In today's episode, we are going to explore the concept of romance and how it affects our arousal.  While many husbands often think that"romance is too much work," the wives are often thinking something similar, wondering why they should have to do all the work, as they long for romance to spark their arousal.  But as we shift our thinking just a little bit, both husband and wife can challenge themselves to look at romance with a new perspective.  Listen in as we explore some of the aspects of romance, like gazing into each others eyes, that can really help spark the type of arousal that most women want to experience.  I even share a story of how some of my senses really came into play unexpectedly at The French Laundry, which had me fully aroused long before the meal was over.     

Since the last episode was called "Dealing with a Difficult Spouse, part 2," Nick had actually joked that I should call today's episode "MY Difficult Spouse."  Funny guy.  People often ask me about certain episodes of the podcast and quickly follow up with these two questions:  "Does Nick know you talked about that?" and "Is he ok with it?"  Today, I answer those questions by asking him directly.  Listen in as Nick shares his perspectives and experiences as a husband, and what it's like being on the other side of someone who is using Life Coaching skills to do their own Thought work.  He shares many of his thoughts on the reality of married life, the value of not forcing change, the importance of spirituality, and the ripple effect Life Coaching concepts have had on intimacy, our marriage, and on him.  This is a longer episode, totally unscripted and unedited, but totally worth the listen.  Enjoy!

We all have times when we feel our spouse is difficult.  This episode is the second part of this topic, which was also covered in Episode #3.  It is not always easy to see how we fall into the traps of viewing our spouse as a challenge and how it holds us back from the feelings we really want to experience in our marriage.  Listen in as we go into some specific examples of what happens to us on a personal level when we continue to do this and how to stop viewing our spouse as the problem that needs to be fixed.  We will even explore how a few teachings from last weekend's General Conference can be applied to our marriage and intimacy.  

We see a lot of people getting easily offended these days.  This can happen in marriage as well.  We hear something that our spouse says and view it as a criticism.  This may make our blood boil and want to fire back with a criticism of our own.  But what if we learned to respond in a way that is much more mature and shows that we are not being defensive?  We do so by looking for that one little drop of truth in what they are saying.  We can all do that.  Our spouse may be surprised by our new and mature response, which just might give them the space they need to reflect inward as well.  Listen in as I give you a list of over twenty possible responses to criticism and see which one you like the best.   

Have you ever thought of yourself as the good spouse and your other half as the bad spouse?  Sometimes this will show up in how you view them when it comes to intimacy.  Listen in on today's episode as we discuss just a little bit about the science behind the chemical dopamine.  All life coaches from The Life Coach School learn about this important neurotransmitter and how it works in our brain, especially in the brain-to-body system. Dopamine is a primary component in pleasure seeking and motivation, and therefore a primary component in our desire, or lack of desire, for intimacy.  If you have ever wondered about your own desire, or your spouse's desire, for intimacy, you won't want to miss this! 

In today's episode, we will explore one of the twenty different types of intimacy, Personal Intimacy, from a Life Coaching point of view.  Now, this might not mean what you think it might mean.  Personal Intimacy has to do with being familiar with your own deepest thoughts and feelings about intimacy.  Many people do not know themselves in this way, and sometimes even avoid doing so.  This also has to do with knowing your deepest wants for intimacy, knowing how your style of emotional desire is defined, as well as your physical arousal.  Knowing ourselves in this way is some of the most personal work we can be involved in.  As we dive into the meaning of the word "personal," we will also explore Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and how it relates to us individually.  After listening to today's episode, how will you rate your level of Personal Intimacy on a scale of 1-10?    

Have you ever felt like something was missing from the intimacy you experience with your spouse?  This happens to all of us at some point or another.  But what is it that's missing? It can often seem like a mystery!  If we find ourselves blaming our spouse for what we think is missing, then this podcast is for you.  The missing ingredient is...  probably not what you think.  It's a much deeper connection that we sometimes overlook.  Listen in as we explore what this mysterious missing ingredient is and challenge yourself to get it back to the forefront of intimacy.  

Just like sports teams don't usually win with only defensive strategies, life is very much the same. But living life and experiencing marriage can start to feel exhausting if we are mainly using defensive tactics.  When we are on the defense, we are constantly trying to make up or regain lost ground.  We may even feel more frustration piling on, like we aren't moving forward, even though we are investing quite a bit of time and effort into the relationship.  The way we can start to correct this is by making a switch in how we use our time and by using the creative and energetic strategies that come from the position of the offense.  Listen in to see if you can identify which strategies you are currently using and how to make a change.  Perhaps these are the very skills needed to get a slam dunk in your marriage!   

Do you remember the game Hide and Go Seek?  As adults, we play this game more with our emotions than we do physically.  We try to run and hide from emotions we think might be too scary or overwhelming for us and we hope they never find us.  We push back against them, going to great lengths to keep them far away.  But this usually just leads to an anxious build up of the negative emotions, and we can become exhausted trying to keep them at bay.  Listen in on today's episode to find out what to do with our emotions and how to use our seeking side to our advantage.  If you want to learn how to feel better, then this is the episode for you!  

Does it ever seem impossible to feel joy in the middle of complete chaos?  It might seem like a stretch to even try to imagine it.  Last week, school started... COVID style.  Three of my kids are doing distance learning from home and the other two are being homeschooled.  So, you could say that things have been a little chaotic.  Add some strong personalities to the mix and joy seemed completely out of reach.  Listen in as I get honest about being a hot mess in the beginning of it all and how I turned it around to feel joy.  If I can do this, so can you!