Plumbing the Death Star

Those little rascals got Excalibur and now they’re gonna goof it up! It’s alternate history time as Lizzy gets arsed from the throne back in the 60s and the royal throne is sat upon by the impeccable posterior of Bob the minion. Will this lead to another Civil War? Will they try and marry off King Bob? What does it mean when the King of England wants to serve the most evil person in the world? Will Australia finally become a republic? Or will we love our new freak king whose arse is out about 60% of the time? Either way it’s nice to know we don’t have an incest king ruling over the commonwealth and that whole incest family are no longer taxpayer supported. No gods, no masters, abolish the monarchy, all hail king Bob.

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.

We did it. Five centuries of some of the worst podcasts anyone has ever produced. JD doesn’t think it’s that big a deal but Jackson wanted to celebrate the only way he know how: by watching the Phantom Menace (for maybe the first time) on a bus on his way to work. Now two little slave boys, one human and one foal, have big dreams in their little boy hearts of winning the biggest podrace this side of the Rim. It’s the eve of Boonta and Joel and Horse Joel must do their best to get out from under the oppressive ownership of a sick rock, convince the galaxies best known fry cook to sponsor them and acquire a podracer of their own by any means necessary. It’s the racing event of the season as rumour has it one team has an unlikely power source that may result in the best day podracing has ever seen.

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.

While reading too many Marvel Comics (especially the 1977 What If…? series for our bonus subscriber show What If...? where we pick up the slack left by Marvel writers to once again ask the important question ‘What if?’ (new episodes the first Saturday of every month (subscribe now to Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts or Bad Brain Boys+ directly from our website))) the boys have learnt far too much bullshit Marvel lore and are now left holding the Ultimate Nullifier and wondering if there’s any possible way to be responsible with this thing (they’re also wondering if they just fired it, but that’s a question they’ll never even think to ask). Ultimately the Ultimate Nullifier makes a bad tool that complicates the most basic of tasks and should only be used to Ultimate Nullify another Ultimate Nullifier.

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.

Batman needs another little boy to help him fight crime and we know just the three little boys to help! But first we have some questions. The first being can we have a part-time job or do we get an allowance for being a good little boy? What’s the go with our current living parents and does it matter that we’re older than Bruce? Either way Jackson chooses to be an Oracle after he gets puffed doing two very slow and not good forward rolls, JD has the brilliant idea of painting a target on himself and Zammit takes no responsibility for the man he just murdered. So let’s load up the bat-computer with viruses from all these sweet free pornos, blow our secret cover by ordering too many ubereats to the bat-cave and distract Batman with this sweet bat-playlist we made him when he bat-fights bat-crime.

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.

In this very special episode of Plumbing the Death Star we talk about the very special movie Flash and are joined by very special guest James aka Mr Sunday Movies as we’re all hit with a very special lighting bolt that gives us very special powers, but mostly the power of be quick. Jackson passes on the dangerous knowledge that most people survive getting struck by lightning which has now set him on a dangerous life trajectory, Zammit lays down on a beach and eats all his stolen Coles chickens, JD commits the perfect crime and James tells Jackson he has to yell at children. So with our newfound powers let’s all mess with the multiverse, see how badly we can ruin a horses day and learn about the sperm knock-on effect. Remember kids, it’s not alternate realities, it’s just alternate cums.

James probably hosts a podcast or whatever, but more importantly his wife, whose name is Claire Tonti, has an album out you can listen to right now! Matrescence is available on all good streaming platforms AND she’s going to be in the UK all July so go check out clairetonti.com to grab your tickets. You can also listen to his wife’s podcast Suggestible where Claire and her husband chat about things to read, watch and listen to. They have never once suggested this podcast nor should they.

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.

The boys are joined by special guest James aka Mr Sunday Movies and oh no, have you seen the news? The humidity is rising, the barometer’s getting low and according to all sources at about half-past ten tonight, for the first time in history, it’s gonna start raining men! How will you survive the oncoming man storm? With little to no information on what caused said man storm the boys speculate on the nature of this man rain. Is it new men? A mass displacement? Or the global himbofication of all men? Zammit thinks it’s all a blood ritual by Mother Gia herself and has his eyes set for what he thinks is the ultimate goal, JD slanders Dennis Nedry to everyone’s dismay, Jackson goes on his little adventures and ends up with a scorpion wife and James once climbed Mt Kilimanjaro. Batten down the hatches, hope your wife doesn’t like her perfect man and prepare for the greatest cucking this generation has ever seen when this traveling man cloud comes to your town.

James probably hosts a podcast or whatever, but more importantly his wife, whose name is Claire Tonti, has an album out you can listen to right now! Matrescence is available on all good streaming platforms AND she’s going to be in the UK all July so go check out clairetonti.com to grab your tickets. You can also listen to his wife’s podcast Suggestible where Claire and her husband chat about things to read, watch and listen to. They have never once suggested this podcast nor should they.

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.

After being cryogenically frozen for several decades the boys have awoken in 2032 and need to shit real bad! Thankfully they still have stainless steel prison toilets for such an occasion. After scrolling through future google on their future phones while their sphincters slowly defrost they are presented with one of earth’s biggest mysteries. 3 shells. Stallone’s explanation is thoroughly examined as we all look at a diagram we hate and are perplexed to how Stallone thinks anyone is expected to pull shit out from ones own anus using two shells held like chopsticks. The future is covered in poopy, which probably explains all the germophobia. Our confidence is at an all time low as we’re all worried about passing the sniff test. Go on, give it a sniff! Is it clean?? No. It absolutely is not clean.

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.

Once again the boys have found themselves in a sewer looking for clams but this time they’ve found some slopped up turtles and they appear to be growing up at an alarming rate! From teenage mutant toddler turtles to teenage mutant teenage turtles, the boys are taking it upon themselves to raise their new found turtle sons which inevitably ends up with the turtles being used in one of their harebrained schemes. Jackson wants them as goons for a security scam, Zammit wants to run a legitimate landscaping business and JD forgets his turtle sons are actually his tortoise sons. So inject us straight into your veins to get that feeling of blappiness and don’t trust anything Al Pacino tells you when you’re on a bus.

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.

The boys watched Roger Rabbit and have questions. Does Toontown exist geographically? If we from ape, what toon from? Do they age? Can they only be killed by dip? Is it good to be pancaked? And many, many more. Once again featuring a gross misunderstanding of evolution, the boys come up with two competing theories. One being the popped boil theory and the other involving a literal magic pencil. Let us know what camp you fall in or perhaps you’re inclined to invoke the inter-dimensional interloper theory.

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.

We know all you care about is nugs, chillin’ and grindage but we’ve gone and dug a hole in the ground and holy shit, we found a guy frozen in ice. Now how are we going to exploit this (Encino) man for financial gain or personal profit? While Dave thinks this thawed man will impress babes and he’ll be crowned prom king, we’ve got some bigger and better ideas. Zammit wants to take Johnny Caveman on a coming of age road trip to the Gold Coast, Jackson wants to keep digging and JD has a very quick get rich easy scheme. So let’s all stop being so crusty and start wheezin’ the juice bud-dy. Oooooooowwwwww!

Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys.