Phoenix and Flame Podcast

If somebody looked up the definition of a people-pleaser, they would have found a picture of Jennifer Schwytzer. That's how she describes her old self, seventeen years deep into a career as a licensed social worker, giving and giving until, in her words, "you have nothing left for you." The wake-up call was simple and brutal: if you're not first, you're last.

Jennifer is a certified life coach and founder of Kindfulness Coaching, where she helps professional women trade chronic stress and overwhelm for boundaries that actually stick. We talk about why women in particular get conditioned to hold back, the friends she lost the moment she started saying no, and how she figured out who in her life was a cheerleader for her growth versus who was just watching from the sidelines.

We also get into what burnout actually feels like day to day (hint: it's quieter and sneakier than you'd think), how to tell it apart from depression, and why "priorities," not "goals," is the word she starts every client with.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrXastXQbLk

In this episode

• Why "if you're not first, you're last" became the wake-up call that ended seventeen years of people-pleasing
• The friends she lost the moment she started setting boundaries, and how she figured out who was actually in her corner
• What burnout actually feels like day to day, and how it's different from depression
• Why she starts every client with "priorities," not "goals"
• The idea behind Kindfulness Coaching: being kind to yourself first, mistakes and all
• The line she draws with family: open to feedback, not to criticism of her choices

Timestamps

• (00:04) Welcome and meet Jennifer Schwytzer, founder of Kindfulness Coaching
• (01:26) "If somebody looked up the definition of a people-pleaser..."
• (02:42) Seventeen years to unlearn people-pleasing, and why it doesn't happen overnight
• (04:05) Why women, specifically, struggle to take up space
• (09:05) Learning to advocate for yourself, one small realization at a time
• (11:07) The pushback that comes with new boundaries, and the friends she lost
• (14:03) How to tell who your real friends are once you start setting limits
• (17:50) Her husband's simple "cool, let's do it" when she told him she wanted to be a life coach
• (21:49) Launching Kindfulness Coaching: being kind to yourself first
• (25:14) Starting with "priorities," not "goals," in her coaching practice
• (27:33) What burnout actually feels like, day to day
• (29:33) Burnout vs. depression: how to tell the difference
• (31:24) Where to find Jennifer Schwytzer and Kindfulness Coaching

About Jennifer Schwytzer

Jennifer Schwytzer is a certified life coach and founder of Kindfulness Coaching, helping professional women ditch chronic stress, overwhelm, and burnout to restore calm, productive order to their lives. She brings 17 years of experience as a licensed master social worker, has been featured on podcasts including Rochester Business Connections and Getting Real with Bossy, has won the award for excellence in outstanding social work from the University of Rochester Medical Center, and continues to provide mental health education through partnerships with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Cornell University.

Learn more at KindfulnessCoaching.com.

Favorite quotes "If you're not first, you're last." —Jennifer Schwytzer "It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to not have the best ideas or the best decisions all the time." —Jennifer Schwytzer "There was no passion left. There was no joy in the work that I was doing." —Jennifer Schwytzer, on what burnout felt like Resources mentioned

• KindfulnessCoaching.com

Related episodes

• People-Pleasing and the Sticky Rope: a direct companion piece on why people-pleasing takes hold and how to work your way loose.
• Change Is Possible! Dai Manuel and the Five F's: another guest's take on "no is a complete sentence," from the other side of the boundaries conversation.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Three dollars in his pocket. A driving range. A severe thunderstorm rolling in, real lightning and all. Everyone else ran for cover. Steve Gamlin stayed, hitting bucket after bucket of golf balls, his own plus two abandoned ones, naming every shot after something in his life he was furious about. At one point he held up his club to the sky and said, "I dare you." Nothing happened. He finished the bucket. When he got to his car he could barely lift his arms; when he put his key in the door, the rain stopped and the sun came out. That's rock bottom, motivational-speaker style, and it's exactly where Steve Gamlin was at 35: radio career gone (fired twice when the stations he worked for got sold), marriage over, $62,000 in debt, living at his dad's house.

Now in his 18th year as what he calls "the motivational firewood guy," Steve is a stand-up comedian, author, and keynote speaker who built his second act out of that storm. We talk about the phone call the next morning that changed everything, his brand-new life coach's blunt question, "have you ever thought about being a motivational speaker?", the spelling-bee humiliation at 13 that quietly cost him two decades of confidence, and the goofy mirror exercise, writing down one thing you like about yourself every morning, that he still uses with his own clients today.

