Premeditated

Ring-a-ling! Someone pick up the phone! Caller ID says: YOU

America has gripes. Social gripes. Etiquette is going unchecked left, right and center. Our beloved listeners from across the globe have cases they need solved. The law of offices of Premeditated are here to help.

Through guided litigation, we lead our listeners through the murky legal waters of: Venmo request etiquette, breaking up over grammar, naming conventions for candy sizes and disingenuous “how are you’s”.

Tune in to hear our verdicts, and perhaps YOUR VOICE, on our raucous Season 1 finale.

Hugs and kisses America,

Graham and Neil

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Premeditated Podcast 029

Who run the Court? GIRLS!! Who gives pets as gifts? Hopefully only people who intimately know your schedule and capabilities!!

On this SPECIAL EPISODE of Premeditated our favorite improv group in town, Girls Night (Danielle Shvartsman, Jasmine Elist, Lizzie McGroder) drop by our law office to debate in the teenage-old question: should you give pets as gifts?

Are there be size limitations? Does the gift have to include the tank or cage or requisite apparatus? Is there a maximum limit on the gift pet’s lifespan?

It’s a wild and wacky episode that you WON’T want to miss. On an ALL NEW Premeditated. 

Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde

Guests: Danielle Shvartsman(@stanleytushi) 

Jasmine Elist (@jasmineelist) 

Lizzie McGroder (@scootermcgroder)

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Premeditated Episode 028

Human parents. The things that everyone, except Mork and Kyle XY, have. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they’re the reason we all exist. But we’re all (biological) adults now. And adults kiss. So…wait, are you saying? Should we be smooching our parents? 

Cheek, lips or tongue, our dear friend and future White Sox manager Haley OC has a ruling for each part of the face. She lays a lip-smacking legal smackdown on modern parenthood.

How long of a kiss is too long? What age is too old for a cheek pinch? If you’re in Europe, is it permitted? Is Graham a bad son for only high-fiving? Answers to all that and more on this week’s Premeditated!

Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde

Guest: Haley OC (@haley_oc)

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Look who’s still here! It’s Jenny Zigrino, the queen of the bicoastal breakup. This week, Los Angeles’ avoidant nature comes face to face with a New York attitude. 

We all know that relationships don’t last, but how do you handle that awkward dismount? 

Should you flick your boyfriend’s forehead, just slap the guy, or send a quick text? Should you even tell your partner that they aren’t the one, or let them figure it out on the internet? Are these questions pathologically unkind? Find out this week!

Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde

Guest: Jenny Zigrino (@jennyzigrino)

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America, listen, parking lots are getting hectic y'all. You ever tried to "swing by" Trader Joe's on a Sunday morning? You ever backed into a fly-away shopping cart? And that's all before you have to wade through the ocean of clipboards guarding the door!

It's all too much handle, unless your name starts with an L and ends in an izzie McGroder. The legend herself (@scootermcgroder) swung by the Premeditated law offices to drop off her latest legislative measures on Solicitor Interactions.

Is it okay hug them? Should the whole process be automated? Does Graham know how old he is?

Answers to all that and more, on an ALL NEW Premeditated.

Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde

Guest: Lizzie McGroder (@scootermcgroder)

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Ding Dong! No, it’s not the death of the Wicked Witch. It’s the arrival of the elevator at a non-schedule floor.

But, oh poop! Someone’s trying to get on!

Act Quick! Do you:

A)   Hammer Door Close

B)   Heroically throw your arm in between the Jaws of Death

C)   Pretend to do a  NYT mini crossword

D)   Offer your fellow rider a Laffy Taffy

This week’s leather dossier was brought to our desk by the undisputed first chair cellist, Jasmine Elist (@jasmineelist), who graciously stepped away from the Vienna Philharmonic to lay some ground rules about elevator etiquette.

It’s a hot button topic, and the elevator buttons are hot too! This is a civil case you DON’T want to miss.

Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde

Guest: Jasmine Elist (@jasmineelist)

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A crisp autumn breeze on your face. Your hands warmed by a foil-covered casserole dish. Anticipation of spending quality time with friends fresh on your mind. The front door opens, you step into the foyer, a friendly Labrador wags their tale in greeting…but wait, would you mind removing your shoes?

Record scratch. The scene freezes. It’s time we get the lawyers involved.

Enter HALEY OC (@MILFWEEED). She’s got two thumbs, a pending insurance card and a J.D. in Social Law and Potluck Etiquette.

This week on an ALL NEW Premeditated, we discuss the appropriate occasions and conditions for taking your shoes off in someone else’s house.

Is there a bench at the entry?

Are guest slippers classy or pretentious?  

Is owning 60+ pairs of socks too many socks?

Tune in for deliberation on all that and more!

Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde

Guest: Haley OC (@MILFWEEED)

insta: @premeditatedpod

Ooooh boy, we may have stepped in it on this one.

There are picketers outside the courthouse!

Our gavels are in hot water!

No need to schedule your manicurist this week, Judges Neil and Graham are here to settle all your nail care needs. We take an archeological trip through human history to search for one reason why witnessing fingernail trimming is gross.

Is our own mortality? Is nail the same stuff as hair?

It's just the boys and our keychain trimmers on an all NEW PREMEDITATED.

Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde

insta: @premeditatedpod

Oh gossip, that ancient pleasure.

A victimless crime... right? 

Right.

This week we’re joined by Jenny Zigrino to dig into the social laws on hot, juicy gossip. Together, we can make America gossip again, and spill the proverbial tea into the Boston Harbor. 

Is it only okay if it’s about someone your gossip partner knows? Can the courts institute men-in-black style gossip forgetting technology? Does Jenny have a power kink?

All of the questions that you didn't think would get asked are getting answered, this week on Premeditated.

Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde

Guest: Jenny Zigrino (@jennyzigrino)

insta: @premeditatedpod

What’s an excuse to party but not quite as special as your birthday party? That’s right. Someone else’s birthday party. And what’s more complicated than Italian physicist Gabriele Veneziano’s string theory? When your friend doesn’t want to do anything for their birthday but you think that deep down they may want you to actually do something but they don’t want to have to ask you to do something!!! Right again!

The good men at the law offices of Premeditated welcome back their all-time favorite barrister, DANIELLE SHVARTSMAN (@stanleytushi), to make a ruling on what we should do when our friends are giving indifference about their own birthdays.

Tune in for a festive TWENTIETH EPISODE of Premeditated.

Hosted by Graham Cameron and Neil Zumwalde

Guest: Danielle Shvartsman(@stanleytushi)

insta: @premeditatedpod