It's January 2003 as Scott harshly criticises the school singing contest, roleplays with Riley, and his paper round (almost) results in his untimely death. Elsewhere, Lizzie and Scott get to grips with what 0.5 REALLY means, Lizzie's inability to use a dance machine and what they had in their packed lunches. 

Happy New Year 2004! Scott recalls his penchant for cyber sex and one-eared headphones while the month-long preparations for his upcoming birthday celebrations begin. Elsewhere, Scott and Lizzie’s table talk delves into New Year’s resolutions, the most prolific serial killers and Her Majesty's bust.

Over Christmas 2003, Scott become a landowner on the moon, uses VHS tapes to fashion a wig and a dressing gown comes to his aid as he almost sets his room on fire. In other news, Michelle wins Pop Idol and Scott and Lizzie discuss getting drunk at school and crushing hard on cartoon characters.

Scott bobs for a banana, gets put on report card, meets his paper round bully for the first time and his insults become more creative by the day. Meanwhile, Scott and Lizzie discuss the perils of fireworks and being a teenager in the age of MSN, Limewire and Kazaa.

Performing on the same stage as Elvis, Scott gets a taste of the limelight and feels the thrill of a rapturous crowd. Elsewhere, Scott and Lizzie discuss theme parks, their very first email addresses, have a very poor grasp of maths and remember the time Scott glued himself to his bed pretending to be a tarantula.

Scott starts his new job as a paper boy, gets his school photo taken, gets a harsh reality check in PE, and his toilet is moved in to the garden. Away from the diary, it’s Christmas Day! Scott and Lizzie talk presents, and reminisce about GCSE results and first kisses.

The summer holidays come to an end as Scott starts year 9. He starts sex education, has his artwork criticised and tries to figure out with Lizzie if his voice has broken. Meanwhile, Lizzie introduces Scott to MRS NERG and they reminisce about their favourite teachers.

As Scott and Lizzie bicker over the title, the summer holidays continue, Scott's dad returns with disappointing gifts, his dreams of selling pies are dashed and his Autumn show is reworked after a harsh review from his mum. Aside from family visits and summer barbecues, he relabels his VHS tapes and watches a lot of TV.

Scott heads to the Lake District on the annual Year 8 Camp, where he has some fun with a packet of Wine Gums, harshly criticises the camp talent show, sees a ghostly figure in the woods and struggles with his body image. Back at home, Big Brother 4 ends and the summer holidays begin.

In this warts and all reading, Scott applies for his first job, floods his bathroom and reads his first porno mag. Meanwhile, a game of dares gets steamy, things get violent in the school library, and Lizzie loses the will to live.