Stick around for how a vision board, and one very specific sentence written down in June of 2007, led him to the woman he'd had a crush on in high school math class... and to sixteen years of marriage since.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htfVPAQ7oC4

In this episode

• Losing his radio career twice, his marriage, and $62,000 to debt by 35, and what rock bottom actually felt like
• The severe thunderstorm, a bucket of golf balls, and the moment that became his signature stage story
• Why a life coach's question, "have you ever thought about being a motivational speaker?", changed everything the very next morning
• The spelling-bee humiliation at 13 that quietly cost him two decades of confidence
• The one-week mirror exercise that rebuilds self-talk from scratch (and why "my socks match" counts on day one)
• How a vision board and one written sentence led him to his wife of 16 years

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet Steve Gamlin, "the motivational firewood guy"
• (02:12) Where "Some Days Your Phoenix Rides a Pogo Stick" comes from
• (04:14) Losing radio jobs twice, $62,000 in debt, and moving back into his dad's house at 35
• (09:43) Hitting golf balls, and two strangers' abandoned buckets, in a severe thunderstorm
• (11:08) "I dare you": holding up his club to the storm
• (11:59) The phone call the next morning that changed his life
• (14:21) "We're not going to be brothers anymore": the friend who ended his self-deprecating act
• (14:51) The mirror exercise: writing down one thing you like about yourself, every morning
• (17:35) The spelling-bee humiliation at 13 that cost him his confidence for 20 years
• (19:12) Volunteering for the morning radio show he'd never actually been on air for
• (24:01) Discovering The Secret, vision boards, and John Assaraf's three-minute segment
• (24:01) Writing "I am ready to fall in love," and the email from Tina 10 days later
• (30:43) The eight-spoke life wheel, and why physical health impacts everything else
• (34:11) Where to find Steve Gamlin

About Steve Gamlin

Steve Gamlin is a motivational speaker, stand-up comedian, and author now in his 18th year as what he calls "the motivational firewood guy," sharing a back-to-basics blend of positivity and humor with corporate and conference audiences around the country. After losing his radio career, his first marriage, and his financial stability at 35, he rebuilt his life around vision boards and what he calls his eight-spoke "life wheel."

Learn more at SteveGamlin.com.

Favorite quotes "I dare you." —Steve Gamlin, holding up his golf club to a thunderstorm "You're better than that. And if you don't build yourself up, or at least acknowledge yourself and respect yourself in the mirror, how the hell can you expect anyone else to? You can't." —Steve Gamlin "I am ready to fall in love." —Steve Gamlin, written down in the first week of June 2007 Resources mentioned

• SteveGamlin.com
• The Secret: the film that introduced Steve to vision boards, watched nine Sunday nights in a row
• John Assaraf's vision board segment in The Secret, the specific part that stuck with him

Related episodes

• Change Is Possible! Dai Manuel and the Five F's: another guest from this same season rebuilding a life around resilience and a values-based framework.
• From Suicide Plans to 20 Years as Tony Robbins' Firewalk Captain (Dave Albin): another rock-bottom-to-motivational-speaker journey, for anyone who needed two of these back to back.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

A gentle note before you dive in: this conversation touches on childhood sexual abuse. It's okay to pause, skip ahead, or come back to this one another time.

Four years old, standing next to his closet, Marshall Zweig manages one sentence to his father: "Daddy, I feel sad." His father's response: "Don't be sad, son. There are people in wheelchairs." That single exchange, after sexual trauma at the hands of his paternal grandmother, taught a four-year-old to smile on the outside no matter what was happening on the inside, a survival skill that cost him decades and, by his own count, hundreds of thousands of dollars to undo.

Marshall is a trauma-informed relationship coach and the creator of Truth-Empowered Relationships, a method built from his own years-long climb out of gaslighting, first with his mother, then in his marriage, into relationships he now describes as thriving. We talk about the difference between forgiveness and simply allowing someone to keep hurting you, the exact sentence, "I don't like the way you're talking to me," that could have changed the trajectory of an entire family, and why he says raising your voice is really just a mistranslated way of saying "I'm angry."

If gaslighting or a hard-to-untangle family relationship is on your mind right now, this one gives you language for it, and permission to stop tolerating what you don't have to.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUqniUySIy0

In this episode

• Why "daddy, I feel sad" became the sentence that shaped decades of silence, and how Marshall finally broke it
• The real difference between forgiveness and just allowing someone to keep hurting you
• The exact sentence that can interrupt a gaslighting cycle: "I don't like the way you're talking to me"
• How to tell the difference between someone who won't change and someone who's actually receptive
• Why raising your voice is really a mistranslated way of saying "I'm angry," and what to say instead
• How Marshall rebuilt trust with his mother after years of gaslighting, one honest conversation at a time

