West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is HERE! Through the web! Soon, however, we will be LIVE AND THROUGH THE WEB! On Saturday, May 28th, we will be at Time Out Sports Bar and Grill in VEGAS! It’ll be a free show, were we open for the Rise to Offend podcast.  Today we’re talking about: where you shouldn’t follow your GPS, being naked in Cleveland and why someone might choose death over voting in the next election! If that seems like a lot – IT IS! But fear not, because we TIME this thing, so there’s nothing but gold for you to enjoy! It’s episode 109 of West and Sparks – Listen to it!

Links!

News That Matters:

* Lake Huron

* Cle and Granny

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY

Death or Trump?! Death! Death or Hillary?! Death! Death or Death?!!!! DEEEEEEATH! In the slam-bang-death-dealing-thrill-ride-of-the-season it’s “I just Up and Died!”

 

Guess What’s Up My Rectum

Police after me but that’s not where my story starts. I’m a good little boy going to work and doing my part. Boss says “deliver a message” and away I go. Only they got illegal liquor little did I know. Cops kick in the door looking for the score. They arrest me and throw my clothes to the floor. Bend my legs back like wheelbarrow, and fed my b-hole like a mama bird sparrow. Gas they said, gas in the bum. This kind of gas is liquid, but they’re just really dumb. Topped off like a lantern them cops were mean. They filled my rectum with _______

Everyday I expect to read a story that Donald Trump is Tan Mom’s illegitimate son pic.twitter.com/krrIDQ3wOp

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) May 10, 2016

The Cleveland Indians think people want to eat a hot dog topped with Froot Loops and mac and cheese: https://t.co/5zNvcmVc5r — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) April 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is hot and ready like a mid summer porn set feature the Little Caesars guy and a $5 pizza. Today we’re talking about: Ryan’s interior designing skills, the newest way to unlock your phone, and China’s latest crime syndicates! If that seems like a lot – IT IS! But fear not, because we TIME this thing, so there’s nothing but gold for you to enjoy! It’s episode 108 of West and Sparks – Listen to it!

Links!

News That Matters:

* Cell Phones for Dicks!

* All Up In My Jelly

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY

Wyoming. A peaceful, beautiful place, even alongside the interstate. UNTIL NOW! Honey bees are stinging the shit out of every good samaritan within a football field of this highway! STINGING THE SHIT OUT OF THEM! North Carolina. Usually known as “Fish Town,” now known as POTATOES GONE WILD TOWN! There aren’t enough deep fryers in the world to fry up a renegade bout of 50,000 lbs of potatoes! In the slam-bang-buzz-tater-throwing-thrill-ride-of-the-season, it’s “Is that a Stinger in Your Potato, or Are You Just Buzzing Around?!”

 

Everyday I expect to read a story that Donald Trump is Tan Mom’s illegitimate son pic.twitter.com/krrIDQ3wOp

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) May 10, 2016

The Cleveland Indians think people want to eat a hot dog topped with Froot Loops and mac and cheese: https://t.co/5zNvcmVc5r — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) April 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

Ever wanted a longer neck?! Us neither! Ever wanted to go to an amusement park with an erotica theme? Us neith–well, one of us would like to.  During this episode we cover all bases, including people who want to be giraffes, people who don’t want to be giraffes and EVERYTHING in between. So kick back, listen to the show and eat a pizza that’s stored inside ANOTHER PIZZA!!!

Links!

News That Matters:

* Stretch it Out

* Prom Night

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Hunger. It impacts us all. To be hungry is to be weak. What else promotes weakness more than a container that your food is in?! NOTHING. SO let’s get rid of containers! In the slam-bang-action-not-container-thrill-ride-of-the-season…it’s…. Pizza INSIDE Pizza: a pepperoni who done it mystery.

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

They’re chasing me. How Did we get here? Called on for a domestic. Talking dispute, not the beer. Now going a buck ten. I race out the dive. Cop blow a tire. In this speed limit 45. Crash goes the Jeep. K-9 all on me. I punch it in the head. Then the taser stings like a bee. Brought to the ER. They search my cavity. Prepared for lock up. In the bum was a handcuff ________

FACT: All the fake rooms set up in IKEA are actually leftover sets from Swedish soap operas. @IKEAUSA #Vegas

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) April 6, 2016

The Cleveland Indians think people want to eat a hot dog topped with Froot Loops and mac and cheese: https://t.co/5zNvcmVc5r — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) April 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

West and Sparks Are BACK!!! And if you like to garden bareback, you’re in for a real treat! This episode is all about: the newest Gardening Naked trend, scientists weird space theories, getting in someone’s nooks and crannies! This is a TIMED podcast…yeah, we TIME IT so we don’t end up wasting your time! This one gets pretty weird right off the bat, so fire this one up and kill some time with episode 106 of the West and Sparks Podcast!

Links!

News That Matters:

* Space Periods! Periods! In Space!

* Naked time is coming!

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Dicks! Dicks are in the air. Air Dicks! Everyone hit the deck…Or…HIT THE DICK! This post apocalyptic, synthetic cock-oriented movie is STRICTLY DICKLY! If you hear helicopter blades, it’s probably propelling a cock. A COCK-TER. When all of our world’s governments have collapsed and anarchy reigns in the streets, you will be PENALIZED (Pee-nal-ized). In the slam-BANG-action-THRUSTING-thrill-ride-vibration-of-a-movie-of-the- season, it’s “AIR COCK: a tale of floppy dicks!”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Just lean back, won’t cost you a dime, pull down your pants, it’s going to be fine. We ran a dog around your car, it found bupkis, you’ve got a record, there’s one spot i never miss. Pull back your underwear, I call them man panties, my little digit is digging in your nook and crannies. All done at a traffic stop ya hear, I stuck this in a rectum, normally done once a year!

 

FACT: All the fake rooms set up in IKEA are actually leftover sets from Swedish soap operas. @IKEAUSA #Vegas

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) April 6, 2016

The Cleveland Indians think people want to eat a hot dog topped with Froot Loops and mac and cheese: https://t.co/5zNvcmVc5r — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) April 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

 

 

West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is up! We time this thing so you don’t have to worry about your time being wasted! Today’s show: do you know what Spring is? What the hell is a haberdashery? What’s Ted Cruz up to now?!!  All these answers and more inside episode 105 of West and Sparks TIMED Podcast!

Links!

News That Matters:

Dil-do? Or Dil-don’t?

The White Stuff

 

Real Life or Michael Bay

Boom goes the dynamite. Dynamite go BOOM. Boom, boom boom. That what the dynamite DO! Mankind will have to do better than that, if mankind wants to extinguish this enemy. From the makers of Backdraft and gone in 33 seconds, as well as the makers of Don’t Put that in the Front or Back Door, comes the extreme follow-up to those films. This film is called, Boom Goes the Boom Boom Boom! Slam! Bang! Action! Thrill! Ride! Season! YEAH!

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

I’ve got a sick flow, I’m a living tube! Sucking sand, and I don’t need no lube! Living in the deep, I can’t get no sleep, for a creature puts it in my backup…beep beep. It hides from predators, while I’m laying on the floor. All I’m saying is – PLEASE NO MORE! Poo Poo platter is this guy’s favorite dish, Crawling inside of me is a _________

FACT: All the fake rooms set up in IKEA are actually leftover sets from Swedish soap operas. @IKEAUSA #Vegas

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) April 6, 2016

The Cleveland Indians think people want to eat a hot dog topped with Froot Loops and mac and cheese: https://t.co/5zNvcmVc5r — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) April 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is up! We time this thing so you don’t have to worry about your time being wasted! Today’s show: Have you had Radioactive Boar before? How do you compare with the average time for sex? Libraries, where do we draw the line? All these answers and more inside episode 104 of West and Sparks TIMED Podcast!

Links!

News That Matters:

About five and a half minutes

Godzilla was just the beginning

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Let it fly, let it wave, but not represent how I behave. There’s a time, There’s a place, but I’m not sticking it in my face. You rejected me, eat some fruit, But I’m shoving it in the place I toot. Up on stage, it’s my performance you stole now I’m going to act like my own pole. Shove it up in there, treat me like a bag, for I’m an artist and I’ve desecrated your _____

 

FACT: All the fake rooms set up in IKEA are actually leftover sets from Swedish soap operas. @IKEAUSA #Vegas

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) April 6, 2016

The Cleveland Indians think people want to eat a hot dog topped with Froot Loops and mac and cheese: https://t.co/5zNvcmVc5r — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) April 4, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

 

Wednesday is a magical day of the week. A couple days left to make the most of the week, but far enough into it to know it’s already a total loss. Alas, every Wednesday West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is here to give you some free entertainment to make your week go a bit smoother! This is a TIMED PODCAST, which means we’re not here to lollygag. Today’s show: should we still call UFO’s that name?! Should we all just go to prison for a better life? Is there a difference between tampons and pads? All these questions are answered in episode 103 of West and Sparks!

Links!

News That Matters:

* Declassify that Shit

* You Old Crook

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Boom! Let’s skewer something! They thought we weren’t real…but how does this skewering feel?! Pretty fucking real, huh human! They thought we only hung out near rainbows N shit! WRONG! How does this mother fucking skewering feel now, human? Can you taste the rainbow as you bleed out of every orifice?! They thought that only little kids with hopes and dreams could wanna be us?! WRONG! EVEN GRANDMA WANTS TO BE US!!!! Boom, mother fucker! I’m a galloping-chasing-taste-the-rainbow-real-mother-fucker-slam-bang-a-thon! Check out, Unicorns are real, mother fucker! This winter!

