Says Who?

Dan wants to talk to Maureen about some things going on in the news, like the fact that Steve Bannon is in hot water. Maybe. Possibly. If everyone gets together and decides to do something about all the crimes and whatnot. Maureen is interested, but there is some stuff she would like to tell Dan as well, like how the number six is magic. Remember January 6th? And all the other things that go with six? So many things. Also, she is in Philadelphia, so she does not have to worry about elevators or people trying to steal her toilet in the night.

Dan would really like to talk about the news. Donald Trump sent a fax! Maureen is not having it. She still has more she needs to tell Dan, like stuff about the internet and the Bad Art Friend. Maureen may be possessed—but the sun, or maybe Satan, or possibly the spirit of a certain shoe.

Anyway, things go about how you might expect, but since you’re already here, you probably like that kind of thing. Everyone likes something.

 

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SaysWhovia, the months are getting jumbled and the holidays are colliding and all anyone really wants to do is get through it. Because let's face it: what is time anymore, really when you think about it?

It's time to ask big questions, SaysWhovia: What day is it again? Have they minted the trillion dollar coin yet? Will Maureen ever get a second elevator? Is Dan's kid ever getting a vaccine? 

We'll figure it out eventually.

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There’s a trillion dollar coin out there. Someone’s got to steal it.

Why not Maureen and Dan?

cue suspenseful drumming

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Content warning: It gets spicy in this one, and it’s all Dan’s fault. He’s sorry. Far too much is said about Trump’s lil’ tooter.

Yeah, it’s pretty much covered in the content warning. Buckle up and keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times.

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Oh, hello! Dan and Maureen didn’t see you. Dan is hiding in his basement, writing emails. Maureen is stuck in an elevator. Both of them are trying to help their families outrun COVID. Because, COVID! It’s Still Here! Dan has a lot to say about testing and tracing and AP History. Maureen is still really just trying to get in or out of an elevator. Will she ever leave New York City? Can Dan convince her to move to the woods? Have you ever had fried clams?

There’s a lot of talk of elevators in this one. So much elevator. And a surprising amount of harmonicas. Yes, it’s one of those episodes where the rails never come into the picture.

Toot toot, SaysWhovia!

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FIVE YEARS! Yes, you read that right. Says Who is celebrating FIVE YEARS of this EIGHT WEEK podcast! It’s time for celebrations! Parties! Picnics on the square! Dancing!

Except Maureen has had A Week, and she needs to tell you all about it. ALL about it. This may take a while.

Plus, Rudy gets drunk and Trump hangs out with a cult. What else is new.

HERE’S TO FIVE MORE YEARS!

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Dan and Maureen are out of the news business this week. It’s bad. Instead, this Says Who is about culture! Fun things! Things that make Dan and Maureen happy!

At least, it will be once Maureen is done explaining all the things she has to do to get ready for Oscar’s green card interview in the morning. So much paperwork. So many details. What did they serve at the wedding? Was there cake? There were jars of stuff, but what was in them? Dan will try to get a word in edgewise, but he will not succeed. And then…out come the dead flowers.

The green card interviewer has no idea what is about to happen to them.

Just fill in this form right here, Says Whovia. Your citizenship is guaranteed. But what was in the jars?

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Welcome to the Says Who Good Times Fun Hour, which is what we’re calling it this week as everything is A Lot and people are starting to get a bit crispy around the edges. So let’s keep it light and fun! Let’s talk about Rudy Giuliani eating soup! Because he does not eat it like other people. He eats it Rudy Style. And it’s gross! You won’t like it.

Also, let’s talk about medicine for horsies, because it 2021, and people take that now. And then they get a case of the Rudys. It all comes back to Rudy in the end! Seriously, though, people are taking a lot of horse medicine.

And Maureen got a pair of roller skates.

Saddle up, SaysWhovia! Let the fun times begin!

Note: the organ music at the top of the episode is courtesy of Josh Kantor.

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Pretty sure Maureen forgot what was discussed on this episode.

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Dan and Maureen are back after last week’s absence! Dan has returned home to Chicago. His teenager has returned to school. We’re going back out, except where we’re all going back in! 

No one has any idea what’s happening! Except for two people: Rudy and My Pillow Mike. Rudy is now on Cameo, and that is a lot of what today’s episode is about. Rudy will greet you for $400! Would you like a greeting from Rudy? Find out what that sounds like!

Dan and Maureen almost veer into terrible news, but you’ve had enough of that, so they turn the car around. It’s all burgers and Rudy today. And Dan’s throat. Dan’s poor, poor throat.

Grab a napkin SaysWhovia. It’s time to eat.
 

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