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet Marshall Zweig, survivor turned trauma-informed coach
• (02:41) Truth-Empowered Relationships: why Marshall chose coaching over traditional therapy
• (06:10) Sexual trauma at four, and the father who said "don't be sad, there are people in wheelchairs"
• (08:47) Growing up with two selves: the smiling one outside, the one underneath
• (10:44) The office stairwell moment in his early 30s that started his healing
• (13:32) The energy chiropractor session and "I reluctantly accept my incarnation"
• (15:07) How unprocessed trauma quietly reshapes your closest relationships
• (18:02) Forgiveness versus allowance: where the boundary line actually is
• (18:42) The heroic example: four hard conversations that repaired his relationship with his mother
• (25:23) Tolerance, and why being "good at tolerating" can work against you
• (29:06) Recognizing a lion by its roar, not its breath (Marshall, quoting Peter Levine)
• (35:03) Truth-Empowered Relationships as a "book of love," and where to find Marshall

About Marshall Zweig

Marshall Zweig is a trauma-informed relationship coach and the creator of Truth-Empowered Relationships, a method for helping couples and families become "each other's healers." His resensitization therapy technique is a recognized modality with the International Association of Therapists. A survivor of sexual, emotional, and psychological trauma, he spent decades and, by his own account, hundreds of thousands of dollars rebuilding his ability to feel and trust again, work that transformed his relationships with both his wife and his mother.

Learn more at MarshallZweig.com.

Favorite quotes "I don't like the way you're talking to me." —Marshall Zweig, on the sentence he teaches clients to interrupt disrespect "You recognize a lion by its roar, you're safe. You recognize a lion by its breath, you're lunch." —Marshall Zweig, quoting Peter Levine "You say 'I'm angry' when you're angry, and you watch the transformation in your life." —Marshall Zweig Resources mentioned

• MarshallZweig.com: home to Marshall's Truth-Empowered Relationships method
• Truth-Empowered Relationships: Marshall's forthcoming book, described in the episode as a "book of love"
• Resensitization therapy: Marshall's technique, a recognized modality with the International Association of Therapists

Related episodes

• Surviving Gaslighters and Manipulators: a direct companion piece on recognizing and responding to gaslighting.
• Healing From Narcissistic Abuse (Nikki LaCroce): more on rebuilding trust and boundaries after manipulation within close relationships.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

A few days after her 40th birthday, Rachel Lavin found herself alone at the gym, standing in front of a mirror, and she just started crying. Not because she hated what she saw. Because for the first time in decades she was seeing a whole person: a woman who was, in her own words, "beautiful, was smart, was funny, was all the things that up until that point, I just didn't think I was." That's the moment that cracked open thirty years of body image struggles and restrictive dieting, and it's the story behind her book The Doughnut Diaries.

Rachel is a certified personal trainer, certified health coach, and body-love educator who has spent her career teaching everything from Jazzercise to Central Park boot camps to corporate chair-stretch classes. But even at a size zero, after dropping 50 pounds in front of her entire gym during what she calls "a stupid 90-day challenge," she was miserable. We talk about why the number on the scale was never the actual problem, the hard boundary she set around who gets an opinion on her body ("It's my body. It's mine. It's not theirs."), and her three pillars of fitness: nourishment, movement, and rest.

If you've spent your whole life waiting to feel confident before you'll accept your own body, this conversation flips that order, and gives you somewhere to actually start.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR7SN-081Os

In this episode

• Why the number on the scale was never the real problem, even at a size zero
• The mirror moment, days after turning 40, that ended thirty years of body-image struggle
• How to set a hard boundary around who gets an opinion on your body
• Her three pillars of fitness: nourishment, movement, and rest (and why "rest" doesn't mean the couch)
• Why confidence has to come before the "perfect body," not after

Timestamps

• (00:05) Welcome and meet Rachel Lavin, author of The Doughnut Diaries
• (01:49) From Jazzercise to Central Park boot camps: Rachel's fitness career
• (03:39) Realizing at 11 that her body was "just different"
• (05:20) The mirror exercise, and why so many of us can't stand to look
• (11:37) The mural analogy: stepping back to see your whole self
• (13:10) The 40th-birthday mirror moment that changed everything
• (16:40) Setting a hard boundary: "My body is none of your business"
• (20:08) Losing 50 pounds in front of the whole gym, and still being miserable
• (22:15) Gender and body image: do men carry it the same way?
• (30:44) Rachel's three pillars of fitness: nourishment, movement, rest
• (33:06) Where to find Rachel Lavin and The Doughnut Diaries

About Rachel Lavin

Rachel Lavin is a certified personal trainer, certified health coach, professional speaker, and body-love educator. She's the author of The Doughnut Diaries (2020), which chronicles her more than 30-year struggle with weight and restrictive dieting. Originally from Northern California, she's lived in Hawaii, Washington, Oregon, and New York City, and now lives in Greenville, South Carolina, with her partner.

Learn more at Rachel Lavin Wellness, and find The Doughnut Diaries on Amazon.

