Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

By Cathy ChenParenting Kids & Family

Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You episodes

October 11, 2023Roadmap to College
Our biggest advice for kids approaching college is simple: You’re going to be fine! This episode talks about the process of preparing for college. We’ve found that it’s predictable and routine and you can know it all in advance! Tune in today to hear our thoughts on the college preparation experience starting with Ninth Grade. We discuss the major shifts that often happen during Tenth Grade and what to bear in mind as a parent before exploring the test preparation process in Sophomore Year. It can be hard to determine what colleges care about and we aim to enlighten listeners on some of the process and how best to support your kids with decision-making along the way. Senior Year is the time to prioritize applications and this episode covers how to approach the lead-up to this pivotal year and how a counselor can support kids every step of the way. Rest assured, there are plenty of bases you can cover if you stay informed and get organized. Tune in today to hear some essential tips on how to do exactly that.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:00] The origins of today’s topic: concerns raised coach-match meetings.
[0:02:45] Where the process begins in Ninth Grade with selecting an appropriately challenging curriculum.
[0:10:43] What to prioritize in the summer of Ninth Grade.
[0:12:45] Shifts that occur in Tenth Grade and what to bear in mind as a parent.
[0:16:16] Preparing for tests in Sophomore Year.
[0:22:59] Determining what colleges care about.
[0:24:48] Offering kids the freedom of unconditional support.
[0:26:07] Why it is important to start Senior Year ready to go.
[0:27:08] The importance of honing in on academic interests as a senior.
[0:28:56] Why research is such a critical part of the application process.
[0:32:25] Prioritizing applications in Senior Year.
[0:36:30] The work that counselors do to support kids during the application process.
[0:38:59] A reminder to focus on the things you can control.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
40 min
October 04, 2023Am I Making Too Many Decisions For My Teen?
Giving teenagers the power to make decisions about their own lives can be terrifying, but it is an essential part of growing up. In today’s episode, we are talking all about agency and how we can empower our children to learn how to make reflective, good choices. Tuning in, you’ll hear about why this is so important, how to guide our teens in decisions about their academic journeys, the dangers of forcing them into things, how to help them recover from a series of bad choices, when they shouldn’t be in charge, and so much more. We even delve into how our actions of love may actually be inhibiting our children’s growth before discussing the big impacts of agency in our kids’ lives. So to hear all this and be inspired to raise more thoughtful people, press play now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] Today’s topic: decision-making and agency.
[0:01:55] Why we need to allow our teenagers to make some decisions themselves.
[0:03:22] The importance of letting teens have agency over their academic journeys and how we can guide them.
[0:09:26] The benefits of allowing the student to make certain decisions and the dangers of forcing them into things.
[0:13:42] How to help your children reflect when they make the wrong decision over and over.
[0:16:59] When teenagers shouldn’t be able to make decisions.
[0:19:44] Cathy tells us about two students: one who was forced into a decision and one who made the same decision by himself and the effects of each case.
[0:25:10] The importance of exposing your children to different things and family modeling.
[0:28:54] Why you have to ask yourself if you need to answer certain questions or do certain things for your children or not.
[0:31:20] The importance of teaching your children to be responsible for their own space.
[0:32:45] The bigger, long-term impacts of teaching your children agency and decision-making skills.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
36 min
September 27, 2023What the End of Affirmative Action Means for Everyone
As we see a lot of things shifting in the world of college admissions, one of the things expected this year was that the Supreme Court would strike down Affirmative Action. We felt this would be an important topic on the podcast and wanted to open up the conversation and share our thoughts and beliefs regarding the decision. Join us as we talk about the definition of Affirmative Action in this context and the current narrative regarding race and elite colleges. We also take a closer look at the recently published study, ‘Diversifying Society’s Leaders? The Determinants and Causal Effects of Admission to Highly Selective Private Colleges.’ With this episode, we want to inspire parents and students to think deeper when it comes to college admissions, emphasize the importance of reaching beyond just getting into college, and encourage them to focus more on diversification. Tune in now, for all this, and more.
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:50] Why this is an important episode.
[0:02:00] What we are talking about today.
[0:02:30] The consequences of striking down Affirmative Action.
[0:03:49] Our belief regarding the decision rendered by the Supreme Court.
[0:04:08] The definition of Affirmative Action in this context.
[0:04:58] Racism is real in our country.
[0:07:22] We recount the current narrative out there (regarding race and elite colleges).
[0:08:00] We take a look at a study done on admissions to highly selective private colleges.
[0:09:59] The reason we are sharing this information on the podcast.
[0:12:35] A look at the legacy admissions factor.
[0:14:36] Comparing admission factors of elite public colleges and flagship public colleges.
[0:16:15] What will change this year.
[0:18:43] Thoughts on the future of the legacy factor.
[0:19:25] The non-academic “hooks” and their admission advantages and outcomes.
[0:22:30] Statistics regarding the outcomes of middle-class, non “hook” admissions.
[0:23:25] The takeaway we want our audience to leave with after today’s conversation.
[0:26:00] Thoughts on using athletics as a slipway into college.
[0:28:15] Why we want to inspire deeper thinking regarding college admissions.
[0:29:00] Cathy shares why she doesn’t believe in coaching a child purely based on strategy.
[0:31:30] Reaching beyond getting into college (with your kids).
[0:32:32] What is good for kids: diversity.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
‘Diversifying Society’s Leaders? The Determinants and Causal Effects of Admission to Highly Selective Private Colleges’
The Village Blog
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
35 min
September 20, 2023Starting the School Year Strong
Welcome to Season 3 of Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You! Today, we want to talk about starting the school year strong. What can you as parents do to help set your kids on a trajectory to success? We dive into some of the things we think are important for students to conquer, including setting schedules, getting organized, educating themselves on and making use of their school’s resources, and becoming skilled at advocating for themselves. We also discuss effective study strategies that can help students navigate the transition in learning and study habits from middle school to high school, as well as the value of learning from natural consequences, cultivating a sense of independence, and why we think it’s important to talk to your children about school policies. If you want to hear more about these topics and why it’s crucial for your children to be engaged in their school communities, don’t miss this information-packed episode!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:22] The topic for today’s episode: Starting the School Year Strong.
[0:01:45] Things to consider to help your kids get a great start.
[0:01:55] Everything you need to know about schedules.
[0:03:10] Helping your kids get organized for the school year ahead.
[0:04:30] Setting expectations and exploring options for organizational systems.
[0:06:30] Learning about and making use of your school’s resources.
[0:07:52] The importance of teaching students to advocate for themselves.
[0:08:20] Why parents should guide their kids through some type of reflective exercise.
[0:09:30] Exploring study and learning habits (and why some just don’t work).
[0:11:45] Taking the start of the new year as a time to reflect.
[0:13:00] Cultivating independence and learning from natural consequences.
[0:15:20] The benefits of learning from natural consequences.
[0:15:44] Device policies and the inability to appropriately navigate screen time.
[0:18:00] Cracking down on devices and sleep!
[0:19:15] Participation in diverse ways; becoming comfortable with taking academic risks.
[0:21:20] Breaking through introversion.
[0:22:50] Talking to your child about engagement with their school community.
[0:25:22] The other side: being over-scheduled.
[0:28:20] Why it’s important to talk about school policies with your children.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
'How to Help Your Teen Succeed This School Year'
Google Calendar
The Village Blog
Village Blog
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
31 min
September 11, 2023Season 3 Trailer
Welcome back to Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You, the season 3 teaser episode! This season is going to be amazing, as we continue to bring you educational, yet entertaining, content. If you’ve got topics you’d like to hear more about, get in contact with us so that we can bring you what you want to hear! Buckle down and get ready for another great season!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:00] Intro to Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You Season 3 Teaser.
[0:01:00] Season 3 and why it’s going to be dope!
[0:01:30] What to expect in season 3.
[0:01:50] Who we’ve scheduled for this season so far.
[0:03:09] Share our podcast so that we can keep growing our audience!
[0:03:46] A request for the audience to let us know what topics to address.
[0:04:11] We welcome feedback, so get in contact!

