Poorly Summarized

Trump pays tribute to the Almighty Glowing Orb, real Finnish girls “ride” fake horses, David French bemoans the feminization of all things, Texas man sues his date for texting during a movie, spite houses annoy neighbors around the world, and an obedient missionary threatens to enforce the rules at knifepoint.

Special Guest: Steve Blizin.

Links:

• Can somebody finally settle this question: Does water flowing down a drain spin in different directions depending on which hemisphere you're in? And if so, why? - Scientific American
• Paul Ryan Keeps It All in the Family - The New Yorker
• Melania Trump slaps President's hand away to say she won't be treated as a child, says body language expert | The Independent
• Melania Trump forgoes wearing headscarf in Saudi Arabia trip | Fox News
• Trump's Saudi trip: Thumbs up and other 'controversies' - BBC News
• White people - MrTechnicalDifficult
• A Horse Is a Horse, Except Sometimes It's a Hobbyhorse | Fast Forward | OZY
• Stupid shit My Friends Post: Unlearning Masculinity
• Higher Education “Gender Gap” Favors Women -- Feminization of Everything Fails Boys | National Review
• Hero sues internet date for texting during Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 · Newswire · The A.V. Club
• The Texas Man Who Sued a Woman For Texting During a First Date Explains his Lawsuit
• Spite Houses: 12 Homes Created With Anger and Angst - Curbed

The Donald leaks ‘code word’ information to the Russians, unbalanced brits have an avocado mishap, conservatives defend confederate monuments, Ikea tote bags are put to myriad uses, Hamburg gets a new cultural center, and Justin’s account gets cloned.

Special Guest: Kody Frederick.

Links:

• The Credit Card Prank
• How Trump’s aides trick him into reading press briefings | New York Post
• Clip of Trump repeatedly rearranging items goes viral | Daily Mail Online
• How Bad Is Disclosing 'Code Word' Information? - The Atlantic — Russian
• ‘They tricked us!’: White House ‘furious’ Russia posted Trump photos on official government accounts
• House majority leader to colleagues in 2016: ‘I think Putin pays’ Trump - The Washington Post
• How Trump learned about the special prosecutor - POLITICO
• Clinton aide mocks Trump’s spelling of special ‘councel’ | TheHill
• 'Avocado hand' is sending people to the ER because people don't know how to cut their fruit - SFGate
• ALLOW ME TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP CONSERVATIVES AREN'T PISSED ABOUT CONFEDERATE MONUMENTS BEING DESTROYED BECAUSE THEY ARE IN LOVE WITH THE CONFEDERACY THEY'RE PISSED BECAUSE LIBERALS ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT IF THEY ERASE HISTORY THAT IT MEANS IT NEVER HAPPENED! ttHISTORYMATERS Tt HERITAGENOTHANTE #HistoryMatters #HeritageNotHate | Love Meme on me.me
• Avalon Project - Confederate States of America - Declaration of the Immediate Causes Which Induce and Justify the Secession of South Carolina from the Federal Union
• People are cutting up Ikea tote bags to make weird and wonderful creations
• A Story of Slavery in Modern America - The Atlantic
• Mormon Cereal

Sean Spicer hides in the bushes, a Heineken beer ad goes viral, a ‘conservative’ meme offers anti-rape tips to victims, KFC publishes a romance novel, Chybik Kristof builds a plastic chair–clad showroom, and Mike manages his Tourette’s with this one weird trick.

Special Guest: Teresa Sheffield.

Links:

• The Vanilla Ice Project | DIY
• James Comey thought he was being pranked when he heard he was fired
• Sean Spicer Had a Meltdown After Trump Fired Comey, Hiding in Bushes and Demanding Darkness
• Kellyanne Conway creates alternative reality to defend Trump’s firing of Comey
• People are saying not-nice things about the New York Times’s ‘Say Something Nice About Donald Trump’ series - The Washington Post
• The Heineken Ad Is Worse Than The Pepsi Ad, You’re Just Too Stupid To Know It
• Stupid Shit My Friends Post: Anti-rape tips
• KFC Has Published a Colonel Sanders Romance Novel in Honor of Mother’s Day and I Am Overwhelmed
• Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Tender Wings of Desire
• Chybik + Kristof uses 900 plastic chairs to clad Czech furniture showroom
• Longaberger's Giant Basket Building is Made of Locally Sourced Ohio Wood | Inhabitat - Green Design, Innovation, Architecture, Green Building

Steve Bannon writes a musical, Mike’s buddies beat up Vanilla Ice, showing your butt in beautiful landscapes is now a thing, Al Gore's mansion lacks solar panels, someone in Virginia is shaving other people’s cats, and the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library has no windows.

