West and Sparks is here! This week we talk about hospital socks, Tupac, Spaghetti jokes, building blocks, and throwing punches that don’t land! It’s all right here in your weekly podcast, so grab a food bag and relax!

Links!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* I think I’ll have Spaghetti tonight.

* Been Bricked

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

50 dollars. Is that what it takes? How much would you be willing to spend…for…the night of YOUR LIFE?! They say, “one night here and you’ll join the dark side,” but maybe what they really mean is you’ll just want to spend another night…and spend another 50 bucks. 50 bucks…YOU CAN’T GET BACK! WILL YOU EVEN WANT IT BACK?!!! In the slam-bang-those-aren’t-the-droids-you’re-looking-for-thrill-ride of the SEASON. It’s “THE FORCE…SLEEPENS!”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

What’s that you say? A fight you want on this day? These bars won’t keep us apart. I want your drugs that circulate through the heart. Prison brawl, prison squall, I’m no Andy Dufresne with secrets in the wall. I’ve got them hidden on me, but aren’t plain to see. Searched inside up and down side out, the guards caught both of us after our bout. More years on a sentence they will annex, all for fighting stuffed with ___________

New episode dropping today…seems like Ryan’s after something else pic.twitter.com/Y3aLxh3JO0

— WestAndSparks (@WestAndSparks) November 11, 2015

Always dug Porkins #StarWars pic.twitter.com/C6EvxsvrtB — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) November 5, 2015

Because of Vets like my Grandpa & my brother @StuartSparker we’re able to live free #NoBoundaries #HappyVeteransDay pic.twitter.com/ks4l3XKXhf

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) November 12, 2015

Thanks To the Sponsors:

West and Sparks is here! Yes, it’s Sparks’ fault. He didn’t know it was his turn to upload this son’a’bitch. SO HERE IT IS! This is a TIMED Podcast. So listen up as the clock ticking down while we’re talking about: Jeb Bush wants to kill a baby, Half-assed Mall Santas, and people who communicate by only complaining! Plus, solve the “Guess What’s Up My Rectum” riddle! This is episode 88 of West and Sparks Podcast!

Links!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* Santa is COLD

* You gotta step up man

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Sink holes. Holes that sink. Sometimes you’re an innocent spectator, watching the experience. Other times, you’re the one getting SUCKED……..IN! Pop QUIZ, HOT SHOT! You’ve got a vehicle that’s sinking into a sink hole. WHAT. DO. YOU. DO?!!! This winter, it’s “Sink…or…SINK!!!!” #slambangactionthrillrideoftheyear

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Frisk me, feel me, do what you gotta do. Arrest me, take me, boy I sure hate the boys in blue. I know they’re not joking when I see their glocks, they’ve seen me toking and frisked up my buttocks. On the way to jail, hands cuffed and confined, I whipped this out of my behind. I squeeze and pull, and number 2 fires. They didn’t know I was full of glove box desires. Hidden inside were a couple baggies of crystal, and small caliber________

 

New episode dropping today…seems like Ryan’s after something else pic.twitter.com/Y3aLxh3JO0

— WestAndSparks (@WestAndSparks) November 11, 2015

Always dug Porkins #StarWars pic.twitter.com/C6EvxsvrtB — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) November 5, 2015

Because of Vets like my Grandpa & my brother @StuartSparker we’re able to live free #NoBoundaries #HappyVeteransDay pic.twitter.com/ks4l3XKXhf

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) November 12, 2015

Thanks To the Sponsors:

West and Sparks!

NUMBER ONE IN CHUPACABRA STORIES

NUMBER ONE IN UNDERSTANDING THE OPPOSITE SEX

NUMBER TWO IN UNDERSTANDING EVERYTHING ELSE

It’s time to snuggle up under a blanket, or, under the protection of the constitution, and strap in for a wild ride! This week we discuss “Boo in the streets,” fighting over chicken and a festival about vegetables gone horribly wrong!

