West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is here and it looks like a damn good day to time a podcast! Today we are talking about: lice passion, tomatoes, winter, and SO. MUCH. MORE.

Links!

Mouth That Shit:

News That Matters:

* Tomato, Tomato!

* Winter is coming

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

The year is 2025…AD…the discovery space mission has gone dark. At 0600 hours, all contact was lost. Or. WAS IT?! Turns out, the shuttle came back with no human life. Abandoned? NO!!!!! On this space shuttle were a pack of SEX ROBOTS! AHHHHHH. Why were they sent here?! TO SUCK, FUCK and SPACE ROBOT YOUR WIVES. TO TAKE THEM AWAY FROM HERE! To take them away from YOU! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! This movie is called, “And YOU THOUGHT SEX WITH YOUR 50 YEAR OLD WIFE WAS ROBOTIC: A space robot original,” Tagline: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

GUESS WHAT’S UP MY RECTUM 

Let’s go over your unders, look at you blunder, and see what you’ve been up to. (and up in you!) Yes you seem to have an object stuck, after you went to duck, and now you can’t poo. This isn’t the first time, something’s been shoved in a behind, so let’s go over the list with you! From coins to pliers, pencils to lighters, don’t forget screws and test tubes. From billiards to candles, bottles to door handles, even a vase didn’t need lube! The magical number is 17,968, that’s how many times Ass doctors have been called in these great United _______

Look at this sexy shirt Russell wore on Valentine’s Day. I’m sure ladies couldn’t contain themselves #SparksRadiopic.twitter.com/vLtLqQZbH8

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) February 15, 2016

 

When @SparksRadio special orders his clothing, like he’s a god damn celebrity. pic.twitter.com/lTct0d7781 — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) January 28, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is here and it looks like a damn good day to time a podcast! This one is bit different, because we’re trying something technically new behind the scenes. Does it work? Well, you be the judge. God knows Ryan like to weigh in on it! Today we’re talking about: You picking your nose in the car (we see you), how your porn habits are saving the ocean, and the greatest/worst police getaway of 2016! This and more is all in episode 98 of the West and Sparks TIMED Podcast! Listen and enjoy!

Links!

Mouth That Shit:

News That Matters:

* Whalin’ It

* Smoke’nnnnnnn

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

“Uh! Check me out. Yeah. Mic check, one two, two one. UHHHHH! When life be this good, ya just can’t compete! Check out my whole life, living this great retreat! Ya ain’t never seen a selfie game this strong! What was once just for humans, now helps me belong! Check this out, ya’ll, I know Michael Bay brings a lot of explosions! And if you keep watching me, your pants are gonna bring an implosion! This summer, I get my very own action movie. They call it slam-bang-action-sea-lion-thrill-ride-of-the-season! Fandango dat shit.”

 

Look at this sexy shirt Russell wore on Valentine’s Day. I’m sure ladies couldn’t contain themselves #SparksRadio pic.twitter.com/vLtLqQZbH8

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) February 15, 2016

 

When @SparksRadio special orders his clothing, like he’s a god damn celebrity. pic.twitter.com/lTct0d7781

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) January 28, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

 

Let’s talk about the stupidest person in the world. After that, let’s dive into Deftones, gators, beer fountains and so much more! It’s the middle of the week! Let’s have a good time!

Links!

Mouth That Shit

News That Matters:

* It’s Raining Gators

* Naked Baby Beer Angel

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

HOW FAST WOULD YOU GO?! If you had something to prove, AND, you do…HOW FAST WOULD YOU GO TO PROVE IT?! Would you go about 500 miles per hour to prove how legitimate you are?! No one believed in you, and you got tired of it. Damn tired.You got about 500 mph tired. You thought 400 miles per hour was fast, then YOU DIDN’T. Fuck the haters. In the slam-bang-ping-pong-adventure-movie-of-the-year, it’s “Whiz Past Ya.”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Can you hear me? No? Maybe it’s because I’m where phones don’t go. They couldn’t be trusted, and now I’m busted, even after it’s been thrusted. Caught in a raid, I’m not getting paid, them guards be drinkin HATER-aid. That didn’t stop him, he reached up and got them, they took my 2 cards of ______

Check out this sick https://t.co/cGz1OoSBF0 logo inspired tattoo that Gary got!! Right in man!! #Podcast pic.twitter.com/htkIi8jLpA

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) February 3, 2016

 

pic.twitter.com/APcJGgs3ch — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) February 1, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

Much like a shirtless Hasselhoff jumping into the icy waters, West and Sparks is here to rescue you from your Wednesday! We’ve got a brand new TIMED episode for you to laugh and by entertained by! It’s filled with the biggest topics of today: Does Donald Trump like his erotica fiction? Can you buy monks off Amazon? And does a celebrity’s boyfriend use his rectum as her purse?!?! Find out in episode 96 of the West and Sparks Podcast!

Links!

Mouth That Shit

 

News That Matters:

* Sky Penis

* Amazon Death

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

TRUMP…CAN HUMP! OR. CAN HE?! It’s a true story, adapted from book to screen. In this story, the toupees flail as much as the ballsack hair! In the slam-bang-thank-you-mang-erotic-but-violent-thrill-ride-of-the-season…it’s Toupee or not Toupee. NOT TOUPEE!

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Let’s go to the show. Let’s wear makeup and glow! People chant, cheer, and wave. That’s why I need to get high for me to behave. With my gown, I’ve got no pockets. Time to go to Uranus, my boyfriend will launch the rocket. When they ask about the weed, I say “he’s got’em where he now will bleed.” We think she’s joking but we’re all a fan, she’s the one and only Sarah ________

 

Check out this sick https://t.co/cGz1OoSBF0 logo inspired tattoo that Gary got!! Right in man!! #Podcast pic.twitter.com/htkIi8jLpA

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) February 3, 2016

 

pic.twitter.com/APcJGgs3ch — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) February 1, 2016

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

 

THIS EPISODE IS OFF THE RAILS! LITERALLY! Picture a choo choo train leaving the tracks and you’ll MAYBE have a picture of what kind of show this episode is! Listen, technical difficulties can happen from time to time, but there’s still hope. DAMN NEAR 35 MINUTES OF THE LEANEST AND MEANEST EPISODE YET! Doomsday clock? CHECK! Sequels to bands that already exist? Check! Epic rap battles between B.o.B. and Neil Degrasse Tyson? CHECK!!!!

Links to the Articles!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* TORRO TORRO!

* FLAT EARTH

 

Thanks To the Sponsors:

Every Wednesday means it’s time for a new West and Sparks TIMED Podcast! Today is no different as we’re breaking down the important news questions: How does Sweden erase a snow penis? If a flower grows in space, is it truly a snow flower? Lastly, are butt implants worth the risk? All of these have been in the news and we answer them all in episode 94 of West and Sparks!

Links!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* SPACE FLOWER

* White as the Driven Snow

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Elephants. Giant, lumbering forces to be reckoned with…the perfect symbol of over-the-top, crushing pressure. One man…decides to immortalize himself and become one with an elephant in the only way he knows how. WITH HIS PENIS! In the slam-bang-penis-elephant-thrill-ride-of-the-wintery-season, it’s “That’s Not My Tusk.”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Where or where has my ass gone? Flat and bare after two sons. So dry and lifeless, like the desert in Tucson. Not round or boxy like Scion. I used to be a hottay, like a ferrari, now i look like a Hyundai Santa Fe. Just then, I got a butt dial. Doc says he wanted to judge, so I put my ass on trial. Dropping the BBL, now I got an ASS that can sell, but insta I must tell. She got a great ass people chant, now that I got a butt ______

 

Tattoo therapy pic.twitter.com/akRu9QQWJa

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) January 16, 2016

For every picture a girl posts of herself, just know that 37 other pics were taken right before that one.

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) January 18, 2016

@RyanWestt talking dirty before today’s @WestAndSparks #podcast! It’ll be up on https://t.co/cGz1OoSBF0 later today! pic.twitter.com/Z1d4QKeU0c

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) November 11, 2015

Thanks to Our Sponsors!

West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is here to hang out with you! Who looks better or has aged better than Mel Gibson? As it turns out, a lot of people. The podcast itself can’t last more than 30 min once we start! Today we’re talking: switches where the sun don’t shine, Neanderthals, Sir Mix-a-Lot, the word “cool,” and moles on the head! Not to mention, we also check out a sweet track from the band, Haster! Kick back, or forward, and relax…or don’t. Just listen.

Links!!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* Would you fuck a neanderthal?

* Dial 1-900-Mix a lot

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

It stalks through the night…chasing the trail of the scent. When it bites, it leaves little left. The worst part…you never know which direction it will attack, forward or back. In the slam-bang-feral-cat-action-horror-based-on-true-events-thrill-ride-of-the-year, it’s “Eat you from the front, or eat you from the back.” Idaho can now be known for more than just Potatoes. It can be known for…eating…FLESH!