Special Guests: Benjamin R. Cohen and Simon Tonev.

Links:

• Steve Bannon's The Thing I Am Screenplay Revealed In Full by NowThis - Thrillist
• Lindsay Goldwert on Twitter: "Omg, #toomanypams on @midnight! https://t.co/5iBfKgTmMF"
• On the Origin of Circuits • Damn Interesting
• Showing your butt in beautiful landscapes is the new trend | Ufunk.net
• imageedit_1684_3856080535.jpg 750×750 pixels
• Mystery in Virginia: Someone is shaving other people’s cats - The Washington Post
• AD Classics: Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library / SOM | ArchDaily
• Amazon.com : Mr Rugged Beard Balm Conditioner 1.8oz with Organic Argan Oil - Jojoba Oil - Olive Oil - Beeswax - Cedar Wood Essential Oils - Best Natural Beard Care Relaxer : Beauty

Trump touts his progress made against his 100-day plan, a hopeful teen is 15 million tweets short of a lifetime supply of Wendy’s chicken nuggets, Brickl Bros. are hiring construction workers (‘snowflakes’ need not apply), bewildered beaver becomes accidental leader of 150 curious cows, a Japanese Pufferfish uses ‘art’ to attract a mate, and Marcel Duchamp signs a toilet.

Special Guest: Dan Hill.

Links:

• Giant rabbit dies in new PR disaster for United Airlines  | Daily Mail Online
• Transcript of AP interview with Trump
• Wendy's spicy nuggets are still gone - Business Insider
• A New Meaning of the Word 'Snowflake' | Merriam-Webster
• Bewildered Beaver Becomes Accidental Leader Of 150 Curious Cows | The Huffington Post
• Once Upon A Time, The Catholic Church Decided That Beavers Were Fish - Scientific American Blog Network
• West Salem construction company uses #NoSnowflakes in recruitment campaign | Local | lacrossetribune.com
• Pufferfish Love Explains Mysterious Underwater Circles
• Fountain (Duchamp) - Wikipedia

Oregon man dies peacefully after being lied to about Donald Trump's impeachment, Alabama Senate says church can start its own police force, John Burk shares his selfies and his regressive ideology, Facebook streams a murder, and Doug Wheeler builds a semi-anechoic chamber in a ‘hidden’ room at the Guggenheim.

Special Guest: David the Producer.

Links:

• Donald Trump: Man Dies Happy After He's Told of Impeachment | Time.com
• Airlines Like United Can Underpay Bumped Passengers Because of a Government Rule — But the DOT has adopted a rule that encourages involuntary bumping — which is undoubtedly less popular with flyers than voluntary bumping. The regulation specifies that if a passenger is involuntarily bumped, airlines have to pay a penalty amounting to 200%–400% (depending on the delay length) of the one-way fare that they paid with a maximum cap of $1,350.
• President Trump’s broken timeline - The Washington Post
• "he shouldn't comply with record releases that his predecessors did of their own volition? Hiding something?"
• "The President must get Congressional approval before attacking Syria-big mistake if he does not!"
• "AGAIN, TO OUR VERY FOOLISH LEADER, DO NOT ATTACK SYRIA - IF YOU DO MANY VERY BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN & FROM THAT FIGHT THE U.S. GETS NOTHING!"
• Sean Hannity Glad Our Arrogant Pres Is Enjoying His Taxpayer Funded Golf Outing After Announcing the US Should Take Military Action Against Syria 9313 742 PM 3681 RETWEETS 2263 LIKES | Politics Meme on me.me
• Church Can Start Its Own Police Force, Alabama Senate Says : The Two-Way : NPR
• John Burk - "I think..." The ramblings of an American man.
• Facebook Streams a Murder in Cleveland, and Must Now Face Itself | WIRED
• A Hidden Room at the Guggenheim Will Transport You into a Soundless, Sublime World

Sean Spicer explores Godwin’s law, United Airlines unveils its new ‘Hunger Games’ fare class, a missing Oxford comma may cost Oakhurst Dairy $10M, Cleveland releases ‘asteroid field’ of 1.5M helium balloons, and a German computer repair technician pushes the boundaries of consent.

