Probing Ancient Aliens

Joseph Smith...Mohammed...David Parkinson (huh?), Moses, Constantine, Queen Elizabeth - all of these players on the world stage had raw, extreme encounters with the divine...but were these deities simply flesh and bolts extraterrestrials with a direct interest and guiding hand in the events of human history? Did aliens cause the storm that ended the Spanish Armada’s attack on England in the 16th century? Did an extraterrestrial craft pick up Moses on Mt. Sinai and imbue him with a divine alien force? As the angel Moronai said: “I’m not an angel, I’m a full-on alien!”...or something to that effect. Either way, our plucky ancient astronaut theorists have the skinny - and the fatty! - on the major meetups between ET and man - let’s prooooooooooooooooooooooooooobe into Alien Encounters!

It’s the Probing Ancient Aliens recap of Alien Con Los Angeles 2019! Steve and Joey spent two stellar days at the LA Downtown Convention Center, only minutes away from where the LA Lakers play ball...but they were concerned with other kinds of spheres: planets, multiverses, stars, atoms, and the frequencies at which they all vibe out the loads. The boys went more obscure this year, skipping over most of Tsouks and the gang (though leaving ample room for their Galactic Daddy David Hatcher Childress!) and attending panels on podcasts, quantum consciousness, and an Atlantean spirit channeler who spoke through an inner earth spirit named Vywamus who unlocked our true energetic potential. Plus...a distinct and unfortunate lack of hot dogs throughout the weekend, leaving gaping holes in their hearts, yearning and pulsing for convention center food but never to be filled or satisfied. Let’s prooooooooooobe into Alien Con 2019!

Was the Higgs-Boson particle discovery in 2012 merely a RE-discovery of physics implanted in the Vedic texts of ancient India? Did the ancient Greek philosopher, Democritus, learn how to telepathically communicate with advanced beings in the astral planes from the Magi and Egyptian Mystery priests? Did modern scientists like Nikolai Tesla, Albert Einstein, and Robert Oppenheimer get the idea for the Big Bang from the Vedas opening chapter concerning the “Cosmic Egg” from which all light and matter sprung? Now that the Higgs-Boson has been observed at the large hadron collider at CERN - is humanity getting into more dangerous territory by adding more and more power to this particle accelerator - so much so that we might create a giant black hole that destroys our entire solar system? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure have all the answers! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooobe into The God Particle!

Our plucky ancient astronaut theorists probe deep into the “mad scientist” Nikolai Tesla - the patron saint of hipsters and original creator of most of our technology today. Was this troubled genius actually an agent of extraterrestrials, with inventions being downloaded like a hologram to his mind? Was his unique brain able to access the Akashic Record - gaining tidbits of knowledge that only hyperdimensional beings can comprehend? Was he robbed of his greatest accolades by jealous peers who feared his competitive edge? Not sure what else there is to be said about ol’ Nik, but Tsoukalos, Childress, Wilcock and the gang sure do try! Let’s proooooooooooooooooooooooooooobe into The Tesla Experiment!

The boys took a trip to the transcendant Contact in the Desert 2019 event in Indian Wells, CA for a whopping 4 days - resulting in an 3 hour mega-podcast recapping their adventures! An intimate conversation with David Hatcher Childress, the realization that David Wilcock is the most arrogant man to walk the Multiverse, did Steve finally find love, and plenty of people watching galore can all be heard on this very spiritual episode about a very spiritual convention. Let's proooooooooooooooooobe into Contact in the Desert!

Sorry we're late with this episode! Our plucky ancient astronaut theorists probe deep into the annals of the oft-conspiracized race of Reptillian extraterrestrials that are shadow-ruling our entire planet. Who were they? Why were they cast out as villains of a great alien civil war? Are they behind the hybridization of humanity? Are they good or evil? Let's prooooooooooobe into these cold blooded killers and see what makes the Reptilians tick!

Another re-hash, another dollar the History Channel seems to be saying here with another “special edition” episode of Ancient Aliens! Faces of the gods pulls almost exclusively old footage and provides little to no new content whatsoever - but that’s ok! If you’re new to the show than you’ll get a nice little re-cap of all the questionable conspiracy theories Tsoukalos, Childress and the gang put out into the galaxy year after year! So if you want to know what aliens look like, then let’s prooooooooooooooooooooooobe into Faces of the Gods!

Like old chopped potatoes at breakfast, our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists are serving up re-hashed leftovers in this “Special Edition” episode that was likely used to fill the March 2014 - July 2014 gap in Season 8. But not to worry your charming little selves! We’ve got burrito talk, we’ve got Mum’s cream, we’ve got Baghdad Batteries powering pyramid microwaves and even a special appearance by (the words) Ava Devine! And if you like feta cheese, fettuccine, or just plain’ ol’ pita bread, we’ve got you covered in LOADS of fresh room temperature gooey content! Let’s prooooooooooooooobe into Mysterious Devices aka the a re-edited version of “Alien Tech!”

Are the great megalithic stones at Carnac an ancient pathfinding device for Apollo, the Greek, and possible Norse god? How did ancient man carve such precise angles into tough granite rock without the help of advanced technology? Was Pumapunku poured into place with advanced stone melting technology that allowed the ancient Incans to “pour” the molten stones into place with such accuracy? Were the large carvings at Gobekli Tepei and Easter Island created with the help of ancient alien tools - the same mysterious devices that helped build Coral Castle in the American southeast? We don’t know, but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists are using 95% footage from a season 1 episode to re-hash this shit and sell it to you like it’s new information! Let’s proooooooooooooooooooooobe into the crev-asses of mysterious structures!

Are ancient Asian dragons actually misinterpreted extraterrestrial spacecraft? Are there ancient alien airports littered across the Earth, part of a vast star-being trade network that brought knowledge advanced technological knowledge to primitive man? Was Solomon’s legendary magic carpet actually an airship given to him by so-called “divine” beings that were simply aliens in disguise? And what of Ezekiel’s infamous interaction with God in a chariot described has having “wheels within wheels” (boys)? Was this yet another example of flesh and blood ET’s posing as the paranormal to manipulate human destiny in the ancient past? We don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists are re-hashing about 95% old footage from season 1 episodes in this ep - even down to Robert Clotworthy’s narration volumed down to about a 4/10 compared to his usually 11. Let’s prooooooooooooooooobe (again!) into Alien Transports!