Psychedelic Attack Monkey

The Orange Mad Queen did his first big trade deal today peasants so get off your hands and knees and give him a big round of applause! Of course, he had been saying that he had done dozens of trade deals already and that trillions of dollars were pouring into the Mad Queen's coffers but anyone can make an honest mistake right?

The British decided that the best way to handle Her Holiness was to bend the knee in the oval office, butter Her up with lavish praise, and pretend that they did a big trade deal (even though we already had a trade deal and basically nothing has changed.) If there's one thing the Brits know how to do it's butter up a Queen. It worked perfectly. The Mad Queen and JD VAnce ate it all up with an oversized spoon and fell all over themselves in congratulatory praise for one another.

The Attack Monkey is having none of it and neither should you. Thanks again Maga voters; you frickin' worthless kooks!

Pete Hegseth and all these other so called religious kooks out there sure have it in for the transgender community. The Attack Monkey wonders why going after the miniscule trans community is such a high priority for these guys. Could it be that they are secretly attracted to the same sex which is why they try so hard to give off a macho image?

The Attack Monkey has a sneaky suspicion that all these Maga types who pretend to be such tough guys aren't nearly as tough as they so desperately try to convince the world that they are. Especially powder puffs like the Orange Mad Queen, Josh Hawley, JD Vance and the like.

Join the Monkey as he takes an introspective look at why these far right kooks have it out for trans soccer kids and why they seem to be so obsessed with everyone else's genitalia...

Newly minted Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney got to take a field trip to visit Donald J Trump, the Orange Mad Queen, and witness first hand all Her glory and splendor at the White Palace. Canadians are used to Queens but no one could prepare poor Mr. Carney for the horrors to be encountered when sitting next to Her Royal Insaneness.

Mr. Carney was there to talk about relations between Canada and the USA while the Mad Queen was there to talk about how everyone in the world is begging to do deals with Her and how Trillions of Dollars are pouring in like never before in the history of the world. Ah, the Mad Queen has a tendency to make figures up out of thin air Mr. Prime Minister, it's best to just sit there and smile and don't get your hands to close to the Royal Mouth while it's flapping or you might lose a finger.

The Attack Monkey isn't having any of it: and neither should you!

The Mad Queen wants to clear up all the confusion out there over who is causing more havoc: Donald Trump or Joe Biden? The fact of the matter is that the Mad Queen has been in office a very small amount of time and couldn't possibly be responsible for all of the "bad" things that are happening right now.

Basically, if it's good, the Mad Queen is responsible, if it's bad, it's Biden's fault. Old Joe might be deranged and senile but he is sneaky and still pulling a lot of strings out there in the deep state. Good thing the Attack Monkey is here to let everyone know the truth. Listen and learn peasants!

When Donald Trump, the Orange Mad Queen, was asked in an interview with NBC if She needs to uphold the constitution of the United States of America She gave an answer that any 4 year old child would give: "I don't know!" Yes, the Mad Queen has no idea if it is Her job to uphold the Constitution even though that is exactly what the oath She swore when She was inaugurated says her job is.

But let's not get into the Constitutional weeds and worry about what the President is supposed to do. The Mad Queen has lawyers for that. Maybe there's some wriggle room. Maybe the Founders were just kidding when they said the President's main job was to uphold the constitution. Talk to my lawyers and stop with the gotcha questions!

The Attack Monkey has some thoughts. Maybe you do as well...

The members of the Orange Queen's cabinet got down on their stomachs and groveled in the dirt in order to show their complete and total fealty to Her Majesty, Donald Trump. It was high praise indeed for Little Lord Fondleroy and he ate it all up with a big old golden spoon as they lavished praise on him like a farmer slops a pig.

There were so many amazing accomplishments to talk about it made the Attack Monkey's head spin. A track record that could only be matched by Kim Jong Un, another great world leader and bestie of the Mad Queen.

Listen in with the Attack Monkey as Pam Bondi, Little Marco, Pete "bombs away" Hegseth and all of the other esteemed bootlickers find Jesus and choke back the tears as they describe what a beautiful and heroic Sheman the Mad Queen is and how much She means to all of us in the USA and the WORLD!

Fly Eagles Fly! Oh yes. Nothing more exciting than reaching the highest pinnacle any NFL team can possibly reach then get to celebrate with the Orange Mad Queen. What a joyous occasion. The Philadelphia Eagles visit Donald Trump's White House. Well, 20 of them did, the other 33 were busy washing their socks and couldn't quite make it.

And the Mad Queen scored a propaganda coup when Saquon Barkley decided that he would not only visit the White House but would also catch a ride on Air Force One and play golf at Bedminster with Her Majesty. Saquon was taken aback that some of his ardent fans didn't appreciate the fact that their favorite football star was kissing the ring of the Queen who is busy trying to put a quick end to their beloved democracy. Can't you people see that I'm just respecting the office of the PRESIDENT? Well Saquon, can't you see that the Orange Queen has nothing but disrespect for the office and even less respect for people with your complexion, unless they are mega-rich superstars, then it's cool.

Jalen Hurts was having nothing to do with the Orange Queen. He wasn't going to allow his image to be used as a propaganda tool by the Orange regime. Maybe someday you'll learn that quarterbacks are smarter and wiser than you are Saquon. At least in this case they are.

Donald J Trump celebrates his first one hundred days in office. God Save the Queen!

Marco Rubio, the wooden puppet boy that pretends to be Secretary of State has had it with all of these nasty negotiations. Nobody is listening to him and he is frustrated. The Orange Mad Queen has had it as well. Why doesn't President Zelensky just capitulate to Adolph Putin the same way that Donald Trump always does. Just give away all your land and the fighting will stop. Geez!

Marco has declared that there are more important things to do and as Secretary of State he can't spend his precious time flying around trying to negotiate peace deals that might save us all from World War III. Poor guy. He's been on the job a couple of months and he's ready to call it quits. Negotiating with baby murdering rapists like Vladimir Putin is tough. Who knew?

Thanks again maga voters. You got rid of top diplomats who actually knew how to do their jobs and replaced them all with Steve Witkoff, trump's real estate attorney. Oh yeah, if anyone can negotiate a mega-complicated peace settlement between two warring nations it's a real estate grifter.

The Attack Monkey has had it with this nonsense!

Every guest at the Pope's funeral wore black. Pretty simple. That's pretty much at every funeral right? But especially at the Pope's. Especially since there was a dress code. Guess who couldn't figure it out? That's right, Donald Trump, I mean the Orange Mad Queen dressed up in his best Blue suit like a confused mafia don. The crowd ignored the Queen when She made her entrance but gave a rousing ovation to President Zelensky of Ukraine because he is admired and respected, unlike the Queen who everyone just wished would go away.

Nobody admires a guy who cozies up to 21st century Hitler wannabe, Vladi Putin. As a matter of fact, they are disgusted by him and his actions. His stupidity might end up starting World War III and nobody in Europe is happy about that except for little comrade Vlad and the guys he pays to agree with him.

The Attack Monkey is embarrassed that the guy who supposedly represents our Great Nation is an adjudicated sexual assaulter who spent decades hanging out with his bestie, the world's most infamous pedo, Jeffrey Epstein. The Monkey is also sore that so many Americans cast their vote for an insurrectionist traitor who attacked Our Capitol in a hissy fit because he lost an election fair and square. All we can do is hang our heads in shame as we watch our Country be demoralized in front of the entire world. We can also fight back and put an end to this reign of terror as soon as POSSIBLE!