Special Guest: Adam Christopher.

Links:

• Did President Trump Profit from the U.S. Missile Strike Against Syria?
• Sean Spicer: Hitler "Didn't Even Sink to Using Chemical Weapons" | Mother Jones
• Sean Spicer Calls Concentration Camps 'Holocaust Centers'
• Spicer says he let Trump down with comments comparing Assad and Hitler | World | Reuters
• A Man Was Dragged Off A United Plane After The Airline Overbooked The Flight
• Is the United Airlines man being smeared in the media even the right David Dao? It shouldn't matter | The Independent
• Missing Oxford comma changes court ruling - Tucson News Now
• That Time Cleveland Released 1.5 Million Balloons and Chaos Ensued
• Armin Meiwes - Wikipedia

Mike experiences a zipper malfunction at a baptism, Phone Romeos in India look for love via wrong numbers, Pat Robertson resents at-will employment, Spiders could theoretically eat every human on Earth in one year, and David Neevel creates a Trump tweet-burning robot.

Special Guest: Josh Wade.

Links:

• Trump: Did Clinton 'ever apologize for receiving the answers to the debate?' | TheHill
• Did the Trump Administration Remove LBGT Categories from the 2020 Census?
• Trump Jr’s College Classmate Shares SHOCKING Story About What Father & Son Are Really Like – New Century Times
• 'We don't make mistakes' Trump says, right before making mistake | Newshub
• India’s ‘Phone Romeos’ Look for Ms. Right via Wrong Numbers - The New York Times
• (751) If I can't speak my mind, this isn't America anymore. -Phil Robertson | Duck Dynasty | Pinterest
• Spiders could theoretically eat every human on Earth in one year - The Washington Post
• Donate to Mike's Soylent fund!
• Meet David Neevel, creator of the robot that burns Trump tweets.

Carrie recounts her various religious conversions, Paul Ryan has a healthcare Freudian slip, Facebook cracks down on fake news, male lawmakers contemplate women's health legislation, the Ten Commandments may be coming back to an Oklahoma courthouse, and Arinze Stanley draws insanely realistic portraits.

Special Guest: Carrie Poppy.

Links:

• Ross and Carrie Go Mormon (Part 1): And it Came to Pass — Oh No Ross and Carrie
• Ross and Carrie Audit Scientology (Part 1): Going Preclear — Oh No Ross and Carrie
• FACT CHECK: Did Paul Ryan Say He Wants to Destroy Health Care?
• 9 bonkers things Donald Trump said in his new exclusive interview with Time - Vox
• Roger Stone, the ‘Trickster’ on Trump’s Side, Is Under F.B.I. Scrutiny - NYTimes.com — Nixon
• Trump the Dealmaker Projects Bravado, but Behind the Scenes, Faces Rare Self-Doubt
• Stupid Shit My Friends Post
• We tried to post fake news on Facebook, this is what happened
• Bill that would allow Ten Commandments back at the Capitol passes Oklahoma House | KFOR.com
• Alluring and Ultra-Realistic Drawing by Arinze Stanley – Fubiz Media

Trump takes credit for Kaepernick's shaky employment situation, your beard (probably) doesn't contain poop after all, Palin shares a meme articulating the differences between liberals and conservatives, Josh Chubbs performs cut-rate circumcisions in his cabin in the woods, and Jennifer Bolande restores mountain vistas one billboard at a time.

Special Guest: Matthew Van Dyke.

Links:

• Nobody Can Believe Sarah Palin Is Mad at Colin Kaepernick For Donating to Meals on Wheels | Mediaite
• Donald Trump calls out Colin Kaepernick, again | ProFootballTalk
• Donald Trump's Mexico border wall must be tall, difficult to cut through and look good from US side, says White House | The Independent
• Did Trump's Irish Proverb Come From a Nigerian Muslim Poet? - NBC News
• Your beard doesn’t contain poop, but it could help develop new antibiotics - The Washington Post
• Stupid Shit My Friends Post: Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives
• Man claimed on Facebook he ran a circumcision service — from his 'cabin in the woods' - Newfoundland & Labrador - CBC News
• Artist Replaces Billboards with Photos of the Landscapes They’re Blocking «TwistedSifter