We’re made for attachment—but many of us learned to survive by not attaching. Jeff and Phil explore how early abandonment, toxic shame, and fear train us to confuse intensity for intimacy, and what it looks like to regrow our “Velcro” in real relationships. You’ll hear a son who stands his ground, friends who travel to grieve with—and why the four S’s (seen, soothed, safe, secure) matter so much.

From marriage and parenting to friendship and faith, this conversation names the risk of staying present, the comfort of being known, and the long, grace-filled work of becoming attachable again. Includes a practical journaling exercise to map your primary attachment figures and where you long to reconnect.

✨ What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Why we mistake intensity for intimacy—and how to tell the difference
• The “Velcro” metaphor: sliding off vs. sticking, and learning to stick again
• A live picture of secure attachment in conflict (“I’m staying”)
• The four S’s of secure attachment: seen, soothed, safe, secure
• Friends who practice with-ness in grief
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• A simple exercise to begin re-attaching where it matters most

In this episode of Return to Heart, Jeff and Phil explore the meaning of attunement — the deep, relational connection that allows us to truly be seen and known. Through vivid metaphors, a humorous moment at the symphony, and heartfelt stories about parenting, marriage, and faith, this conversation shows how attunement brings restoration, combats loneliness, and invites us back to the heart. Whether you’re navigating family relationships, spiritual growth, or simply longing for deeper connection, this episode offers hope and practical wisdom for the journey.

✨ 

You’ll hear in this episode: 

• Why attunement is essential to human connection. 
• A touching story of Jeff and his grandson learning to sit with sadness. 
• How marriage reveals the challenges and beauty of vulnerability. 
• And, the role of faith in healing toxic shame and restoring relationships.

In this episode of Return to Heart, we unpack the difference between healthy and toxic shame, how childhood abandonment shapes the stories we tell ourselves, and why God calls us back to live unashamed and loved.

Shame was never meant to define us, yet many of us carry the lie that our needs make us “too much,” “not enough,” or “unlovable.”

Together, we explore:

• The biblical picture of healthy shame in the Garden before the fall
• How abandonment leads to toxic shame and distorted identity
• Why children ask “What’s wrong with me?” instead of “What’s wrong with them?”
• The lifelong effects of toxic shame on relationships, work, and faith
• God’s invitation to live unashamed and loved

If you’ve ever struggled with feelings of inadequacy, rejection, or the belief that you are the problem, this conversation will bring clarity, hope, and a path toward freedom.

What is abandonment, really? At its core, it’s this: “I needed you, and you weren’t there for me.” Whether it’s parents, friends, coaches, or even people who were in the room but emotionally absent, abandonment leaves a mark on all of us.

You’ll hear:

• The simplest and most powerful definition of abandonment
• Why the brain registers abandonment the same way it registers physical pain
• Stories of how abandonment shows up in everyday life
• The difference between naming what happened and blaming the people involved
• How even Jesus’ disciples panicked at the thought of being abandoned

Abandonment is part of the human story—but so is healing. By learning to name our stories without blame, we can begin to move from hurt toward hope.

Discover the meaning of Imago Dei and what it means to find your identity in Christ. In this episode of Return to Heart, Todd Warmers and Phil Herndon share Christian transformation stories that reveal how God sees you, why relationships matter, and how Jesus speaks to your deepest self.

Through personal experiences, Bible teaching, and practical insights, they unpack what it means to be created in the image of God and how that truth transforms your life. You’ll learn how identity in Christ shapes your sense of belonging, why love brings security, and how understanding God’s love changes everything.

Topics in this episode:

• Imago Dei meaning and why it matters
• How early experiences shape your self-image
• The brain’s role in connection vs. protection
• Jesus’ baptism and the power of belonging
• The woman with the issue of blood and healing in God’s truth
• Overcoming identity struggles through God’s Word
• A simple exercise to deepen your awareness of God’s love

If you’ve ever wondered “Who does God say I am?” or felt distant from your true identity, this conversation will help you see yourself the way God does.

How to Reconnect with God, Yourself & Others (The Tin Man Story)— Jeff Schulte, Todd Wermers, and Phil Herndon share personal stories of burnout, healing, and transformation. Learn what it means to “return to heart,” reconnect emotionally, and build deeper relationships with God and others. Using the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz as a metaphor, they explore self-awareness, emotional health, and living from the heart. Perfect for anyone seeking spiritual growth, relational connection, and emotional wholeness.

Topics: emotional health, Christian counseling, spiritual growth, self-awareness, relationships, theology, psychology, neurobiology, Wizard of Oz, Tin Man metaphor.