Rye Off The Bat

This is a very much delayed gratitude video. But during my accident this is the thing that gave me a lot of hope and strength to live; my family. Even though I can feel very distant with them, or sometimes I could feel very little due to my lack of self love, but they’ll always be the people to at I’m thankful for. And I’d like to delicate this podcast episode to them.

I haven’t been in the best mental headspace lately and I’d like to think that it’s due to my environment and my inability to function in such environment due to the lack of empathy or understanding of mental health. Well I feel it’s no ones fault of cause, it’s just us being different people. Mental health is a tricky thing, and we owe it to ourselves to do whatever we can to keep living; be it distractions or extracting ourselves from the space.

Feelingg empty, after reading this really manga, which I had finally completed. And I guess, no matter what, life goes on, as long as we’re alive.

Sinking deeper should be a better word as I struggle with PTSD and trying to hang onto my distraction to stay sane. I made the best out of it and eventually created a website! Well I guess?

Even though this seems like an issue in a number of INFJ, I have not just the saviour complex where I feel the need to passionately help people, sometimes alittle too much, leaving me burnt out without time for myself. Have no a conversation on why I exhibits such traits and also if there’s such thing as a reverse saviour/hero/rescue complex where I yearn to be saved as well. I hope this can shed some light to not just the INFJ but also everyone around the world who is struggling with this issue (mostly possibly) due to our mental health.

Here’s a lighter episode as I went back to read and react to one of my writing collective that was really cathartic to me. Writing letters to the girls whom I’d loved and disappeared, I decided to bid them farewell through writings as I don’t want to hold only them anymore. Sometimes opening our hearts and setting us free could just takes us closer to happiness :)

Trigger warning: contains self harm, violence and suicidal tendencies. Touching on the 2 media that I could relate my depression to, with one being a really depressing manga and another is an animation of a self sabotaging horseman who struggled with happiness. I find myself in these characters a lot and how real they could be, despite being fictional media contents.

Talking about my issues with discipline and also a manga that I’m into lately, oyasumi punpun. My train of thoughts was abruptly cut off- I figured this may be very trigger warning, and decided to separates it.

Recording this while running so pardon the sound quality. Talking about finding your own voice, what makes you special, here’s to self improvement: every step we take is something, take all the small win we can

Talking about how I try to pursue my passion, sticking to my belief despite being a sales person. To be someone who’s more selfless in giving, appreciating people who appreciates me.