Relationship Revival with Dr. Jon Dabach

In this episode of the Relationship Revival podcast, Dr. Jon Dabach welcomes back Dr. T, who introduces a groundbreaking relationship model called the Intention-Action-Perception (IAP) framework. Dr. T discusses the inspiration behind the IAP model and how it evolved through personal experiences and years of counseling practice. This insightful conversation delves into the ways our intentions can be misinterpreted in relationships due to differing perceptions, and the importance of clear communication. Dr. T highlights strategies that couples can use to improve understanding and resolve conflicts, focusing on techniques like the preamble, instructive compliments, and the rule of three interpretations.

Dr. T also shares insights from her upcoming book, Why Are We Fighting? Actionable Strategies for Effective Communication, which expands on the IAP model. The book provides practical tools and worksheets to help couples navigate their communication challenges and foster healthier relationships. Throughout the episode, both Dr. Dabach and Dr. T offer tangible advice that listeners can implement in their own relationships, emphasizing the need for intentional communication and empathy.

You can get a copy of her book here:
https://amzn.to/47wS2Gb

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com

In this episode, Dr. Jon Dabach explores the common issue of stopping for a beer before coming home and its potential impact on relationships. He emphasizes that the significance of this behavior depends on various factors, including communication, expectations, and the reasons behind the behavior. Dr. Jon highlights the importance of discussing such habits openly with your partner to ensure that both parties are on the same page and to avoid misunderstandings that can erode trust.

Dr. Jon provides practical advice on how to approach this situation, suggesting that couples communicate their needs and concerns clearly. He encourages individuals to reflect on the reasons behind their desire to stop for a drink and to explore alternative ways to relieve stress. Additionally, he recommends seeking professional help if the behavior is indicative of deeper issues within the relationship. The episode aims to help couples navigate this common dilemma and maintain a healthy, trusting relationship.

Memorable Quotes

1. "The quick answer is it depends. It depends why and how you're doing it."
2. "If you haven't talked about it, you need to get the expectations down on the table."
3. "Quality time is required for every relationship, even if it's not your top love language."
4. "Trust erodes when expectations aren't met, regardless of the issue."
5. "Nobody gets married saying, 'Oh, I can't wait to have a husband who never comes home.'"
6. "If you're avoiding things in your relationship, going to the bar won't make them go away."
7. "Communicate what you want, see the reaction, and be honest with yourself first."
8. "If you need help, don't be afraid to ask. There are professionals who can help you navigate these issues."

Keyword List

grabbing a beer before home, relationship advice, Dr. Jon Dabach, communication in relationships, trust issues, quality time, managing stress, relationship expectations, avoiding conflicts, professional help for relationships, honest communication, marital challenges, stress relief, quality time in relationships, discussing habits, relationship dynamics, avoiding relationship issues, healthy relationships, conflict resolution, relationship trust

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com

In this episode, Dr. Jon Dabach provides insightful advice on coping with a partner who has ADHD. Drawing from his own experience with mild ADHD, he explains the diverse manifestations of the condition and the unique challenges it presents in a relationship. Dr. Jon emphasizes the importance of clear communication and specificity when addressing the impact of ADHD behaviors on the relationship. He encourages partners to create a list of specific issues and discuss them in a focused, distraction-free environment.

Dr. Jon also highlights the significance of proposing practical solutions and maintaining emotional support outside the relationship. By fostering an understanding and collaborative approach, partners can work together to manage ADHD-related challenges effectively. The episode offers valuable strategies for improving relationship dynamics and enhancing emotional well-being while dealing with ADHD.

Memorable Quotes

1. "ADHD has many, many flavors, many different styles, and the ways it manifests."
2. "Make a list of how the ADHD behavior is affecting you specifically."
3. "Happiness is a skill, it is a muscle. You can work and you can learn to be happy."
4. "Communicate that emotional pain with your partner in a specific and structured way."
5. "If someone says, well, I'm sick of being the bad guy, even if it is their fault, they often distance themselves."
6. "You have to say, I feel, because it's impossible to argue with the way somebody feels."
7. "Invite the criticism of being unfair, so you can understand their perspective."
8. "Find a friend, find a therapist, find a coach, find a family member that you can vent to about this."

Keyword List

coping with ADHD partner, relationship advice, Dr. Jon Dabach, managing ADHD in relationships, ADHD behavior impact, clear communication, specific issues, practical solutions, emotional support, ADHD manifestations, understanding ADHD, collaborative approach, improving relationship dynamics, emotional well-being, structured communication, ADHD-related challenges, partner with ADHD, relationship dynamics, ADHD and marriage, dealing with ADHD

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com

In this episode, Dr. Jon Dabach provides guidance on how to support a husband who is experiencing depression. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing the severity of the depression and seeking professional help if there are any signs of self-harm. For less severe cases, Dr. Jon offers practical advice on how to create a positive and supportive environment. He highlights the significance of personal happiness and suggests ways to foster joy in your own life, which can positively influence your partner.

Dr. Jon also discusses the power of gratitude and social engagement as tools to combat depression. He encourages activities such as maintaining a gratitude journal and participating in philanthropic causes to help shift focus from internal struggles to external positive actions. Additionally, he underscores the importance of patience, understanding, and low-pressure communication in creating a safe space for your partner to express their feelings. This episode provides valuable strategies for maintaining emotional health and supporting a loved one through difficult times.

Memorable Quotes

1. "Happiness is a skill, it is a muscle. You can work and you can learn to be happy."
2. "You don't want to be codependent where your emotions are dependent on your partner. That's unhealthy."
3. "Gratitude and depression have a really, really, really hard time coexisting."
4. "Create an environment where they feel like they can communicate with you."
5. "Patience, understanding, and a lack of pressure are key when dealing with someone who is depressed."
6. "Would you like to try? Lots of invitations."
7. "If the depression is pervasive, you will need professional help."
8. "You have a responsibility to the relationship and to yourself to learn how to be happy on your own and really exercise that muscle."

Keyword List

dealing with depression, supporting a depressed husband, Dr. Jon Dabach, relationship advice, emotional health, gratitude and depression, personal happiness, combating depression, low-pressure communication, professional help for depression, creating a positive environment, codependency, fostering joy, gratitude journal, philanthropic activities, patience in relationships, understanding depression, mental health support, marital challenges, uplifting your partner

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com

In this episode, Dr. Jon Dabach discusses the unique challenges of divorcing in your 60s and provides valuable insights for those considering this significant life change. He highlights the major areas of concern such as financial health, social circles, and family dynamics that are profoundly affected by late-life divorce. Dr. Jon addresses the importance of reassessing the relationship before making a final decision and encourages couples to have honest conversations about their future together.

Dr. Jon also offers hope for those who ultimately decide to divorce, emphasizing that it is possible to find happiness and rebuild one's life even in later years. He provides practical advice on how to navigate the post-divorce landscape, including maintaining social connections and seeking professional guidance. The episode aims to empower individuals to make informed decisions that prioritize their well-being and long-term happiness.

Memorable Quotes

1. "You're not just divorcing yourself from this person, but you're divorcing yourself from your entire life."
2. "The idea of hating to pull up into your own driveway because there's nothing for you at home is not healthy."
3. "What kind of relationship do you want to see for the rest of your life?"
4. "Don't bring up the word divorce. Say maybe that's a conversation we need to have."
5. "Don't be shy to ask for what you really want in these conversations."
6. "If divorce is the appropriate option, get divorced. Know that it's going to suck for a couple years, but it doesn't mean it's over."
7. "There are people, especially other people in retirement, who are splitting up just like you want to split up and want the kind of relationship you want."
8. "You owe it to yourself to really explore if you're in a miserable relationship and your partner is not interested in connecting."

Keyword List

divorce in your 60s, late-life divorce, relationship advice, Dr. Jon Dabach, navigating divorce, post-divorce life, retirement and divorce, financial health, social circles, family dynamics, reassessing relationships, honest conversations, professional guidance, rebuilding life, long-term happiness, dealing with divorce, marital challenges, relationship dynamics, divorce recovery, senior relationships

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com

In this episode, Dr. Jon Dabach tackles the detrimental impact of playing the hero in relationships. He explains how taking on excessive responsibilities with the best intentions can lead to resentment and ultimately harm the relationship. By examining the concept of the hero's journey and its emphasis on sacrifice, Dr. Jon highlights the common pitfalls of trying to be everything for your partner without proper communication and mutual agreement.