Favorite quotes "I don't have a body that just stays naturally thin if I don't move, if I don't eat well." —Rachel Lavin "It's my body. It's mine. It's not theirs." —Rachel Lavin "I'm not even going to use the word 'perfect body,' because I promise you, ladies, there is no such thing." —Rachel Lavin Resources mentioned

• The Doughnut Diaries: Rachel Lavin's book, available on Amazon
• RachelLavinWellness.com

Related episodes

• Food, Love, Hate, and Your Body (Shelley Loving): another guest's journey through a complicated relationship with food and body, pairing well with Rachel's own decades-long story.
• Transforming Body, Mind, and Spirit (Jennifer Pilates): more on movement and self-acceptance as a whole-person practice, not just a physical one.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Picture a fifteen-year-old boy cranking the shower scalding hot right before he gets out, on purpose, so the mirror fogs over and he never has to see himself. That was Dai Manuel's daily trick for years, until the one morning he got rushed and looked anyway. He didn't recognize the kid staring back. That's the moment my guest points to as where change is possible actually started for him: not five years of weight gain undone in a flash, but an ugly, cathartic cry in front of a bathroom mirror that turned into twenty months of small, boring, unglamorous bites forward.

You might know Dai as "Coach Moose" in CrossFit circles, a nickname earned during a brutal intro workout that left him dry-heaving against a chain-link fence. He went on to become an award-winning speaker, author, and former partner and COO of a multimillion-dollar retail company. But the resume isn't why he's on Phoenix and Flame. It's because underneath it he spent fifteen years, in his own words, "managing this emotional roller coaster with alcohol," propping up a persona he calls "fun guy Dai," until his wife asked him one question that ended it: "Are you being the type of man that you would want to marry your daughters?" We get into what actually gets someone through the work of real change (hint: it's rarely dramatic), and the Five F's, Fitness, Faith, Family, Finances, with an overarching roof of Fun, that he now uses as a filter for every yes and no in his life.

If you've ever wanted permission to say no without an essay of excuses attached, Dai's got a phrase for you: "No is a complete sentence." Stick around for how a boy who avoided cameras for years built a life, and a framework, sturdy enough to weather anything.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J6Eu_ZLQA8

In this episode

• Why change feels like being chased by a boulder (Dai's Raiders of the Lost Ark metaphor), and how to stop running from it
• The brutal CrossFit test that gave Dai Manuel his "Coach Moose" nickname, and why leveling up almost always feels like hell in the moment
• How a fifteen-year-old's foggy shower mirror led to a twenty-month, small-bites transformation
• The question his wife asked that finally got him to give up alcohol: "Are you the type of man you'd want to marry your daughters?"
• How the Five F's, Fitness, Faith, Family, Finances, with Fun as the roof, work as filters for every decision
• Why "no is a complete sentence," and how boundaries became the foundation of his resilience

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet Dai Manuel, aka "Coach Moose"
• (03:19) Where the "Coach Moose" nickname came from (CrossFit's brutal intro test)
• (06:56) Why change is so hard, and the resilience skill we already have
• (09:52) Dana's promise to never quit, and the "pain threshold" for change
• (12:27) Pain, fear, and being more afraid of staying the same
• (14:00) Roots of the weight gain: his parents' divorce, and finding comfort in food and screens
• (16:52) The foggy shower-mirror trick, and the day he finally looked
• (18:17) "Dad, I want to get healthy": the mountain bike and the 20-month climb
• (21:27) The struggle of the juggle: ego, drinking, and the "fun guy Dai" persona
• (26:13) His wife's question that changed everything: "Are you the type of man you'd want to marry your daughters?"
• (29:27) Committing past year one, now in his 14th year alcohol-free
• (30:33) Sunday Funday, The Whole Life Fitness Manifesto, and the birth of the Five F's
• (31:27) "No is a complete sentence": boundaries as filters
• (32:51) The four-walls-and-a-roof metaphor for the Five F's
• (34:15) Where to find Dai Manuel and his book

About Dai Manuel

Dai Manuel, known in the CrossFit world as "Coach Moose," is an award-winning digital thought leader, author, distinguished Toastmaster, and keynote speaker. He's a former partner and chief operating officer of a multimillion-dollar retail company, and the author of The Whole Life Fitness Manifesto, built on the Five F's framework he developed after what he describes as "15 years of me basically managing this emotional roller coaster with alcohol." He's based in Vancouver, Canada.

Connect with Dai on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram.

