Probing Ancient Aliens

Was the planet Earth essentially a re-fueling station for ancient Egyptian gods / extraterrestrials? Is the iron throne of Osirius - aka The Ship of Eternity - waiting to be found within the large void recently discovered in the Great Pyramid at Giza? How did the Egyptians move massive red granite blocks over 600 miles to build the Grand Gallery? Were the biblical Joseph, Enoch and Imhotep all the same man...and perhaps not of this world when he partnered with King Joser to build his pyramid? Is mummification and placing it into sarcophagi actually a chemical process to assist in the transmutation of the body into a Light Body, allowing the person’s consciousness to travel through wormholes to the constellation Orion? Is Ramy Ramony the hunkiest Egyptologist the world ever did see? (the answer is yes, but..) We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they do! Let’s proooooooooooooooooobe into Season 13, Episode 7 of Ancient Aliens: Earth Station Egypt!

Now that the government has admitted Area 51 exists - what are the other secret research bases still kept under wraps by the likes of the military, the CIA, the Pentagon, and the White House itself? Are there UFOs in the mountains of Dulce, New Mexico? Has the Majestic 12 been controlling the output of information regarding alien research stations like Montaulk, Long Island, Brookhaven, and S4 / Hume Lake? What does the government have to lose or gain by hiding such immense secrets like underground subway stations to transport extraterrestrial Meta Materials between it’s disparate bases. Is the government creating its own loopholes from the Freedom of Information Act by using private companies like Bigelow Aerospace and Elon Musk’s SpaceX to do it’s dirty work with zero obligation to share their research and findings to the public? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they do! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooobe into Season 13, Episode 6 of Ancient Aliens - Area 52!!!!

The Nazca lines, the Atacama Giant, the Blythe Intaglias, Egyptian heiroglyphics, the Ben Ben Stone, the Cosmic Egg, Rendlesham Forest...need we go on? Are all of the petroglyphic carvings throughout the ancient deserts of the world actually part of one universal code taught to primitive humans by ancient extraterrestrial gods? Is this the most boring episode of Ancient Aliens ever? You bet your prolapse it is! But we still have fun despite the best efforts of our plucky ancient astronaut theorists - let’s proooooooooooooooooobe into Season 13, Episode 5: The Desert Codes!

Are black holes the same thing as the vortices we find here on Earth? Are the vortex tours of Sedona, AZ actually “black hole” tours? Have aliens been entering our dimension through the control of black holes - aka star gates - for millenia? What about the dangers of the various particle accelerators around the globe: will they eventually create a black hole so large it will swallow the entire planet? Does David Hatcher Childress survive a trip through the Bermuda Triangle?! We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they do! Let’s prooooooooooooooobe into Season 13, Episode 4 of Ancient Aliens - Earth’s Black Holes!

Is the government secretly working on protocols that dictate how officials should act should they ever encounter extraterrestrial life? Have these protocols actually existed far before the average citizen could ever imagine? Are the messiahs of the world’s religions actually ancient alien benefactors who will return one day for mankind’s benefit? Did the Roswell crash spawn the first set of secret documents and the creation of the Majestic 12 to deal with all alien occurrences, big and small? How did Travis Taylor snag the job of literally writing the book on modern alien encounter protocols for the government - is it because he’s friends with Dragon from Skinwalker Ranch? We don’t know, but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure think they do! Let’s proooooooooooooooobe into Season 13, Episode 3 of Ancient Aliens: The Alien Protocols!

Did Leonardo Da Vinci invent paintings? Did he invent...the Da Vinci Code? Who was this masked man, and what was he REALLY trying to say with those tiger eyes of his? Was the Last Supper actually depicting a sheet of musical notes with the hands of the apostles and the soft bread on the table? Was the Salvator Mundi’’s depictio of Christ holding a crystal ball actually proof that Jesus is an extraterrestrial from the Orion constellation? What about The Virgin of the Rocks and the depiction the archangel Uriel seeming to favor the Christ-child - was Da Vinci trying to depict his own connection with the archangel of knowledge? Is ANY painting worth 400 MILLION dollars to a saudi prince? We don’t know, but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure think they do! Let’s prooooooooooooooooobe into Season 13, Episode 2 of Ancient Aliens: Da Vinc’s Forbidden Codes!

It's Labor Day, plus it's Steve's birthday weekend, so here's a peek into our Patreon while we take a little time off. Remember to keep your prolapses moistened at all times during this heat wave!

(Original Patreon description)

Skinwalker Ranch has a new rich Mormon owner and the research staff he hired has a HUNKY AF new leader - Travis...fucking....Taylor. Oddly enough, Dr. Taylor looks like he was born Mormon...but isn't. Conspiracy? Alien eugenics?! All we know is that he's from "where the rockets that went to the moon were made." Listen up to see what we think of this new series for 2020 that crosses over the paranormal, UFOs, ancient aliens, and super douchey post-reality show security guards who we fucking hate.

This timely episode of Ancient Aliens takes a lot of big UFO disclosure events from 2017 and 2018 and links them to a pretty thorough chronological history of deep state government cover-ups and lies that have been organized - unbeknownst to the public - since the 1940’s...until now. The great part is: here in 2020, we very recently have seen many of these leaks come to fruition as true-blue reports from top level agencies in the US government, and now, more than any time in human history, can we say that UFOs have been observed not just by local yokels and kooky spazoids...but by the Pentagon, the Navy, and the CIA. What a time to be alive in the world of UFOlogy! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooooobe into the Season 13 premier of Ancient Aliens: The UFO Conspiracy!!!!

Was Gobekli Tepe built by the only surviving race of advanced humans after emerging from underground bunkers to wait out the ice-age-ending cataclysm of the Younger Dryas period and re-build the Earth? What connections do the pillars at Gobekli Tepe have to the constellation, Cygnus? Did Zoroastrianism contain the most accurate depiction of the great flood: that a “giant serpent” would crash into Earth and cause an “endless winter,” completely destroying life on the surface and forcing the more primitive people to survive, repopulate, and come to prominence as the dominant human species on the planet? If Gobekli Tepe completely re-wrote archeology’s dogmatic understanding of how old the oldest “modern” humans were, then could there be other structures just as old, or even older, then Gobekli Tepe, simply hidden under the sands of time, waiting to be discovered and uncover that humanity has been advanced for tens...or eve thousands of years? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they do! Let’s proooooooooooooooooobe into the Season 12 finale of Ancient Aliens: Return to Gobekli Tepe!

Did aliens leave record-like devices in the ancient past for modern man to uncover? Did a UFO filled with extraterrestrials crash land into present day Beijing over 10,000 years ago, only carving petroglyphs on the wall but also leaving behind 716 alien disks? Was the ancient Inca Sun Disk of legend actually more akin to an extraterrestrial smartphone than a magical portal that allowed Viracocha to speak to emperor Patcha Cutti? Are religious depictions of disc shaped objects all simply depicting super advanced walkie-talkies, allowing humans to speak to their ancient aline gods? We don’t know, but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure think they do! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooobe into Season 12, episode 16 of Ancient Aliens: The Alien Discs.