Listen!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* Clitoris Festival

* Chicken Fighting

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

It’s supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be inflatable. It’s supposed to be inflatable fun. Until. It’s. NOT! This is one orange ball you don’t want to fuck with. In the slam-bang-jack-o-lantern-action-thrill-ride-of-the-year, it’s “Boo! IN THE STREETS!”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

There’s no more time for waiting around, forget CVS and get your pills at brown. logistics and delivery are certainly my thing, as long as it comes out of my fleshy “O” ring. I’ve got your morphine and other pills alike, and I’m always telling the cops to take a hike. They pulled me over, rolled around like rover, and tased me till I cooked like a russell stover. It was the station that they took me back, when they finally charged me with a “keister __________”

Any technology is “wearable technology” depending on how much duct tape you have

— WestAndSparks (@WestAndSparks) October 7, 2015

 

12 Dogs of Dog — Ryan West (@RyanWestt) October 22, 2015

In the time it takes you to read this, a child goes without water. But that’s just because you’re a quick reader and tweets aren’t very long

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) October 28, 2015

Thanks To the Sponsors:

West and Sparks is back and spreading all over this Wednesday. Taking up more than one bus seat type spread. Spreading wider than an eagles wings over the constitution. Spreading easier than a tub of whipped butter on HOT toast. Spreading faster than Ebola at a Charlie Sheen bloodmobile party. Spreading faster than the news “WE WON THE WAR” in 1945. Help us spread this even more by sharing! Today’s show: Why is everything trying to kill you, karaoke fights, and checking air pressure with only your b-hole! It’s episode 86 of West and Sparks!

Listen!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* LOUDER

* Don’t just stare at it, eat it

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

“What’s that bloated corpse in the lake? Oh, I know what it is…is it? Could it be? Is that what I think it is? Yes, it could be. It could be what you think it is. In the slam- bang-bloated-corpse-thrill-ride-of-the-season, it’s CHEWPACCA. “

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

There’s more to a puzzle than just a piece, and trying to solve this crime is Mumbai police. There’s a tragic way this man had died, was he murdered? Or just super cleaned on the inside? Arguments can lead you down a troubled path, just make sure you steer your rear away from a co-workers wrath. He knew what he knows, the story goes, killing you, not with deathly blows, but with an air _________

 

Any technology is “wearable technology” depending on how much duct tape you have

— WestAndSparks (@WestAndSparks) October 7, 2015

 

12 Dogs of Dog

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) October 22, 2015

In the time it takes you to read this, a child goes without water. But that’s just because you’re a quick reader and tweets aren’t very long

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) October 28, 2015

Thanks To the Sponsors:

Hey, finally learn the meaning of the saying, “That’s a healthy vase.” If you’re scratching your head, you’re not alone. That’s the show! Check us out for all of your middle-of-the-week needs! We help you laugh your way to the weekend! This episode features a discussion of cosmic spit, Chris Cornell, Bill Nye, Mars, and mutant humanoid half-breed hybrids! As always, thanks for listening!

Links!

Mouth That Shit:

News That Matters:

* Eat Balls

* Eat This For Free

 

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

51 years old and never doing what I’m told! I’m a rebel, an outcast, and I’ll outlast any of you mother fuckers so I’m putting you on blast! Yeah I shoved it in my ass, and it was made of glass. Holdin flowers but don’t call it a vass. I did it once, I’ve done it before, so go fuck yourself because I’ll do it some more! So what I got a lil over zealous, stuck at my rectal verge, hearin it makin you jealous! Tried to get it out with a pushin and pry, nothing movin and I began to cry. Quick to anger, I grabbed a coat hanger, and I perforated my lower b-hole with a hum-dinger. That’s all the flow coming out of my face, lesson be told, your ass is no place for a __________

 

Trailer for “Handjob Cabin” – HERE

17 more to go and Only 5 days left! Help us hit our goal! Help us out at http://t.co/aYpuKHgroB #Podcast #helpusout pic.twitter.com/8Cd3a5VIhJ

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) October 15, 2015

 

pic.twitter.com/9dpTHf20PB

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) October 8, 2015

Any technology is “wearable technology” depending on how much duct tape you have

— WestAndSparks (@WestAndSparks) October 7, 2015

Thanks To the Sponsors:

Finally a podcast actually designed to make your Wednesday’s go by smoother! It’s a new episode of West and Sparks and we have a proposition for you! (Please buy a t-shirt) We’ll read anything you email us on the show if you buy a t-shirt. Yeah…ANYTHING! It doesn’t matter if it’s the Declaration of Independence or the script of the worst movie of all time – Transformers 4! WE. DON’T. CARE. JUST. BUY. A. T-SHIRT. (Please buy a t-shirt) We only have 5 days left to sell 17 more of these bitches. COME ON!!!! DO ITTTTTT!!!!!!! Also, today’s show is all about: people who’s stories go nowhere, the quest for the perfect joke, and what the hell happened to Jonathan Taylor Thomas! (Please buy a t-shirt) It’s episode 84 of the West and Sparks Timed Podcast!

