Refamulating

Show Notes: 

Disagreeing with your family is nothing new. But in the last decade, as politics and culture in the U.S. have become increasingly polarized, so have many of our families. Jedidiah Jenkins felt this kind of division in his family from a young age when he realized he was gay in an evangelical Christian home. Now an adult, Jedidiah has figured out how to maintain a loving, supportive relationship with his mother despite their ideological differences. In this episode, Jedidiah shares how to set boundaries with a parent and how standing your ground with love can lead to deeper understanding.

Read Jedidiah’s book: Mother, Nature: A 5,000-Mile Journey to Discover if a Mother and Son Can Survive Their Differences

Listen to the full conversation with Jedidiah and his mom on his podcast Question The Self.

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The episode transcript can be found here. 

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Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers.

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Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

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TIK TOK

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Our team 

Host: Julia Winston

Producer: Claire McInerny 

Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert

Theme Music: Luke Top

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We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Almost half of American adults are single, yet we still treat being unpartnered as a problem to solve. But being single is not better or worse than being in a relationship, it’s just a different experience. In this episode, Julia interviews her single friends about what they love about being single and how they navigate a world built for couples. Then she chats with author Glynnis MacNicol about challenging the narrative that women need to be partnered to be happy.  

Check out Glynnis MacNicol’s books, No One Tells You This and I’m Mostly Here To Enjoy Myself. You can read her New York Times articles here.

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The episode transcript can be found here. 

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Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

INSTAGRAM

TIK TOK

_

Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers.

_

Our team 

Host: Julia Winston

Producer: Claire McInerny 

Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert

Theme Music: Luke Top

–

We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Erica spent her childhood living with a disability and needing a lot of care from her mom. As an adult, she’s now the caretaker to two children with disabilities. In this episode, Erica talks about what she learned from her mom as a caregiver, the day to day realities of caring for children who need a lot of assistance and how that impacts her career, her marriage and her finances. 

Check out Erica’s newsletter at Caffeinated Caregivers.

The song featuring Erica’s musical saw was Solar Eclipse by Jenny Johnson.

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The episode transcript can be found here. 

_

Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

INSTAGRAM

TIK TOK

_

Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers.

_

Our team 

Host: Julia Winston

Producer: Claire McInerny 

Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert

Theme Music: Luke Top

–

We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we meet Kathleen Downes- a 31-year-old woman who lives with her parents and dog in New York. Kathleen has cerebral palsy, which means she needs constant care to do daily activities. Kathleen talks about the complicated relationship between care recipients and their families, the broken policies that force impossible choices, and the radical act of finding joy despite a system designed for isolation. 

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The episode transcript can be found here. 

_

Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

INSTAGRAM

TIK TOK

_

Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers.

_

Our team 

Host: Julia Winston

Producer: Claire McInerny 

Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert

Theme Music: Luke Top

–

We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aaliyah and Jamyla have three moms - their birth mother Nicole, their foster mom (soon to be adopted mom) Chalice, and Chalice's fiancée Rachel. Chalice and the girls met eight years ago when the girls needed a foster parent. In the eight years they’ve known each other, Aaliyah and Jamyla have learned how hearts can expand to love many parents in their blended family. 

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The episode transcript can be found here. 

_

Subscribe to our newsletter for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers.

_

Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

INSTAGRAM

TIK TOK

_

Our team 

Host: Julia Winston

Producer: Claire McInerny 

Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry

Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert

Theme Music: Luke Top

–

We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Something we’ve realized while working on this project is that the nuclear family has infiltrated so much of our lives. (For example, housing in America is designed for a single, nuclear family.)

Another example of that is what we consider milestones in our life. Think about it- the list of big milestones in our lives is fairly short: graduations, getting married, and having a kid.

These are the events where we throw parties, send gifts, and put in a lot of effort to celebrate a loved one as they reach this milestone. Two of those three major examples have to do with creating a family in the traditional way.

But what if you’re single or choose not to have children? It can feel like you may never be celebrated as an adult if you don’t hit those particular milestones.

That’s something both Julia and Claire have thought about at different points in their lives, which is why we wanted to talk about it on this month’s Refam Chat.