Favorite quotes "Change, if it was really easy, we'd all just be constantly changing." —Dai Manuel "My family was worth me giving up alcohol 15 years ago." —Dai Manuel "No is a complete sentence." —Dai Manuel Resources mentioned

• The Whole Life Fitness Manifesto: Dai Manuel's book, built around the Five F's framework discussed throughout the episode
• Dai Manuel on Facebook
• Dai Manuel on LinkedIn
• Dai Manuel on Instagram

Related episodes

• Say "No" Like It's Your Job! (Jennifer Schwytzer): another take on boundaries and saying no, from the people-pleasing side of the equation Dai talks about with his own Five F's filters.
• Vision Boards, Comedy, and Motivational Firewood (Steve Gamlin): a fellow guest from this same season on rebuilding a life from rock bottom, with a very different but equally hard-won framework.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

At 26, Falyn Morningstar was bloated, exhausted, losing her hair, and couldn't get a decent night's sleep no matter how many hours she logged. She went to her family physician. She went to her gynecologist. Both ran a basic blood panel, told her "you look good," and sent her home. Her labs were fine. She was not fine. That gap between "your numbers look normal" and "I feel awful" is where this whole conversation lives, and it's exactly the gap Falyn now spends her career closing as a certified Functional Diagnostic Nutrition (FDN) practitioner.

What made Falyn's story worth chasing down is where the trail led. Deeper testing (blood, saliva, stool) started connecting her physical symptoms to a pattern of emotional eating, and eventually to a childhood sexual trauma she had no conscious memory of until an image surfaced while reading a book years later. We talk about how a functional diagnostic nutrition test actually works, the three different reasons people emotionally eat, and somatic experiencing, the practice Falyn credits most for teaching her body it's safe now, decades after it decided it wasn't.

If you've ever been told your labs are fine while you feel anything but, or you've never quite been able to explain why food, sleep, or your own body feels like a battleground, this one's for you.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iab9Li3wkNQ

In this episode

• Why "your labs are fine" doesn't mean you're fine, and what Falyn's doctors missed at 26
• How functional diagnostic nutrition testing connects gut health, hormones, and mental health
• The three reasons behind emotional eating, and how to spot which one is driving yours
• How childhood sexual trauma can resurface decades later as insomnia, hair loss, and fatigue
• What somatic experiencing is, and how it teaches your body to feel safe again
• Why healing symptoms first can create the capacity to finally face the trauma underneath them

Timestamps

• (00:02) Welcome and intro: meet FDN practitioner Falyn Morningstar
• (02:10) The physical symptoms that started piling up at 26
• (04:05) Why her doctors said her labs were "fine" while she felt anything but
• (08:18) How emotional eating shows up, and the three reasons behind it
• (13:57) What a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition test actually reveals
• (20:25) Tracing physical symptoms back to childhood sexual trauma
• (26:15) Somatic experiencing: learning to sit with your emotions instead of numbing them
• (31:53) Where to find Falyn and how to book a free call

About Falyn Morningstar

Falyn Morningstar is a certified Functional Diagnostic Nutrition (FDN) practitioner who traced her own digestive discomfort, insomnia, fatigue, and hair loss back to missing pieces rooted in sexual trauma and emotional shutdown. She now guides curious, driven, health-minded women from feeling fatigued and disconnected to feeling vital, connected, and emotionally whole.

Reach her at [email protected], or book a free call through her Calendly.

Favorite quotes "It's completely common and you're never alone when things like that happen." —Falyn Morningstar "We need to get to know our nervous system... when we can get in touch with our body, we can get in touch with our nervous system, we can learn to reparent ourself and sit with those emotions." —Falyn Morningstar "I'm grateful for those experiences, because it made me who I am today, and it's allowing me to help other people as well." —Falyn Morningstar Resources mentioned

• [email protected]: email Falyn directly
• Falyn's Calendly: book a free call
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, referenced by Dana on the trauma-in-the-body connection

Related episodes

• The Role of MDMA in Treating PTSD: more on emerging approaches to healing trauma the body has held onto for years.
• From Abuse to Healing: A Journey of Strength: another guest's path from abuse to a fuller life.
• How Unresolved Trauma Is Ruling Your Life: for more on exactly what Falyn describes: trauma resurfacing decades after the fact.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

How do you actually eradicate stress instead of just managing it? Lori Saitz has been asking that question since she was working 60 to 70 hours a week outside Washington, DC, in a city she describes as full of people going "mach two with their hair on fire." Nobody there stops to ask if there's a different way to live. They just assume this is how life is. Lori found out otherwise, the hard way: she sacrificed her marriage to the hustle before she built what she now calls the sabbatical life, and the stress eradication practice she teaches clients today.

