Are you child-prodigies actually half-human, half-extraterrestrial hybrids who are the next step in human evolution? How is it possible that selct kids throughout the world have genius level intelligence and an awareness of information most adults never learn over their life time? Are governments holding secret research programs for star-children to test their psychic and telekenetic abilities? Are the demi-gods of Greek Mythology the first documented cases for Star Children? And what of the so called "black eyed children" who seem to be the antithesis to the benevolant and future-shaping Starseed kids? Are they actually demons in disguise...or perhaps the progeny of the "evil" alien races who are hell-bent on undoing the work of our nurturing galactic daddies and mommies? Steve and Joey sure as heck don't know, especially after watching this episode of the History Channel's Ancient Aliens!!! But they do see LOTS of messed up skulls, creepy eyeball CG as well as more sad #MintChipMoments from Joey's childhood. Let's prooooooooobe into...well even we can't finish that sentence.

Have ancient aliens been visiting America for thousands of years? Do Native Americans have a deeper connection with biological extraterrestrials than we give them credit for? Did Star Beings literally birth indigenous Americans before Europeans even settled there? Was there a secret Egyptian cave in the Grand Canyon that the Smithsonian covered up and prevented the American public from ever learning the truth? We don’t know...but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure do! We got homegrown beef gettin’ mutilated! We got 14,000 year old petroglyphs in dry lake beds! We got Air Force bases gettin’ their nukes shut down! Why?! Because that’s how ya do it! If you’re an alien that is…Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooobe into American aliens!

Are wormholes real? Is the Einstein-Rosen Bridge actually possible to create and travel through? Have ancient aliens been using stargates to cover trillions of miles instantaneously...only to check in on ancient man and give him the most mediocre of technology like how to move around stone blocks? Does William Henry truly earn his title as Medallion Man this episode, or is he outdone by David Wilcock's pondering of space and the divine? Are stargates really just leather tubes in the intestinal track of the universe...transferring matter out of entrances and exits with only the energy of a condensed planet like Jupiter to give it the grunt and shove it needs to do it's doody...um...duty? I'm sure our plucky Ancient Astronaut Researchers know the answer! Or maybe they talk about the Bermuda Triangle again and other stuff that's been disproved as paranormal or even mildly interesting. Let's prooooooooooooooooooobe into those dark space holes known as...stargates.

Do aliens live in underground mountain bases around the world? Were sacred mountains actually a doorway to the next realm? Did ancient people actually commune with extraterrestrial gods on mountain tops? Why would globe spanning cultures create massive temple complexes on precarious mountain tops? Steve and Joey have no clue, so they’ve turned to our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists who are sure to have real proof that Olympus, Shasta, Fuji, and the rest are aaaaaaaaall alien landing zones and shit! Let’s proooooooooooooooooooooobe into these mysterious mountain sides for ROCK...HARD...FACTS.

Was the Ark of the Covenant actually an advanced nuclear weapon built by ancient aliens? Was “God” simply a remote ET or artificial intelligence that chose to communicate or kill the Israelites at their leisure? Where is the Ark of the Covenant now: Japan, Ethiopia, Scotland? The world may never know...but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure do! This episode actually has some decent evidence presented by religious experts and stays on a specific topic...almost the whole time. But does that stop Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, and Non-Character Jim Carrey from stopping by to share their own opinions about the Ark that holds the 10 Commandments? It sure as heck-fire doesn’t! Let’s proooooooooooooobe into the true nature of the Ark thingy from the Indiana Jones movie!

Are the mysterious islands of the world actually secret alien bases and re-fueling stations for extraterrestrials? Are the Solomon Islands actually run by a race of alien shape-shifting giants that have been terrorizing and breeding with the native peoples for hundreds of years? Did Sandy Island disappear from simple erosion, or did otherworldly travelers use cloaking technology to hide this important location, even from Google Maps? Is the mythical island of Hy-Brasil simply an alien Garden of Eden-style paradise that appears once every 7 years to keep watch of the Irish peoples that the god-like beings helped create? Steve and Joey sure as hell don’t know after watching this episode, but you better believe our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure think SOMETHIN’s going on on these mountain tops poking out of the sea like an aquatic prolapse! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooobe into forbidden islands and see if them thar’s little green men ashore!

Are mysterious relics actually ancient alien technology given to ancient man by extraterrestrial gods? Are religious artifacts simply tools of the alien trade and occasionally they’d stop by and tell someone who should be king or grant your wishes or some such? Is this episode description a lot weaker and shorter than our usual write-ups? You bet your green alien ass it is, because our plucky ancient astronaut theorists are really phoning it in on the Season 5 finale of Ancient Aliens, where they literally just define what relics are over and over again and ponder out load for millions to see! Let’s proooooooooooooooobe into these licks of rel and perhaps we too shall be king of the pounding prolapse!

Are the royal bloodlines of the world considered “divine” because they actually have alien DNA within their veins? Why do all kings and queens seem to have divinity as a requirement to rule their people? Did extraterrestrials choose certain humans to bestow technological gifts upon and imbue them with scientific knowledge - enough to rule a whole country? Do our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists just keep repeating the same crap about how kings are aliens or alien hybrids over and over again this episode until they hope you believe it? You bet your moist pink prolapse they do! Steve & Joey break down a whole bunch of nothing after one of the worst episodes of Ancien Aliens ever - but hey - the disgusting humor and insight you know and love is here in spades! Plus some VERY special announcements about the future of Probing Ancient Aliens and new podcasts from the boys! Let’s proooooooobe into the royal holes of Emperors, Kings, and Pharaohs!

Did ancient extraterrestrials in the form of Thoth, Dhanvantari and Dianchecht provide the medical knowledge needed for ancient cultures to perform surgeries that are harrowing even today? How did so-called “primitive people” safely open their patients’ skulls to manage complicated neurosurgery procedures that people actually survived? Was the ancient Greek healer Asclepius actually an alien disguised as a human...or perhaps a human connected to advanced extraterrestrial teachers? Have thought-powered prosthetics and other bionic enhancements actually been around for thousands of years? Steve and Joey sure as hell don’t know, but they’re sure our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists do! Let’s prooooooooobe into ancient alien operations and see what makes these bad beings tick!

Was the epitome of evil: Satan, simply a misunderstood extraterrestrial looking to give technology and self-sufficiency to early man? Is Satan just another version of Shemyaza from the Book of Enoch? Are other rebellious, human-loving gods like Prometheus, Kukulkan, Set, and Viracocha just other forms of Satan - making him a singular “bringer of light” to cultures across the ancient world? Was the technology and knowledge Lucifer brought to man actually a benevolent act by a loving deity and not the demonic trickery of “the enemy?” Do our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists actually believe that Satan himself was “...not such a bad guy” as David Childress mentions in this very ‘sode?! Let’s prooooooooooooobe into the supposed conspiracy against everyone’s favorite devilish dude!