Probing Ancient Aliens

Are the thousands of ancient monoliths around the world stone antennas that broadcasted power and information to ancient aliens? How did primitive Britons carry and build the stones at Stonehenge and Avebury? Do the Moai of Easter Island and similar statues in Indonesia actually contain the souls of the gods and provide the power to travel to another realm to communicate with extraterrestrial beings misinterpreted as the divine? What about David Hatcher Childress’s “joy-gantically huge” stone balls of Costa Rica, or the spherical stone apple bags of Semir Osmonagich, AKA “The Bosnian Indiana Jones?” Can stone monoliths provide the power to open a stargate just by containing trace amounts of quartz crystal? I’m sure our plucky ancient astronaut theorists will provide concrete (no pun intended!) answers to all these insane claims and more as we study obelisks, throbelisks, and the proper stimulation for emulation! Also, we learn more about Steve’s early dating life and how it’s connected to the Sega Dreamcast and a young, unassuming Japanese girl he courted at the 8th grade dance. Let’s proooooooooooooobe into ancient monoliths, babyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Vikings, Norseman...the guys with the big horns on their helmets - just who did they worship and how did they accomplish such magical feats as the creation of weapons like Thor’s hammer and Odin’s spear; or the rainbow bridge connecting each of the nine realms of the cosmos and the different races of extraterrestrial beings that lived in each? Why did vikings burn their dead in a boat or travel so far around the world in their amazing longboats...even across the Atlantic? I’m sure our plucky Ancient Astronaut Researchers have all the answers with plenty of physical and textual evidence as they prove that the Norse gods were nothing more than flesh and bolts aliens with advanced spacecraft, technology, and weaponry. Or maybe it’ll just be a big history lesson on viking culture and some loose alien tie-ins that are about as solid the Swedish Chef’s prolapsed little butt! Let’s prooooooooooooooobe into the viking gods and hope that we don’t get our eyes pecked out by space drone ravens!!!

Erich von Daniken created Ancient Astronaut Theory in 1968 with the publication of his book: Chariots of the Gods. Without this seminal work, History Channel’s “Ancient Aliens” wouldn’t exist, and neither would this podcast! So for that, Steve and Joey give Mr. VD Viewpoint himself some credit for opening people’s minds over the decades...and perhaps their little colons too! As this episode goes through Erich’s early years as a Jesuit school student questioning the Bible’s interpretation of God all the way to Paradigm Symposium 2012 where he proudly proclaims he’s an “Unreasonable Man,” you better believe our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have much love and more than a little butt-smooching for the former Swiss hotel manager. Childress, Tsoukalos, Noory, Bauval, Coppens, Redfern and the whole shebang gang reflect on how Erich inspired them on their own ancient aliens journey to conspiracy theory stardom of varying degrees. Let’s proooooooooobe into ol’ Erich and find out what ancient alien-designed machinery makes this man tick!

Have alien abductions been occurring for thousands of years? Are spiritual stories of gods and angels taking ancient man around the world and offering visions of the future one and the same as modern day stories of ships, greys, and experimentation? Was Travis Walton’s “Fire in the Sky” just another tale in the ongoing story of mankind being stolen away by UFOs for disturbing and nefarious purposes? Did Nikola Tesla get all his best ideas from a telepathic connection with Martians? Was the archangel Gabriel a benevolent humanoid extraterrestrial that helped Mohammed come to his destiny of creating and spreading Islam? You don’t have to be strapped down to a medical slab with an alien needle drilling into your eye to believe that our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have all the evidence-based answers you could want - with plenty of assumption, hyperbole, and argumentative fallacy to fill an entire mothership! Steve and Joey take a tractor beam laden ride with Childress, Tsouks, Redfern and the gang to explore the similarities between close encounters in the past, present, future...and beyond the Semen Shores! Let’s proooooooooooobe into Strange Abductions!

Are the ginormous Nazca lines of Peru the product of Ancient Alien intervention with more primitive peoples? How did the men and women from 1500 years ago carve such straight angles and make such intricate geometric symbols in the limestone-laden earth? Why would they go through so much effort to carve hundreds of geoglyphs meant to be seen from the sky if they weren’t sure the gods were flying overhead to appreciate their attempt at communication? Are the Nazca lines signposts to the local Inca cities in the area where the aliens could be directed to go party more with the Pumapunku peeps? You better believe (you BETTER!) that our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorist have all the evidence-based answers you could ever want, and that they offer some rock...hard...evidence as to what the Nazca lines were truly for, and exactly what they mean. Uuuuuh yeah...and Joey and Steve jerk off on Sundays! Am I right?! Any let’s prooooooooooobe into those limestone Nazca lines, baby!