Lori launched the baking company Zen Rabbit back in 2003 (yes, home of the gratitude cookie) and now hosts the podcast Fine Is a Four Letter Word, a title that gets right to the point: how many of us say "I'm fine" when we are very much not fine? We get into why success without boundaries always costs you something (health, sanity, relationships, pick one), the "crab bucket" story about why some of your own friends will try to pull you back down when you start changing, and the two practices, gratitude and meditation, that Lori says actually move the needle on stress instead of just talking about it.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dk1Bliw68SE

In this episode

• Why chasing "success" the go-go-go way tends to cost you your health, your sanity, or your marriage
• How to tell if your calendar actually matches your stated values (spoiler: it usually doesn't)
• The "crab bucket" problem: why people who love you sometimes try to keep you exactly where you are
• The "but I'm grateful for" exercise Lori uses to shift out of complaining in real time
• Why high-performing leaders and athletes meditate, and what it actually rewires
• How gratitude and meditation combine to raise what Lori calls your energetic vibration

Timestamps

• (00:00) Welcome and intro: meet stress eradication expert Lori Saitz
• (02:38) The "sabbatical life," and why high achievers feel like they're drowning
• (05:28) What gets sacrificed when you live in go-go-go mode
• (08:42) Redefining success: the empty house at the end of the ladder
• (11:51) Aligning your calendar with your actual values
• (13:36) The role of intention: believing what you want is already possible
• (17:48) The "crab bucket" story: why some friends try to pull you back down
• (26:30) Gratitude as the highest energetic vibration, and the "but I'm grateful for" exercise
• (31:24) Why high performers meditate, and what it actually changes
• (34:09) Where to find Lori and her free guide to the sabbatical life

About Lori Saitz

Lori Saitz is a stress eradication expert who launched the baking company Zen Rabbit in 2003 and now helps clients get calm and grounded no matter what's going on around them. She's spoken at events including the Women in Technology Power Conference, Empowered Women International, and the Badass Business Summit, and hosts the podcast Fine Is a Four Letter Word.

Learn more, and grab her free guide, Five Easy Ways to Start Living a Sabbatical Life, at ZenRabbit.com.

Favorite quotes "They climbed the ladder, but was the ladder leaning against the right wall?" —Lori Saitz "Whatever you're looking for is going to show up to support your beliefs." —Lori Saitz "Get yourself around people who support your success... and support you when things aren't going right." —Lori Saitz Resources mentioned

• ZenRabbit.com: Lori's website, including her free guide, Five Easy Ways to Start Living a Sabbatical Life
• Fine Is a Four Letter Word: Lori's podcast
• The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakiani (Mindvalley), mentioned for its chapter on becoming "un-fuck-with-able"

Related episodes

• How Meditation Helped Blair Abee Heal After Losing His Job: another guest who leaned on meditation to rebuild after his whole life got upended.
• Yoga and Science: Meditation In The Real World: more on the research behind exactly what Lori describes meditation doing.
• Overcoming Burnout, Hustle Culture, and Redefining Success: for more on what "success" costs when it's built on hustle instead of values.

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If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Who labels a first-grader "the worst child ever"? A school diagnostician did, after testing Lois Letchford's son Nicholas and finding he could read 10 words, had "no strengths," and a low IQ. He wet his pants at school. He bit his fingernails. He stared into space while his teacher shouted at him. And that label, Lois told me, is exactly the kind of thing that follows a kid for life, because once "can't learn" gets in your head, that's all you can do. So Lois, a physical education teacher with zero training in reading instruction, decided to teach her own son herself.

What she found is the heart of this episode: her first real attempt failed too, until a friend told her to put away what wasn't working and make learning fun. So she started writing poetry, one tiny illustrated rhyme at a time, "Mug on a Bug," "Windmill on a Hill," and Nicholas started smiling instead of shutting down. That poetry-first method became the foundation of Lois's literacy work; she went on to co-found a program teaching students with dyslexia to read and write, and Nicholas went on to earn a PhD in Applied Mathematics from Oxford. We talk about the word that broke his teacher's whole approach ("saw" has three meanings, and Nicholas only knew one), why "he's dumb" is almost never the real diagnosis, and what Lois wishes she'd told every terrified, shut-down reader sooner: you are a future rocket scientist.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdQNVyV8Y0U

In this episode

• Why a label like "the worst child ever" can follow a kid for life, and how Lois helped her son outgrow his
• The poetry trick that turned a terrified, shut-down reader into a curious one
• Why "he's dumb, that's why he can't read" is almost always the wrong diagnosis
• What Lois tells every struggling child instead: "you are a future rocket scientist"
• Why Nicholas, now with a PhD, still couldn't talk about first grade without crying 25 years later
• How to trade panic for living in the moment when your child isn't hitting the milestones everyone else's is

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet literacy specialist Lois Letchford
• (01:48) Who labeled her son "the worst child ever," and why
• (03:29) The poem that changed everything: "Captain Cook"
• (05:18) "He's the worst child I've seen in 20 years of teaching"
• (05:44) The word "saw," three meanings, and why the teacher missed the real problem
• (09:26) Nicholas, now with a PhD, breaks down trying to answer one question about first grade
• (12:25) What Lois tells young teachers: "you are a future rocket scientist"
• (19:22) The instinct that transformed Nicholas's life: solve the problem, don't accept the label
• (20:35) On mindset: how you see your child changes what your child can become
• (22:41) Learning to live in the moment instead of panicking about the gap
• (34:03) Where to find Lois and her memoir, Reversed