 

Being on time is important. Being late and bringing donuts is better

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) March 23, 2016

 

When @SparksRadio special orders his clothing, like he’s a god damn celebrity. pic.twitter.com/lTct0d7781 — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) January 28, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

Wednesday is a magical day of the week. A couple days left to make the most of the week, but far enough into it to know it’s already a total loss. Alas, every Wednesday West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is here to give you some free entertainment to make your week go a bit smoother! This is a TIMED PODCAST, which means we’re not here to lollygag. Today’s show: Did a man go to prison because of eggs? Does the size of your mouth mean you’re a good leader? A man got a bionic penis, is he better off? All these questions are answered in episode 102 of West and Sparks!

Links!

News That Matters:

* Name my boat!

* LOOK AT MY FACE!

Inspirational corner:

* “Let the jury decide.”

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

44 years. 44. That’s how long it took. Tom Petty was right, “waiting is the hardest part.” OR IS IT?! In the slam-bang-took-44-years-penis-thrill-ride-of-the-season, it’s BIONIC…PENIS!

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Straight addicted. Traffic stops and Crack rocks, Mini Vans and the cops.

Getting lifted. Sentencing, tryin to dodge, living at Econo Lodge.

45.Rocks in my vaggy, don’t believe in baggie, now my pants kind of saggy.

Navigator. Ridin shotgun, 5-0 not having fun, see something between her buns, object completes the pun.

 

Being on time is important. Being late and bringing donuts is better

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) March 23, 2016

 

When @SparksRadio special orders his clothing, like he’s a god damn celebrity. pic.twitter.com/lTct0d7781

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) January 28, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

EPISODE 110 of West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is here! It’s like 101 Dalmatians with ZERO to do with dogs!  Let’s face it. Wednesdays suck–hell, every weekday sucks–but it’s time to sit back, laugh and drive within the limits of the law! Did your 4th meal not go too great? Have your ninja skills declined? Have you ever had no ideas in your brain? Then this is the episode for you! We also discuss magic wands, Krang and how to say the word, “Oregon.” Let’s do this!

Links!

 

 

News That Matters:

Hello, Plop!

You pick Ryan! -Airlines or ninja?Don’t be such a baby

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Boredom. It strikes us all. But what’s not boring? Hitler. Hitler is not boring. Talking about Hitler is not boring. Hitler, Hitler, Hitler. See how not boring that was? In the slam-bang-action-not-boring-thrill-ride -of-the-season….it’s… TRANSFORMERS Transformed!

 

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

There’s a baggie, baggie in my britches! Stored in a split the doesn’t require stitches! At the courthouse, about to be arraigned, something’s in my ass and used to treat pain! Cocaine, he fine white powder, shoved in my rump, so I can get a higher after hours. Used to treat opioid addiction, they found on their own, shoved next to cocaine was tab of __________

 

You on snapchat? I’m on snapchat! Let’s do this! pic.twitter.com/kENzxFDyi5

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) March 8, 2016

Why the FUCK does belly button lint always pile up? Always! Where does it come from? My shirts aren’t that linty! — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) February 23, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

EPISODE 100 of West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is here! WHERE THE HELL YOU BEEN?!?!? This is a TIMED Podcast. One of a kind. Perfectly designed to make your week suck less. We time it, so your time isn’t wasted and you’re served some guaranteed gold! Today’s show: What’s the difference between a baby and an iPhone? Have marathons gone too far? Worst place to hold onto your bottle of Jack? Sit back and enjoy EPISODE 100 of West and Sparks!

Links!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

Hey, get in the van! (Mystery Machine)

Don’t be such a baby

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Smuggle me this, batman. Smuggle me this: A man wants to catalogue everything he has ever done but doesn’t have the mental capacity to do so. WHAT DOES HE DO?! POP QUIZ, hot shot! Smuggle me this, batman! You’re in South China, after a visit to Hong Kong! You’re coming in hot. RED HOT. WHAT DO YOU DO? What if there are TOO MANY OPTIONS?! How will you remember?! In the slam-bang-smuggle-me-this-batman-joyful-thrill-ride-that-south-china-has-ever-seen, it’s time to get down with the latest film, Smuggle Stuff, but not in the Rear Area!

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Pants down, shirt up, half the way, i like to fuck.

Street layin, slurred speech, inserted it, between my cheeks

Cops called, found crack, in my rectum, bottle of _______

 

You on snapchat? I’m on snapchat! Let’s do this! pic.twitter.com/kENzxFDyi5

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) March 8, 2016

Why the FUCK does belly button lint always pile up? Always! Where does it come from? My shirts aren’t that linty!

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) February 23, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!