Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

We apologize for the sound mix in this episode. We're on a new learning curve. Bear with us.

This week, we're talking Netflix's Dracula and a story about Lestat and Louis that only Pitney could tell. Then a review of The Witcher and whether or not Henry Cavill is hot. The answer might surprise you! Pitney gets hit on by a human toilet. And Amelia has a bad case of the sniffles.

Plus, a new page in Pitney's diary, and in the Year of Woo, he gives us an oracle card reading for the new year!

Promo: 2 Skeptical Chaps (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show!

And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! If you want to be supportive without a lot of stuff cluttering your feed, follow us on Instagram! (Really, we barely post over there.) And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality

(The sound is off. Apologies. Also, Amelia has cedar fever, so excuse her stuffy nose.)

Happy New Year!

This is the last episode Pitney recorded in Texas. A couple days after this, he loaded up the truck and moved back to California! Hear us talk about the experience of packing up your life and going home, what he's excited about and what he's leaving behind. Within all that, though, there's some of the usual randomness: Pitney's love of Robert DeNiro, Amelia's pride in navigating sans GPS, crazy memories of Pitney's dad, holiday plans, and something about an orange. It'll all make sense.

And in our first installment of the Year of Woo, the phenomenon of idiots butt-chugging sunshine.

Promo: the BiCurean podcast (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! If you want to be supportive without a lot of stuff cluttering your feed, follow us on Instagram! (Really, we barely post over there.) And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality

The Year of the Vagina is at an end. We have compiled all 26 segments, from Yay Therapy through Dreaming of a Black Christmas, into a bonus episode as a gift to you. Please be sure to share this 90 minute bit of edutainment with your friends!

Quick note: There is a SECRET CODE WORD tucked away in this episode. When you hear it, put it in an email and send it to [email protected]. One lucky winner will receive a copy of Jen Gunter's awesome book, The Vagina Bible, plus a little bit of show swag!

In case you're curious, the interstitial music in this bonus episode sticks with a bit of a YOTV theme. All the clips come from two recordings: It's Tight Like That – Clara Smith, 1929 What's That Smells Like Fish – Blind Boy Fuller, 1938

00:02:00 Basic anatomy 00:03:19 Scared of words 00:05:33 Regina talk, with Lisa and Sam from I Shake My Head 00:08:55 Vaginal durability, with Kim from People Are Wild 00:13:33 The Clitoris is AWESOME 00:16:48 China Bell, with Siana and Tricia from 2 Girls on a Bench 00:20:58 Throbbing Thumb, with Pitney 00:32:42 Parsley 00:34:52 V-Magic 00:37:16 Intro to Vagina Dentata 00:39:00 Opioids and sexual function 00:40:09 The Greeks, with Philippa and Jess from Everything is Awful Forever 00:43:39 Dental Dams 00:46:01 Vacuums Suck 00:47:14 G-Shot for the G-Spot 00:50:18 Bitey Vagina Demons, with Philippa and Jess from Everything is Awful Forever 00:54:07 Vaginal Flora 00:56:45 The Speculum 00:58:52 The Husband Stitch 01:01:40 Kegel Exercises 01:06:03 Eurotophobia, with author Ann Fox 01:09:19 Riding Broomsticks 01:12:55 Zombie Goo 01:16:19 Pubic Hair 01:18:58 The Devils Teat, with Philippa and Jess from Everything is Awful Forever 01:25:48 A Holiday Tune

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show!

And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! If you want to be supportive without a lot of stuff cluttering your feed, follow us on Instagram! (Really, we barely post over there.) And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday. Recorded close enough to Austin, Texas to help with their weirdness factor.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality

Happy Holidays! Celebrate a low-key Christmas with us as we talk about the Black Christmas reboot and a bunch of weird Christmas facts Pitney found on the internet. (For example, did you know that some devout Christians once made celebrating Christmas ILLEGAL? Oh, Christians. You so silly.)

This episode features the first chapter of Pitney's New Life Diary, and the very last installment of the Year of the Vagina. Hope you like musical numbers!

(Don't forget, on 12/27 we'll release a special Year of the Vagina wrapup, featuring every segment from throughout 2019!)

Promos: 2 Skeptical Chaps and Retro Cinema Podcast (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! If you want to be supportive without a lot of stuff cluttering your feed, follow us on Instagram! (Really, we barely post over there.) And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday. Recorded close enough to Austin, Texas to help with their weirdness factor.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality

2019 is almost over, y'all! When we recorded this episode, Pitney was gearing up for his big move back to San Jose, CA. We talk about new segments being planned for the new year, audiodramas Pitney is excited to listen to in the car, a magic wand made with rubies, and a computer programmer who won't leave Amelia alone.

