Serious Hyperbole

This week I talk about old people sex, why erectile dysfunction is a myth, self sabotage, notebooks in the gym, my brother gaining weight on a gluten free diet, the NBA becoming like soccer when it's actually group-golf, shopping for women, Mother's Day gift etiquette, and women writing everything in stone while men live in the moment

This week I talk about what Prince's family is fighting over possession of, the lack of voting motivation, Tom Brady being served bull with a side of shit, going 2 weeks without ejaculating, Beyonce and Jay-Z's business strategy, take your kid to work day, smart dumb people, acting your age, and Cinco de Mayo

This week I talk about the pull and pray method, why Plan B was invented by a male scientist, how to be cool like you kick jukeboxes and wear leather jackets, the level of softness needed to have a Twitter beef with someone, my adult clothes shopping experience, people that are needed in your circle, and why picturing people naked to calm yourself down doesn't work

This week I talk about my theory on how lesbians fight, serving sizes in fancy restaurants, dress codes for going out, the physical soap opera that is Wrestlemania, where not to sit at a baseball game, pacing yourself in the bedroom, the wonders of self body shaming, getting summer ready, and tropical vacations becoming pointless due to poor timing

This week I talk about no one caring about your birthday from ages 50-65, Easter being a mishmash of activities for both children and adults, a turkey getting executed on my street, why cheating is 90% men's doing, April Fool's being the cheater's holiday, why I don't ever get jealous, ego stroking, and my buddy disrupting the Date Time Continuum

This week I talk about other numbers besides 69 being sexy, how to get the lady in your life to invest in wet resistant underwear, where to go if you want to do butt stuff, church needing the NBA flair treatment, my issue with sleep talking, why Snapchat could have saved me, and why Lois Lane distracts Superman thus giving Batman the victory

This week I talk about my St. Patrick's Day weekend sober shenanigans, herding drunks, why you should keep to yourself if you're sick, a reminder as to why I don't drink, laws of prom, creeps who lurk in the shadows, the rules and regulations for helping a drunk woman, and why I refuse to hop on the bandwagon and watch the NBA

This week I talk about the Diaz vs McGregor fight and results, why it's a terrible excuse to blame a relationship for you being out of shape, contouring going too far, curing jealousy by being a side dude, when it's okay to fart in front of a woman, why skunks and possums should go extinct to save pandas and tigers, Siri's blind racism, and living in space

This week I talk about the purpose of dick holes in men's underwear, Apple vs the FBI, a pleasant fender bender, why it isn't good Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar, having sex while a dog is in the room, going to a bar with a cloud of estrogen, and the visual torture of watching guys fail at a bar/club

This week I talk about lazy firemen, ESPN not talking about Peyton Manning's nutsack, Manny Pacquiao insulting the LGBT community and PETA in one sentence, the Pope getting angry, Saturday morning cartoons vs Sunday morning church, attractive women having filthy rooms, and a strategy that men should implement to keep impressing their woman in the bedroom