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Let’s take a trip to round rock. Where the unsteady women who swerve flock. Everything’s bigger in Texas, except for the hiding places in this woman’s Lexus. Charged with a DWI, she had to lie about nothing being in her brown eye. Gone to the restroom, but toilets do not flush, she leaves with TP wad, but nothing that makes the office blush. Pills and leafy greens shoved up in her ham,it was marijuana and a bottle of __________

 

West and Sparks TIMED Podcast is here to give a slap on this beautiful Wednesday’s ass! For the first time in 2016, West and Sparks throws down a TIMED podcast that’s been built with your internet programmed, ADHD riddled brain in mind. The podcast itself can’t last more than 30 min once we start! Today we’re talking: Lincoln’s stolen hand job, how stealing power tools could lead to rectal surgery, and the latest type of Vampires! It’s the best episode we’ve done in 2016 – so give episode 92 of West and Sparks TIMED Podcast a listen!

Links!!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* BACK ART

* Hungry Again

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Circumstances dictate a lot. Circumstances can be the difference between taking a bullet and giving a bullet. No bull. Sometimes, circumstances lead to the greatest slam-bang-adventure of our time! Not since Indiana Jones has a movie so boldly moved into the direction of epic adventure. Not only is this hero a real swashbuckler, he’s real handy in the what he does. Give this man a hand. He pulled off the greatest heist under the most impossible circumstances! Ya gotta hand it to him! It’s “Hand It Over,” starring Chris Pratt and Russell CROWE! Russell Crowe needed money. Chris Pratt needed a hand. Together, they dared to be handy!

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Starting off the new year right, I thought I’d shove something up my brown and tight. Stroll into Wal-Mart on the take, Stealing power tools wasn’t my only mistake. Seems that they’ve got camera and police that frown on that, and once in jail they check you with a pat. Police dogs barking at my ass, there aint no way they’re giving me a pass. Hospital x-rays shows what they’ve found, call it “Ms. Daisy” because I’ve been toting it around. After tobacco, marijuana, and suboxone I’m wondering if I’m still a virgin , because a man had to go inside and they call him a _______

 

West and Sparks coming at you at a SNAILS PACE in the beginning, due to the impulsive and barely-able-to-focus brain of Sparks! Once we get 12 minutes of post office discussion out of the way, the show really crawls to the break neck pace of 22 mph and, in the final act…we hit the highway! BOOM. This show has it all. Post offices, angry smog, road kill, and we could all be a little more highly suspect along the way

West and Sparks is back after a 2 week break. I’d like to say that we’ve taken the time to reflect and improve our minds, bodies, and souls. And I’d say that we’ve achieved that if you consider successfully eating Chipotle multiple times a week without getting salmonella. This is a TIMED podcast and the only one of it’s kind. We spend at least 1 minute per topic and the show only lasts 30 minutes! Today we’re talking about: Ryan’s love for the horse trough urinal, tax stamps for your crack, and the best animal to haul your stones! Listen in and laugh your ass off on episode 90 of West and Sparks!

Links!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* Pee in Privates

* You sounds not smart

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Giant Stones. Can they be moved? Are they portable? They are so very large and giant. How can they be carried such a vast distance? Is it magic? Smells like magic. Or. Is it alien life? Smells like alien life. No. It’s for you to find out. OR WILL YOU?! In the slam-bang-action-giant-stone-thrill-ride of the season! It’s “DIG UP THE PAST”

#digupthepast digupthepast.com

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

109, that is my personal best, you know I’ve tried and put it to the test. Next time they ask if you want “paper or plastic”, remember only one placed in your ass feels fantastic. Arrested again without my tax stamps, they emptied my tube I pinched like a pair of clamps. In jail again for the weed & crack they found in me, bringing the total number of ass baggies to ___

@RyanWestt talking dirty before today’s @WestAndSparks #podcast! It’ll be up on https://t.co/cGz1OoSBF0 later today! pic.twitter.com/Z1d4QKeU0c

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) November 11, 2015

Always dug Porkins #StarWars pic.twitter.com/C6EvxsvrtB

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) November 5, 2015

Thanks to Thad that sent in this pic from the bus stop here in #Vegas! Message me if you want a free sticker – I’ll mail you one! #Podcast

A photo posted by Sparks S.Parks (@sparksradio) on Dec 8, 2015 at 11:52am PST