Skilling It!

Holidays can be tough. How can we skillfully negotiate holiday stress and interactions? 

https://documentcloud.adobe.com/link/track?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:50666fcf-8a4d-4d29-9222-ef20d391ec1f

Welcome to Season 2 of Skilling It! 

In this episode we talk about elements of good relationships including trust, being non-judgmental, showing compassion and more.

We discuss benefits of good relationships and the difference between active listening and empathic listening. Finally, we review very specific empathic listening skills. 

Links:

How to Improve Your Empathic Listening Skills: 7 Techniques

https://positivepsychology.com/empathic-listening/

Bible verse:

Luke 8: 43-48

This podcast reviews the elements of good relationships, benefits of good relationships, and some ideas for creating better relationships and showing up! 

In this episode we’ll learn signs we’re engaging in impression management and the consequences of this behavior. Next, we’ll explore if Christians are exempt from it. Finally, we’ll discuss some ideas and reasons to change these behaviors and a practice to help impression management awareness.

Links:

Insecure? Remember Whose You Are a devotion by Rick Warren

https://pastorrick.com/insecure-remember-whose-you-are/

Impression Management: Considering Cultural, Social, and Spiritual Factors

By Ashley R. Norris

http://www.inquiriesjournal.com/amp/553/impression-management-considering-cultural-social-and-spiritual-factors#header1page1

Abundant Simplicity: Discovering the unhurried rhythms of graceby Jan Johnson

InterVarsity Press, 2011

The Dangerous Art of Impression Management by Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D.

PsychologyToday.com

Bible verses:

John 8:12 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Proverbs 19:5 “A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who speaks lies will not escape.”

Proverbs 12:3 “It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel.”

Mindful listening hints – because it’s in conversation when we do the most impression management work

· When listening – Make it your single point of focus

· No multi-tasking

o Don’t consider your responses. Just listen

· Listen openly – Non-judgmentally

o Practice deep listening

o Perspective taking – theirs

· Speak with awareness

o Pause before speaking

o Monitor your thoughts

o Consider the effects of your words

o Allow the other time to respond

Episode 14 – Conflict Triggers

In this episode we’ll look at our conflict triggers or hot buttons. We learn what a conflict trigger is and the role our perceptions play in creating our trigger. We’ll talk about the benefits of learning our what our triggers are and possible solutions for dealing with them.

Links:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fzn_AKN67oI&t=38s

Bible:

Love Overlooks Offenses a devotion by Rick Warren

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?tab=rm&ogbl#inbox/WhctKKWxRBcJMxWftPwqRnLvrncrHcTxLbddHDmdrXscHQSKsRrbjvNMntKTNhQnNxXNtRl

Hot Buttons Scale link below - Copy and past the link into the top of your internet browser.

https://documentcloud.adobe.com/link/review?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:56d1cd28-2dfa-45f2-9606-40de15afecd8

Please let me know if it doesn't work. Contact me at [email protected] and I'll email you the Hot Buttons Scale. Thanks! 

In this episode we’ll look at passive-aggressive behavior and communication. Where does it come from? How can we identify passive-aggressiveness? What do we do if we’re passive-aggressive or if we live with or love a passive-aggressive?

Links:

8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness by Andrea Brandt

The Honest Truth About Passive-Aggressiveness by Stephen Witmer, July 12, 2016

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-honest-truth-about-passive-aggressiveness

Bible

Zechariah 8:16 “These are the things you shall to; Speak each man the truth to his neighbor; Give judgment in your gates for truth, justice, and peace.

Psalms 51:6 “Behold, You desire truth in the inwards parts, And in the hidden part you will make me to know wisdom.”

In this episode we’ll look at the core elements of self-compassion and how it can benefit me physiologically and emotionally. We’ll look at how self-criticism taps into our threat defense system and how to combat this with self-soothing. Finally, we’ll look at suggestions to practice self-compassion.

Do you tend to be really hard on yourself?

Do you feel overwhelmed when you fail?

Are you confused about the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, listen to this episode of Skilling It! I’ll discuss what self-compassion is and isn’t. Where it fits in Christianity and look at a biblical perspective. We’ll dispel some myths about it and take a survey to assess our self-compassion level. Join me for a splash of self-care.

Links:

Mindful Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, PhD

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Self-Compassion from a Christian Perspective by Maryann Stigen, MA, LMHC, CPTT-C

https://everettchristiancounseling.com/self-compassion-from-a-christian-perspective/

Dealing with difficult people can seem overwhelming but learning how to communicate with them can provide holistic improvements – that means it can change every area of our lives. In this episode we look at what the bible says about dealing with difficult people, facts about difficult people and conflict, what’s in it for me, discerning if I’m a difficult person, and strategies to help us communicate effectively.

Links:

Costs Associated with Conflict in the Workplace, by Vivian Scott

https://www.dummies.com/business/human-resources/employee-relations/costs-associated-with-conflict-in-the-workplace/

https://www.dumblittleman.com/why-people-are-difficult/

Learning to Love Difficult People, Nov. 17, 2016, Rick Warren

https://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/daily-hope-with-rick-warren/daily-hope-with-rick-warren-november-17-2016.html

20 Expert Tactics for Dealing with Difficult People, March 3, 2015, Barbara Markway, PhD

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-the-questions/201503/20-expert-tactics-dealing-difficult-people?amp

Book recommendations:

· People Skills by Dr. Robert Bolton

· How to Listen so People will talk by Becky Harling

· Getting to Yes by Fisher, Ury, and Patton

· Crucial conversations by Patterson, et. al.

· 8 keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness by Andrea Brandt

Acts of cruelty baffle us whereas acts of kindness move us. We can’t control people who are cruel, but we can choose to be kind. In this episode we’ll look at the spiritual, psychological, physiological, and social benefits of kindness and some simple ideas to spread kindness.

Kindness Challenge: 10 Acts of Kindness

Brett Blumenthal/Sheer Balance

https://sheerbalance.com/kindness-challenge-10-acts-of-kindness/

KINDNESS IS AN ACT OF WORSHIP BY RICK WARREN — JULY 23, 2017

https://pastorrick.com/devotional/english/full-post/kindness-is-worth-the-cost/

The Importance of Kindness Karyn Hall Ph.D.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201712/the-importance-kindness?amp

The heart and science of kindness Melissa Brodrick, MEd

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-heart-and-science-of-kindness-2019041816447

Compartmentalized v. Integrated: The Mind of Elliot Rodger 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/just-listen/201405/compartmentalized-v-integrated-the-mind-elliot-rodger?amp

The art of kindness by Steve Siegle L.P.C. 

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/the-art-of-kindness

Podcast - The secret ingredient to better mental health and how kindness change your brain by Dr. Caroline Leaf

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2ywSJnfxKdO2FpFqDZcCmf?si=oyRfLVBvTz6s83qh3Swx3w&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A7zPnnLDZA9qb8mwuvlxoZZ&nd=1