Rye Off The Bat

Reacting to one of my unpublished writing that was praised by my editor back then. It was a philosophical piece of a whimsical fairy tale theme that’s inspired by the planetary theory of the Little Prince. Here I met a captain that leaves me with a lesson that’s worth more than a thousand gold.

I felt that this is what I always do; when I have lists of things or a bunch of things that I have to do but it didn’t even get to the point of defining it, I just dump all of them into this mental box. It makes me puts off things, and worse; I’m not living my life. I finally decided to unpack this mess today and share my process of doing so.

Sharing my tendencies to put people I like on pedestals, setting up myself to allow them to score easy brownie points and not being able to critically assess or audit our relationship as a result

Taking this episode to talk about why I would conform in social settings/group, and how it is getting in my way of living a more fulfilling life that way. From the fear of being alone to thinking that we won’t find a better fit, I tend to exhibit tendencies to stick with social groups or people who might not a great fit for my lifestyle or even mental health.

A misadventure lead me to Paper Towns by John Green that eventually made its way to me heart to being my favourite book. It felt almost anxious and uncomfortable to talk about it. It eventually shaped the “romantic” in me and possibly encouraged or cultivate the hero complexes that I have. And I fell in love with looking for Margo.

Touching slightly into my behaviour regression tendencies online, how I somewhat recreate a third personality that creates more disharmony than not. Feeling lost amongst your different personality and eventually finding a fit.

Exploring the roots of why I grow up to be such a people pleaser, form childhood trauma to fear of loneliness and wanting people to like me, I venture into some uncomfortable parts of my insides for some answers

Diving into the reasons why I may had say sorry alittle too much, but letting go, by seeming bowing to most situation, this links further into my self hatred or childhood trauma

It’s something that I thought of and I wanted to write about; humans and their fleeting wants. From material possessions to temporarily relief/pleasure, I feel that we might not be thinking as critically as we should nor we are being kind to ourselves. I feel that we suffer from making decisions based on short term needs and wants instead of something long term instead.

Growing up, losing friends that I didn’t expect to, getting outcasted from my main group of friends, I lost so much but I’d gain a lot as well. And this lesson only taught me to cherish the friends who are here but don’t hold onto to tight as people come and go…