spending time in silence is the key to growth, and why it's so uncomfortable
• (28:02) Food, fasting, and using fat instead of carbs for stable energy
• (31:16) The "mind linking" technique for killing procrastination
• (36:31) Where to find Adam and SuperhumanCEO.com

About Adam Lucero

Adam Lucero is a performance coach who, after surviving a near-fatal stabbing in 2016 and a seven-day coma, rebuilt his physical and cognitive health from scratch and now helps entrepreneurs and driven professionals optimize their energy, focus, and mindset, work he calls Superhuman performance.

Learn more at SuperhumanCEO.com.

Favorite quotes "I told myself, in one year I'm going to be faster, I'm going to be stronger, and I'm just going to be happier than I was before." —Adam Lucero "It's not serving me. I'm not gonna do this anymore if it's not serving me." —Adam Lucero, on letting go of the victim mentality "Once you silence your mind, anxiety, depression, any internal turmoil will vanish from your life the instant you're actually fully present in the moment." —Adam Lucero Resources mentioned

• SuperhumanCEO.com: Adam's website, client results, and where to book a call with him or his team

Related episodes

• Victory Over Quadruple Amputation: Interview with Wendy Wallace: another conversation about rebuilding a body and an identity after a sudden, violent loss.
• From Rock Bottom to Mountain Top: Interview with Kevin Palmieri: more on choosing to rebuild instead of staying in the wreckage.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

A gentle note before you dive in: this conversation touches on suicide and addiction recovery. It's okay to pause, skip ahead, or come back to this one another time.

On the morning of June 8, 1988, Dave Albin woke up grossly addicted to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, in so much physical and emotional pain that he set out to end his own life. Then he thought about the three kids of the woman he was married to, and realized what he was about to do would take them down with him too. He couldn't do that. So he called Alcoholics Anonymous instead. That single decision to face fear rather than run from it eventually led him, years later, to a phone call from an AA buddy about a "fire walk," and then to twenty years as Tony Robbins' Firewalk Captain, training crowds of thousands to walk across 1,000-degree coals.

Dave is the founder of Firewalk Productions and, before that, spent almost two decades running the firewalk experience for Tony Robbins events worldwide, from Fortune 500 companies like Google and Microsoft to a world-record 12,300-person firewalk in London in 2005. His own story of getting sober, walking his first fire lane out of pure stubbornness (he didn't want to look like a coward in front of 3,500 chanting strangers), and building a career out of helping people step through fear instead of around it is one of the most direct "face it or it owns you" conversations I've had on this show.

We get into what facing fear actually does for anxiety and depression, why "the fears we don't face become our limits," and the story of a young man who'd lost both legs and firewalked on his hands, a moment Dave says showed him exactly why he was put on this earth.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Hecd0izLmQ

In this episode

• Why Dave says "fear has stolen so much" from him, and how facing it head-on changed the trajectory of his life
• The thousand-year global history of firewalking, and how Tony Robbins brought it to America
• How one call to Alcoholics Anonymous led to 35 years of continuous sobriety this June
• What actually happens physically and mentally when you walk across 1,000-degree coals (and why no one gets burned)
• How to face anxiety and depression when they feel like a gray fog you can't see past
• The moment a young man who'd lost both legs firewalked on his hands, and why Dave says that's when he knew his purpose

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet 20-year Tony Robbins Firewalk Captain Dave Albin
• (01:32) The thousand-year global history of firewalking, from India to the Indo-European warriors
• (06:02) Getting sober: "I woke up one morning and said, that's it, I'm done"
• (08:27) Finding Tony Robbins on an infomercial during a sleepless night
• (10:24) The first firewalk event: "Davey Boy's not gonna do that"
• (15:45) The stranger who talked him into just watching, then walking
• (19:06) Walking 1,000-degree coals and finding not one burn on either foot
• (23:49) From volunteer to Fire Walk Captain: 20 years with Tony Robbins, and a 2005 world record in London
• (29:49) "Fear is a liar": facing anxiety and depression instead of letting them become your jailer
• (31:45) The college athlete who lost both legs and firewalked on his hands
• (39:16) Where to find Dave and the Firewalk Academy

About Dave Albin

Dave Albin spent nearly 20 years working with Tony Robbins, becoming his Fire Walk Captain in 2003 and leading firewalks for crowds as large as 12,300 people. He founded Firewalk Productions in 2014 and now runs firewalk, glass walk, and board-break experiences for companies including Google, NASA, Notre Dame, Microsoft, and Heineken, along with his annual Firewalk Academy for people who want to bring the experience to their own organizations.