Quotes:

“Season three is going to be dope!” — Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You [0:01:02]

“This season we are super excited because we are bringing on some of our fancy pants admissions office friends.” — Cathy Chen [0:01:26]

“Let us know what you want to learn more about! If there’s some topic we haven’t covered in our three seasons that you are super curious about — odds are we can talk about or know someone who can talk about it!” — Meredith Herrera [0:03:46]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Brene Brown
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
5 min
May 24, 2023What’s the Purpose of Summer?
Welcome to the last episode of season two! Our topic for this week’s episode focuses on how to cultivate and promote your child’s wellness during the summer. And perhaps, while you are at it, how to cultivate your own wellness as a parent, too! We are excited to share some practical realities that can help drive decision-making for the summertime. We kick off with thoughts on the role of summer, the ideal ways to spend it, and a quick what not to do. We further dive into subtopics like the importance of balance, how family values play a role in choosing summertime activities, and why Cathy thinks getting your teenagers outside is imperative! We again touch on why getting kids out of their comfort zone and doing hard things is vital to their sense of self and their future and why a summer job is absolutely not lame. Tune in to hear why we think exposing your kids to differences and the reality of the real world can help set them up for success throughout their lives. Enjoy this last episode; we are excited to be back with more great topics for season three!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:30] We introduce this week’s topic: cultivating wellness.
[0:01:57] Meredith shares her thoughts on the role of summer.
[0:02:30] The ideal way to spend summer; play.
[0:03:30] A quick what not to do: Cathy calls BS.
[0:04:44] We make the distinction between the 8th and 12th graders.
[0:05:20] The importance of balancing out the scale.
[0:05:43] What Meredith would do as a parent of a teenager going into summer.
[0:06:25] How family values play a role in planning for summer.
[0:07:30] Choosing activities for summer and what to take into consideration.
[0:08:40] Why Cathy loves it when kids go to outdoor camps during summer.
[0:11:20] Experiencing awe and its impact on mental health.
[0:12:30] Take your teenagers to a garden (and get them gardening).
[0:13:00] Summer should be restorative; our brains need to rest.
[0:15:15] Animals and learning to care for something; learning about a sense of self.
[0:16:45] Cathy’s advice to parents wondering what their kids should do for the summer.
[0:18:00] Thoughts on adolescents being wired to be self-centered.
[0:19:15] Meaningful memories and what they often end up being for teenagers.
[0:21:00] The importance of doing hard things.
[0:22:05] What to tell the kids (and their parents) who just aren’t motivated.
[0:25:23] Pulling the parent card.
[0:26:53] Why your kids need to be part of a collective.
[0:27:35] A quick aside about allowance.
[0:29:00] Why getting a summer job is not lame!
[0:30:48] Exposing your kids to differences and the reality of the real world.
[0:34:30] Celebrating different communities and experiences.
[0:35:45] Experiencing joy by pushing through discomfort (and potentially yucky stuff).
[0:39:00] Get your kids dirty and teach them to fix things.
[0:40:45] Have unstructured but connected fun as a family!
[0:43:20] Our hope for you and your family this summer.
[0:43:45] A Thanks from us to you!
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS)
REI
Outward Bound
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
45 min
May 17, 2023When Should I Get My Kid a Smartphone?
Deciding when to grant your child the coveted keys to the digital kingdom is a deeply personal choice influenced by a multitude of factors, ranging from age and maturity level to the unique needs and circumstances of your own family. But how can you determine the right time for your child to step into the realm of smartphones? And if you do take the leap, what rules and boundaries should you establish? In this episode, we delve into the intricate landscape of parental decision-making regarding smartphones. We dissect the ins and outs of parental control mechanisms, explore effective strategies to maintain a healthy balance of freedom and guidance in this digital age, and discuss how to cultivate a broader sense of responsibility. Through insightful research and expert opinions, we shed light on how social connections can flourish beyond the screen, emphasizing the significance of offline interactions and cultivating a well-rounded social foundation. Discover practical tips and actionable strategies to help navigate the smartphone conundrum with confidence, ensuring your child's digital journey is positive and balanced. Tune in now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:20] Outline of today’s topic and what listeners can expect.
[0:02:38] Whether other parents establish rules for using devices.
[0:03:35] How many hours kids generally spend on their smart devices.
[0:05:24] We unpack when it is appropriate to give your child a smartphone.
[0:08:00] Insights from an interesting study on the topic.
