West and Sparks are IN DUH CLUB! We race through the most important news of the week with breakneck clarity and clouded visions of penguin fights and rectum riddles! Tortugas, Steven Seagal, penguins, Putin, and Koalas all make an appearance! Click it for episode 129 of West and Sparks!

 

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

Pistol Whipped!

Be a blow hard

Comments First:

*

Don’t trust penguin chics….dude went for a walk and gotta come home to this…

She belongs to the game bro. Just move on and find a better penguin.

turns out, there are no nice peaceful creatures, not anywhere on this earth anyway

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Wanted! Dead or Alive. What happens when the most notorious outlaw in the history of humankind goes on a flight for one last job? Stakeouts? Shootouts? Out outs?! NO! NONE OF THOSE! Let’s just say the plot gets some koala-ity improvement by someone who’s koala-ified. In the slam-bang-adorable-can-i-take-you-home-with-me-thrill-ride-of-the-season, it’s “Go Back to Your Tree, Varmit.”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Lying here, On my stomach, All night, dreaming of what could have been. Car accidents, CRASH, praying to relieve me of all this sin. I’ve lost something precious you best believe, and it’s just south past my wizard sleeve. Oh you hurt your arm and you think that’s hanus? Try being 25 and you lose your entire anus. Colon function, function, what’s your function. Well I ain’t got none at this current junction. Filling up bags of colostomy, wishing my poo was inside of me with the anal variety. Gone to the doc and he’s got it on lock cuz he’s got an idea to replace my backdoor sock. With a new anus, I’m living the ultimate high. Because he took muscles from my inner _____

Everything Michael Jackson’s kid says is a “Blanket statement”

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) September 4, 2016

I hear Thanos is batting for us tonight. #GoTribe #WorldSeries pic.twitter.com/dMoTQCjcR2

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) November 2, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

West and Sparks is back and up to full speed! You think West would be in a good mood now that Sparks is back in the mix, but that’s not the case. We’re breaking down all the NEWS you’re not going to get anywhere else. Today: Smoke Bombs at the Opera, Bear Weddings, and the smartest woman in CHINNNNNAAAAA!!!! Click and listen to episode 128 of West and Sparks!

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

Bear Witness!

Orchestra Duty

Comments First:

* That must have been one hell of a birthday party.

* That’s a pretty solid reason to miss work.  This dude is super casual about it, too.

* Zero fucks given

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

How much is love worth to you? Would you do anything–ANYTHING–to find out? Xiaoli, a woman from the city of Shenzen in southern China, set out to do ANYTHING for love…but…she wouldn’t do THAT. In the slam-bang-how-many-boyfriends-will-she-acquire-before-she-feels-slam-banged-enough-thrill-ride-of-the-season it’s: “Love Has A Price And It Costs About 20 iPhones.”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Doctors going to Doctor’s, life is but a flat circle. All is fine, except when one pulls an Urkel – “Did I do that?” Yeah you did Doc, while you were on the clock, not to mention OPERATING ON MY BUTTOCKS! Simple procedure they said, while I laid in bed, it’s now with sorry, that I hang my heavy head. I can’t stand nor walk, I just sue and talk. I’m now confined to wheels, but can’t handle any curves, because a botched surgery has damaged my ______.

 

Everything Michael Jackson’s kid says is a “Blanket statement”

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) September 4, 2016

I hear Thanos is batting for us tonight. #GoTribe #WorldSeries pic.twitter.com/dMoTQCjcR2

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) November 2, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

Nomi fills in for Sparks again this week and THINGS GET REAL! We talk being hot or not, the art of snail mating, having sex in VR and, of course, a little Cubs/Indians smack talking! #snaillove #sparksradio

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

* Snails Fuck Too

* Virtual Sexy Time

Comments First:

*

So if Cleveland wins, will they revoke this guy’s diploma?  

The takeaway here is that this ‘Thomas J Dale’ still lives at his moms, he graduated in 1993.

The girl above him says “Pepsi – Gotta have it”. To me, that is equally profound.

 

Everything Michael Jackson’s kid says is a “Blanket statement”

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) September 4, 2016

Just heard a news anchor freak out about “the invasion of slimy, green algae.” Shaking in my boots.

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) July 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

Nomi fills in for Sparks this week and West has his microphone WAY TOO DAMN LOUD. Give it a few minutes because it gets softer. We cover vampires, transfomers, snakes and pregnancy. Not to mention, the Great Barrier Reef is Dead!

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

* Sleep in a Coffin!

* Who likes duck lips?

Comments First:

*

why do i have a deep desire to die

Just fry the brain on a stick, add ketchup, with a side of salad and it will be alright

What language do deaf people think in?

 

Everything Michael Jackson’s kid says is a “Blanket statement”

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) September 4, 2016

Just heard a news anchor freak out about “the invasion of slimy, green algae.” Shaking in my boots.

