Episode 11: Practicing Self-Love for Inner Peace

In this episode you will learn:

• What self-love is
• How to practice it
• Why it is beneficial

 

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Today I want to talk about self-love because it is a tenet of peace, freedom, confidence and happiness. Without it you can’t properly love others either or demonstrate healthy relationships to your children. Self-love. Sounds corny right? Corny or not, it’s something we all need to learn. So many of us grew up watching Disney movies we were raised to find love and yet loving ourselves was never in the mix. I’m pretty sure we did love ourselves when we were born because we didn’t know any better until things got in the way and destroyed that. Maybe we began to believe love from our parents was conditional or we could only be worthy of love if we were perfect or thin or achieving all of the things-a successful career etc. But I observe in my small children their love for themselves and try to take a cue! Let’s try this: Being down with your weird and wonderful self We are multi-faceted, complex creatures. We have a ton of thoughts and feelings swirling around at all times. We do things we are not proud of sometimes. But we can learn, with work, determination and effort, to love ALL PARTS of ourselves. Whatttt? Yes, this is possible We don’t have to hate anything about ourselves. I remember 7 years ago I told my therapist I loathed my anxiety. Loathed. That’s such a strong word. I’ve come a long ways since then. I’ve developed methods to manage all emotions including anger and anxiety practicing mindfulness and no longer feel that way. Think about our attitudes toward dear friends or family members. Often we have compassion for them and their mistakes or whatever they perceive as negative. We will tell them not to be hard on themselves yet be so hard on ourselves. Learning to have compassion for ourselves is a key part of learning to love ourselves. Self-forgiveness as well. That is a practice that is a necessary in self-love.

So how can you forgive yourself? Just a quick warning: this is deep internal work. It’s not easy. But if you are interested in getting out of dysfunction or even into a better, less painful place, this is what is required. Going to tough places in your brain. So grab a pen and piece of paper…pause if you’re driving or come back later. And write down what you believe to be all of your past mistakes. If you don’t want to write them, simply brainstorm them. It may be a short or long list.

Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions that accompany this reflection. Once you feel the negativity and sit with them, realizing it won’t kill you…you also practice sitting in discomfort which is critical in leading a more peaceful, free life. And then you can move on. If you write these down on a sheet of paper you can rip the paper up and throw it after you’ve sat with your emotions. Now that we’ve addressed self-forgiveness you might be wondering how to go aobut learning to love yourself if you’ve listened this far: The process comes from Kamal Ravikant and his book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. In any new process we want our brain to automatically participate in, we must put in work. Self-directed neuroplasticity is when you intentionally rewire your brain to create positive habits. People do this primarily through active reflection. Yes, the term is a mouthful — but it's also a powerful, science-based method to break undesirable habits and create new, healthy ones What if you don’t believe it? Doesn’t matter. Your role is to lay down the pathway for doing it. Connect the neural pathways and your body and mind will respond automatically. Kamal Ravikant’s process: Step 1: Mental Loop A thought loop is a pathway ebedded via use and habit. You can reverse this process. You can create your own focused mental loops. Repeat, “I love myself” again and again and again. Lay the pathway for that loop to run over and over. Eventually, it will take hold whether you believe it or not. Step 2: Meditation Each day, the author listens to a 7-minute piece of music that he likes and thinks, “I love myself.” Inhale > Think “I love myself” > Exhale >Release whatever thoughts you have. I would say being present with yourself Dinner alone, try alone time and enjoy your own company Step 3: Question “If I love myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this?” The answer was always “no” for the author. This question gently shifts your focus from wherever you are to self-love. Make the commitment and make it on paper. Make the vow to yourself to live your truth. Write down whatever it is that speaks to you. The words don’t matter. Just make sure it comes from you and it is in your own words. That’s how the magic will happen. Similarly, Kamal suggests we do this to ourselves: go right up against a mirror, face to face with yourself (focus on the left eye) and keep repeating, “I love myself” gently for 5 minutes (the number of times you say it doesn’t matter). What matters is you look at yourself while saying it. Love yourself truly deeply Can edit Repeat Put where can see daily Create an easy ritual of self love in case you get lazy Self love comes in handy when dealing with difficult situations. The decisions. Write a Self-love love letter Ask what your friends love about you And most importantly make a commitment to do this. Keep a reminder that this is something you will try to do everyday And with practice you can learn to love yourself.

Trust loving yourself and not abandoning yourself will help you simplify your life, make cleaner decisions (which I’ll discuss in a future episode) and love your life. If you are feeling stuck are a professional mom with the seemingly perfect life but you’re silently suffering on the inside, in survival mode and you’ve tried self-help, self-care, therapy, spinning on your Peloton and feel like this isn’t helping you getting you to where you want to be and peace, freedom, confidence seem unattainable, book a call to chat with me to realize that it’s not. That thriving is possible for you even if it seems like it’s not. www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me