We interrupt your regularly scheduled features to bring you this very special report about a prince.

The music "Raving Energy" which appears in the nightclub scene where we're all dancing and having fun when we find out Prince Philip is dead is by artist Kevin MacLeod.

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/5029-raving-energy

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

In this very special episode of Regular Features, we tackle the real issues facing our societies todays, what are named of: kayak mishaps, duck tits, Channel 4 anchors, a jungle disease (red flower), some guys who live in a bed even way after they're dead, and what to do about a Tim Allen.

Excuse me, but please save your laughs for another episode, because it's time we got serious, and that's not even a joke.

Sure, you've all heard about how that big boat got wedged. Yawn! But have you also heard that Gav was mildly traumatised by an intractable camera man? No, because the "news" don't want you to know about it. In this week's tell all episode, Gav reveals how an impudent videographer shook him to his core, and Steve handles the boat business.

Alright let's go.

Hello, it's me, the podcast, with another episode of myself. In this one, Steve gets rich off of blockchain dunks. Joe embarks on a lucrative Tik Tok career. And Log eats so many oak-temperature conkers that he gets a thank you letter from the Queen.

I once said boo to a goose and it laid an egg, and inside the egg was a piece of paper, and on the paper there was a joke. "Q: What do you get if you cross a camel with a goose? A: Goose bumps." Naturally I was furious for having had my time wasted on this nonsense goose whimsy, but by the time I looked up the goose had fled. The bad joke was a defence mechanism to prevent people getting near to me, I mean near to the goose.

In this episode: Log has had his willy swiped by a wily enchantress. Joe gets wrapped up in the world of non-fungible tokens. And speaking of token, Steve contributes a low-effort Murray Walker bit that I suppose he thinks passes for a feature these days.

Look, it's late on a Sunday so let's cut to the chase.

In this one, Joe tells a blood-curdling foot story to curry favour with the producers of any horror podcast who'll have him. Log discovers a gassy missus in the filthy missives of James Joyce, who is also his dad now by the way. Steve is in attendance, as per the court order.

What is the Gorbo Vibe? If you have to ask, it's not for you. And if you don't have to ask, well you come across as aloof and so it's also not for you, sorry. I don't make the rules.

In this ep (short for episode), Gavin starts running but runs straight into a problem with smartwatches. And Steve unlocks the power of Gorbo Powder using a big key he discovered behind his washing machine. Joe is here too, making sure nothing rude happens.

I'm writing this in the bath, so I'll be brief. In this episode, Steve reports on how the newest Martian rover narrowly avoided wasp-induced catastrophe. Joe reveals he is Sia's honest-to-goodness cousin and demands access to his rightful family fortune. And Log has gone koo-koo bananas for the latest Yakuza game for the games computer.

Whoops I got some suds on the podcast.

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but you know what it does gather? A lot of freaking attention that's what. And the last thing we want is the police snooping around here.

In this episode, Log focuses his powerful forgiveness beams onto the back of your hand until you yelp in pain. Steve uncovers the oddly dimensioned zombies Capcom refuses to include in the new Resident Evil. And Gav discovers what exactly a cladding is and what it could possibly have to do with his unattended balcony barbecue meats.

Seatbelts off, foot down. Let's go.

Tuck in your elbows, lock eyes with the person you love the most, and then hurl yourself out of the nearest window, because it's time for another episode of the Regular Features podcast.

In this one. Log gets a visit from his good friend Eartha Kitt. Steve takes you on a saucy Loyd Grossman adventure. Joe shares an old family recipe. And Gav emits an inaudible hum that will cook your unsuspecting sinuses in ten minutes FLAT.