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) July 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

Are you scared of clowns? Do you think you could survive being mauled by a grizzly bear…twice? If you answered “yes” to either question, you should listen to this podcast. If you answered “no,” you should listen to this podcast.  On this latest episode of West and Sparks, we’re giving you the NEWS you won’t find anywhere else! News about: the real life “Die Hard,” being attacked by animals that should attack you and Michael Bolton even makes it into our discussions! It’s episode 125!

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

 

* Now I know what a TV dinner feels like

* Grizzled!

Comments First:

* Anyone else think that he looks just like Sarah Jessica Parker when hes dressed as Erin Brockovich?

* Michael Bolton will never reach these heights in his career ever again.

* Michael fuckin Bolton ladies and gentlemen.

* I just think it’s funny that he says he wrote them a big sexy ‘hook’, and it’s about pirates

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Trick or Treat? Wrong. Because this year it’s all tricks! This Halloween, strap up for a slam-bang-put-a-dinosaur-on-a-million-dollar-bill-thrill-ride-of-the-season! I’m willing to bet you’ve shamed your parents on more than one occasion. I’ll bet you’ve had some lust. I’ll bet you’ve fornicated on a unicorn on the sabbath. The punishment for all this? DEATH! DEATH OF COURSE! DEATH AND ETERNAL HELL.

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

I sit in first class with first ass, platinum cards and straight cash. Never catch us smuggling on board planes, flash bulbs so bright, all they see is fame. Stored overhead is my carry on luggage, but inside me deep is more than just yesterday roughage. That ain’t yellow corn in my shoot making it bling, my unpuckered b-hole look like master P when he sing. 14 of us deep doing what we’re told. You wish you were talking this shit, because in my ass is _______

Everything Michael Jackson’s kid says is a “Blanket statement”

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) September 4, 2016

Just heard a news anchor freak out about “the invasion of slimy, green algae.” Shaking in my boots.

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) July 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

How good of friends are you? I mean, would you do anything to save your friends life? On this latest episode of West and Sparks, we discover just how good of friends they really are. Plus, we’re giving you the NEWS you won’t find anywhere else! News about: the unluckiest man in Australia, ghost sightings, and what happened to Ryan in a bathroom! This episode is firing on all cylinders, so strap in for West and Sparks episode 124!

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

* Least luckiest man in Australia

* Do you believe in mother fucking ghosts?

Comments First:

* He saved sponge bob

* I think I just became a vegetarian.

* FLOOR BURGERS.

* if it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face

* Yeah eat that burger Knight Rider!  I haven’t liked you since you sang in public but I like you again my man.  Leave Knight Rider alone he is chill.

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

It was just another normal drive to work. OR WAS IT?! I guess it was normal if you consider dodging a giant rubber ducky, before it devastates you and your entire family, as a normal occurrence! Holy rubbers, BATMAN! Some birds weren’t meant to be free! In the slam-bang-rubber-ducky-inflatable-debatable-thrill-ride-of-the-season, it’s “DUCK….or my mom will shoot!”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Yelling, yelling, yelling at the woods. Trees get barked at, but never understood. Why don’t the get me, I wonder at night. Maybe it’s my clothes, this be it might. Flashlights, Flashlights I see shine on me. Derek, my roommate screaming “I can see your wee wee.” Put my hands up? I must hurry with a pace. Someone is grabbing me, quick punch them in the face! I’m free now! Free at last! There’s nothing that can stop me! Wait, suddenly I’m not running too fast. Tingling all over, I haven’t felt this in the past. Something is on fire. OUCH! He tased me in the ________

 

Everything Michael Jackson’s kid says is a “Blanket statement”

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) September 4, 2016

Just heard a news anchor freak out about “the invasion of slimy, green algae.” Shaking in my boots.

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) July 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

Boom! We are back! It’s time to talk Black Sabbath, iphone 7, fried rat, cows taking down HELICOPTERS, and so much more! This is a podcast about the important stuff going on around the world! Get some!

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

* Is it a Rat?

* Australia’s got ideas

Comments First:

* Everybody can stop now. This guy just completely won the internet

* ffuuuuuuu this was posted 2 days after he died? Here I was hoping that Bowie had gotten to see it.