Are great prophets throughout the ages getting knowledge of the future from aliens? Are inter dimensional beings downloading prophetic information to select human minds so that we can be prepared for major events? Was the burning bush actually the Hebrew God...or a misinterpreted piece of alien technology? Was the whirlwind of smoke and fire that led Moses and the Israelites out of Egypt actual an alien spacecraft? Was the Mormon archangel Maroni simply a flesh and blood extra terrestrial misinterpreted as divine? Ancient astronaut theorists say...'uh sure!' As usual, Steve & Joey do their best to use a speculum on all the speculation to spread it wiiiiiiiide open and shed light on all the logical fallacies that our plucky ancient astronaut theorists make in this extra dicey episode. We see some new faces, and begin to say goodbye to some old ones as we countdown these last few episodes of the late great Philip Coppens. But you can probably ass-certain that the success rate of the Ancient Aliens crew is about equal with Nostradamus - vague and minimal at best. Let's proooooooooooooobe into these fallacious futurists and sort through some prophecies, babyyyyyy!

Are ancient tombs actually teleportation stargates that transport the body and soul to the afterlife? Did ancient aliens give our ancestors instructions on how to build these doorways to eternity? Were the huge sarcophagi in Saqqara actually meant to trap the sacred Apis Bull’s remains so that these monstrous divine creatures couldn’t wreak havoc on Egypt after their demise? Does the fact that all cultures, both primitive and modern, believe in life after death and funerary rituals mean that advanced extraterrestrials were worldwide teachers that wanted us to find them after our corporeal forms were shed? Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have all the answers...or perhaps just some really really really really really really strong feelings about these questions so that people will believe them just so they stop repeating themselves this episode! Steve and Joey are here to probe deep and talk all things Halloween, helicopter pilots, and the love that can only be found with a cockney accent mixing with an Irish accent and turning into pirate accent! Let’s PROOOOOOOOOBE into these dark and spooky gateways to heaven itself!

Was Albert Einstein's unique brain simply a product of evolutionary mutation...or did Aliens give him access to the otherworldly sources of knowledge like the Akashic Record? How was his 76 year old brain as healthy as a man half his age at the time of his death? Was Einstein perhaps imbued with extra terrestrial DNA? How do geniuses like Einstein, Tesla, Socrates and Da Vinci just "come up" with their society-altering ideas without the help of some supernatural force? Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have aaaaaaaaall the answers of course, just like the do every week - saving the best for this big Season 4 Finale! And, just like they do every week, Joey and Steve are here to probe big gaping holes into their "evidence." As always, they insert themselves with love and a funny vibe that the whole family can enjoy. So pull up a chair to that old timey radio and let's PROOOOOOOOOOBE directly into Einstein's factor!

Do the Ancient Aliens that visited early man for centuries come from Orion's Belt? Why do so many ancient cultures like Babylon and Egypt obsess over three of the brightest stars in the night sky? Why do so many religious creation myths center around the gods coming from Orion? Did the pharaohs of Egypt use the Pyramids as a star gate to travel to Orion...aka the home of the gods? Orion seems to be the connective tissue between disparate cultures thousands of miles apart - so why do they all love it so darn much?! Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists must have concrete evidence to unravel this mystery...right? Steve and Joey Probe deep into this one, as well as more important questions: like the origin of Sonic the Hedgehog and his fascination with delicious chili dogs. Let's proooooooooooooooobe under Orion's belt buckle and get into what makes that big guy tick once and for all!

Is the Great Pyramid at Giza actually a hydro-chemical power plant that shoots microwaves out of it's mysterious shafts? Are all the Obelisks around the world a part of a vast power network that pre-dates Nikolai Teslas wireless Power Towers? Did ancient man harness the power of stone and conductive minerals to power ancient tools to build the mind-boggling megaliths that dot the planet...flying in the face of mainstream archaeological theories? Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they have the answers, and they say it with such conviction that you HAVE to think otherwise...right? Steve and Joey might just think otherwise, but they'll let their amulets...and intuition...guide them toward the truth. Let's prooooooobe our inner selves and let some gas out of our own internal combustion chambers to make room for Alien Power Plants...now with more Fiber and Vitamin C!