Our last guest segment for the Year of the Vagina comes to us from the ladies at Everything is Awful Forever! Learn all about what Satan has to do with your naughty bits.

Promo: People Are Wild (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! If you want to be supportive without a lot of stuff cluttering your feed, follow us on Instagram! (Really, we barely post over there.) And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday. Recorded close enough to Austin, Texas to help with their weirdness factor.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality

Happy Thanksgiving! Once again, we're here to talk about gratitude, and list some things we're extra grateful for this year. We're also gonna tell you about what next year's theme will be, so you don't want to miss that!

And in Year of the Vagina news, pubic hair. It's awesome.

Shoutouts to @DavidMillsDept and @BlaineStewart!

Promos: FriGay the 13th and 2 Skeptical Chaps

(Want to swap show promos? Email us!)

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! If you want to be supportive without a lot of stuff cluttering your feed, follow us on Instagram! (Really, we barely post over there.) And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday. Recorded close enough to Austin, Texas to help with their weirdness factor.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality

Pitney finally saw the Child's Play remake and boy does he have thoughts. Neither of us saw the new Joker movie, and boy do we have thoughts. The whole Batman universe? Thoughts. Movies that suck? Guess what. More thoughts.

Ladies, you have more power in your vagina than you knew. Behold the power to control men's minds and turn them into zombie slaves.

Promo: 2 Girls on a Bench (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! If you want to be supportive without a lot of stuff cluttering your feed, follow us on Instagram! (Really, we barely post over there.) And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday. Recorded close enough to Austin, Texas to help with their weirdness factor.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality

If you missed our guest spot on One Giant Leap for Geeks, you can check it out HERE!

It's Halloween again, and Pitney is getting ready to move back to California, so apart from one last Samhain ritual at his place, he's focused on purging and packing.

Amelia is gearing up for the hundreds of trick-or-treaters that will converge on her house, and this year she's rallying her neighbors to get more involved in Halloween festivities. She's learned what trunk-or-treat is, and she's disgusted. Paranoid parents ruin everything fun!

Pitney sees dead people. Or, he's pretty sure he does. Amelia's sister does too. And Pitney's mom. Amelia just sees a sad clown painting.

Do you know why witches are depicted riding broomsticks? The answer is dirtier than you realize. Get ready for a special witchy edition of The Year of the Vagina!

Promos: a special #AllTheHorror promo from 2 Girls on a Bench, and 2 Skeptical Chaps

(Want to swap show promos? Email us!)

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday. Recorded close enough to Austin, Texas to help with their weirdness factor.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality

Welcome to our contribution to All The Horror 2019! We hope you check out episodes from the other shows participating this month. It's been a blast! Check the #AllTheHorror hashtag to find more!

This week, we're talking about made-for-TV horror. First Pitney tells us about a few films of Lucio Fulci, the master of giallo horror, and how much he hates Italian children. (This can't surprise you, honestly.) And then we remember our favorite horror from American TV! And later, we dissect Stephen King's IT. Some of our revelations may surprise you!

And in the middle of all this fun we talk about scary vaginas with Brooklyn's own Ann Fox, the author of The Cat That Caught The Canary and After Midnight. Click here to get a copy for your Nook! And you should definitely follow Ann on Twitter, at @antoinettefoxny! Promo: Frigay the 13th (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday. Recorded close enough to Austin, Texas to help with their weirdness factor.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality

Pitney's dog Joxer had a lot of fun running around the room while we recorded this week's episode. Hope you like puppy noises!

Pitney went to Candytopia with some friends and swam in a sea of marshmallows!

Amelia recalls a ridiculous business where people pay money to take photos of themselves. Really. It's a thing.

Pitney tells a story of random angry women yelling in public, which is one of his favorite things.

Amelia gets an x-ray on her foot and encounters a super-rude nurse, which leads to a reminiscing about horrible bedside manners.

This week's Year of the Vagina lesson is about another dumb thing Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to stick in your cooch. Let's all do some Kegels and throw things at her!

Speaking of Kegels... https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000141.htm

Promos: 2 Skeptical Chaps and a special #AllTheHorror message from Mike, Mike, and Oscar! (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)

We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones.

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at [email protected]! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show! (Turn off that Content Filter to see the "uncensored" merch!)

Who the heck are Pitney and Amelia? A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right!

New episodes every other Friday. Recorded close enough to Austin, Texas to help with their weirdness factor.

LGBTQ | Comedy | Pop Culture | Nerd Culture | Horror | Spirituality