* David Bowie jumping off a ledge like a demented monkey wearing a banana coloured batman coat giving a guttural scream has got to be the weirdest thing I’ve seen in yonks

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Man versus Cow! Cowman! Can man’s greatest technological advancements fight off a living, breathing slab of meat?! HUH?! What happens when you want a patty but the patty ain’t gonna die! Patty AIN’T GONNA DIE TONIGHT, SON! In the slam-bang-helicopter-spinning-steak-thrill-ride-of-the-season, it’s “COWABUNGA!”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Am I homeless if I’m renting a place? Can you tell if they’re evil by seeing their face? Casually walking, I fell from the landing. Face full of poo, I look up where I was standing. Stinking like never before, I took off my clothes and went for the door. “Oh hello there landlords”, I said with glee. They then took a pole and shoved in my hole…not the one from which I pee. But the act wasn’t done, they were still having fun, and decided something else should go betwixt my buns. Like a bidet from hell, the pain arose, because they went to the garden and got the ________

Everything Michael Jackson’s kid says is a “Blanket statement”

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) September 4, 2016

Just heard a news anchor freak out about “the invasion of slimy, green algae.” Shaking in my boots.

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) July 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

Like going with a moist towelette instead of TP, West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is here clean off the rest of your Wednesday! We’re talking: Dan Aykroyd’s UFO theories, D Washing Urinals, and the WORST guy to play pool with! Plus there’s one subject that doesn’t seem to leave our minds all show…it’s episode 122 of West and Sparks!

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

* Smell Attack

* A Clean Dick is a Clean Dick

Comments First:

* Why is it filmed like a kidnapper’s ransom video?

* Dan used to be funny. I think that he has Alzheimer’s now.

* Famous nut half cocked!

* fuck dan aykroyd

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

What’s faster than 88 mph? 89.41 mph!!! In the slam-bang-I’m-gonna-die-because-I’m-going-too-fast-thrill-ride-of-the-season, it’s FLY DOWN THE HILL

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Green one, Red one, Solids, and stripes. Barmaid come hither! Look at my penis, see if it’s your type!  Helicopter, helicopter, spin, spin, spin. Hands on your shoulders, penis hanging down for the win win win! Sit down now, you’re beginning to frighten. Take a cue from me, sit on a pair of these and the mood will lighten. When I play in these they should be called stool halls, shoved up  inside of me is now a couple of ________  

 

Everything Michael Jackson’s kid says is a “Blanket statement”

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) September 4, 2016

 

Just heard a news anchor freak out about “the invasion of slimy, green algae.” Shaking in my boots.

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) July 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is back in action! The guys serve you up the top stories of the week, including hunting for wild goose eggs, juggalos and whether or not an ostrich can get you through rush hour traffic. So tune in and bring your self-sticks–better not, Sparks may try to photobomb you because apparently he loves selfies all of the sudden. Episode 121 is on – Listen now!!

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

* Wild Goose Sword!

* Cook it and eat it later

Comments First: 

*

Can’t wait for the police to find him

Doing gods work son, well done!

Pretty savage but for a good cause

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Stuck in traffic?! NO! FUCK TRAFFIC! In the slam-bang-ride-an-ostrich-a-thon-thrill-ride-of-the-season it’s “Don’t Ostracize My Ostrich Or My Mom Will Shoot”

 

 

pic.twitter.com/iQhGw03Qtd

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) July 8, 2016

Ice-T, Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice…you could say the 90’s was the last Ice age.

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) June 24, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is chalk full of action today! Ryan gets his BACK WAXED! There’s TORNADO’S FULL OF MOSQUITOES! And you’ll never guess Why a man DECIDED TO EAT 40 KNIVES! Today’s show is one for the books – THE “HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS” BOOKS!! Episode 120 is on – Listen now!!

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

* Bump me, I’m homeless!

* Cut me Mick

Comments First: 

* Douche 1 and 2 incoming!

* “This fruit looks like a dick”

* gaamst pederson, arne risse and husseklepp have no chill

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Tornados. They have been around for years. Tens of years. Thousands of years. YEARS OF YEARS! Few forces of nature are as awesome, unpredictable and terrifying. The Kremlin. Also a place that’s been around for years. YEARS OF YEARS! Also, a force to be reckoned with–equally unpredictable and terrifying. Mosquitoes. Been around for YEARS OF YEARS! Do you see where this is going? In the slam-bang-oh-shit-there’s-a-tornado-of-mosquitos-in-Moscow-thrill-ride-of-the-season it’s “RussNado: a bloodsucking creme de la Kremlin!”

 

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Let’s start at the bottom, my bottom that is! In celebration, of sports, not showbizz! It’s 1977 and our team has won. The world series is over, so let’s have some fun. You put the “Oh’s” in Oakland, while I put it in your A’s! Let’s have some fun now, I’ll be the one that lays. How do I want it: fast, curved, or full of knuckles? Surprise me man, I’m always down for a chuckle. Oh boy, I don’t feel so good. Off to the ER, glad it’s not a bat made of wood. Doc got it out of me, I could imagine the announcers call. It’s going way back, wayyyyyyyy back in his ass was a _______

 

pic.twitter.com/iQhGw03Qtd

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) July 8, 2016

Ice-T, Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice…you could say the 90’s was the last Ice age.

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) June 24, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!