Plumbing the Death Star

Ben Grimm is a mess. Cosmic rays turned him into a horrible rocky monstrosity that makes everybody sick. Yuck. Mr. Fantastic refuses to fix him, so maybe the Plumbing Boys can have a crack at it. Zammit wants to seperate the thing from Ben Grimm, creating a rock with depression. Jackson knocks the fantastic four's rocket out of the way of the cosmic gas leaving earth at the mercy of Mole Man. And Duscher pitches the greastest comic book the world has ever seen. So come on down to Ben and Ben's and enjoy a delicious meal with your pals the Plumbing Boys. We forgot about Ben Grimm and his problems.

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Keeping your identity secret is a time honoured tradition in the super heroing community, so what happens when three bumbling idiots try their best to conceal their identities from the public? Introducing Lead Lad, he may be a CEO of many companies and a tech genius but he’s not in that hi-tech mech suit that he designed. That’s a body guard and or a robot! You may know him as Scorpiman, the menace of New York but he’s actually just a mild-mannered reporter looking for the news! Have you found it? Let us know! And last but not least, the mysterious King Hit! He’s wrapped in bandages and we’ve never seen him throw a punch, but his sidekick Punching Bag seems eternally uneasy with their alliance! So listen in as these three amazing superheroes fight crime and protect their identity!

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Some of us saw Blue Beetle, some of us didn’t see Blue Beetle. Either way, we’re here to tell you that Susan Sarandon is a baddie. Susan, if you’re listening, please respond to Jackson re: horny like a cartoon wolf. We’re sure the moment you see him smack his own head with Zammit’s shoe, you may reconsider your stance on gross little goblin men, just like he’s reconsidering his stance on gilfs!

Here is a list of reasons we think you and Jackson would make the perfect fit

1. You starred in James and the Giant Peach and a movie about Lorenzo’s Oil. Jackson LOVES peaches, being little and is slippery like oil

2. You’ve both called the Pope a nazi

3. You own a New York Ping Pong Club and Jackson can fit at least 4 (maybe more by the time of release!) ping pong balls in his person

If that interests you Susan, you know where to find him. Love and kisses, forever and always, your boys.

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We see dead people and it’s making us angry! Go away ghosts before we start taking medication to stop seeing you! Zammit proposes a new kind of heaven, Jackson puts forward his new hit TV series ‘The Ghost Gettler’ and JD doesn’t think you’ll guess the right Wahlberg. So listen in as we try and figure out a way to monetise seeing the dead, wonder how many ghosts are in any given space and do our best to loophole immortality. We might not know a lot about anything, but we do know that we’re chockers full of ghosts and that Jesus was a tradie.

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Against their better judgment two thirds of the Plumbing Boys sat down and watched The Boss Baby. Then one half of that third watched the sequel The Boss Baby: Family Business. Firmly steeped in Boss Baby lore, we now have a lot of questions. How old is a Boss Baby? Are the executives we know and love today just Boss Baby Men? Will a grown up Boss Baby have the same personality when he is a Boss Man? Is it ethical to take away the binky of a Boss Baby? Why does James Marsden keep being cucked? A lot of important questions, some answered but most not. So go have a lie down, refuse to imagine a scenario where puppies outlive you and don’t you dare dream of a world with a finite amount of love. Pre-existence may be a factory line ever edging you towards predeterminism but at least your existence isn’t. We think.

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After getting in trouble with Johnny Law and sentenced to 500 hours of community service we did not think that the fine people of Minnesota would take pee-wee hockey this seriously but here we are. Sure, Coach Bombay learned that winning isn’t everything and that the most important thing is that you have fun (but also that you do indeed win) but we’re already there! Zammit goes off to serve out his community service in the rude future of 4040, Jackson has a terrible time on the rink as the saddest little boy in the stands and JD belittles a very sad old man. It’s Hawks v District Larger Hawks as we set a moose loose, try to run out the clock and keep cutting Averman.

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It’s the worse time of year. Mum’s search for our new step-dad has coincided with the spooky season. Deck the halls with cobwebs and ghouls, it’s All Hallows Eve as mum goes to the woods to find her newest soulmate. Be it playing catch, providing for the fam or slamming our mother’s cheeks, we rate these potential dads on our patented 5 point system to learn which of these three cryptid bachelors gets to win our mum’s heart. We unwillingly learn a lot of scary facts about the world this week and once again have yo ask our mum if these new men in our lives are actually potential father figures or just pets. Cos they seem like pets mum. And not even good ones. Happy Halloween everybody times xx o

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Let’s be honest, Jiminy Cricket sucks. He barely teaches Pinocchio right from wrong let along how to be truthful, brave and unselfish. No matter which way you cut it, Pinocchio is let down by every authority figure he meets. So let us look after this horrifying wooden facsimile of a real boy! We’ll teach him a thing or two about a thing or two. And just before we impart good morals or whatever, we do have a quick questions: what is he? He cries but he doesn’t seem like he needs to breathe but he can drown and we are scared. We prefer when a puppet has our thoughts and not it’s own. The Blue Fairy really cooked this one, thankfully we know the perfect three wishes that will fix this horrible, horrible mess.

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In times of great distress a hero destined for great things will appear to save Hyrule and stop it getting dunked. Or he won’t and he’ll cook it. Or he’ll arrive late. Sometimes not at all! We don’t know. We’re either too complacent or not complacent enough. We know some guy’s got this and you need to trust in the method. Unless he doesn’t got this because no one can bat 100. Or he doesn’t know that he should have got this and he needs to step up because time is running out! Unless we’re the hero and we didn’t step up and now we need to step up? Maybe I’m the special little boy? It’s probably best to put on some green tights and do some trials to see if we’re the guy. Just to be sure. Or maybe we should find the guy? All of this is too much, best to just think about Mario eating a bad plum.

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It’s a story as old as time: Alien crash lands on earth, several spunky teens are close by, da alien lets them touch a blue cube and now they can turn into any animal they touch! While Jake, Cassie, Marco, Rachel and Tobias go and fight the slug like Yeerks we have different plans. Jackson wants to save gorillas, Zammit wants to sow political chaos and JD’s plan involves time travel and a loaf of bread. So worry not citizens of earth, we’re going to go touch dat rat and become dat rat we touched to really change the world. We never specified if it was for the better. We really want to emphasis that.

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