Learn more at FirewalkAdventures.com.

Favorite quotes "The fears I don't overcome are gonna become my limits." —Dave Albin "Face everything and rise, or forget everything and run." —Dave Albin "If I can do that, what else can I do?" —Dave Albin, on what firewalking teaches the kids he's trained Resources mentioned

• FirewalkAdventures.com: Dave's website, including the annual Dave Albin Firewalk Academy held every October
• Alcoholics Anonymous, and its 12 steps and 12 traditions

Related episodes

• Navigating Addiction, Recovery, and Sobriety with a Former Addict: another honest conversation about what it takes to get and stay sober.
• The Fear Trap: more on how fear keeps us stuck, and how to walk through it instead of around it.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Some people quit a job. Danielle Sunberg quit big law in one sentence she didn't even plan to say. She'd just helped her team win a trial against a $6 billion judgment, and the partner on the phone told her he'd see her back in the office in two weeks. She thought about her actual office, that glass fishbowl in Washington, D.C., her stomach tightened, and "I quit" flew out of her mouth before she'd decided to say it. If you've ever felt that same tightening walking toward a job that looks perfect on paper, this conversation is for you.

Danielle is a wellness entrepreneur, transformational coach, and keynote speaker, and a former corporate litigator who spent years doing everything she'd been taught would guarantee lifelong happiness: work hard, get the prestigious job, win the case. She had all of it and still felt misaligned, so she went looking for why, and turned that search into her book "Atlas of Being." We talk about the persona she'd built as a "big law DC attorney," why the risk of staying eventually outweighed the risk of leaving, and what she learned traveling to Thailand and Greece with no one around who knew her as anything but herself.

We also get into her idea of "empty words," the agreements we sign onto without meaning to, and how learning to hear your own inner voice, what she calls the space underneath your thoughts, is the real first step toward realignment. If you've been quietly building a life that looks right from the outside but feels wrong from the inside, Danielle's story is a good place to start questioning it.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evkA8FDBOJ4

In this episode

• Why "I quit" can fly out of your mouth before you've consciously decided to say it, and what that tells you
• How to tell when the risk of staying in a job has finally outweighed the risk of leaving it
• Why traveling somewhere no one knows your resume can help you peel away a persona you've outgrown
• The difference between having a thought and believing a thought, and why that distinction changes everything
• What "empty words" are (the agreements you never actually signed) and how to stop co-signing other people's expectations
• How to hear your own inner voice, or as Danielle calls it, "the space underneath our thoughts"

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet former Big Law attorney Danielle Sunberg
• (04:19) The trial, the $6 billion judgment, and the "I quit" that flew out before she planned it
• (08:20) The big-law-DC-attorney persona, and what it costs to keep it propped up
• (10:32) What opened up traveling to Thailand and Greece, where no one knew her old story
• (12:11) Why the risk of staying finally outweighed the risk of leaving
• (16:47) The frog-in-the-pot problem: how we stay in situations that keep getting a little hotter
• (19:09) The "space underneath our thoughts": learning to hear your own inner voice
• (25:29) The chicken-restaurant story in Thailand and the lesson in not projecting your framework onto others
• (30:36) The storm on the boat in Greece: two people, one experience, two totally different realities
• (34:27) "Empty words": the agreements we never actually signed
• (41:44) Where to find Danielle and her book, "Atlas of Being"

About Danielle Sunberg

Danielle Sunberg is a wellness entrepreneur, transformational coach, and keynote speaker. A former corporate litigator at an award-winning Washington, D.C. law firm, she left the profession after successfully defending a client at trial against a $6 billion judgment, and documented her journey of self-discovery in her book "Atlas of Being."

Learn more at DanielleSunberg.com.

Favorite quotes "Who we are in this moment does not need to be who we remain. Something strange happens in adulthood where we believe we are done becoming ourselves." —Danielle Sunberg, from "Atlas of Being" "The risk of staying at the law firm was higher for me than the risk of leaving, because I had reached my threshold of what I was willing to tolerate as far as suffering." —Danielle Sunberg "Empty words are things we say that we don't believe. They are the agreements that we don't sign, and they have no power." —Danielle Sunberg, from "Atlas of Being" Resources mentioned

• DanielleSunberg.com: Danielle's website
• "Atlas of Being" by Danielle Sunberg
• "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle
• "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz

Related episodes

• Why Your Midlife 'Crisis' Might Actually Be Burnout: another conversation about the body finally forcing a reckoning with a career that no longer fits, and what to do the moment you notice it.
• Overcoming Burnout, Hustle Culture, and Redefining Success: more on walking away from the version of success you were told to want.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz