I think any time you’re wondering, “is it a diet?” And they have a bridal program? The answer is obviously yes.

Hello and welcome to Burnt Toast! This is the podcast about diet culture, fatphobia, parenting, and health. It’s time for your February bonus episode!

We’re doing something a little different this month, because I’ve realized that bonus episodes are a great chance to play around with some different formats and workshop ideas that may become regular episodes. So please tell me if you like this and think it’s genius or if you don’t ever want me to do this again.

One quick note: I am not going to link to any of the programs we discuss today because these are not companies that need your clicks. Corinne and I debated and decided that we would screenshot things because it may be helpful (or just more entertaining) to see what I see while you listen/read the transcript. But if seeing lots of diet marketing is not safe for you, this is def one to skip!

Today’s episode experiment is called: “Is it a diet? The answer is always yes.” I wanted to do this because I got a press release a few weeks ago with the subject line, “Don’t be triggered. The word cleanse is in here, but it’s not what you think.”

This was clearly a publicist who followed me enough to know that I would immediately delete a straightforward diet pitch. (Which is not most publicists, to be honest with you. They still send so many!) But she thought that she could get me to pay attention to her brand this way. Of course, it worked in the sense that I opened her email. But it was exactly what I thought. You were not allowed to eat sugar-containing fruit or any other sugar. Monk fruit was okay. So that feels accessible and realistic! It doesn’t matter if you’re saying it’s not about weight loss. When your cleanse involves that many restrictions, it’s obviously about weight loss. 

I hear this from you guys all the time, too: “My mother or my sister or my friend is talking about this new plan. Please explain! Is it a diet? Or is it okay?” As I wrote in January, it’s always a fucking diet. 

So I asked you on Twitter and Instagram for the diets people are hearing about most right now. And because I am not someone who actively participates in diet culture, these brands are actually all new to me. So I’m going to go on each of these websites and give you my hot take.

One other note: I’m not doing the diets that claim to analyze your microbiome through your poop samples, or to analyze your blood to tell you what to eat. Number one, we know those are diets because they advertise much more clearly that they are diets. Number two, they just require a little more digging and research to explain why they are selling bad science. Which I can do another time. But what I really want to do here is show you how to spot the bullshit when these ads come at you. Because once you kind of learn what you’re looking for, it jumps out pretty fast. 

Athletic Greens

Okay, I’m on their website. It says, “Welcome to the essentialist nutrition movement.” So that is a sentence that means nothing and yet sounds very exciting, I guess? There’s a lot of video of beautiful people drinking green juice and sweating and pouring their green powder in the water. Riding a bike in some beautiful location, lots of yoga, powder spilling everywhere. This does not sell me because that just looks messy. But that’s the first impression.

“Made from the highest quality ingredients, obsessively improved based on science.” Obviously, obviously. Right away, I’m seeing a bunch of things that sort of look like official certifications but mean nothing. “NSF certified sport,” “52 iterations and counting.” That just means they went through 52 recipes before they found when they wanted to sell. But the font and the way they formatted it makes it look like it’s some kind of official seal. Once you have tried your recipe 52 times you get a sticker!

Here’s the part that gives it all away: Their tagline is, you’re going to need a smaller cabinet. Because you don’t need food now? Because you have Athletic Greens? I don’t know, I’m not really looking to evolve beyond food.

And holy shit, you guys, a one time purchase is $99? Don’t tell me that’s $3 per serving! Come on, that’s garbage. Okay, so this is clearly nonsense. It is overpriced, overproduced. You’re buying green powder in a very expensive bag. Clean, comprehensive, essential… there’s a long list of everything that’s not in it. They haven’t actually told me yet what 75 ingredients that are in it. Oh, and then of course Tim Ferriss loves it. So, there you go. We don’t really need to say anything more about it.

