RO-MANSPLAINING

We have a visitor who doesn't stay long, this might be the worst scene in the movie, Adam still doesn't listen, Edward manhandles Bella for no good reason, Leslie could probably take Adam in a fight.

We give a shout-out to our friend, you may know her her name is Laura, the yeah dawg effect is real, Adam does a crappy job of imagining dating an 18 year old, Leslie discovers she's a MILF who is open for business.

Leslie "buds" Adam and no one likes it, Adam is really wanting some iTunes reviews, Leslie continues her quest to try to get Adam to understand the format of the podcast and fails, another episode of "Let's listen to Adam struggle to type," Edward followed the green dank line of Bella's scent, we start a new section of the podcast called "Boner Alert!"

We go deep into the geographic reasons that Bella may say "holy crow" instead of "holy cow," Adam thinks he sparkles, Adam liked Silken Bondage 1000% more than Twilight, we get a little nugget about Total Eclipse of the Heart.

This is a long clip that starts with some dress shop discrepancies, Adam mansplains how lactation works, Leslie continues to have problems talking, Adam doesn't have a place to practice his driving stunts.

Introducing "Daddy Edward," Bella sucks at having a cell phone, Adam learns about Rockabilly style, you memorize the square root of Pi, Adam purged a lot of extra facts, he also has the strength to stay away from Leslie, Leslie gets all her PNW knowledge from movies and Twin Peaks, a montage helps Bella understand that Edward is a vampire.

We get ready for a long and important chapter, Bella's girls from Phoenix are missing in the book but she misses estrogen, nightmare A/V guy makes an appearance, Louis L'Amour strikes again, Adam continues his quest to keep people alive in the desert, Edward's furious voice causes a spill in aisle 4, Adam is late for a class, we play a terrible game called "what Leslie would let Keanu spit into her mouth" and cross a line, another trope comes out, we break up for about thirty seconds, our moms experienced the 60s and 70s in wildly different ways, Joss Whedon killed us in an alternate timeline, Edward's coat smells either like a cool breeze over the mountain or B.O., and we'll never look at creamed corn the same way again.

Adam takes his sfx game to the next level, but not in a good way, we go play by play at the threesome Waylon is imagining before he gets murdered, Adam uses his sound superpowers to learn us about ADR, we find a weird transition that might be a picture that Catherine Hardwick may have had developed at Walgreens and scanned in, Leslie is stuck in an oxbow, there is a lot of talk going about the history of Google's logo and web browsers, Adam got taken down into Alexa inception, legends of the slapping beaver are better than legends of the slapped testicle, we get some insight from a reputable source about ravens playing with wolves, Leslie is pretty sure that plants can feel, and Russell Brand's voice surprises Adam.

We don't spoil Chinatown, no one is reading the book along with us and no one wants to be a guest on this show, dial up technology is really slow, Adam gets really excited about getting a point, clumsy girls probably shouldn't go for walks alone in the woods, Leslie's best hair days were in Las Vegas, Adam goes a little Philly by saying "two tree four," Potato chips are way better in the desert, bugs in our dill, We have different philosophies on saying "I love you," and Bella gets ready to leave Forks for a big trip to Port Angeles.

Lexi Smelch takes over hosting for this episode, Adam better get his panties buckled, Adam fails to make a case about the beach being "crowded," Adam thinks two people surfing makes a crowded beach, Adam thinks Jacob is the best actor in the movie so far, we think about forming a band, "pale faces" is a terrible descriptor, we have no idea what this aquatic creature is that boy chases girl with twilight beach scene, and we finally meet the antagonists.

Adam is in the market for some new sound effects, we briefly consider making the podcast Edie-friendly, Adam does not like Leslie's relationship with Bun-Bun, Suburbans are BFCs, Lauren's nastiness begins, Jacob joins the story in the book and is only fifteen, Adam's Michael Keaton Batman imitation is fabulous, Jacob tries to impress Bella, Bella is like a testicle, we get into a genital punching stand-off, Leslie can't pronounce Quileutes, Jacob drops some info bringing us all up to speed on the vampire and werewolf lore, Adam doesn't deserve to love Keanu, we expose big oil, and Adam and Alexa discover things together.

Adam grosses everyone out, there's a weird scene in this movie that has no purpose, we swoon over the deliciousness of Vermont water, you only have nine years to get stuff done, targeted ads are scary and useful, we go a little too deep into vampire poop, public schools do not have un-monitored salad bars, and we analyze the purpose of Edward's apple kick.

We start off talking waaay too much about Florida, Leslie really screws up her Jesus impression, Adam is no match for Keanu, Leslie discovers a new way to make Adam listen better, we explore why a dangerous man is sexy, the movie left out an entire character, mean girl tropes are bad, and Bella plays matchmaker.