Solo Parent

Spoiler alert: You will never be able to listen to this song the same again.

We have heard from so many Solos that this can be one of the most challenging times of the year. Christmas has always been something that we look forward to—especially being parents. But, being a single parent, holidays can open up so many wounds.

As we look at Advent this month, our theme this week is Joy. In a season where so many solos feel distraught, not full of joy, we can’t help relate to that night in Bethlehem so long ago when love broke through in such an unexpected way. 

The song we’re talking about is ‘Oh Holy Night’, and it too has an unexpected history that, we predict, will forever change the way you not only hear the song but will leave you with a renewed sense of wonder.

We are joined this week by one of the humblest, passionate, and authentic pastors that we know. He’s also an author of a fantastic book called Soul Rest; of course, I’m talking about Curtis Zackery, who goes by CZ. 

For the detailed show notes, tips and links visit SoloParentSociety.com

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For many of us, Christmas has always been something that we look forward to—especially being parents. But being a single parent, after going through a divorce, never having been married, or after losing a spouse to death, holidays can open up wounds that we may never have even thought were there. So, we want to spend some time this month focusing on those wounds and trying to re-orient ourselves back to the meaning and intent of the season. To try to make it the most meaningful experience we can. As difficult as the seasons can be for us, they can be very confusing and challenging for kids, so how can we make the most of this Christmas season, both for ourselves and our kids.

This month as we talk about holidays and Christmas, we take time to focus on Advent. As we know, it is broken into four traditions, Hope, Love, Joy, and Peace. ADVENT, by definition a time of ‘expectant waiting’ - which doesn’t sound fun - nobody likes to wait… But there can be hope, even found in waiting. So today, we focus on the second tradition - LOVE - and our special guest is Carlos Whittaker.

Carlos is a People’s Choice Award winner, a former recording artist, a social media maven, and currently spends the majority of his time writing books and speaking on stages around the world. It really began when the Whittaker’s found their family in America’s spotlight with appearances on shows like CBS Early Morning, The Today Show and more when their viral video “Single Ladies Devastation” went viral. But for Carlos, his wife Heather and their three children, this viral moment was just a snapshot of the bigger picture.

For the detailed show notes, tips and links visit SoloParentSociety.com

To receive a free SPS Welcome Toolkit with links to groups, info and a free book.

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For many of us, Christmas has always been something that we look forward to—especially being parents. But being a single parent, after going through a divorce, never having been married, or after losing a spouse to death, holidays can open up wounds that we may never have even thought were there. So, we want to spend some time this month focusing on those wounds and trying to re-orient ourselves back to the meaning and intent of the season. To try to make it the most meaningful experience we can. As difficult as the seasons can be for us, they can be very confusing and challenging for kids, so how can we make the most of this Christmas season, both for ourselves and our kids.

This month as we talk about holidays and Christmas, we take time to focus on Advent. As we know, it is broken into four traditions, Hope, Love, Joy, and Peace. ADVENT, by definition a time of ‘expectant waiting’ - which doesn’t sound fun - nobody likes to wait… But there can be hope, even found in waiting. So today, we focus on the first tradition - HOPE - with our friends and Solo moms, Elizabeth Cole and Marissa Lee.

For the detailed show notes, tips and links visit SoloParentSociety.com

To receive a free SPS Welcome Toolkit with links to groups, info and a free book.

Join our daily meditational devotional

Download our free app - APPLE | ANDROID

Being a single parent seems that all we do is wait. Wait for child support checks, wait for lawyers to get back to us, wait for hurt to lose its crippling grip. We feel lonely and can't wait to feel normal again. Like it or not, it seems like life is a waiting game that we can’t wait to get past.

We hear that good things ‘apparently’ come to those who wait - but what does that even mean? Most of us are beyond ready for things to not feel so broken. On this episode, we discuss - What’s worth waiting for. (Spoiler alert, this is not just waiting for a new mate.)

For the detailed show notes, tips and links at SoloParentSociety.com

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As single parents, we have all encountered struggle. Some have had a spouse leave, some have experienced the unexpected death of our spouse, and some of us have been so surprised to be faced with the enormous weight of being pregnant and having a child with no partner. In every case that brings us to this 'Solo Parent Table', where we all can say we have struggled - alone. 

Sometimes that struggle seems to define us in ways that are not healthy. ‘I am not enough’ and ‘I am just damaged goods’ are messages that reverberate in our heads. As a result, many of us feel lost and lose hope, even though we have faith in the God who redeems all things. The beautiful thing is that in the midst of some of the most challenging struggles, God not only redeems, but He refines us and can actually define our sense of worth, BECAUSE of the struggle.

Darren Tyler is someone who, day to day, encounters people in serious struggle. He is a 20 year veteran in the music and entertainment industry who walked away from that career to become a Pastor. While he was working with some of Christian music's most prominent artists in 2010, he laid that aside to give his full attention to Conduit Mission, a non-profit dedicated to releasing people from extreme poverty and slavery. He is also lead pastor to an incredible, fast-growing church in the Nashville area called Conduit Church. 