[0:08:58] Being honest about why your child wants a cellphone.
[0:11:00] Factors to consider when evaluating your child’s readiness for a cellphone.
[0:13:58] How to assess your child’s maturity effectively.
[0:19:03] The obvious signs that your child should not have access to a cellphone.
[0:22:15] Examples of rules that parents can implement regarding smart devices.
[0:27:10] An overview of the negative impacts a cellphone may have on your child.
[0:30:25] Hear how parents can set an example for responsible cellphone use.
[0:32:35] Overview of the pros and cons of parental controls.
[0:33:40] Important conversations parents should be having with kids.
[0:35:50] Why is it vital that your child understands what goes on the internet stays forever.
[0:40:25] A helpful resource you can leverage as a parent.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Common Sense Media
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
41 min
May 10, 2023 Reflections On This Year’s Admissions Cycle
If it were just that simple — ticking the boxes and doing “the right things” — we would package it up and sell it (for a helluva lot of money). But it’s not. To be a competitive option for college admissions, your kids must do the hard stuff, get out of their comfort zone, develop themselves personally, and do difficult things (things they don’t necessarily want to do!) Today we eagerly share our thoughts and reflections on the 2022 admissions cycle. We won’t be offering facts and figures, instead, we offer you what we saw with the group of students, and their families, that we worked with this year last year. We touch on trends, themes, and takeaways that continue to be true. Join us as we get into it.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Novia
Maia Learning
Arthur Brooks
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
33 min
April 19, 2023No One’s Getting into Stanford, So Do This Instead
In the wake of the dreaded college admissions results, and considering their three percent admission rate, we want to tell parents to stop putting their eggs in those baskets and focus on what comes after college! Today, we will drop a few truth bombs about the difficulties of getting into prestigious colleges and why it is not the end of the world if your teenagers don’t. Tuning in, you’ll hear all about why you need to encourage your children to think beyond college, mistakes parents make in their lack of objectivity during this process as well as not developing with the times, and why there needs to be a mindset shift around college and success in general. Teenagers often feel very despondent and demotivated when they don’t get the news they want when college admissions are announced and in this episode, we delve into how that feeling of failure can be avoided and managed before discussing the dangers of forcing your child into a narrow definition of success. Lastly, we explain why we are so inspired by teenagers who have experienced real hardship and why we all need a little bit of perspective. So to find out what to do when your child doesn’t get into the college of their choice and to get a bit of insight into the importance of having conversations around values, tune in now!
Key Points From This Episode:
[0:01:23] The importance of teaching teens to think beyond merely just getting into college.
[0:03:52] Where our opinions on this subject come from; belief/ideology and education.
[0:04:51] Why the reality of the admissions is hard for parents to grasp and why they aren’t objective.
[0:06:03] The dangers of treating college applications the same as parents did their own.
[0:08:01] Why we need to change our mindset about college and the definition of success.
[0:15:03] How to avoid the feeling of failure when a teen doesn’t get the college news they want.
[0:15:55] Why forcing your child into a narrow definition of success is detrimental.
[0:24:34] Why we should highlight those who have struggled as models for success.
[0:25:09] What this comes down to and how to move the focus from achievement: values.
[0:30:40] A reminder to parents to get perspective and to prepare their teenagers for life better.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Stanford University
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
36 min
April 12, 2023Am I Putting Too Much Pressure On My Kid?
Buckle up people, we’ve got another exciting episode for you! Today, we are talking about pressure versus expectation. A question often brought up by parents in our coaching sessions is, “Am I putting too much pressure on my kid?” Join us as we dive into a discussion about the tension between applying pressure versus expectation, and what that looks like. We go through a few real-life scenarios of parents and children and talk about some important points behind the motivation of the pressure. Then, we delve into the importance of encouragement and setting healthy expectations, how it may actually be beneficial to your kid, and why it’s important that parents incorporate mindfulness, self-reflection, and revisiting in their parenting. If you want to learn more about whether it’s a lack of your child’s willpower or maybe some deeper issues, tune in for some great advice. And remember, be easy and gentle with yourselves, parents, as you walk the tightrope between pressure and healthy expectations, and remember, it’s okay to make mistakes.

