Says Who?

It’s summertime in SaysWhovia! The lawn chairs are out. The pool floats have been inflated. And Trump is back on his bullshit!

Wait, what?

Oh right. Time is a flat circle. Yes, he’s back! Ranting and raving in a way that is not at all concerning! By that, we mean… kind of concerning! It’s possible that the Trumpets are planning a little light treason. Nothing to worry about. Besides, Dan has big news! The first reports of what President Biden eats are in… and there is big news in this department. BIG news.

Also, Maureen’s Siri keeps farting, and her dad has 900 Alexas and a bunch of restaurant chairs. She may be losing what little grip she has on reality.

Get your shorts on, SaysWhovia! We’re going to the boardwalk!

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Our friend Akilah has been back to Disneyland now that it's reopened after 14 months, and what a magical day she had. 

Come, Sayswhovians, take a break from the unrelenting pace of news and just... enjoy yourself at the happiest place on earth. 

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

We all developed new hobbies during lockdown. Maureen collected bins and drop-crotch jumpsuits. Dan made masks and relentlessly trolled Maureen about the state of New York politics. This is still his favorite! He does it ALL THE TIME. This was the biggest week yet for Dan’s new pastime. Andrew Guillani has entered the ring and Dan simply could not be more delighted. Maureen tries to deflect. There are horny peacocks to talk about. And horny donkeys. And roller-skates. And soup.

None of it will work. Dan is on a mission. No amount of soup talk will distract or dissuade him. In fact, he has learned something so terrible that he refuses to say it out loud on the podcast, but he tells Maureen because this is the kind of friend he is.

Maureen is very ill-treated.

Come to the woods, SaysWhovia. The animals are weird and the soup is plenty.

Content: Some very horny animals, soup. Don't Google that one thing.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It’s a big week, SaysWhovia. Maureen has a guest. In her house. Someone is STAYING OVER. Because life is finding a way.

Because he doesn’t want her to get too excited about the experience, Dan decides to tell Maureen all about the state of the mayoral race in New York City—a race in which no one seems to know anything except Andrew Yang. He’s going to be the winner! Dan is sure of it. Maureen is less happy. Dan’s job is done.

But the big story this week is that nothing stays buried forever. The zombies have risen. Trump is back, and he’s Brough the My Pillow guy with him, and together they’re saving America and free speech through the technology of… blogs? Videos? Twitter handles? Dan and Maureen are as confused as they are. It’s an old, familiar feeling. Welcome back to the weird, ranty world of Trump—now with fewer followers!
 

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Spring has come to SaysWhovia and the world is reopening! Maureen has gotten a hairdo! She went to a place! With a person! Dan also went to a place with a person, but for a different reason. Dan had a little accident. His foot is not 100% what it should be at the moment. Luckily, we know someone who is good with feet.

Meanwhile, two prominent dirtbags have been caught dirtbagging—because these dummies kept writing it all down. These aren’t bright guys, and things got out of hand. Yes, both Matt Gaetz and Rudy Giuliani are in hot water. How hot? How much water? We don’t know yet, but what we do know is hilarious.

Also, Dan and Maureen talk about plants for a while. Why not?

Put on your dancing shoes, SaysWhovia! It’s time to get out there!

Content info: This episode includes a mention of Matt Gaetz’s crimes, which involve sex with underage persons. No details—we simply mention that this is what he is in trouble for.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It’s happening, SaysWhovia. Dan and Maureen have had both of their shots. They got a little sleepy, but now they are thinking about reentering the world. No, really this time. It’s a whole new era! One filled with grocery stores, maybe not wearing a mask outside, perhaps sitting on a bench…that kind of thing!

Sure, there will be a transition period. Dan has an inflatable couch for that. And Maureen has all these beans and plastic bins. And an Excelsior pass!

What’s an Excelsior pass? You’re about to find out.

Strap in, SaysWhovia! We’re going for a ride!

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Today’s episode is a little different. Dan and Maureen were about to record when the verdict came in, so they stopped until it was read. What follows is the immediate reaction to the verdict and a discussion of the strange, in-between times we live in.

Also, Dan has been trolling Maureen, and eventually there is a discussion about celery.

Content info: This episode, obviously, deals with the results of the Derek Chauvin trial and the legacy of black death at the hands of the police. Also, a rat catches on fire near the end.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Could it be, SaysWhovia, that soon it will be time to rejoin the world? To dance and sing? Or, get dental care? Get gravy? Look out the window? Maureen and Dan are ready! 

Well, they will be! Maybe! Give it time. Soon. Soon they will be. Just not yet. 

So instead of traveling out, they travel back in time too when everyone smoked everywhere and things stank. Want to hear stories about eight year olds buying cartons of cigarettes for elderly relatives? You are in luck!

Maureen has been doing a lot of talking about her book this week as well. But even thought she has been busy, she has had time to look at Facebook. She should not look at Facebook, but she cannot be stopped. This takes us to a long trip to Maureen’s Facebook Corner, which leads Dan and Maureen to the topic of gun violence. Because, America. But there is hope, and it comes in the form of all those cigarettes.

Content info: the second half of this episode features a discussion of gun violence and gun policy, with references to police violence, domestic violence, and a one-sentence mention of suicide.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

What a week it has been, SaysWhovia. Dan and Maureen are a day later than norm, because Maureen had a book come out on Tuesday. She had to do 19 interviews, which means she had to talk a lot. Blah blah blah, all day long. She is behind on the news.

Luckily, Dan has been paying attention! He has a story to tell her—a story about a man named Matt who did some very bad things. You may think you know all the bad things, but you don’t. Dan will tell you about them in tremendous detail. The story is weirder than you think. It involves a boy named Nestor, some photographs, a Florida lawyer, and spies!

Put your helmet on, SaysWhovia. Dan is going to take you on a ride.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It’s a big week here in SaysWhovia! Dan and Maureen have both received their first shot. Dan was slightly overwhelmed by the experience. It has been a long time since he has been out. Meanwhile, the sideways boat has been freed, which reminds Maureen of a time she was on a boat. A lot happened on this boat. She will tell you all about it. Neither of them are ready for prime time.

Down in Florida, local man Donald Trump is giving weird speeches at weddings, and also he will come to your party now, if you want him to. Do you want him to?

Put your lifejacket on, SaysWhovia. It’s time to get back into the water.

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho