What drives people into the arms of white Christian nationalism — and why does it hold them so completely?

In this episode, I go beneath the politics and into the psychology, using psychoanalytic theory to deconstruct what the movement is actually doing at the level of the unconscious. Drawing on Philip Gorski and Samuel Perry's The Flag and the Cross, Pamela Cooper-White's landmark paper "God, Guns, and Guts," and the testimony of former evangelical minister Brad Onishi, I examine white Christian nationalism not as a fringe aberration but as a religious power order — a cosmology of hierarchy held together by fear, trauma, and the desperate human need for order in a world that feels like it's coming apart.

I move through Freud's group psychology, the narcissistic leader, Klein's paranoid-schizoid splitting, castration anxiety and gun culture, and end with the most unsettling question of all: who is carrying the shadow the rest of us won't claim?

What if the belief that you're special is the very thing keeping you from your own life?

In this episode, I explore one of the quietest and most consequential assumptions most of us carry: that we matter in a cosmic sense. That we were meant to be here. That our particular existence is not an accident.

Drawing on Adam Phillips' razor-sharp provocation in Missing Out, Ernest Becker's unsettling theory of heroism in The Denial of Death, and Irvin Yalom's clinical insight into what he called the illusion of personal specialness, I trace where the need for significance comes from, what it costs us, and what might be waiting on the other side of it.

I look at how parents — out of genuine love — install a sense of cosmic specialness in their children, and what happens when adolescence and adulthood deliver the reckoning. I also spend time in the consulting room, where one client's relational struggles turn out to be rooted in something older and deeper than anyone first suspected.

This isn't an episode about giving up. It's about the strange freedom that becomes available when we stop needing the universe to confirm us.

In this episode, I reflect on the 2017 Electric Dreams adaptation of Philip K. Dick’s “The Commuter” alongside Adam Phillips’ idea of the unlived life. Macon Heights — the town that never officially existed — becomes a powerful metaphor for the life we imagine would have been smoother, more coherent, less burdened.

Drawing from my clinical work with autistic clients, I explore whether our defining “symptoms” or fractures are actually structural — and what it would mean to remove them. If you could erase the wound that shaped you, would you still be yourself?

This is an episode about fantasy, identity, and the unsettling cost of chasing a seamless life.

In this episode, I explore whether Georges Bataille can be read as a radical theologian precisely because he refuses to save God.

Drawing from Allan Stoekl’s essay “Bataille, Teilhard de Chardin, and the Death of God,” I contrast Teilhard’s vision of convergence and Omega with Bataille’s insistence that completion ends in rupture — that absolute knowledge collapses into nonknowledge.

Although I no longer identify as a Christian, I remain drawn to radical theology. Here, I wrestle with a tension I feel even within progressive theology: after rejecting a literal deity, do we still preserve a highest ground — a metaphysical guarantor — under another name?

Bataille’s atheism forces me to ask whether a truly radical theology must relinquish even that.

Not comfort.

But courage.

In this episode, I explore Georges Bataille’s account of religion through Zeynep Direk’s reading — not as belief in a divine being, but as the acknowledgment of the movement where life and death pass into each other.

I reflect on my own shift beyond doctrinal Christianity and how I’m developing what I call ethical hedonism — a way of honoring pleasure, eros, and vitality without abandoning structure or responsibility.

We’ll talk about ego, excess, abjection, and the festival as a necessary interruption of productivity — and why building small “festivals” into our lives may be essential for psychological health.

What if transcendence isn’t a ladder we climb but a descent we resist?

In this solo episode, I explore an intuition that first confronted me in my own therapy — especially when I began taking my dreams seriously. The symbols that unsettled me most were the ones that betrayed my conscious morality and stirred disgust or erotic charge. And yet, those very images carried psychic energy that felt unmistakably sacred.

Bringing together Bataille’s claim that the sacred can be entered through the latrine, Philip K. Dick’s idea of the “trash stratum,” alchemical transformation, Lacan’s notion of jouissance, and Kristeva’s theory of abjection, I challenge the spiritual-material dualism that elevates prayer above orgasm and transcendence above embodiment.

If the sacred erupts precisely where identity destabilizes — in what we expel, repress, or deem impure — then the places we most want to reject may not be obstacles to depth. They may be its doorway.

In this solo episode, I explore what Jeffrey Kripal calls the traumatic secret — the uneasy coordination between trauma and transcendence in mystical literature — through the philosophy of Georges Bataille.

I reflect on how Kripal shaped my own intellectual and spiritual development during a season of deconstruction, teaching me how to remain open to mystery while staying critically grounded. From Bataille’s ideas about eroticism, death, and transgression to Huxley’s filter theory and the destabilization of the ego, I examine the possibility that rupture does not “cause” mystical experience but may sometimes allow it to appear.

This is not a romanticizing of trauma or a defense of supernaturalism. It’s an inquiry into thresholds — those moments when the structures of the self tremble and something larger presses in.

The shell must be broken.

What emerges remains a mystery.

I don’t believe in astrology.

But while reading I Don’t Believe in Astrology by Deborah Silverman, I found myself unexpectedly confronted — especially by the fact that Capricorn is traditionally associated with The Devil card in the tarot.

Not evil. Attachment.

In this solo reflection, I explore ambition, purpose, materialism, and the subtle chains we don’t realize we’re wearing. I talk about being a terrible boss but deeply driven, about the difficulty of being still, about the constant hum of productivity in my nervous system, and about Freud’s death drive and the superego’s demand to produce.

This isn’t a book review. It’s a meditation on compulsion, freedom, and what it might mean to loosen the chains without abandoning ambition.

I don’t take the symbols literally.

But I do take what they reveal seriously.

I’ve been using the phrase ethical hedonism in recent episodes, but I realized I hadn’t slowed down enough to ask a foundational question: what do I mean by pleasure?

In this solo reflection, I think out loud about pleasure as subjective, embodied, relational, and psychologically complex. I explore the neuroscience of dopamine, the difference between craving and deep presence, and how culture shapes what we’re allowed to enjoy.

This episode isn’t definitive. It’s a work in progress. A serious attempt to ask whether pleasure — when it enhances vitality, connection, and coherence — might actually be an ethical guide rather than something to mistrust.

In this solo episode, I explore a tension that I’ve encountered both personally and clinically—the way some high-control religious communities can feel deeply warm, relational, and inviting at first, and yet over time reveal a much more rigid and exclusionary structure underneath.

I begin with a personal reflection on being re-exposed to Douglas Wilson while listening to conversations about Christian nationalism, and how his winsome, calm, and disarming tone stands in stark contrast to what I see as deeply dangerous ideas—especially when it comes to democracy, pluralism, and the ability for real difference to exist.

From there, I unpack what I’m calling aesthetic hospitality—the way warmth, attentiveness, and belonging can function as a kind of soft power that draws people in before they’ve had the chance to fully discern what they’re stepping into.

Drawing on psychoanalytic insights, including Todd McGowan’s critique of community and James Hollis’ distinction between internal and external authority, I explore how belonging in these systems is often conditional, particularly for LGBTQ+ individuals, and how exclusion is frequently reframed as truth, morality, or righteousness.

This episode is ultimately an invitation to develop a deeper kind of discernment—not just asking whether a community is kind or welcoming, but whether it can actually tolerate your full existence without requiring you to become someone else in order to belong.