The Romans wrestled lions, the Victorians forced monkeys to fight dogs. 

And in the modern era, we tuck into a bit of artistic swimming and pretend to know what a pommel horse is.

But the Olympics is far more than just a freakshow of sobbing sprinters, doped up communists and Swiss aristocrats forcing horses to dance.

From poolside punch ups to Usain Bolt’s ultraslow shagging technique, this is the Upshot’s guide to Paris 2024…

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