Regular Features

Every time I upload these episodes it asks me to select a genre, and so I scroll down to the "comedy" tag and select it with all the unearned confidence of a Jimmy Carr type person, boldly declaring that what we do is so categorically hilarious that an entire Amazon Web Services database needs to know about it. I am disgusting. Hello.

In this episode, Gav is haunted by real sausages, real mash. Steve encounters a weirdo tutorial in Microsoft Flight Simulator. And Log is here too, an undercurrent of delight in a riptide of shite.

Look, can we just get past the fact that Log recorded the first two-thirds of this podcast underwater? It's really distracting from the fact that Steve learned loads about a Georgian gardener so that he could be really Irish again. And what about poor Joe? Joe read out an entire email, start to finish! Can he get some applause? No, because Log went underwater, then met a famous person who made him talk about men drinking pant-water. Typical.

Hope you're hungry, because we've cooked up a three course feature meal just for you. For your starter, Joe is not best pleased with the new voice of Kermit the Frog. For your side salad, Steve's been tucking into a government-funded Wagamama. And for your main? Oh no, Gav tripped and dropped his big pot of soup down an open drain, and now all mice and rats are drinking it. Whoops.

Look what the cat just dragged in: another episode of the Regular Features podcast. As if butter wouldn't melt. As if the cat that drags us around wouldn't use its hot cat breath to melt butter, given half the chance. Get a grip. Who do we think we are?

Well we're Steve, Log and Joe, amd we've come back with features about beefeaters, CAMRA awards and an angry man from corporate who didn't sign off on anyone's teeth. Least of all yours.

Welcome back to the Regular Features lab where we build clones of the boys for each consecutive week of podcasting. Please WATCH YOUR STEP we spilled some of the juice that makes Log and it will try and slide up your trousers. Anyway, this week our latest batch of semi-conscious homunculi farted out some podcast or other. The Joe one talked about sucking on a PlayStation controller, the Steve thing wrote some popular new fiction about wangs, and the mess we call Gav says a dead man did some singing and then proved it. We've since incinerated them all.

THANKS KEVIN MACLEOD:

Night In Venice by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/5763-night-in-venice

License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

In Your Arms by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3906-in-your-arms

License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Sidewalk Shade by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4354-sidewalk-shade

License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Friday Morning by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3778-friday-morning

License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Sancho Panza gets a Latte by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4317-sancho-panza-gets-a-latte

License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

[apologies for one CRACKLY mic, your headphones are FINE]

Hey, it's another piping hot rod of Regular Features. You could set your watch to these recent few episodes, but it would be a very bad watch and you'd frequently show up to appointments days late, banging on the windows and demanding to be allowed inside for your mani-pedi or whatever it is that readers do these days.

In this one: Log gingerly fingers his way through his drafts folder. Steve fingerly gingers his way through Rishi Sunak's new budget. And Joe smingerly dingers his twinger until it makes a real mess all over Jeremy Clarkson... in a Werner Herzog voice!

Love ya x

Politics. It's bloody everywhere. Keir Starmer. Wow. In this episode of the Regular Features podcast, Gav's gone politics mad about a biscuit baby, Steve has an entire parliament of teeth to contend with, and Joe does some serious bee science.

The ayes have it.

Let's go.

So I guess we're doing another hundred of these things? Alright then. Easy. Doesn't even bother us. Gav digs up feature dregs from the bottom of the ideas barrel and dusts them off, good as new. Steve is being haunted by a horrible adult baby who lives under the sink. And Log prepares his pub for a socially distanced reopening.

We hope you enjoyed the last 400 episodes half as much as you're going to enjoy the next 400. Thanks for all the support. We love you x

We did what no other podcast has the balls to do - a livestream live show!

We're sad we couldn't celebrate in a pub with you guys but hopefully this is the next best thing.

Because this is a live show, please excuse the odd audio glitch. Despite doing 400 episodes of this and inventing podcasting as a medium, we're still very much finding our feet when it comes to actually recording audio.

Guess what? It's us again. I know right? We're interminable. Can't keep us off this thing.

In this episode, Gav fights back against unimaginatively titled porn parodies, Log discovers Dominic Cummings's old diary, and Steve finds a curious guest has been living in his plumbing.