Wrap your earholes around this one, if you like. If you don't, just leave it on the table and I'm sure somebody else will want it. In this episode Joe lets you live out the squash career you never had. Steve reviews a restaurant that never was. And Log offers you the love you never deserved.

Thank you for downloading this. If you'd like to support us on Patreon, you can do that at patreon.com/regularfeatures

In a podcast first, Steve's got a Spider-Man feature, and Log's got a Spider-Man feature, but thank Matt for his insulating layer of non-Spider-Man related whimsy about the videogames industry's darkest secrets to prevent a Regular Features implosion.

It can only be episode 309 of Regular Features, and you know what that means: more tip-top audio content from the boys what love ya.

Joe has been properly researching how to show someone a good time without spending any money, except on spaghetti and string. Steve had a argument with a lady so fierce that a pizza shop burned down, and Log introduces a Cockney-off that promises to completely gentrify Mile End. Cram your buds in your lugs and bang your knees together in unfettered glee!

Daddy needs new shoes and the only way he's going to get them is if you listen to this lil podcast o' mine.

Gav tried to trick people with meat? Whoa! Steve tells a sexy little story about Spider-man's nighttime num-nums? Hachi-machi! Joe leaves the room to welcome in a very special, very stinky guest? Who dat? U GOTTA LISTEN BABY!

Log tries to take the pressure off of Madonna for her Aretha tribute, by doing one even less appropriate. Matt fuses spookies and politics to erotic effect, and Steve tells a story about a bird.

Joe and Gav dig through old documentation, Steve gets blind drunk and goes to watch a musical, and Log brings the ship into port with journalists on the hunt for tea.

HENCHMAN 1: It is boring here guarding the Bad Base.

HENCHMAN 2: I listen to podcasts to pass the time.

HENCHMAN 1: Oh, like what?

HENCHMAN 2: Like Regular Features of course! It is the podcast of choice for the discerning goon.

HENCHMAN 1: Wow, what's on it this week?

HENCHMAN 2: Well, Steve went to see a child's movie and was upset, Joe was nearly besmirched for a joke, and Gav tried to inculcate Steve into joining a WhatsApp group about his and his friends' arse-matter.

HENCHMAN 1: It sounds awful.

HENCHMAN 2: Fuck you Jeremy.

This week Log & Joe blow Gav's mind with a revelation about pedestrian crossings. I know that sounds shit but it genuinely isn't.

Please support us on Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/regularfeatures

This week's podcast hears Log, Gav, and Matt slowly melt into the carpet in an especially nostalgia-ridden ramble of an episode. Gavin has a bicycle dilemma, Matt has been Journalism'd, and Log channels the powers of another podcast to hurl shit at three men who royally deserve it. Have a GOOD WEEK

In a coincidence we are describing as "nice", this show's full of ghosts, psychics and troublingly sexy robots. Oh boy, Gav, Log and Steve have got spookies coming out of their collective arses and they're going to pour them down your ears once you click play.

SPONSORSHIP FOR THIS EPISODE KINDLY PROVIDED BY HERBIS JON-BRANTHAM.