Dr. Jon provides practical advice on how to avoid these issues, emphasizing the importance of expressing grievances and setting realistic boundaries. He encourages partners to engage in healthy negotiations rather than making unilateral sacrifices that can breed resentment. The episode underscores the need for balanced contributions in a relationship and the dangers of overburdening oneself in an attempt to be a hero.

Memorable Quotes

1. "You're ruining your relationship with your very best intentions."
2. "We think we have to be the financial leader, the emotional backbone, and suppress our own needs."
3. "The idea that you have to sacrifice crazy amounts in your relationship is a misconception."
4. "Learning how to complain in a measured way is crucial for a healthy relationship."
5. "Resentment turns into contempt if you don't air your grievances."
6. "Most things we see in our partner as hard boundaries are not firm boundaries."
7. "Don't be a hero in your marriage; don't sacrifice unnecessarily."
8. "Sacrificing your relationship is not heroic, it's foolish."

Keyword List

relationship advice, playing the hero, Dr. Jon Dabach, relationship sacrifices, emotional health, communication in relationships, hero's journey, setting boundaries, marital negotiation, relationship dynamics, expressing grievances, avoiding resentment, balanced contributions, healthy relationships, relationship pitfalls, emotional backbone, financial leader, partner needs, mutual agreement, hero complex

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com

In this episode, Dr. Jon Dabach addresses the critical issue of financial double standards in relationships. He defines financial double standards as differing attitudes and expectations towards money that can significantly impact a couple's life. Dr. Jon outlines six key areas where these discrepancies commonly arise: spending habits, earning expectations, savings and investments, debt management, financial transparency, and budgeting. He provides real-life examples and emphasizes that these differences can lead to tension and conflict if not properly addressed.

To resolve these issues, Dr. Jon stresses the importance of open communication and understanding each partner's perspective. He advises couples to have honest discussions about their financial views and to seek clarity over agreement. By creating a space for dialogue and ensuring both partners feel equally responsible and entitled to the relationship's financial resources, couples can work towards eliminating double standards and building a stronger, more equitable partnership.

Memorable Quotes

1. "Finances are one of the many categories that couples need to kind of exist on, right?"
2. "Spending discrepancies often arise when the main bread earner feels entitled to spend more."
3. "Earning expectations can cause tension, especially when one partner earns significantly more."
4. "Ideological differences in savings and investments can lead to financial double standards."
5. "Financial transparency is crucial; hiding money from your partner can cause major trust issues."
6. "Budgeting discrepancies occur when one partner adheres to a budget but exempts themselves."
7. "Clarity over agreement is key in resolving financial conflicts in relationships."
8. "The healthy mentality in finances is there is no me, there is no you, there is only us."

Keyword List

financial double standards, relationship advice, couples therapy, spending habits, earning expectations, savings and investments, debt management, financial transparency, budgeting in relationships, Dr. Jon Dabach, money management, financial conflicts, open communication, relationship equity, financial transparency, financial planning, couples counseling, financial fairness, relationship dynamics, financial clarity

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com

In this episode, Dr. Jon Dabach delves into the often-asked question of what constitutes a "normal" amount of sex in a relationship. Addressing both the straightforward and complex aspects, he explains that while once a week is statistically average, several factors such as physical health, emotional connection, the relationship's age, and life stressors can significantly influence this frequency. Dr. Jon emphasizes the importance of open communication between partners about their sexual needs and desires, suggesting that many couples are more aligned in their sexual expectations than they realize.

Dr. Jon also offers practical advice on how to approach conversations about sex, stressing the importance of mutual understanding and willingness to address physical and emotional barriers. He encourages couples to regularly discuss their sex life to avoid misconceptions and ensure a fulfilling relationship. The episode concludes with a reminder that while statistical norms can provide a reference, each couple's sexual relationship is unique and should be tailored to their specific needs and desires.

Memorable Quotes

1. "The quick answer on how much sex is quote-unquote normal is once a week."
2. "Physical health plays a huge role in sexual frequency, from erectile dysfunction to stress and weight issues."
3. "Emotional health in the relationship is a big factor. If it's good, you can just have a good conversation about how much you want to have sex and heal it."
4. "The typical honeymoon phase usually looks like having sex every day to three or four times a week."
5. "Life's busyness can drastically reduce the frequency of sex due to exhaustion and logistics."
6. "Normal is a relative term and only useful in a statistical sense."
7. "If you're having sex less than once a month, I would consider that a sexless marriage."
8. "The most important conversation is about your idealized frequency of sex, considering no physical or emotional barriers."