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Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! Paid subscribers can access the video version of our Refam Chats.

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Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

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TIK TOK

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Katie Bryan grew up in a nuclear family in Texas, and always dreamed her future family would include a doting husband, a beautiful house in the suburbs, and of course, children. She spent almost 20 years searching for the right partner so she could make this dream come true, but at 39 she was still single and child-free. That’s when she realized she didn’t have to wait for a husband, she could have a baby on her own. In this episode Katie shares her emotional journey of releasing the idea of what a family should look like, and building the family of her dreams. 

Learn more about solo motherhood by choice at Katie's website.

Listen to Katie’s podcast, The Single Greatest Choice.

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The episode transcript can be found here. 

_

Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers.

_

Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

INSTAGRAM

TIK TOK

_

Our team 

Host: Julia Winston

Producer: Claire McInerny 

Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry

Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert

Theme Music: Luke Top

–

We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A lot of us refamulating have faced a similar challenge: as we choose a new path or carve out a different role in a family, we realize there is no name for us. A step-parent wants a more warm and loving name. An egg or sperm donor with an emotional tie to the family doesn’t want to be referred to by this clinical title. Or maybe a close friend plays an important role to your kids but isn’t technically an aunt or uncle.

On this Refam Chat, Julia and Claire talk about their own struggle with names, and read some of the names you all shared with us on Instagram for your unique family roles.

A video version of this episode is available for paid subscribers to our Substack.

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Join us for this month’s ReFamily Dinner, where we’re talking about navigating dysfunctional family dynamics. Our guest is therapist, writer and podcaster Whitney Goodman (@sitwithwhit). Come with questions for Whitney about estrangement and the holiday season, boundary setting, disappointment in family, accepting family, in-law relationships, politics, or anything else! This is a free, virtual event on Dec 3. Sign up here!!

_

Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

INSTAGRAM

TIK TOK

_

Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers.

_

Our team 

Host: Julia Winston

Producer: Claire McInerny 

Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry

Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert

Theme Music: Luke Top

–

We are a member of the Feelings and Co network. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Emily was a child, a family member abused her and told her to keep it a secret. She kept that secret until she was 34, but her family didn’t react well once she told the truth. Eventually Emily chose to stop talking to them, and in this episode she explains her choice to be estranged from her family and why estrangement has been important for her healing.

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Join us for this month’s ReFamily Dinner, where we’re talking about navigating dysfunctional family dynamics. Our guest is therapist, writer and podcaster Whitney Goodman (@sitwithwhit). Come with questions for Whitney about estrangement and the holiday season, boundary setting, disappointment in family, accepting family, in-law relationships, politics, or anything else! This is a free, virtual event on Dec 3. Sign up here!!

_

The episode transcript can be found here. 

_

Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

INSTAGRAM

TIK TOK

_

Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers.

_

Our team 

Host: Julia Winston

Producer: Claire McInerny 

Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry

Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert

Theme Music: Luke Top

–

We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Show Notes:

What happens when you expand beyond the nuclear family home? In this episode, we meet people who've chosen to share their daily lives with others in unconventional ways - from two married couples buying a house together to raise kids, to a man who's spent 14 years living on a hippie commune. Their stories challenge our assumptions about what makes a successful adult and show how living communally might be an antidote to America's epidemic of loneliness.

Additional Resources: 

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Every month, we host ReFamily Dinner, a virtual event that connects our audience with someone who has refamulated. The guest talks about their experience and answers your questions. This month’s dinner is a conversation on communal living with Lily Lamboy and her husband Alex Savtchenko. Lily & Alex own and operate Ryza, a community home in Berkeley which they share with six friends.

Sign up for this month's event here, and join us Nov. 13 from 8-9:30 p.m. EST. 

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The episode transcript is here. 

–

Connect with us: 

EMAIL: [email protected]. 

WEBSITE

INSTAGRAM

TIK TOK

_

Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscribers.

_

Our team 

Host: Julia Winston

Producer: Claire McInerny 

Manager of Engagement: Grace Barry

Audio Engineer: Josh Gilbert

Theme Music: Luke Top

–

We are a member of the Feelings and Co network.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices