Team Trump issues a flawed St. Patrick's Day hat, a new Texas bill seeks to curb men's superfluous emissions, the US Army doesn't work for the 'brother of ISIS' anymore, the Jawzrsize promises to strengthen your jawline, and Rachel Sussman takes kintsugi to the streets of New York.

Special Guest: Joe Sondow.

Links:

• FACT CHECK: Is Sean Spicer Wearing Mismatched Shoes?
• Trump St. Patrick’s Day Hats Disappear After Shamrock Mix-Up - The New York Times
• New Texas bill takes aim at men's masturbation habits - San Antonio Express-News
• Using Air Quotes, White House Walks Back ‘Wiretap’ Talk - The New York Times
• JP MOORE (REAL) on Twitter: "ISIS beware. We don't work for your brother anymore. https://t.co/lgJnEJRbNQ"
• This Kickstarter Will Get You In Shape For Festival Season · Stoney Roads
• Street Kintsugi: Artist Rachel Sussman Repairs the Roads with Gold | Colossal

Sean Spicer fails at Twitter, porn star gives up adult filmmaking to become a pastor, flag desecration laws are unconstitutional, theater refuses to show 'Beauty and the Beast' over alleged 'gay moment', and Jimenez Lai draws cartoon buildings in section.

Links:

• Trump Supporters Get Mad Because They Think The Man in the High Castle's 'Resistance Radio' Is Real
• Sean Spicer tweets Trump was confirmed as HUD secretary | New York Post
• Jeff Sessions’s denials of contact with Russians are falling apart quickly - The Washington Post
• GOP Hill leaders back away from Trump on wiretap allegations - CNNPolitics.com
• Donald J. Trump on Twitter: "Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't voluntarily leaving the Apprentice, he was fired by his bad (pathetic) ratings, not by me. Sad end to great show"
• Former Porn Star Finds Jesus, Abandons Adult Filmmaking — and There’s More… – Faithwire
• Stupid shit my friends post: Flag desecration laws
• Alabama theater shuns 'Beauty' movie over gay character - CNN.com
• Bureau Spectacular shows fantastical architectural models at SFMOMA

Pence gets in trouble for conducting publics business with his personal AOL account, PwC botches the Oscars finale, an image depicting 'the future that liberals want' goes viral, a disgruntled Texas family writes an honest obituary, Mike eulogizes his father, and a fastidious sculptor carves the growth rings out of trees.

Special Guest: Ahmad Philips.

Links:

• Pence used personal email for state business — and was hacked
• Melania Trump calls on the ‘gift of nature’ to heal sick children
• DeVos called HBCUs ‘pioneers’ of ‘school choice.’ It didn’t go over well.
• The Dirty Secret Behind the Jeff Sessions Mess | Vanity Fair
• Why Typography Matters — Especially At The Oscars
• Justin Scott on Twitter: "Bad font double-whammy https://t.co/ud62JGblBv"
• The future liberals want is now a fierce meme
• Obit proves family couldn’t be happier their ‘evil’ relative is dead | New York Post
• VERY clever - removes the growth rings to reveal the original sapling

Thousands protest Trump's immigration policy on 'A Day without Immigrants', an enterprising chiropractor patents labia glue as tampon alternative, Norman Rockwell paintings might be subliminal erotica, frozen hair selfies are sweeping the Yukon, a photographer captures New York Times covers, and Mike picks up a new habit.

Special Guest: Margaret Dodge.

Links:

• Trump's vast internet empire includes 3,643 websites - ranging from TrumpFraud.org to TrumpScam.com - Feb. 20, 2017
• FACT CHECK: Did Trump Golf Six Times After Complaining About Obama's Golfing Habits?
• Trump family trips cost taxpayers $11.3m in one month – almost as much as Obama’s cost in a year | The Independent
• Open Immigration and Child Labor
• A Chiropractor Says Labia Glue is Better Than Tampons | Teen Vogue
• Memes Meme: REMEMBER SON DON'T GROW UPTO BEA LIBERAL DIPSHIT ANDYO TO FIND OUT HOWWEUSETEARGAS | me.me
• A New Norman Rockwell Biography Explores His Darker Side - WSJ
• Hair Freezing Contest Is Hottest Thing In The Yukon Right Now | The Huffington Post
• Eye Candy: The Rise of the Image: Every NY Times Front Page Since 1852 in Under a Minute | Colossal

Mike discovers cappuccino, Donald Trump surveys the public about the media's credibility, Wolf Blitzer makes un-funny jokes about tragic murder, Utah Republican enumerates the unintended consequences of equal pay laws, 74-year-old man gets entire church high on weed cookies, website tracks space junk.

Special Guest: Seán McGuire.

Links:

• Mainstream Media Accountability Survey | GOP
• Wolf Blitzer is UN believably overkilling Kim Jong Un pUNs - YouTube
• Ketamine - Wikipedia
• Trump’s ‘bizarre, volatile behavior’ could be from untreated syphilis: infectious disease doctor
• Utah Republican Apologizes for Letter Stating Equal Pay for Women Has Consequences - NBC News
• 74-Year-Old Man Accused of Getting His Entire Church High on Weed Cookies | MUNCHIES
• Stuff in Space
• 7 Ways to Discipline Your Wife | Biblical Gender Roles

The TSA tries to catch obvious terrorists, science identifies the serial killer pattern, a meme depicts the bible's teachings about immigration, MIT explores the morality of murderous self-driving cars, and Russian garbage becomes art.

Special Guest: Jonathan Nadel.

Links:

• Trumped Up: TSA’s Secret Behavior Checklist to Spot Terrorists
• Serial Killers Should Fear This Algorithm - Bloomberg
• Stupid Shit My Friends Post: Jesus on Immigration
• MIT's 'Moral Machine' Self-driving Car Quiz
• Eye Candy: Russians Dumped Vodka Bottles Into Sea And Nature Turned Them Into Glass Pebbles

The crew takes a moment of silence for the Bowling Green massacre, an elderly woman licks eyeballs for money, UC Berkeley students protest a troll, scientists create a human-pig hybrid, and a Dutch artist creates a new "species".

SHOW NOTES

Trumped up

Stupid Shit

Weekly Stories

Eye Candy

Special Guests: Sarah Rice and Susie Meister.

Sean Spicer goes ham on Dippin‘ Dots, Richard Spencer takes one in the jaw, Mike explains the inherent sexism of chivalry, inventors streamline bacon cooking, and Joey considers in-skull mechanical locusts!

SHOW NOTES

Follow-up

Trumped up

Stupid Shit

Weekly Stories

Eye Candy

Special Guest: Joey Alison Sayers.