Regular Features

WAHP! WAHP! This is an emergency broadcast from the Regular Feautures emergency storm bunker. Hello. How are you? Oh that's nice. We're fine thanks, but unfortunately... it is a major emergency!!

Storm Eunice has really churned our butter this week, if you'll pardon the phrase, forcing us to seek shelter in our specialised, reinforced podcasting hutch three hundred feet below sea level. In the panic to get inside, three of the boys tragically got left behind and/or tragically kicked in the shins so me and Log could get a head start, meaning it's just the two of us down here. We will not apologise.

From our subterranean lair, Log brings you feaures of dreams and USB cables, while Steve brings you features of USB cables and cowboys. Be safe out there xxx

Please accept this episode as a token of our friendship. If you collect ten tokens you unlock platinum level friendship which is the same as normal friendship except you are allowed to blow raspberries on our bellies while we giggle and cheep like baby birds. WHAT?!

In this episode, Joe considers the romance of a milky twilight, Steve samples Bognor's emergent culinary scene, and Log blows open the gnarly depravity of 1970s telephone perversion as it pertains to kissing of the fannoy and bulbus.

We'd best get on with it.

There's a legend around these parts, a legend about a kid who filled his belly button with bird seed and waited in the garden. "Any minute now", he thought, "a robin will land on my tummy and eat the seed out of my belly button!"

But the Robin never came, because the boy kept rolling around and shouting and farting. His mother came out and said "you'll never catch a robin if you roll around, shouting and farting!" And the boy said "well I don't want a Robin then, Robins can suck it". And you know what? That little boy grew up to be the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991.

Enjoy this episode of Regular Features, where a little crab with a secret teaches Sophie Ellis-Bextor the meaning of death, a goose gets looser than she's used to, and the full geometrical range of the Dr Oetker factory gets explored in thrilling detail!

Musical credits:

Onion Capers Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

This week we've got all the basic elements you need to make a regular features:

Uber.

Baby.

Vibraphone.

Capeesh?

Hello it's me, the grape stomping lady who fell out of a bucket of grapes in a viral video from 2007.

In this episode of Regular Features, Winnie the Pooh falls into Log's public domain, and a falling log wins Joe's public acclaim (which is to say he saw a poop in a TV show and wondered what if all TV shows got a poop in their finale). I hope you enjoy the episode, Steve is in it too and he does a fart!!

Love,

Grape Stomping Lady from 2007

The world is a strange place right now but one constant is that Stephen Hendry is stuck in his panic room. Does he still have the famous yips though? That is one thing we just cannot know.

Be safe, Stephen.

From our screaming throats to your hungry ears, it's another episode of Regular Features, the only podcast that's got us in it.

In this episode, Joe chronicles the greatest number you've never heard about unless you read the episode title. Steve unlocks an exciting new octave thanks to possible permanent scarring of the larynx. And Log rates and review every mince pie within a ten minute mince pie fuelled sprinting distance.

Let's go, actually.

Betty White is dead. We don't talk about that in the podcast at all. I'm only putting this here cause it just happened and I was hoping that someone finds out she's dead by reading this. Imagine that. Imagine your grandkids asking you "Grandma...do yous remembers hows yous founds outs Betty Whites wass deads?" and you say "Yes, it was from a podcast description text written by an odd Welshman" and they'll laugh as they take you back to your space nursing home in their rocket car.

Happy Crambleneir!

In sihd shhue cramblrmhotj, Joem cmrma a visit vfrom "Secret Santana". Gav hoesgojs anfs an incident with a DDP courier. Amd Steve, well, he gocrob a charades qjid quid quiz caled charades.

Thank you for all your support this year. We legit love you readers, and we wish you all the best for 2022. Let's do it. Let's crack it open.

LOVE, REGULAR FEATURES X

"BossaBossa" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

"Beachfront Celebration" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

If I had one guess, I'd guess you're stuck in a pipe. Look at you, all stuck in that pipe. I bet you want some grease, don't you? You little pipe rat! Little pipe rat want some grease. Well NO, no grease.

Not until you've listened to Joe wonder about the etymology of Plemons. And certainly not until you've heard all of Matt's new names for Omicron. And maybe you get some grease after Zim returns to tell us about his latest big boy updates. You can have grease later. Stop wriggling.

George Street Shuffle by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3800-george-street-shuffle

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Sinfonia Number 5 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/