About Lois Letchford

Lois Letchford trained as a physical education teacher before her son Nicholas was diagnosed with a low IQ and labeled "the worst child" his teacher had seen in 20 years of teaching. She became a literacy specialist and co-founded a program teaching students with dyslexia to read and write. Nicholas went on to earn a PhD in Applied Mathematics from Oxford University. Lois is the author of Reversed, a Memoir, available on Amazon.

Learn more, or book a free call to talk through your own child's struggles, at LoisLetchford.com.

Favorite quotes "You take that little child who is absolutely struggling, you pull them close to you and you say, you are a future rocket scientist." —Lois Letchford "When we teach, we have the power to change our children's lives." —Lois Letchford "Our mindsets, how we see our children, it's critical to their future." —Lois Letchford Resources mentioned

• LoisLetchford.com: Lois's website, including a free Zoom call to talk through your child's reading struggles
• Reversed, a Memoir by Lois Letchford, available on Amazon

Related episodes

• I Get To Be Me! The Freedom of Inclusion: more on shedding the labels other people hand you, from a different angle.
• Finding Yourself: Ascension From Childhood Dysfunction: another guest untangling who she actually is from what she was told as a kid.
• How Unresolved Trauma Is Ruling Your Life: on why Nicholas, decades later and with a PhD, still couldn't talk about first grade without crying.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Her dad's funeral was on a Wednesday. Her divorce was finalized on a Friday. Same week. That's the kind of week that should flatten a person, and it's exactly what Rebecca Whitman was navigating when her financial planner looked at her across his desk and said, you've lost your dad and your marriage, and you're having your best financial year ever. You're coming in here looking radiant and healthy. Write a book. So she looked at her own life to figure out why she was still standing, and found her answer in what she now calls the seven pillars of abundance: spirituality, fitness, emotions, romance, mental, social, and financial.

Rebecca graduated with honors from Princeton, had small parts on shows like Friends and CSI, and eventually built a life coaching practice on the one thing she never expected to master: resilience. She's the author of three international bestsellers, was named Life Coach of the Year by the International Association of Top Professionals, and hosts the Balanced Abundant podcast. Now she mentors burned-out women to leave toxic relationships and magnetize their soulmate, and on this one we dig into why one or two pillars always lag behind the rest, how to build real faith in an area of life that scares you, and why your "no" never needs a justification.

By the end, you'll have Rebecca's rules for building a life (and a love life) where every pillar is doing its share of the work.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCFDqg3-CEk

In this episode

• The seven pillars of abundance that helped Rebecca stay standing the week her father died and her divorce finalized
• Why borrowing confidence from your strongest pillar can help fix the one that's falling apart
• How to build real faith in your finances (even in commission-only work) instead of white-knuckling every paycheck
• Why "no" doesn't need a justification, defense, or explanation
• The seven pillars of attraction: Rebecca's dating rules for magnetizing a soulmate instead of settling
• Why setting boundaries with someone who's struggling is an act of love, not abandonment

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet life coach Rebecca Whitman
• (01:42) The seven pillars of abundance, and how they came to be
• (04:57) Why one or two pillars always lag, and how to borrow strength from the pillar that's working
• (07:25) Faith in your finances: how belief, not more money, changes the picture
• (11:02) The three toughest pillars: fitness, romance, and finance
• (12:05) Body positivity, aging, and refusing to be "thrown out to pasture" at 50
• (20:51) Why you don't owe anyone an explanation for your boundaries
• (23:24) The Humpty Dumpty truth: nobody else can put you back together
• (25:53) What to say to someone who isn't ready to get help
• (29:43) The seven pillars of attraction, and how to magnetize your soulmate
• (32:00) Where to find Rebecca and her free Abundance Journal

About Rebecca Whitman

Rebecca Whitman graduated with honors from Princeton University and now mentors burned-out women to leave toxic relationships and magnetize their soulmate at any stage of life. She's the author of the international bestsellers Phenomenal Feminine Entrepreneurs, Business Life Universe, and How to Make a Six-Figure Income Working Part Time, was named Life Coach of the Year by the International Association of Top Professionals, and hosts the top 5% globally ranked Balanced Abundant podcast.

Learn more at RebeccaElizabethWhitman.com, or find her free Abundance Journal and current offers on her link tree.