Keyword List

relationship advice, sexual frequency, normal sex life, couples therapy, sexual health, emotional intimacy, honeymoon phase, life stressors, sexual drive, sexless marriage, open communication, physical health, erectile dysfunction, emotional health, relationship counseling, Dr. Jon Dabach, intimacy issues, sex life improvement, marital sex, sexual expectations

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com

In this provocative and insightful episode, Dr. Jon Dabach delves into the controversial yet powerful concept of women learning to manipulate their husbands for the benefit of their relationships. Drawing from personal anecdotes and professional experiences, Dr. Jon explores how subtle manipulation can maintain harmony, reduce conflict, and strengthen marital bonds. He shares how his own mother expertly navigated her marriage, presenting compelling reasons why women should consider this approach, emphasizing that manipulation should always aim to improve the relationship and benefit both partners.

Dr. Jon outlines the advantages of this tactic, such as boosting a husband's confidence, encouraging positive behaviors, and promoting efficient conflict resolution. He stresses that the key to successful manipulation lies in intention, suggesting that when done with care and for the right reasons, it can lead to a more fulfilling and stress-free marriage. By framing manipulation as a tool for good, Dr. Jon challenges listeners to rethink their approach to relationship dynamics, ultimately advocating for a balanced, thoughtful use of influence in marriage.

Memorable Quotes:

1. "Learning to manipulate your husband for the benefit of the relationship is a lost art."
2. "If you're manipulating a man so that he feels like he's taking charge, even though it's your idea, you're giving him the gift of confidence."
3. "Manipulation done right maintains harmony and strengthens the relationship."
4. "If you're sure that your husband will benefit from the manipulation, then why not do it?"
5. "The subtle art of manipulation has a storied history, from presidents to monarchies."
6. "Women used to share tactics on how to manage their husbands; it was a common conversation."
7. "Boosting a man's confidence and sense of empowerment can transform him into a better husband and father."
8. "Avoiding conflict through manipulation reduces stress for both partners."

Keyword List:

marriage advice, relationship tips, manipulating husband, marital harmony, conflict resolution, boosting confidence, positive behavior, healthy relationships, Dr. Jon Dabach, marriage counselor, relationship dynamics, manipulation tactics, marital success, emotional connection, husband and wife, marital communication, stress reduction, empowering men, relationship strategies, marital conflict.

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com

In this insightful episode, Dr. Jon Dabach addresses a common issue many wives face: handling their husband's explosive outbursts. Dr. Jon explains the underlying causes of such behavior, likening these outbursts to adult tantrums. He provides practical strategies for managing these situations, including staying calm, maintaining non-reactive body language, and acknowledging the husband's emotional struggles. By treating these episodes as tantrums and using specific communication techniques, wives can diffuse tension and create a more peaceful environment.

Additionally, Dr. Jon emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and creating a safe space for communication. He advises on how to establish these boundaries during calm moments and how to enforce them effectively. This episode offers valuable advice for anyone struggling with a partner's anger issues, aiming to foster better understanding and healthier interactions in relationships.

Memorable Quotes

1. "Know that your husband screaming and yelling is the grownup version of a tantrum."
2. "Imagine them in a diaper with their pacifier in one hand and their little blanket in the other as they scream."
3. "The first reason any of us scream is to get attention."
4. "Stay calm and curious; body language is huge."
5. "Acknowledge their emotional struggle instead of talking about the dishes."
6. "Oftentimes, offering an apology that's not even a real apology can calm things down right away."
7. "You have to learn to set boundaries when both of you are calm."
8. "Create a safe space for communication when you are calm."

Keyword List

husband anger management, handling husband's outbursts, managing emotional outbursts, calming angry spouse, dealing with tantrums in marriage, setting boundaries in relationships, effective communication in marriage, emotional regulation techniques, diffusing tension in relationships, non-reactive body language, acknowledging emotional struggles, adult tantrums, calming techniques for couples, creating safe communication spaces, healthy interactions in marriage, spouse anger issues, relationship advice for wives, Dr. Jon Dabach, marriage counseling tips, improving marital communication

Interested in working with Jon directly? Find him at https://MrSpirituality.com