Rejected, yet Chosen by God

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Now that I've posted an episode revealing the signs that you may lack self love, I wanted to supplement it by explaining what self love truly is and why it's important. A lot of people have false beliefs about what self love is and instead think of it as someone being selfish. But what self love actually looks like is being willing to protect and diligently pursue your peace and hold true to your specific values. It looks like making decisions and taking actions that will ultimately propel you forward into your destiny; whether it's releasing something that's detrimental to your overall well-being, deepening your level of self-awareness and healing from unhealed trauma, or implementing new things that align with your goals... these are just a few examples of how to love yourself. Dive into this episode to gain a better understanding about what love actually is and how we can take it from merely being a concept and instead to a reality that we live in and experience daily. 

Abandonment issues begin in infancy and as a child when your parents/caregivers weren't able to be there for you in the capacity that you truly needed them, whether it was physically or emotionally. To survive those situations you learned specific mechanisms to cope, such as being super clingy or extremely detached, so that you wouldn't continue to get hurt by their actions. Now these survival instincts are programmed into your subconscious mind, so that in every relationship in your life you exhibit these same behaviors. You navigate through life with these beliefs and as soon as someone in a romantic, platonic, or familial relationship triggers that belief you enter fight or flight mode and instantly activate these responses. All of your relationships thus become mirrors of the family dynamic you grew up in, for better or for worse. You experience a constant fear that you may be abandoned, so you either cling on for dear life or put your guard up so that no one can hurt you. Tune in to hear my personal experiences with abandonment and how it negatively impacted every single relationship in my life, as well as the lessons I've learned and how I am navigating through my healing journey. 

Although society has a negative perception of being single, just like Queen Esther, it is important for us to experience a period in which we are single so that we can utilize that time to heal and beautify ourselves. Taking out the time to heal helps you to shift your perspective to believe and exude that YOU are the prize and not the other way around. After healing, you won't find yourself settling for less than you deserve or using a relationship just to fill a void within you. When you don't take the time to heal in between relationships, the same patterns occur in the next relationship because your same unhealed wounds continually reveal themselves in your every word and action. Love yourself first; every relationship in your life flows from the relationship that you have with yourself.

Oftentimes, people truly believe that they have self-love because they do self care Sundays and face masks or they take themselves shopping because they "deserve it." There's nothing wrong with that, but a lot of times these actions are merely bandages on top of the wound. Or we'll think that because we acknowledge that we look good and are attractive (even though it requires constant validation for you to actually believe it) that we truly do love ourselves, when a lot of times that's actually arrogance. When you're arrogant, you're puffing yourself up to the outside world to appear bigger than you feel inside because you're actually insecure, but you hide it with vanity, accolades, material things, etc. These are just examples of how we lack self-awareness and don't truly understand what self-love looks like but rather define it at the surface level. For years, I really thought I loved myself, but my actions were not reflective of that declaration. Your actions speak before you even have a chance to open your mouth. Let's take steps toward your actual self-love journey! Tune in to hear the 4 biggest signs that you don't truly love yourself like you claim you do. Remember, healing starts with awareness of the problem. 

Join me on this weeks episode as I discuss choosing to date men who you see as having potential. A lot of times when we think that someone has potential, we are more willing to ignore the red flags because we think that we can change them. The fact that you have assessed someone to have potential means that you're not actually compatible. Thus, you fantasize and romanticize him to be someone completely different than who he actually is, when his actions and words have already told you who he is at face value. Please believe him the first time. We should be seeking reciprocal relationships; it shouldn't be your job to continually pour into him and trying to make him reach his potential because then you stunt your own growth-- the both of you should already be whole so that you may be fully capable of pouring into each other. You shouldn't be looking for someone to complete or for someone to complete you. You should already reach a state where you are already happy and they just add onto that and share in your abundance. Stop settling for less than what you deserve and allowing people to overstep your boundaries. What you are willing to accept from others is a direct reflection of how much you love yourself and what you see yourself as worthy of. 

In today's society, there is a specific body type that you must fit in order to be deemed acceptable and adequate in the eyes of others. Anything that deviates from that, whether skinnier or more heavy, renders the person highly susceptible to judgment and unwarranted criticism. So many women in the world today are striving to conform to a body image that is not actually attainable for most people and oftentimes go to extreme measures in their eating and exercise routines to try to change themselves. Body Dysmorphia is a mental condition in which the said individual is so unhappy with their body and so consumed by their body insecurities that they become obsessed with "fixing" it or hiding it. They feel so uncomfortable in their own skin and are overly conscious of themselves in social settings. As we see in the skyrocket of people getting plastic surgeries, it's obvious that this is something that is critical and needs to be addressed now. I struggled with my own body image for so long and have recently overcome it this year. I've been skinny all of my life and many people have chosen to express their contempt and disdain toward how I look; overtime, this has caused me to have eating disorders where I would force myself to try to eat more of certain foods just to gain weight. This can become unhealthy and detrimental to both our mental, physical, and emotional health. Tune in to hear my story and the lessons I've learned in my healing journey as it pertains to overcoming eating disorders that result from body dysmorphia.

When you look to a world that is lost and confused, searching for them to validate and accept you, that’s a quick formula for destruction. You can’t ask everyone whether or not you’re good enough and leave it in their hands for them to define you. You need to tell them who you are and not compromise or leave any room for discussion. When you are already secure in who you are, receiving compliments and affirmations simply confirm what you’ve already known about yourself. To the contrary, when you have low self-esteem and place your “self”-worth in the hands of others to define, your perception of who you believe that you are will continue to fluctuate based on the type of feedback that you are receiving.

When you require validation, you constantly place yourself in front of the outside world, screaming “Look at me! Look at me! Please tell me I’m worthy!” Sometimes people will and sometimes they won’t. So then, your need for validation becomes like a drug; you’ll constantly need more and more validation in order to get that same high. That’s a dangerous state to be living in.

The people who you’re typically searching for validation from aren’t even secure in themselves and are requiring that same validation from you in order to feel comfortable in their skin. Their perception of you is skewed by their own limited beliefs and mindsets. They are projecting onto you their own insecurities concerning things that they lack within themselves. When you search for validation, you have a desire to live up to everyone’s expectations of you because you are afraid of disappointing them. You will lose yourself in the need to fulfill the expectations that everyone has of you. Don’t get caught up in this cycle! Our host, Risharda Samaria, uses the wisdom she's gained from her personal journey, scripture, and different healing methods to help you learn how to detach yourself from the need to fulfill the expectations of others and instead to develop a healthy sense of high self-esteem.

In a world where everyone pretends to be perfect, hide their flaws, and only show their highlight real, it can be very uncomfortable to embrace aspects of yourself that do not coincide with that glorified perception of who you are. Shame from our past mistakes and decisions can hinder our growth and not allow us to show up in the world as our most authentic selves. As we release shame, we increase our capacity and make room in our emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical bodies to walk confidently in our truth and pursue our God-given purpose. It’s time to surrender your heaviness at the foot of the cross so that you can stop hiding and evolve into who God created you to be.

Join me as I share the part of my testimony that I so desperately tried to hide from the world until God had a prophetess call me out on it a few weeks ago. I’ve failed at so many attempts of love that I decided to surrender my love life over to the Lord and instead focus on cultivating self-love and forming a close relationship with Him. Over the course of 6 months, I’ve been transformed in the presence of God through His unconditional love, and in this episode, I share with you what I learned through my experience.

Thank you all! Season 1 is complete. Now it's time to rest, refresh, recalibrate, and be restored in the presence of the Lord. 

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Song: Crying Over You by Chris Morrow 4

Link: https://soundcloud.com/zhiwfezw5eij/hip-hop-rap-instrumental