Regular Features

A mere 5 weeks after the fact, it's finally here – a comprehensive run-down of everything that Gav and Joe got up to at our favouite awards ceremony, The Kebabbies. Marvel as we almost get turned away, gasp at Gav's reactions to those who don't share his political leanings, and turn off in horror as you realise the depths of Joe's betrayal. Steve and Log are here to guide your emotions throughout, except when we're all too pissed by the end.

Please invite us back, British Kebab Awards, we love you.

We're sorry, but this is not the hotly anticipated kebab awards episode. That's happening next week now. There was a small legal issue we had to iron out involving, well, a kebab, naturally, plus so much libel it would make a judge's powder wig whizz out of the courtroom window and fly back to the special bird house where the wig lives with his wig wife (also a wig), and the wig wife says "bad day at work honey?" and the wig says (all dejected like) "you wouldn't believe what I have to put up with in that courtroom, I swear to god." And the wig wife says reassuringly, "do you want to go on a picnic?" And the wig says (get this), "no, you go on ahead" (a head).

What? Oh, in this one Log invents a rotating meatkind, Steve sells the podcast out from underneath us, and Joe gets reacquainted with an old spoon-bending friend.

PLEASE enjoy it.

Make no bones about it, it's episode 466 of the Regular Features podcast. Hey, you in the back there with the bones, what are you making? A diorama of the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand? Oh okay. You're definitely not making bones about this episode are you? No? Oh yes, we see the little motorcade of femurs now, and it's very clever how you've used a scapula to portray Gavrilo Princip. Wow, and this is your hobby is it? It's fascinating. We've just got to write this podcast description, but we'd love to talk to you more about your bone thing later. Maybe over a drink haha. Oh you do this with your girlfriend do you? That's cool, yeah yeah no that's cool she can come too. Anyway.

Log unearths ancient Google Doc fan fiction. Matt is ambassador for playground slides. Steve blossoms into a fine young gentleman.

Let's go!

Three men enter the arena. Three men leave. It's fine in the arena. Nothing bad happens. One man has an ache in his shoulder, but he had that before he went into the arena. He thinks he may have slept on it. Good arena!

HEY. In this episode, Log hypnotises a nurse into doing a Fred Durst into her frilly blursts. Steve invites you to play for big Squid Game cash money. And Joe heads into the forest to dispense justice.

We absolutely love you.

In this episode, Log goes hands-on with Superman's newfound sexuality. Steve goes pants-off when his French horn lessons are interrupted by Scream himself. And Gav is open-mouthed as he brings us a thrilling update from the British Kebab Awards.

Do you mind taking your shoes off when you're listening to the podcast? We've just hoovered.

Giddy up, bucko, because it's another episode of this freakin' thing we do.

In this one, Steve's Discord account got hacked by spooks. Log is going to reclaim his rightful title of Lord-or-Lady of the Dance. And Joe debuts the latest instalment in the long running series of interactive sports experiences about squaaaangular momentum.

What are you still doing here? Start getting it in your ears!

Credit: "Epicness Cinematic Dramatic Trailer" by RomanSenykMusic

As we have done every year for the last 9 years, Gav and Joe are sitting down for an extensive, exhaustive, extremely good talk through this year's British Kebab Awards. Who will win chef of the year? Why is there no garlic/chilli award? Will Alfred Molina endorse us? All of this and more in a very special episode of Regular Kebabs.

As people who absolutely freakin' love magpies always say: one for joy, two for joy, three for joy, four for joy, five for joy, six for joy, seven for joy, eight for joy. Nine? Ah what the heck, that's for joy that is. Ten is also for joy, why not. And eleven to boot! Twelve... hmm, best not get greedy. But for joy. Teehee. Twelve is for joy too, just don't tell anyone. :)

In this episode, Log petitions Nintendo to make him a rideable mount in the new Zelda. Steve is definitely not a bunch of wasps wearing a Steve-suit. And Joe finally succumbs to the poison coursing through his incredible body.

Let's get this showboat on the rowboat.

There's no time to waste. In this episode Joe concocts his very own VHS cassette horror anthology. Steve reports his very own fading feature memories. And Log purports his very own sock tipperies and trickories.

Is that even what purports means? There's literally no time to google "define purports". I'm sorry, we really have to get on with this. Hey google, define purports. Oh wow, yeah okay that's not even almost the correct usage of the word.

What if you dragged a big wet carrier bag full of lukewarm biryani to a concert? What if you had a nice time at a spa? What if you watched yet another Marvel TV show in the hope that maybe this one, THIS one, might be good?

Only Regular Features can answer all three questions at once in a big sexy booming voice to make your guts quiver. Oh boy, let's go.