For the detailed show notes, tips and links at SoloParentSociety.com

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Many of us struggle with our sense of self-worth. We all want our kids to grow up with confidence and a sense of Worth that perhaps we don’t even currently have. We know that you can't give what you don't have. So as we work on our own sense of worth - are there things we can do to help our kids discover their sense of worth?

Chip Dodd, a regular contributor to SPS, bestselling author of books like “ Voice of the heart,” and counselor talks helping our kids uncover their own sense of Worth, even when we feel like we don’t have a good handle on it ourselves. 

For the detailed show notes, tips and links visit SoloParentSociety.com

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So many of us get confused when we talk about Worth, believing it is the same thing, or similar, to self-esteem. So many of us struggle with a sense of failure, feeling ‘less than’, feeling very damaged, and certainly our sense of Worth can feel like it’s taking an enormous hit. We are surrounded by messages of self-help and self-esteem with books and conferences on the steps to regain or find self-esteem. So what is the difference between self-esteem and a sense of Worth? 

Chip Dodd, a regular contributor to SPS, bestselling author of books like “ Voice of the heart,” and counselor talks about the difference between self-esteem and a sense of Worth and provides steps to a healthy understanding of our Worth.

For the detailed show notes, tips and links at SoloParentSociety.com

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Social media is here to stay. While we can be grateful for the connection it creates to our memories and friends from the past, it can be the source of serious discontentment, comparing ourselves to others seemingly perfect intact families (especial with the upcoming holidays), others bodies, career, even our own highlight reels of the way things used to be. Comparison erodes our sense of self-worth.

So what can we do to step out of the comparison trap?

Today, we discuss what this looks like and some tips for moving in that direction. 

For the detailed show notes, tips and links at SoloParentSociety.com

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Christy Wright is a personal development expert, NY TIMES best-selling author, speaker to Fortune 500 companies, and she is also the child of a single mom. Christy shares that being raised by a single parent has shaped her in profound ways. Christy has seen that many single parents live with an undercurrent of guilt. When one parent carries the responsibility for the care of their child, they often feel the need to compensate for any potential harm or hardship because the other parent is less available or absent. This guilt is common, but Christy says she is who she is because she was raised by a single parent, not in spite of it, but because of it. She attributes all her success to being raised by a single parent. 

Often, single parents don’t realize the resilience, strength, and fortitude that their kids are learning as they watch them push through the struggles of parenting alone. Studies show that facing challenges in childhood teaches kids how to overcome obstacles later in life. When kids are insulated and raised in a bubble, they don’t learn the same lessons. So, single parents, take heart, your kids are gaining valuable skills as they watch you!

The most common question she gets as a coach is “how do you balance it all?”. She tackles this question in her newest book, “Take Back Your Time”. Christy shares that many people think the solution to being balanced is to do more, be more productive, to work more, to work harder, to do it all better and be more efficient. We try that and end up exhausted, not more balanced. 

Christy realized we are asking the wrong question. What if balance is not something we do but rather is something we create? How do we find balance in an out of balance world? What if balance is being at peace, being confident in your choices, being proud of how you spend your time? Balance is not about super-productivity. Christy says balance isn’t doing everything for an equal amount of time. It’s about doing the right things at the right time, and you get to decide what those things are. When you do that, you start to feel balanced, but it’s not because you did everything. It’s because you determined what was right for you and you did those things. That’s a very different result and it’s a different path to get there. 

Christy uses the question, “What is right right now?” in her own life to find balance and to shake the guilt of not doing more. What is right is honoring the priorities and needs of the season she is in and focusing only on the things that are most important right now. 

As single parents focusing on self-care, Christy says we have to redefine what life balance is and what it looks like. The steps to do this are:

Decide what matters 

Stop doing what doesn’t matter

Create a calendar that reflects what matters

Protect what matters – set boundaries and say no

Be present for what matters – show up for the important things

Today, we discuss what this looks like and some tips for moving in that direction. 

For the detailed show notes, tips and links visit SoloParentSociety.com

Follow Christy on Instagram: @christybwright

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No need to fear! When we say ‘Dance Almost Naked’, of course, we are talking about the scripture from 2 Samuel 6, where David strips down to almost nothing and dances before the Lord. 

As single parents, we can be preoccupied with getting everything right. Overthinking, analyzing, being self-critical and making sure we don’t let any balls drop can weigh us down and squelch out joy. God calls us his kids, and the one thing we know about kids is there is a sense of abandon, innocence, and wonder inherent in all kids. Somewhere along the way, we lose that sense. And when we have been wounded we start to lose that beautiful, carefree spirit that, like the kids on the mount, just ran to Jesus, seemingly unaware of the gravity of who they were running to. Or like a king, David, so filled with Joy that the ark of the covenant was being returned to Jerusalem that he 'loses it' - strips down, out of his royal robes and dances it says, ‘with all his might’. 

So, as we think of self-care - what would it look like for us Solos to ‘lose it’ from time to time, let go of convention, embrace the joy of just being God’s kid? How good would that be for our hearts?

Today we discuss what that might look like and some tips for moving in that direction. 

For the detailed show notes, tips and links visit SoloParentSociety.com

For more about Katie visit KatieHaseltine.com 

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