Links!

Mouth That Shit: (Please buy a t-shirt)

News That Matters:

* Skulking around

* Canada’s So Trashy

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Lies. Lies. Aren’t we all? We’re not really endangered at all. Some call it propaganda; others call it just ‘ganda–because they are too lazy to say the full word, “propaganda.” Either way, things aren’t what they seem with this zoo animal. In the slam-bang-action-thrill-ride-of-the-zoo, it’s “Endangered Danger.”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

The old way of doing things isn’t always the best, not when there’s new technology to test. So, yes I’m questioning your one gloved and why you hold this one more above. Is it love? I’m tryin to process your mind state, while you’re possessing my prostate. Just can’t get over, your fingers roaming like a mars rover to see if my gland is red like rover. There’s a new way of doing it and I don’t need to fidget, so let me stand up and remove your ________

 

17 more to go and Only 5 days left! Help us hit our goal! Help us out at http://t.co/aYpuKHgroB #Podcast #helpusout pic.twitter.com/8Cd3a5VIhJ

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) October 15, 2015

 

pic.twitter.com/9dpTHf20PB

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) October 8, 2015

Any technology is “wearable technology” depending on how much duct tape you have

— WestAndSparks (@WestAndSparks) October 7, 2015

West and Sparks is like worn in sofa. Why? Because we’re comfortable to sit on! Wait, that’s not it at all. Anyways, this is a podcast for those with a short attention span. That’s people! We time the damn thing! Once we synchronize our watches, this damn thing will only last 30 min! Today’s show is all about: drinking goat blood, arguing about wearable technology and meth! Sit back and we save you from the rest of your Wednesday with episode 83 of West and Sparks!

 

Links to the Articles!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* DJ SNEEZE

* JUST HAPPY TO SEE YOU

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

“Majestic unconquered sun,” is what they call him. He wouldn’t have it any other way. When this leader rolls up, even farm animals respect him. Especially goats. Goats quench his thirst like cows could only dream. There’s only one catch. In order for his thirst to be quenched, the goat has to die! In the slam-bang-goat-quenching-blood-lust-action-movie of the season, it’s “Drink this goat and call me in the morning.”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

I need some quick cash, so I’ll use my ass and make a dash. For the S.A.R., It’s not that far, and I’ll take a boat not a car. Use me as a drug mule, where I’ll place your product instead of my stool. But then I got caught, with drugs that 30,000 HKD’s could have bought. I know what you’re thinking and it’s not that insane, just paid my bills with a rectum full of ______

Biscuits and gravy is breakfast’s way of asking “what’s a quicker death than bacon?”

— WestAndSparks (@WestAndSparks) September 15, 2015

 

Every time pic.twitter.com/feudgF8bJE

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) September 28, 2015

Jury Duty vs. Jerry doodie. So close, yet so different.

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) October 1, 2015

Thanks To the Sponsors:

West and Sparks is like your fat friend. Short winded. Why? Because we time the damn thing! Once we synchronize our watches, this damn thing will only last 30 min!* Today’s show is all about: Real weird ritual murders, benefits of drinking backwash, and Ryan’s strange obsession of trying to stay young. Sit back and we save you from the rest of your Wednesday with episode 82 of West and Sparks!

*This episode completely shatters that rule

Links to the Articles!

Mouth that Shit:

News That Matters:

* Quench Your Pope

* BEAT ME

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

The Da Vinci Code brought us mystery, suspense and intrigue. But it never brought us bone fragments. Bone fragments. Fragments of bone. They tell a story. If we were to smash your skull in and extract the bone, it would tell a story too. This, however, points to possibly the most famous story of all time. Or. Does. It? In the slam-bang-bone-fragment-movie-of-the-winter-season, it’s “The Da Vinci Bone.”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Lying here, lifeless and colder. Body rotting, but I’m not getting older. Seems I’m dead, but not at fault. They believe I was killed, by some kind of cult. There’s a reason why I had to die, but they can’t figure out why, they had to take my brown eye. Gone are the days of smelling with my septum, because I’m dead and the took my entire ________

 

Biscuits and gravy is breakfast’s way of asking “what’s a quicker death than bacon?”

— WestAndSparks (@WestAndSparks) September 15, 2015

 

Every time pic.twitter.com/feudgF8bJE

— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) September 28, 2015

Jury Duty vs. Jerry doodie. So close, yet so different.

— Sparks (@SparksRadio) October 1, 2015

Thanks To the Sponsors: