Days before the "Safer at Home" order went into full effect, Ellen and Elena try to predict how the pandemic will pan out. They discuss the chaos at grocery stores, the limited quarantine food choices, and poop. Okay, mostly poop. But it's relevant now more than ever. How much toilet paper do you have left? 

#DeepIntoThePandemic #Day3 #Canceled #SecretHike #ItsAlwaysInAsia #PeeingInAHole #ScaredOfSplashback #GottaGetNaked #MyStomachWasExpanding #BidetsShowerYourBits #TooManyButtons #RawAndRedHands #AnyPublicityIsGoodPublicity #WeAreTooSensitiveToBeSociopaths #NobodyWantsTheHealthyStuff #JustPutButterOnIt #NewLittleLady #IfIGotCoronavirusCouldIBeAModel #SnapsForErinBrokovich #ThankGodIWasOverweight #CornfedQueens #TimeDoesntMatter #BoarsHeadBrush #MenNeedHelp #PumpPumpPump #TheChildrenAreBreeders #ShoutoutToHormones #StarvingForSummerBody2020 #SeeYouInKauai #EllenaProductions

Happy Navidad, big babies! Broken bones, theft, car crashes, nippley nighties, mountain retreats, clay creations, mistranslations, psychotic customers, and cold dildos. Ice cold. That’s not a poem you just read; it’s Ellen and Elena's second half of 2019. The girls reminisce about the highs and lows of the year’s final adventures, and can’t help but wonder, “When’s Ashton gonna pop out?” This shit is getting cray.

#HollywoodIsPlayingHardToGet #TakeFromTheRichAndGiveToEveryoneElse #EllenTookATumble #SplitMyLegInASplitSecond #ICanSeeMyMotherInLawsNipple #DickFuckSuckAssShitDickSuckDick #NotGuilty #YourForeheadWrinklesLookLikeALadder #ICantWaitToTellEverybodyAboutYou #WheresAshton #PlugInTheFuckingCoffeeMaker #ThisCouldBeACarPodcast #SomeoneIsOutToGetYou #BackBehindDesks #Idyllwild #JeriAndCeasar #WeDidAPotClass #ALotOfShrinkage #ItWasNiceTheyWereStrangeWeHadFun #WabiSabi #ChangeVolcano #GottaHaveAHotTub #LoveGoingPlacesHateDriving #Almost30 #WeAreBigBabies #DildosOnIce #Taken #ThisIsProfessional #ItsCumming #EllenaProductions

What is Peruvian Shamanism? How can we connect to the spiritual world? Ellen's witchy roommate, Bianca Jaconetty, gives us some answers and provides insight into what it means to be a modern-day bruja. She also shares some spooky stories of living in a haunted house in Southern Illinois, and how her mom proved to be a real life ghostbuster.

#PeruvianShamanism #WomensWitchClub #WeAreAllWitches #Grounding #AltarsCreateAnEndlessFlowOfEnergy #NewOrleans #Brujas #SwampWitch #TheSecret #ExtensiveDrugTalks #OtherDimensions #JudyMoon #WalkingToTheMoon #MoneyCome #MagicalLittleMan #CasuallyPassingOutALot #SensingAndFeelingThings #BeyondCoincidence #BurstingBulbs #ClickingNoises #SweatyChills #MomFoundTheVortex #ItsProbablyJustTheGhost #EvilSpiritsFeedOnFear #DoubleWhammy #MyGutTalksToMe #ListenToYourself #HarnessYourPowers #Brujajaja #EllenaProductions

Special guest Steven George joins Ellen and Elena in a discussion about spells, spirits, and the record of everything that ever existed. Ellen recounts her recent experience channeling white light while trying to cleanse her room of evil spirits, and acknowledges the low-key fame that comes with background acting. Elena chimes in about her recent win at Uncle Clyde’s Comedy Contest, and tells a tale about a strange fisherman she met from her new gig as a marijuana brand ambassador.

#HowHaveINotBeenFiredYet #PedophiliaCloseCalls #LittlePeoplePlayingChildren #AnythingIsPossibleIfYouTapeYourBoobs #WhiteLightProtectionSpell #TheSpiritsWantMeToHelpThem #PickTheRockThatSpeaksToYou #WeLoveAllRocks #ALotOfPeopleDie #TheDevilIsASimpsonsCharacter #TheAkashicRecords #WalkingTheStreetWithWhiteLight #IMightHaveSchizophrenia #WeUsedToBeCool #DrugsAreCrazy #40DropsOfOrangeSunshine #CookingWithoutLooking #SpeakingOfTapestries #WhatIsTheOrville #ElenaIsStevensCousinInTheFuture #YoungFuckboys #BoycottChildActors #TakeAMovieWithGiantPeopleAndPutLittlePeopleInIt #MagicMikeIsAQualityFilm #HowDoYouDefineGenderInTermsOfRobotics #VapingLingo #TakingLiterature #SomethingSmellsFishy #AllergySeizures #EllenaProductions

Ellen and Elena talk about smearing oil on their bodies, dancing with spirits, hitting kids with books, and sweating during fingerprint scans. Ellen lists a few big life changes that have left her cold and in the dark, and Elena clears up some nasty rumours about Stanley the celebrity giraffe.

#NotInStudioCity #TimesTheyAreAChangin #WoolseyFire #StanleyIsFine #GetOnTheNewYorkTimes #SocialMediaIsNotANewsSource #100DollarTip #UncleClydesComedyContest #ElenasNotOnFireButHerCareerIs #HittingKidsWithBooks #DoubleFlusher #Silverlake #MyApartmentMightBeHaunted

Ellen and Elena take you on a rollercoaster ride discussing the mark they left on last year. Eating burgers dressed as Oompa Loompas, exploring islands filled with spiders and baby dolls, encountering celebrities in unexpected places, holding weed babies, and learning how to pee out fat was only the beginning of the end of their 2018.

#ItsBeenAwhile #OompaLoompasRound2 #JustForTheRecordItsOnTheRecord #SocialMediaHiatus #NextLevelThinking #LetYourOakSeedGrow #ChildActors #WeAreStillWaitingToPeak #FriendmoonInMexico #MatchyMatchy #Xochmilco #FastMoneyRock #PyrmaidOfTheSun #GuyWithABigStick #HauntedIslandOfTheDolls #ShutTheFuckUp #BigAmericanPerson #SmallCelebs #BigOlClunker #Mustaches #RubbingHoneyOnMyFace #CoolSculpting #PeeingOutFat #IfYouCantEatJifDontTalkToMe #TheElectricCarMovement #WeedBaby #ButtholeStuff #ImAClapper #HappyHalloween #EllenaProductions

It's awkward when deceased actors Bill Paxton (Cole Stamm) and Burt Reynolds (David Soto) unexpectedly drop by and want to chat about making kid videos, the impending apocalypse, and the logistics of polygamy. But you know what they say? When life hands you lemons, you should probably throw them straight into the trash, because researchers swabbed the rinds and flesh of 76 lemons from 21 restaurants collected during 43 visits and found that a whopping 70% of them produced microbial growth.

#TrashStache #NotBurtReynolds #RIPBurt #BillPaxtonReincarnated #BigLove #TeacherElena #OrtonGillingham #KidsLoveHer #KidsTouchHerButNotInAWeirdWay #TearsFromDrugsAndSugar #UCBTLA #VideoRecorderGirl #AlwaysRoundUp #TheWorldIsGoingToEndSoon #CaliforniaIsOnFire #LetsMakeADeal #September29 #WeWentFullOompaLoompa #InNOutPhotoShoot #WeHaveNoShame #AmazingRaceAndFearFactorFuckedUp #EllenaProductionsHalloweenBash #PartyOnTheTrain #OffensiveImagery #MakingKidVideos #KidsTheseDays #TweetingBuds #BuyABoatOrMoveToDenver #JesusTakeTheWheelAndSteerUsIntoHell #EllenaProductions

Can you handle blood and butts? Ellen talks about her recent trip to Spain, Elena discovers she may have a career as an Elite Yelp reviewer, and the girls drop hints about a music video in the works.

#Wenises #MeatCheeseAndBread #WereWomenAndWeveGotNeeds #SweatyHands #Hyperhidrosis #HardworkingBody #TwoKindsOfUrine #DoingScienceProjectsInTheBathroom #WalkingAroundWithACupOfUrine #ElenasAUniversalDonor #EveryoneWantsHerBloodNow #WeKnowHowToEatMeat #KeepYourBloodAndKeepYourMoney #PlasmaShootingOut #InhalingFinePowder #HappyBirthdayJay #HamAllTheTime #StripesAreIn #WheresWaldoCity #SmokingAndKissingAndButts #HoldingButtsNotHands #NotRichButNotTrash #InTheYelpReviewBusiness #TheChilisInTulsaMakesSoggySalads #Blizz #JoiningTheEliteYelperSquad #YourLossFearFactor #SittingOnAPotOfGold #OriginalContentIsComing #EllenaProductions

After working with ADD students for the past few months, Elena has realized that she suffers from the same disorder. Ellen shares an experience she had with some special lemonade at the biggest basketball game in LA. She can't tell you who won, but Jack Nicholson was there, and shit got pretty crazy.

#DoozyOfAMonth #CreamCheeseFingers #SurroundedByAbsurdity #SevenMinutesIsALongTime #Duolingo #Clippers #Lakers #MadeItForHalfTime #THCLemonade #DancingBirds #WhatIsHappening #BenSchwartzAndJackNicholson #MaybeJackWasDead #LocalNewsStars #IfOnlyItHadBeenObama #Conan #CaseysFirstOilPainting #DanaCarvey #NicolleWallace #Babs #UCBTheater #LaughingAndEating #ProtocolForBlood #CodeRedOrCodeBlue #TheArepasWereIncredible #DefensiveRollerskating #MalibuWineHikes #CelebrityAnimals #AirQualityIndex #EllenaProductions

Venezuelan drummer Abelardo Bolaño talks about life as a musician in Los Angeles and shares his side of the story of how he met his "pretty, comedian wife" on the train after a late-night gig.

#BoogersAreEverywhere #Springtime #Drummer #MusicHustle #ShinyDrumSet #DW #ChinaIsEverywhere #SmoothE #BowlerHats #SpellingBee #EnglishIsHard #RedLine #NotHomeless #BigWhiteVan #TheBandVan #BananasApplesChipotleAndSubway #MostExpensiveGasInNorthHollywood #IWillFindYou #StayingOrSquating #Tutoring #RainyBaby #BlueApron #CincinnatiChili #Arepas #CornfedQueens #FoodTattoos #DanceIsALanguage #LaGuelaguetza #JesusIsBack #EllenaProductions