Key Points From This Episode:
[0:00:54] An introduction to our topic for today.
[0:02:00] A question parents often ask regarding pressure!
[0:02:30] The quadrant chart for applying pressure.
[0:05:00] Thoughts on the scenario Cathy shares regarding pressure.
[0:06:30] We question the different motivations behind “applying pressure”.
[0:08:20] Meredith shares a situation from her coaching.
[0:10:00] Encouragement versus pressure.
[0:11:08] Discerning when to encourage your children.
[0:11:40] Why the frame [of the pressure] is important.
[0:12:35] What bugs Meredith about the concept of parental pressure.
[0:14:40] Why parental expectation might actually be beneficial for children.
[0:17:45] What secure attachment in adolescence looks like: attainment.
[0:19:20] When family values can become a guide for children.
[0:20:30] The importance of mindfulness, self-reflection, and revisiting in parenting.
[0:24:10] Exploring the trust piece and why it’s key when working with teenagers.
[0:24:30] Cathy shares another scenario from her coaching regarding parental pressure.
[0:27:25] What research shows about pressure combined with zero agency.
[0:28:20] Meredith shares her thoughts on Cathy’s second scenario.
[0:31:10] Cathy’s suggestion to the parents of the second scenario.
[0:33:40] Finding intermediary steps in the scenario.
[0:35:20] Tips on managing stress and anxiety (as it relates).
[0:35:40] How culture can play a role in certain situations.
[0:37:00] Meredith shares another scenario; therapy and culture.
[0:40:30] Too much pressure and not enough clarity around expectations.
[0:41:07] Why it’s important for parents to have, and seek out, support around them.
[0:45:00] Why bringing compassion is so important, to everyone.
[0:45:15] Keep your eye on the long-term prize, it’s not a straight line.
[0:46:55] Meredith shares an interesting article about meaning and purpose.
[0:48:36] The big takeaway from today.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
'How Smart People Can Stop Being Miserable'
Man's Search For Meaning
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You
Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You on Instagram
51 min

About Sh*t Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You

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Shit Your Teenagers Won’t Tell You brings you candid conversations with experts in psychology, education, and college admissions — so you can better understand your teen and help them…