Some people who are really into working out do like these for recovery or while they’re working out. Look, if these drinks taste good to you… why? Are you drinking other things? There are other things that taste better, I promise. But if they legitimately taste good to you or make you feel good, fine, have at it. If you are someone who has $99 to spend on powder, your life sounds like it’s going pretty well for you. But nothing about this is going to wildly improve your health. Nothing about this is going to guarantee sustained weight loss, other than the fact that they told you to get a smaller cabinet because you don’t need food now. So yeah, if you stop eating food, you’ll lose weight. But I think I probably don’t need to explain to this audience why that’s not a great plan.

Sakara

Okay, this is another powder-y one. Sakara sounds like a nice made up word that’s supposed to invoke some sort of spirituality or indigenous culture, but is probably not those things. I’m feeling white women, possibly Gwyneth-Paltrow-investor-type vibes here. These seem to be functional foods supplements. Okay, let’s pause on functional foods. All food is functional, in that you can eat it. What other function is there, to a food? Is it supposed to also do your taxes? They’re gonna say it’s like stuff about gut health. I mean, you just know, with a brand like this, gut health is coming. But really, the function of food is to be eaten, so if you can eat it, it is a functional food. If it is impossible to chew or swallow, then I guess it would be lacking in function. 

Lots of pictures of beautiful produce, very clean labeling, very high-end packaging. “Nutritionally designed, plant rich…” Nutritionally designed? This is just word salad. They’re selling me salad with word salad.

“Organic meals delivered to your door ready to eat.” That sounds like it’s going to be budget friendly and accessible, but let’s click to learn more. “Clean eating designed for results.” So here they’re not even pretending it’s not a diet. It says right away “Reduce bloat, shed excess weight,” and then all the bullshit stuff like, “boost energy, increase focus, improve skin clarity.” How do you even measure those things? I’m seeing a quote from Vogue. Good job Vogue, always on the right side of history.

This just looks like fancy small food. Small meals with lots of greens. So again, I’m not surprised if they achieve temporary weight loss because there’s significant caloric restriction happening. And I’m not even seeing pricing. They’re really burying the pricing here. It’s going to be expensive because this whole website is expensive. “Our meal delivery includes up to three meals a day,” so no pressure guys, if you’re eating fewer meals than that. Like if you’ve also got Athletic Greens and you’ve thrown out half your kitchen. Also: Detox tea for daily use and our potent complete probiotic. You knew it was gonna be about gut health. There we go. We found it.

So this is just a meal service diet. There are many of these. This is not a new model. Meal delivery programs have been around for decades. They change their packaging. They look fancy. This one has Goop-y vibes, so that’s clearly a big part of it. This is like white lady Instagram all over the place… and OH, it’s an MLM! Okay. Okay, I got there. I got to the Ambassador Page and here we are applying to become an ambassador.

Grow your income by earning commissions on new client referrals. No cap on Commissions. Share an exclusive discount towards Sakara meal programs and products to help others live the Sakara life. Chance to earn monthly product bonuses. Align yourself with a brand rooted in cutting edge nutrition science and healing wisdom.

So, either it’s a full-on MLM or it’s recruiting Instagram influencers to advertise for them and just be paid in commission as opposed to actually being paid for the value of their audience. Either way, we’re screwing women out of money and getting them to market a diet. So that’s neat. Feel good about this one.

Also, please note that they definitely have a level two detox in case that first meal that we talked about didn’t sound sad enough for you. And of course, there’s a bridal program. I think anytime you’re wondering, “Is it a diet?” And they have a bridal program? The answer is obviously yes. Anything marketing to brides is always around how can we make you as thin and white and blonde as possible. So, that’s Sakara. Athletic Greens feels more gender neutral. I would say probably more guys are going to get into that one. Sakara is definitely playing into white lady femininity bullshit. So there’s an extra ick factor for me. But they’re one and the same, I’d say. 

Second Nature

This just looks like a Noom knockoff. It’s an app. There are recipes. I think it’s a meal delivery service? No, it’s a recipe service. Okay, you don’t get the food, but for $60 a month you get a “tailored 12 week program with digital support, full access to our app and platform, and hundreds of exclusive recipes.” So it’s like Noom with a lot of recipes, I think.  

And there is this:

We don’t believe in strict, rigid diets that demand unrealistic lifestyle changes. There’s a good reason why many have cycled through different diets with varying degrees of success. If a new regime demands too much, there’s a greater chance the wheels will come off, and you’ll be right back where you started.

This is right out of the Noom playbook. There is a belief in the diet industry right now that if they get out in front of the whole “dieting is icky ” thing and say, “It’s not a diet. We also hate diets,” that you will accept that. It’s really patronizing.

I can see the menu for the day they’ve suggested is peanut butter, jam, and oats for breakfast; courgette boats (that zucchini for Americans) for lunch—so a zucchini with some cheese in it; and then butter chicken for dinner. I’m seeing no snacks. I’m seeing no sides. I’m seeing not enough calories to keep a toddler fed. Yeah, I’m gonna say it’s a diet. I think this is just European Noom. Except it’s obviously here in the US, too. 

Sunbasket

Sunbasket really tries not to be a diet. It’s marketed in the vein of Blue Apron, and certainly you hear about it on a lot of podcasts, in the same way that those other meal delivery kits are advertised. They’re also known for being very big on eco stuff, like compostable trays. I’m seeing “zero mess, zero cleanup” because the meal “arrives on a heat safe tray.” So you can get pre-made meals or you can get meal kits where you cook from the ingredients they send.

But when you’re on Sunbasket’s website, you get really quickly to: “Meal delivery for any diet. Choose a home meal delivery plan for your taste or mix and match with our any of our weekly recipes.” They cover paleo, vegetarian, “lean and clean,” gluten-free, carb conscious, Mediterranean, diabetes-friendly, and pescatarian. So, this is a gray area. Sunbasket is not a diet in that they’re not going to tell you how many calories a day to eat. But, they are marketing themselves as compatible with those diets. So their recipes have presumably been checked for calorie counts. I don’t love this. Even though I could just choose the “Chef’s Choice” option and not go for any of those diet options, it’s a big bummer that so many of the recipes are falling into those diet categories. They’re assuming that people are on these diets and they’re not challenging that concept at all.

This is not to hate on meal delivery kits. I think they make a lot of sense for a lot of folks. But I don’t feel good about giving this much money to a brand that’s happily diet-promoting in this way. I mean, there is no perfect brand. How can you really do good as a consumer under late stage capitalism? You can’t. But I don’t love it. I don’t feel great about it. I also think about not only what my dollars are supporting, but also: What is it going to do to me mentally when I click on to their website every week to see their recipes and encounter all this diet talk? That feels like it’s just going to be a bummer and mess with my head every week in a way. This would be a hard pass for me. But I will say it’s not quite the same. It’s definitely not not a diet. 

Calibrate

This one is interesting because it seems to be Noom plus medication. They are putting you on GLP-1s (Glucagon-like peptide-1s) and it says, “Calibrate doctors prescribe these medications.” So they have a doctor who can prescribe you a medication. So… who is the doctor? Are they seeing you in person? An Internet doctor feels weird, but okay. They’re prescribing either semaglutide or liraglutide, and what we know about these drugs is that they have been shown to achieve a small amount of weight loss. Calibrate is guaranteeing 10 percent weight loss in one year or your money back. We also know, these drugs have side effects. I will link in the transcript to some really good reporting that Mikey Marquisele has done on this. Ragen Chastain has also been keeping tabs on Novo Nordisk, one of the biggest manufacturers of these drugs, here and here. (Also, read Ragen on the myth of that 5-10% weight loss claim.) Mikey and I also did a podcast episode where we dug into this a lot. You can read those and catch up on the safety profile and the really questionable science that was done in order to get these drugs FDA-approved.

But the other thing about this is: Weight loss drugs only “work” if you are on them, which means you have to be on them for the rest of your life. That’s the deal with weight loss drugs. I am not a fan, both because I think asking people to stay on a drug for the rest of their life without a clear medical reason is extremely dubious, and because obviously I’m against intentional weight loss for all the reasons we always talk about here.

Calibrate combines the drug with video coaching and lifestyle tweaks. That’s the other piece of it: If these drugs really worked you wouldn’t also have to do all these “lifestyle tweaks.” That’s a nice way of making sure that if it doesn’t work, they can blame you. You must not have done those “lifestyle tweaks” hard enough. There’s no mystery about whether it’s a diet because right there on the homepage, it says, “Sustainable weight loss based on biology.” That’s what they’re in the business of doing here at Calibrate. There’s no mystery here but there is lot of marketing designed to make you think that because there are doctors behind this, because there’s scientific research behind this, that all of this is safe and reasonable and responsible to do.

I’m seeing very little discussion about side effects or complications or efficacy and safety. They’re also trying to lean into the fact that they accept insurance, you can use your FSA dollars for it. So that adds to their branding as medical weight loss, if you can get your insurance to pay for it or use your FSA money for it. It helps offset how much it costs, which is a lot! A “one year metabolic reset” is $135 a month. I mean, I guess you’re getting pills and for $99 you only get green powder from athletic greens. But that’s not sounding like a bargain. Or you can pay $250 just once to have a video appointment with your Calibrate doctor and learn more about what the one year program would look like. Which sounds to me like you’re paying $250 to have someone advertise to you. That’s really gross. Okay, I’m grouchy about this one. This one just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

Lumen

The first thing I see here: “Lumen users share how they hacked their metabolisms. 1 million breaths around the world.” You do wonder if they listen to the words that they put on these websites. Does anyone read them out loud before they hit publish? Okay, so Lumen is a metabolism-monitoring device. Or an app? It must be a device because you have to breathe into something.

The next thing I’m seeing is a quote from “Bernadette” who “lost 15 pounds and broke through her plateau.” She says, “It’s crazy. I use it like I use a scale. I’ve come to rely on it every day. Lumen has transformed my life.” Bernadette, I want better for you. Even though I’m pretty sure you’re just an actress paid to be in this video. I don’t think anyone should be weighing themselves every day. I think adding another device to your life that you have to use every day to monitor your weight sounds really crazy-making.

“The accountability of having my Lumen coach has helped me stay focused. My performance at the gym keeps improving.” That’s from “Anthony.” This is another one that’s gender neutral—they have a lot of men talking about it. And they’re really focusing on athletic performance. And: Every person on this website is thin. I’m not seeing any fat people. They’re all already thin, and yet they’re talking about losing twelve pounds, fifteen pounds. So that’s a thing. The focus is on hacking your metabolism, losing body fat, breaking through plateaus, getting overall stronger and leaner, decreasing your running time. So, it’s a lot more about athletic performance, but it’s obviously still a diet.

It’s a diet only for skinny people, which is weird. If I were a fat person seeking weight loss, this brand wouldn’t even feel accessible to me. I mean, I don’t want people seeking weight loss, but it’s really leaning into this idea that you are super fit. There’s strong Peloton vibes here. You’re doing this to take it to the next level. Maybe we don’t have to go to all these levels, guys. Maybe you can just be a person in the world who doesn’t hack your metabolism and your performance is just fine. That is true no matter what body size you’re in.

I can guarantee you everyone using Lumen is also buying Athletic Greens. I feel like I just brought it full circle there with this little tour through what diet culture is doing right now.

Well, I think I need a shower. RIP my algorithm. My ads are gonna be bonkers after this. And I’m going to have to leave you with that.

Should we do this more? Shall we riff on more shitty diets? Send me ones you want me to look into! Post them in the comments and let me know and I’ll keep a list and we can do this again sometime. 

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Thank you so much for listening to Burnt Toast!

The Burnt Toast Podcast is produced and hosted by me, Virginia Sole-Smith. You can follow me on Instagram or Twitter.

Burnt Toast transcripts and essays are edited and formatted by Corinne Fay, who runs @SellTradePlus, an Instagram account where you can buy and sell plus size clothing.

The Burnt Toast logo is by Deanna Lowe.

Our theme music is by Jeff Bailey and Chris Maxwell.

Tommy Harron is our audio engineer.

Thanks for listening and for supporting independent anti-diet journalism.