Favorite quotes "When you set a boundary, don't justify, defend, or explain yourself, because you get to own your no's and own your boundaries." —Rebecca Whitman "Don't do anything out of fear, obligation, or guilt." —Rebecca Whitman "When you have these seven areas of life in alignment, you are balanced, beautiful, and abundant." —Rebecca Whitman Resources mentioned

• RebeccaElizabethWhitman.com: Rebecca's website
• Rebecca's link tree: her free Abundance Journal, courses, and offers, including her seven pillars of abundance program
• Phenomenal Feminine Entrepreneurs, Business Life Universe, and How to Make a Six-Figure Income Working Part Time: Rebecca's books

Related episodes

• Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: more on recognizing and leaving the relationships Rebecca coaches women out of.
• Journey To Success: Eradicating Stress with Lori Saitz: another guest whose framework starts with getting honest about your values and where your calendar actually goes.
• Trauma Impact: From Codependency to Self-Mastery: for more on the self-worth work behind Rebecca's "own your no" philosophy.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

How do you make meditation actually useful when your whole career just went up in flames? Blair Abee found out the hard way. Twenty-five years into a spotless career, he blew the whistle on an abusive boss who was mismanaging funds and terrorizing her staff. There was an investigation. She got fired. And then, for his trouble, so did he: labeled a "troublemaker" for the crime of being right. His income disappeared in one afternoon. So did the identity he'd spent 25 years building. That's the pile-of-ash moment this show is named for, and it's exactly where his meditation practice stopped being a hobby and became survival.

I've sat across from enough high achievers to know Blair's story isn't rare: the ego blow of losing the job that defined you, the terror of the blank space after. What makes Blair worth your time is what he did with that blank space. Forty years into a yoga and meditation practice, he went deeper than ever, started journaling for the first time in his life, and stumbled into what he calls "soul contact," a sense of a higher consciousness self standing right there with him. He built an entire method, HIC (Higher Consciousness) Meditation, and five books out of that discovery.

We talk about the courage it took to speak up in the first place, why "peace, be still" became his go-to phrase, and what to actually do when the thought of sitting still terrifies you more than the chaos does.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALubbpsMxh0

In this episode

• Why blowing the whistle on an abusive boss cost Blair his 25-year career, and how he found the courage to do it anyway
• How meditation and journaling turned a devastating job loss into contact with what Blair calls his "higher consciousness"
• Why stillness terrifies so many of us, and what to do when the scary thoughts show up the moment you slow down
• Blair's simple starting point for a meditation practice: one deep breath, held for "just a moment"
• Why he believes the crisis he never chose was exactly what he needed to change direction
• Where to find his five books, plus a free copy of The Mindfulness Book

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet meditation teacher Blair Abee
• (01:48) The abusive boss, the mismanaged funds, and the decision to blow the whistle
• (02:47) The investigation, the boss's firing, and Blair's own firing as a "troublemaker"
• (04:17) Diving into meditation and journaling as the job and income disappear
• (08:48) "I couldn't not do it": what it takes to have the courage to speak up
• (12:55) The "pile of ash" moment: meditation as a healing practice after job loss
• (13:57) Soul contact: discovering a "higher consciousness" self through journaling
• (20:26) Be still and know: stillness, scripture, and meeting your higher self
• (24:57) What to say to someone too scared to sit still with their own thoughts
• (31:09) You are worth your own time: starting with five minutes a day
• (33:46) Blair's five books and where to find his free resources

About Blair Abee

Blair Abee spent 25 years in business consulting before an abusive boss, and his choice to blow the whistle on her, cost him his job. He turned to meditation, journaling, and a 40-year yoga practice to rebuild, and developed what he calls Higher Consciousness (HIC) Meditation. He's the author of five books, including The Meditation Book, The Mindfulness Book, and The Manifestation Book.

Learn more, and grab a free copy of The Mindfulness Book, at hicmeditation.com.

Favorite quotes "My integrity, my everything said this is not right. It can't continue. I've got to do something about this." —Blair Abee "One of my frequent mindfulness phrases during the day is, peace be still." —Blair Abee "I'm convinced that we all create our own reality." —Blair Abee Resources mentioned

• Benefits of Meditation by Blair Abee
• The Meditation Book by Blair Abee
• The Mindfulness Book by Blair Abee
• The Manifestation Book by Blair Abee
• HICmeditation.com: Blair's website, home to his Higher Consciousness Meditation practice and a free copy of The Mindfulness Book

Related episodes

• Journey To Success: Eradicating Stress with Lori Saitz: another guest who leans on meditation (and gratitude) to pull herself out of go-go-go mode. A natural next listen if Blair's stillness practice resonated.
• Yoga and Science: Meditation In The Real World: for the skeptics, the research-backed case for exactly what Blair describes experiencing.
• Overcoming Burnout, Hustle Culture, and Redefining Success: more on rebuilding an identity after a career blows up, minus the whistleblowing.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz